Fan Fic by CUL8R

Strange romances, sudden appearances and dramatic deaths, in my first silly-fic, which happens to have an equally silly and long title, finally ending with- woe is me!

"wow, my first go at a sillyfic, woooh" Ann says delightfully, but becoming frustrated due to the spell-check on this computer that underlines things in red.

"Hey, watcha doin?" Chrichton says, sneaking up behind her, and giving her a cute, yet pathetic look. He slips his hands into his pockets as Ann replys

"Oh, just, ya know, typin'" she turns back to her computer and growls at it, I hate u! She thinks, starring evilly into the screen.

"Erm…" Crichton begins, obviously wanting to tell her something, but not managing to get the words out.

Aeryn walks up the corridor, we can hear her footsteps. She walks up to Crichton and slaps him up the side of the head.

"Get on with it, WUSS"

Ann giggles at her, and receives a cold glare in return.

"Hey, Annika, why do you keep referring to ya self as Ann, and why the block of intimacy? You can call me John!" Crichton says, slightly more confident of himself.

"Erm, I dunno, thanks for that…" I say, turning back to my computer just to wack it in frustration.

"'S-okay" John says, smilling now because I call him John.

"Hey, don't forget that I'm here, you gotta give me more lines!" Aeryn says, tapping me on the shoulder, pleading with me.

"Yeah, okay, whose fanfic IS this? Hmmm?" I say and they both look at me sheepishly.

"Yeah, I'm the author so let me do my job!" I say, smiling to myself because of this obvious authority.

"Hey, John, what was it you was gonna tell me?" I ask after a long silent pause.

Aeryn elbows John to prompt him and so John begins…

"Well…"

But he's stopped by a sound that turns heads. It is the sound of clumping footsteps, bounding down the corridor.

Why, it's D'Argo, wearing his purple tutu!

I'm sorry, I just had to include that, D'Argo was begging me to, he just had to make a big entrance!

"Ta-daaaah!" he yells glee-fully, turning pirouettes with a broad smile on his face.

He drops the smile when he sees the look on Aeryn's face, it's that look that says- if you don't stop that soon, I'll have to shoot you!

At this point, I am becoming frustrated because of the lack of story in this fic! I bang my head against the table repeatedly, and moaning

"Why, why, WHY…?"

That's when Rowen makes a sudden appearance in the fic…

"Annika, why you so sad?" she says in her piss-take voice from the Simpsons.

I smile as the ball of smoke from which she appeared fades away, and then I burst out with…

"Hey! How comes this damn 'puter fixes some of my spelling mistakes, and not others?"

I think about it for a while, and then dismiss the very thought, in a plea for sanity.

I hear the sound of Aeryns big kick-ass gun, as she loads it and jumps onto the desk.

"Everybody, freeze!" She yells, starring down the barrel of her gun and aiming it at each person in turn.

"Hee hee, only kiddin'!" She says as she slips elegantly from the table.

"Hey, since when was I elegant?" She asks, starring at my computer screen with a frown creasing her forhead.

I simply sigh and think to myself- second page! Wooh!(but not in a very excited or enthusiastic way)

Then I hear the moan of Aeryn as she cries out-

"I'm bored!" and sits herself down on the floor next to me.

Everyone (John and D'Argo) pulls up a chair and sits down, with sighs and yawns. D'Argo tries to straighten out his tutu, damn creases!

Then, I realise that Rowen is still here and that I completely ignored her.

"Hey, what's the big idea? Making me appear in your fic and then just abandoning me!"

Everyone is now looking at her, sympathetically. Everyone's giving her puppy eyes and D'Argo offers her a seat, on his lap. Rowen accepts the offer, and sits gently on his knee. She leans back into his muscular arms, and is having a great time, until…

Dun, dun, dun!

Chiana arrives, shocked by this scene of betrayal.

"I wake up, in the middle of the night, to find everyone gone! I go searching for them, and this is what I find! You've all sneaked off to have a little orgi with Annika and her computer"

She says, loudly, standing in the door frame, wearing a long silky night gown.

"Oh, you drama queen!" Aeryn says to her, almost snarling and looking down her nose at her (even though she had to look up at her to do so, but hey)

"Chiana…" I begin, but then my sister enters the room, pushing past Chiana. She’s wearing only a dark green towl, obviously she has just come out of the shower. She sits down between John and D'Argo, putting her feat up on the desk.

Aeryn jumps to her feat, pulling out her riffle/gun again. She screams insanely and shoots her in the head 72 times.

Liz, my sister, is slumped in the chair, blood pouring from her split-open head and Aeryn standing over her, cackling, yet again- insanely.

John rises to his feet, shocked and horrified.

"Wh… wh…" He can't manage to get the words out, so Aeryn stops his stupid mumbling and scoops him up into her arms.

He rests, limply in her arms, feeling her hot breath against his neck, wondering what the hell was/is up with her.

Aeryn slapped him round the face, just to gain his attention, and then stares into his wide blue eyes.

"John…" She whispers and then passionately kisses him, pressing her body to his, they collapse onto the floor, and role under the desk.

"Oh… kay" I say hesitantly trying to continue with the fic. To my surprise, Rowen jumps off D'Argo's lap

"Ah-ha! A free seat!" She yells, shoving my sisters already rotting body off the chair, and sitting her own plump arse onto the moist, bloody chair.

D'Argo is now very unhappy, wondering why she would rather sit on that than his lap…

Than Chiana finally enters the room, now with a grin on her face, she walks up to D'Argo and places a loving kiss atop his head. He rises his head to see her sparkling eyes, and he smiles with relief that she is no longer a drama queen.

It's then that I begin to wonder why Rowen hadn't taken Johns seat… but then I realise that it has vanished!

"What happened to Johns chair?!" I ask.

John and Aeryn, who are still under the desk don't hear me. D'Argo and Chiana, who are now obsessed with each other's eyes don't seem to hear me. The only person left to hear me is Rowen. She looks at me oddly, as if I were mad.

"It's on the sealing, silly!" She said, as of it were a perfectly normal thing to say!

I look up, and there, staring down at me, is Rygel! He's perched on the edge of the chair, which is hovering precariously.

"Wow!" I exclaim, completely ignoring Rygel "So many long and intelligent words!" I marvel at my own writing skills, and stare dreamily into the screen, as if I've found my long-lost love!

A bang to the head snaps me out of it! Rygel and 'his' chair came crashing to the floor, knocking my head in the process and having this affect on me-

"Nooooooooo, I've lost the nack! Aaaaaaaargh, no more good spelling, grammar, and long words!" I crie, continuously correcting my spelling.

I leap from my seat, instantly involving myself in the story.

I jump onto Rygel, my hands gripped tightly around his slimey little neck. I shake him about repeatedly, in fits of tears, I crie

"How could you? Murderer! You bastard!"

but Rygel doesn't reply. Oh shit, I've killed Rygel!

"Ah, who cares!"

THE END

"Wait just a minute…" I call back, just as the silly world of fic is fading.

"How comes I didn't have any chapters or even a descent plot…"

But Aeryn (from beneath the desk) interrupts me-

"Shut up and go to bed!"

'Nuff said.

THE END (no, really, you can go now!)