Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely

*~* Chapter 3: Secrets taken to the Grave. *~*

The dream AJ had was bothering him for days.  He seriously felt that it had a specific meaning.  He knew he had to find out what it was.  He was packing away some of her things when he came upon a little book with flowers and angels all over it.  He opened it and read a little. 'This is Nikki's diary!' AJ thought as he dropped what he was doing and started reading some more.  He realized the dairy began the day they met.

Dear Diary,
I met a guy today.  He's really sweet, and funny, and cute.  I ran
literally ran into him when I was coming from work.  It was just like those TV shows when the guy and the girl aren't paying attention to where they're going, and walking into each other with their stuff flying everywhere. And then when they go to pick up the stuff is when they actually notice each other.  Well that's exactly what happened.  Thank God for Starbucks or I wouldn't have had a reason to flirt with him.  He kinda reminds me of AJ from the Backstreet Boys. In fact, they have the same name.  But I forgot to ask him what it stands for.  Well the phone in ringing and I bet that's him.  

In closing,
I guess my luck is changing because Vykki isn't the one with the hott guy
anymore

Nikki, February 26th 1998

AJ's eyes began to tear after he read the first entry.  He flipped through the pages and skimmed through the whole book.  Then he got to the last entry.  Nikki had written it the day before she died.  AJ had a feeling he had to pay close attention to this particular entry.  He lay on the stomach and began to read.

Dear Diary
AJ is so good to me.  You don't know how much I love him.  I could
easily see myself spending the rest of my life with him.  But even if we
broke up sometime along the road, we'd still be connected in a special way. I went to see my gynecologist the other day and it turns out I'm pregnant. I'm about 3 weeks.  When I tell AJ he's good in bed he has no idea how good. I can't wait to tell him.  I hope he's as excited as I am. You know me being a girl in all I already know the names I want.  If it's a girl, she'll be named Ariana Alexis McLean.  If it's a boy he'll be named Brandon Nicholas McLean.  They're cute names aren't they? Well I told Vykki, she couldn't be happier.  And I told a few of my friends. They're all taking me out to celebrate tonight, I don't know where.  I'm gonna tell AJ tomorrow.  I'm gonna make him a nice dinner with foods like baby corn, baby carrots and baby back ribs.  I hope he gets the pun.  

In closing, right now I'm the happiest woman in the world

Nikki, April 5th, 2001

AJ was frozen in place.  He did nothing but stare at the book for a good five minutes.  Now he felt even worst than before.  "I killed my pregnant girlfriend." He thought aloud.  He didn't know what to do.  He felt so guilty about everything and now he felt as if the guilt was just being thrown on in big clumps.  He picked up the phone and dialed a number.  "Vykki we gotta talk." He said when he heard a hello on the other line.

"Come in." AJ said as he opened the door for Vykki.  

"What's wrong AJ?  You seemed troubled on the phone."

"Well you would too if you where a guy who just found out he dead girlfriend was pregnant."

Vykki's eye's widened.  "Oh gosh AJ, I thought she told you already." Vykki said.  How'd you find out?"

"I was packing away some of her stuff and I found her dairy."

"Oh. But seriously AJ I thought you knew."

"Well she was gonna tell me, if she wasn't dead.  You can read for yourself." AJ handed her the book and she read the entry.  

"I'm surprised the mortician who did her autopsy didn't tell you."

"He probably thought you knew already too.  I'm surprised that it wasn't in the news that she was pregnant."

"Well, mom and I sent some letters to all the news stations requesting that they didn't.  That would have just added to all the confusion."

"Well, maybe you're right." AJ replied.

"Listen AJ, I really have to go.  But if you ever need someone to talk to you can call me.  I'm here for you."

"Thanks Vykki.  The same goes for you."

After Vykki left, the doorbell rang again.  "Who is it?" AJ asked

"It's us?" the person on the other side of the door replied. Knowing exactly who it was AJ opened the door.

"Hey guys."

"Hey AJ" Howie said as him and Nick, Brian and Kevin filed into the house.  

"We heard about what happened to Nikki.  We’re real sorry man." Kevin said.

"Yeah, I am too." AJ replied.

"What are you talking about?" Brian asked

"Well, it's my fault that she's dead." AJ lowered his head

"What? How is that possible?" Nick asked

"Well, we got in a fight and I told her I never wanted to see her again.  And when she left, a car hit her as she was crossing the street."

"Oh man, that's gotta suck!" Nick said.

"Actually Nick, it doesn't suck.  It more than sucks!" AJ snapped.  "You didn't just loose your pregnant girlfriend."

"Pregnant?" Howie repeated.

"Yeah." AJ replied.  "I didn't know until just now.  I was going through her stuff and I found her diary.  It's all my fault.  I didn't even give her a chance to tell me."

AJ felt his eyes begin to tear.  He tried his best to hold back his tears.  He didn't want to cry in front of his friends.  

"So, how's the CD going?"

"It's done." Kevin replied.  "All we have to do is pick a name."

"Yeah, we were wondering if you had any ideas." Brian said

"Well, I haven't really been thinking about the album.  What have you guys come up with."

"Nick wants to call it "Backstreet's Back Again" but no one likes that idea but him." Howie laughed.

"Hey I don't see you coming up with any ideas." Nick snapped.

"You know actually I do have an idea." AJ said "I think we should name it "Always and Forever."

"That's cool man." Nick said. "How'd you come up with that?"

"I don't know.  It just came to mind."   

Chapter Four
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