Chapter 20...Chapter 20...
Man: I thought I heard someone out here. Is anything wrong, Quin?
Quin: I…I…can’t sleep.
Man: (sympathetically) It’s the nightmare again, huh?
Quin: Uh-huh. It’s really plaguing me. Man, what do I have to do to get rid of it?
Man: Don’t worry so much about it. Want to me stay up with you?
Quin: (shook her head) No. You have an early class tomorrow. What will the students think if the teacher was snoring away at her desk?
Man: (hit Quin lightly with a pillow) Sometimes, I just don’t get a reward for being nice to someone like you. (hou sum mou hou pou.) Well, if you don’t mind, I’ll be heading back to bed.
Man got up, stifling another yawn. Quin watched her retire to her room, smiling. She was lucky to have a friend like Man. Quin flipped on the television. If she was lucky, there might be something interesting. The television screen blared as pictures slowly revealed themselves on-screen. Quin stared at the television uninterestedly. It was an old rerun of A Kindred Spirit. Two characters were arguing. Tong Lap Sang and Lam Cheng Chun. Quin mused. Funny I should know the names of these TV characters while the name of my supposed boyfriend doesn’t even sound familiar to me. The doctor had explained although she couldn’t remember personal details, she would still remember other things, such as how to make steak, who was the 1st president of USA, and so on. Life is just too ironic. Quin switched off the television and stood up. She looked at her watch. 5.00 in the morning. Guess I might as well go for a walk. Quin got her coat and exited her apartment. Shrugging on her coat, she headed for a nearby park. When she got out, she saw that there was a slight drizzle. Ignoring the slight rain, she walked on.
As she walked, she was preoccupied with thoughts of Fei. As she had tried to do so so many times previously, she ran a mental check through her thoughts, trying to recall anything about Fei. She was so distracted that she didn’t see a car coming as she crossed the street. SCREEEECH! The car braked sharply as Quin turned around in horror. WHAM! Quin felt herself falling, falling away. Darkness clouded her vision. As she slumped into unconsciousness, strangely enough, one word came into her mind. Fei.
DING DONG! DING DONG! The doorbell rang incessantly. Fei staggered out of his bedroom, his eyes clouded with sleep. What kind of idiot will be ringing my doorbell at this hour? It’s 6.00 in the morning, for God’s sake! If that is an idiot of the Kong Chi San, I’m going to… Grumbling under his breath, Fei pulled opened the door and prepared to yell at whoever it was at the door. He shook his head, trying to clear his sleep-fogged mind as he tried to focus at the person at the door. It was Chi San, dripping wet, and his face filled with panic.
Fei: (sleepily) Just what is the big idea, pal? Let me remind you that work starts at 8.00. And do you know us humans have managed to invent something called an umbrella?
Chi San: Man just called me. Quin’s in the hospital. She had an accident. A car knocked her down.
His heart stopped. Time stopped. Everything seemed to stop. Fei shook his head. It has to be some stupid joke on Chi San’s part. It had to be. But he saw Chi San’s ashen face.
Fei: No…
Chi San: Hurry up and get…
But Fei had already disappeared into his room. Half a minute later, he rushed past Chi San and out to his car. The hospital. I had to get to the hospital.
There was nothing to do, but wait. Every second that passed was torture. The rain continued to fall. Fei stood by the door to the emergency room, his eyes trained on the light. Man was sobbing silently in a corner. Chi San was muttering a prayer under his breath.
I hate hospitals. Man, I never want to step a foot into this place again. Fei thought briefly. Kwan, please, please be all right. I can’t bear to go through any pain. I don’t care if you don’t remember me. I don’t. Just stay safe. I love you. Fei continued to stare at the emergency light.
I hate hospitals. This just reminded me of Tong Sum… I was never here in this place for anything good. Yeah right, as if a hospital can bring any good news. Chi San rolled his eyes. Come on, Quin. You can do it. You can hold on. You mustn’t let go. Fei is waiting for you. Chi San bit his lip.
I hate hospitals. It is just so depressing in here. Not that I need a dose of depression. Man sighed. Don’t leave me, Quin. Don’t leave me like Tong Sum did. I cannot stand it. Please, please be okay. Please…Man clenched her knuckles so hard they turned white.
Silence settled over the waiting room. No one talked. No one moved. Minutes ticked by. Tick, tock, tick, tock…TING! Suddenly, the “Emergency” light flickered off. All heads swerved toward the doors. The doctor, clad in surgical robes stepped out. Fei immediately grabbed the doctor by the shoulders.
Fei: How is she?
Doctor: It was touch and go there for a minute, and for a moment, I thought…(smiled) But except for a few scratches and bruises, Miss Mo’s going to be just fine.
Man: Is she going to be in a…(choked out the word) coma?
Doctor: What? No, no. When she wakes up, she will be just fine. I’m going to have to keep her here a few days for observation.
Fei: Thank God. Thank you, doctor.
The doctor smiled and walked down the hall. Outside, the rain had stopped.
Man: Look. A rainbow.
The storm in the hospital, along with the storm outside, had subsided.
Images. There were so many images, blurry images. Quin stopped walking and touched one. Fei’s face appeared. He was smiling, and talking to a girl beside him. Quin looked harder. SHE was the girl. Quin stepped back in shock. She looked around her. The image shimmered. The Fei in the image laughed and playfully hit her on the arm. Her own mind cleared as she focused on the image. It was coming back. Something was struggling to break through the barriers in Quin’s heart. She continued looking at the bright image. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a car appeared. Quin stood paralyzed, as the car neared. Nearer, and nearer…she could not move. She could only stare at the car in horror. Suddenly, her body was jolted by a huge impact. She felt herself falling.
She braced herself for the pain. She felt nothing. Confused, Quin opened her eyes. What she saw was a kaleidoscope of colours and people. The images became clearer. The kaleidoscope of images continued to whizz past her like a fast-forwarded movie. A voice, as soft as a breeze blew by her, “Quin, look hard and think hard…remember…you’re supposed to remember…remember…” Quin looked at the images. There’s something…something important I’m supposed to remember…I HAVE to remember…it was struggling to get out, a hidden memory, a buried love…Quin stood still and thought hard…and suddenly…suddenly, an impact so huge hit her, it left her breathless.
I remembered! Fei! she thought with joy. Her Fei, whom she loved, and who loved her. She remembered the special moments. She remembered the talks. She remembered the hugs and kisses. And most importantly, she remembered who Fei was, how special he was to her, she remembered the love, the unconditional love she had for Fei. Joy and strong emotions flooded through Quin. I remembered! I know exactly who Fei is, what he means to me! I remembered…I remembered… The images gradually faded into darkness. She heard a tinkle of sweet laughter. Before she had time to think about it, Quin felt herself slipping into the darkness as well. But one thought remained, and never diminished, as she lasped into a dreamless sleep. Fei…
Fei sat beside Quin’s bed. Vaguely, he remembered this position a month ago. Quin had been in a coma then. Fei looked down and cursed himself. He was a total and complete jerk. Never cherishing Quin when he had her. He took her for granted so many times. Why am I so stupid? I knew that I love her. Why did I waste so much time? Raising her hand to his face, Fei looked at Quin’s sleeping form. I promise you, Kwan. I will never, ever let you suffer from anything again.
Suddenly, Quin’s fingers moved slightly. She emitted a small groan. Her eyes opened slowly. She looked at Fei and smiled weakly. Tears of relief sprung into Fei’s eyes. He suddenly was hit with the thought that Quin may not want to see him. He didn’t want to pressurize Quin anymore. He dropped her hand, rose from his chair and retreated slightly.
Fei: (softly) Are you feeling fine?
Quin: (struggling to sit up) I’m...I’m fine.
Fei immediately help her to a sitting position. Looking at his own hand on Quin’s arm, Fei pulled away. He turned to leave the room.
Fei: I…I’ll go get Man for you.
Quin reached out and grabbed his arm.
Quin: No, wait.
Fei glanced at Quin’s hand, and then looked at Quin. Her eyes, filled with emotions, were full of tears. Quin, on her turn, looked into Fei’s dark eyes. She saw love. Love for her. Another jolt passed through her. I know those eyes. I’ve truly remembered…
Quin: I remembered. I remembered you, Fei.
An atomic bomb explosion couldn’t have created a bigger shock or impact. It was the last thing he expected her to say. Fei couldn’t have responded if he wanted to. As Fei heard the words he had wanted so much to hear, he could only continue looking at Quin with unsurpressed shock. Her words penetrated his mind. She remembered…she finally remembered…Hesitantly, Fei raised his hand to touch Quin’s cheek. Choking back a sob, Quin leaned forward and hugged Fei. Fei folded his arms around Quin, hugging her tightly, feeling her rapid heartbeat against his. Encircled in Fei’s arms, Quin felt so safe, protected.
Quin: (half crying, half laughing) I miss you so much! (ngor zhan hai hou gua ju lei a!)
Fei: Kwan…
Circling her arms around his neck, Quin pulled Fei closer to her and pressed her lips against Fei’s. Without second thoughts, Fei tightened his arms around Quin’s waist and returned her kiss. Both of them closed their eyes, feeling the sensation of each other’s lips. A rush of warmth and love rushed over Quin. It was as if she had returned home, right in Fei’s arms. Fei broke off the kiss and looked at Quin.
Fei: You truly remembered? How?
Quin: While I was unconcious, I had a dream, a really strange one, filled with images of you and me. There was a voice…urging me to remember. At first, I was confused, but somehow, something just hit me. It was all in my dream. The many things I saw, so many events of you and me. It just dawned upon me somehow. I remember about you. I remember about us. (paused) I don’t think I have regained 100% of my memory. But at least I now know how important you are to me. I still need time to adjust. Give me time.
Fei nodded silently. He would give her all the time she needed. Fei placed his hand on Quin’s face and bent to kiss her again. Nothing else mattered except having her by his side.
Man was poised outside the door, her hand on the doorknob. She was about to enter when she saw Fei and Quin embraced. Not wanting to disturb them, she hadn’t entered the room. Inside the room, Fei and Quin were still hugging each other. Pulling apart, Fei said something that made Quin laughed. She hit him playfully on the arm. Fei caught her hand and pulled her to him for another kiss. Man smiled as she watched the sweet scene. So, Quin finally regained her memories of Fei. She knew that Fei must be very happy. And although, deep down inside, she still felt that Fei wasn’t worthy of Quin, nevertheless, Man wished them eternal happiness. Man closed the door quietly and headed down the hall. She stopped dead in her tracks as she saw Chi San walking towards Quin’s room. Man took a moment to compose herself. Stay calm. Stay confident. Do not look at the ground when you talk to him.
Man: (calling out to Chi San) I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.
Chi San looked up, startled to see Man. His heartbeat increased just a little bit faster.
Chi San: Why?
Man: I wouldn’t suggest you look either, but if you want to, I won’t stop you. Just open the door a crack.
Chi San threw Man a confused look, but he opened the door a slight crack and peeked in. He immediately closed the door, blushing.
Man: (smirking) Told you. You should have listened to me.
Man: Want to go get something hot?
Chi San: Sure.
Next to the vending machine…
Man: Do you mind if I tell you that that’s the sixth packet of sugar in your coffee?
Chi San: Huh? Oh, right. Thanks.
Man eyed Chi San. He was obviously uncomfortable. Man took a deep breath, readying herself for her next words.
Man: Do…do we still have a chance together?
Chi San gave a start and dropped the coffee cup he was holding. Coffee splashed out everywhere, drenching himself and Man. His hands shook as he stared at Man. No. No. I may be a coward, but I can’t deal with that.
Chi San: Oops. I’m so sorry. I’ll just get some tissues, and…
Man: (grabbing Chi San’s elbow) Answer my question.
Chi San: (looking at Man) I…I…
Man: Chi San, don’t you understand? Tong Sum is gone. She will never return. What are you feeling guilty for? You know Tong Sum will wish us well! You know it. I myself didn’t want to betray Tong Sum a while back, but I realised that loving you doesn’t mean betraying Tong Sum!
Chi San looked at Man speechlessly. Man plowed on, fearing that she’ll lose her nerve.
Man: Life is offering you, me, both of us, another chance at happiness. I really care about you. Tong Sum would want to see us happy. She would!
Chi San was torn. Tong Sum…Man…Tong Sum…Man…He shook his head. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t make a decision.
Chi San: I…I…
Man: (quietly) I already made the initiative. The rest is up to you.
Man turned and walked away. Seeing the indecision on Chi San’s face broke her heart. I don’t think it’s any use. He still couldn’t forget Tong Sum. I don’t even know why I tried. Remembering her dream, Man smiled briefly at the thought of Tong Sum. But at least, I was being true to myself, being honest to Chi San, and being true to Tong Sum. Pushing open the double doors, Man stepped out into the sunshine. I am not going to give up. I know he still cares about me. I just have to make him see it.
Quin sat up on her bed, breathing hard. She was covered in sweat, and the terrified feeling was in her bones. She thought about calling for Man, but abolished the thought. She didn’t want to bother anyone. Weakly, she got up from her bed and walked shakily into the kitchen. She fixed herself hot tea and sipped it. The tea helped to calm her a little, but she was still shaking. Knowing why I got shot doesn’t make it any easier to take. Quin shuddered. It was so horrible, the glinting black eyes in the shadowy face, a glint of a gun. Quin shook her head. This really stinks. She couldn’t help feeling the presence of Fei in her dream, although she never asked about the shooting incident. She had a feeling it might be more than she can take. Quin carried her mug and put it on the living room coffee table. She flopped down on an armchair, staring at the ceiling. Suddenly, Man’s room door creaked open. Shrugging into her bathrobe, Man entered the living room, yawning.
(Man settled down on the couch beside Quin.)
(Relief settled over everyone in the room, but a bead of fear still clutched at Fei. That one word burned ominously in his mind. Coma…He opened his mouth to ask the doctor, but Man beat him to it.)
(An awkward silence settled over them.)
Chi San dumped sugar into his coffee. He never felt so awkward in his life. He looked around him distractedly. Man’s voice broke into his thoughts.
Fei and Quin are back together, but does that mean smooth sailing from now onwards? Man spilled out her guts to Chi San, now, what is Chi San going to do?
Back to MAIN
Yong June-Ling
Copyright 2001