Chapter 4...Chapter 4...
That night, at Chez Maman…
Chi San: Quin…I’m not surprised. Like I told you, Hong Kong isn’t a humongous place.
Quin: I know, Chi San. It’s just that, I didn’t expect it to be so soon. I wasn’t ready to face him. Oh God, Chi San. Seeing him just brings everything back. Everything that I don’t want to remember. The pain, the loneliness…
Quin: Why does God treat me like this? What did I do in my previous life that caused me to suffer so this life? I went to Canada for the purpose of starting a new life. But no, I cannot. He keeps coming to haunt me. What can I do, Chi San? How can I erase Tsui Fei from my memory?
Chi San: (In a faraway voice) Sometimes, when you truly love that person, no matter how hard you tried, you will never be able to forget her. (A tear rolled down Chi San’s cheek) Not even when you knew you could never see her, never hold her and never kiss her again.
Quin put a comforting hand on Chi San’s shoulder. She knew that he was thinking of his beloved Tong Sum.
Fei: Why didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend! Some best friend you are.
Chi San: Fei…listen to me. She doesn’t want me to tell you. She made me promised her. What can I do?
Fei: Why doesn’t she want to see me? She said that we’d always be friends…
Chi San: I think it was pretty obvious why she didn’t want to see you. Don’t you think so?
Chi San: Fei…I’m sorry. But you should understand why Quin doesn’t want to see you.
Fei: What did she tell you?
Chi San: Just…not to tell you she’s back.
Fei: (half to himself) Does she still have feelings for me?
Chi San: It makes no difference, does it, Fei? You can’t afford to hurt Ching Ching. You know that you won’t leave Ching Ching. Just let Quin get on with her life.
Fei: San Gor, tell me what I should do. I want to be with Kwan so much. But I can’t leave Ching Ching…
Chi San: You made the choice 2 years ago, Fei. I don’t think today will be any different. Let Quin go, Fei. You’re not doing anyone any favors by holding onto the past.
Fei: …
That night, Fei made a date with Quin. He needed see her. He sat at the coffee house nervously. He didn’t even know if Quin would show up or not. As he was waiting, a shadow fell over his table.
Quin: Fei.
Fei: Kwan…I’m so glad you came.
Quin: Why do you want to see me?
Fei: I want to clear up things between us.
Quin: There’s nothing to clear up. We are friends, and nothing more.
Fei: I know…I just want to say…ahh…Kwan…I’m sorry.
Quin: Forget it. I don’t want to think about the past anymore. Is there anything else? I have a dinner date with my brother.
Fei: Umm…no…you really are an idiot, Tsui Fei…
Quin: Then, I’ll see you around, Fei.
She quickly exited the restaurant, leaving Fei sitting alone. Fei cursed himself. Tsui Fei, you’re worse than an idiot. You’re a total moron.
Quin returned home that night, weary and tired. Seeing Fei again was so painful. Damn you, Tsui Fei, she thought angrily. Why can’t I forget you? She was so preoccupied she didn’t see someone in front of her and bumped hard into that person. She muttered a sorry and intended to move on. That person stopped her.
Quin: Excuse me, m’am.
Man: You almost got that right. It’s Man, not m’am.
Quin: (looking up) Oh my gosh, Man!!
Quin: Man, it’s been so long! Look at you; you’ve changed so much!
Man: (Laughing) Same goes for you, Dr.Mo!! Listen, why don’t we get some coffee somewhere so we can talk?
Quin: I’m going to visit Tong Sum on Saturday. You want to come along?
Man: Of course. (Looking guilty) I haven’t visited her in so long.
Quin: Chi San will be there also.
Quin: So, do you mind if I ask you a sensitive question?
Man: I think I know what you’re going to ask me. Yes, I am planning to tell Chi San I’m back. I might even meet him for lunch or something.
Quin: You’re really over him?
Man: (Slowly) I wouldn’t dare to sound 100% positive, but yes, I believe I am. I think we can just be friends. After all, it had been two long years. And I did keep in touch with him occasionally. There will be awkward moments…but I’m sure I’ll get along fine with him.
Quin: (Sighing?) Why can’t I be more like you?
Man: What’s the matter, Quin? Fei?
Quin: Yes. Of all places in Hong Kong to transfer me to, the hospital had to choose the Central Police Station. What a drag.
Man: Does Fei know you are back?
Quin: Yeah. I saw him. Or rather, he saw me first.
Man: So what are you going to do? You love him, don’t you?
Quin: Man, what can I do? Throw myself into his arms, declare my love for him, go back to him and live happily ever after?
Man: Umm…yeah? That’s what I am picturing.
Quin: Man, get a life. What about Ching Ching? How can I do something to hurt her after all she’d been through for Fei? My sacrifices are nothing compared to Ching Ching’s. Although I know there’s a good chance that Fei will pick me if I were ever to tell him how I really feel, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt Ching Ching. Ching Ching already suffered too much. Besides, Fei promised me that he’d take good care of Ching Ching. Over my dead body will I let him break that promise…even if Fei and I were to be together, we wouldn’t be happy. At least, I wouldn’t be happy. It is better this way.
Man: But what about you, yourself, your own feelings?
Quin: As long as Fei and Ching Ching are happy, I will be happy for them.
Man: …
Quin: Say, Man, where are you staying now?
Man: Hotel, temporarily. I will find an apartment soon.
Quin: Can I move in with you? We can share the cost of everything. After all, my brother is married now, and it was rather awkward living with them, although they said they don’t mind.
Man: That’s a great idea! We can take care of each other. So, what about a little “house-shopping” tomorrow?
Quin laughed and agreed. She was really glad that Man was back. Now she had friend to talk to and to share her joy and pain.
Quin felt breathless and shocked. Reaching for her phone, she called the only person she could think of.
Quin: (Swallowing some wine) I saw him. Or rather, he came to see me.
(Quin buried her face in her hands and cried. Silently, Chi San offered her a tissue.)
(Fei dropped his head into his hands. Chi San immediately regretted his choice of words.)
(Quin seemed to hesitate before sitting down across him.)
(Tell her, you idiot. Tell her everything)
(Quin rose from her table, refusing to meet Fei’s eyes.)
(The two women began hugging each other.)
(Quin agreed and the two women linked arms and walked down the street, chatting animatedly. Soon, they were seated in a coffee house, drinking hot coffee.)
(Man sipped her coffee and said nothing.)
(Quin thought over it for a while, and decided to tell Man the truth. She lied to Chi San because she was afraid, when under pressure from the unrelenting Fei, Chi San might give her away. Quin nodded her head sadly.)
Man was back in town. What will Chi San’s reaction be? And what about Quin and Fei? Can they keep their distance from each other?
Back to MAIN
Yong June-Ling
Copyright 2000