Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely

*~* Chapter 2: Visions of Love *~*

"Just close your eyes, each loving day, and know this feeling won't go away.  And every word I say is true, and this I promise you."

AJ woke up to see Nikki, at the foot of his bed, singing softly.  She was dressed in a white dress that touched the floor and she seemed as if she was glowing.  He couldn't understand what was happening.  He was just happy to see her.  

"Nikki! You're back."

She said nothing.  She just looked at him adoringly and smiled.  AJ got out of his bed and walked toward her.  She touched his cheek and he wrapped his arms around her waist, and lowered his lips to hers.  He put her on the bed and left a trail of kisses on her neck.  "I'm so happy you're here with me." AJ said.  He'd wondered why she hadn't said anything.  She was just smiling. The statement she had hadn't left her face since AJ saw her.  AJ woke up, hugging his pillow tightly.  He sat up and looked around the room.  There was no sign of Nikki anywhere. 'It's just my mind playing cruel tricks on me.' he thought.  Knowing he wouldn't get much more sleep that night, he flipped on the TV. The news as on, reporting about Nikki's death.

"Nicole Von Trapp, girlfriend for Backstreet Boy AJ McLean was laid to rest yesterday at Central West Cemetery.  It is said that she was hit by a car while leaving McLean's house after an argument."

AJ sucked his teeth and turned off the TV.  He looked out the window to see the new morning's light streaming through.  He'd made it through the night, but he wasn't sure he could do this for the rest of his life.  He went downstairs to get the mail, surprised to see that there wasn't a mob of screaming fans outside waiting to tell him how sorry they were.  He got his mail and slipped inside quickly.

"Bill, bill, bill!" AJ said aloud as he inspected his mail.  Then he saw a letter from his best friend Howie. He ripped open the letter and read it.

Hey AJ,
We heard about want happened to Nikki.  We just wanted to say we're really sorry.  I tried to call yesterday, but no one answered.  I hope your gonna be ok, I don't know what I would do if something like that happened to Claudia.  Well, we should be home in a few days.  The CD is done; it just has to be revised. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that you stayed behind. If you hadn't you wouldn't have been there for her last days.  Don't worry about it man, she had a great life and I'm sure she died happy.  

See you soon
             Howie

AJ crumbled the letter and threw it on the floor.  'She didn't die happy, it's my fault she's dead! Only if I'd believed her, she'd still be here.' He thought as he slumped into the couch.  A few minutes passed and he got up. Wiping the tears from his face he decides to go for a drive.  He went upstairs and changed into a black marina and a pair of blue jeans.  He got a cap and a pair of shades.  'Hopefully no one will recognize me.' he thought.  He'd just shaved away his goatee yesterday.  Rubbing is razor bump-infested cheek, he got in his car and started the engine. He went to the Starbucks where he and Nikki went just minutes after they met.  Draining his cup of cappuccino he looked out the window and saw a woman walking down the street.  She wasn't paying attention to where she was going and began to cross the street.  AJ heard the honk of an on coming car and people screaming for the girl to get out of the way.  'God, not again!' he thought as he dropped a five dollar bill on the table and ran out of the store.  He ran into the street grabbing the girl and landing on the floor.  They rolled a couple times and stopped at the curb.  A few people clapped as he helped her up.  "Thank you Sir." She said looking up at him.  AJ down at her with amazement at what he saw.  "Nikki?"

"AJ?" she replied

AJ pinched his arm to make sure he was awake.  "Oh my God Nikki! I don't believe it's you." He said lifting her up and spinning her around.

"AJ, I'm not Nikki.  Nikki's dead!" the girl said.

AJ took another look at her.  She had a mole on the left side of her lips.  Nikki had one on the right. "Vykki?" he croaked finally.  She nodded.
 
"Man, I'm sorry Vykki.  I could have sworn you were Nicole." AJ said.

"Well, I don't blame you.  With us being identical twins and all." Vykki replied with a half smile.

"I forgot how much you guys look alike. I would have never known it was you, if it weren't for your mole."

"Yeah, that's how people usually tell us apart.  Well it was nice to see you but I really have to get home and the bus is almost here."

"I could drop you home if you'd like. I don't have anything to do.  I was just drowning my sorrows in coffee."

"Sure thanks." Vykki replied

"Ok, here you go." AJ said pulling up in front of Vykki's apartment building.
 
"You wanna come inside?" Vykki asked.  

"Ok, I guess." AJ replied as he began to back into a parking space.  

It began to rain as they walked to the building.  "It's been raining a lot lately." AJ said as they walked through the door.  "Yeah, I guess it's nature's way of saying Nikki's gone." Vykki replied.  AJ could see she was hurting just as much as he was.  They walked into Vykki's apartment.  The delicate aroma of Nikki filled AJ's nostrils.

"Um, AJ you can come in." Vykki said.

"Oh, yeah sorry.  AJ stepped in and looked around as if he'd never been in that apartment before.

"Sit, I'll get you something to drink." Vykki said.

"Thanks." AJ replied as he sat on the couch. "Um, how did you know it was me?" AJ asked, seeing that his disguise obviously was no good.

"I recognized your voice." Vykki replied setting a glass on the table in front of him. "If it wasn't for that I probably would have never know it was you.  So, how have you been holding up?"

"No too great." AJ confessed.  "I just can't get your sister out of my head. Every time I close my eyes I see her."

"So I guess it's not helping that I look exactly like her is it." Vykki said turning her head.

"Well, it doesn't really bother me cause I know you're not her, now." AJ tried to force a smile.  "I just don’t understand why she was taken from us.  She didn't do anything to deserve this."

Vykki sat next to AJ and put her hand on his shoulder.  "I don't understand it either AJ.  But she's gone and never coming back.  You're just going to have to live with that.  I know it's hard but it's what you have to do.  Look at me.  I know she was your girlfriend and you loved her very much, but we were sisters.  And just not regular sisters, identical twin sisters.  You know I feel like half of me has been ripped away.  And I keep saying, it should have been me, but I know that if it was she would be saying the same thing." Vykki broke down into a spell of silent tears.  AJ wrapped his arms around her and Vykki cried into his shoulder. Vykki looked up at him, her eyes all puffed and red.  They could feel their faces getting closer.  Then a faint sound of lighting crackled in the sky. They snapped out their trance.  AJ, trying to find something to do got out of his seat.  "Um I gotta go Nikki, um I mean Vykki, bye." He grabbed his jacket and left Vykki's apartment.  Now it was raining very hard.  AJ couldn't drive very fast or he might skid and crash. 'But at least I'd be with Nikki then.' He thought. 'I don't believe I almost kissed Vykki.' AJ felt so terrible.

*~*

"AJ, wake up honey.  We have to get ready." Nikki said nudging AJ a little.

"For what?" AJ asked getting up and rubbing his eyes.

"For the new arrival.  Come Alex, get out of bed"

"Ok, Nik, I'm coming.  What's this new arrival?"

"You'll see."

*~*

Once again, Nikki haunted AJ's dreams.  He at up in bed and wiped the sweat off his forehead. "New arrival? What new arrival?" AJ said aloud.  He went downstairs to get a drink of water. He sat at the kitchen table and thought about his dream some more.  But he just couldn't figure out what she meant by the new arrival.

Chapter Three
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