Chapter 18...Chapter 18...
Man: Yes. We live together. Do you remember me?
Quin: (scrutinizing Man) I’m sorry…I have no recollection.
Quin: My brother, my father, and my aunt turned stepmother?
Kit: Big sister…
Quin: (scrunching up her face intently) Well…the doctor said the process will be long…
Quin: And you are Kong Sir?
Chi San: (smiled gently) It’s Chi San, Quin. We used to work together at the police station.
Quin: (shook her head) I’m sorry, I just don’t remember…
Chi San: Take your time, Quin. Be patient.
Quin: Where’s the other man?
Man: What other man?
Quin: The one by my bedside when I woke up. He was tall, tanned and handsome…he said he was worried about me. Who was he?
Chi San: She must mean Fei.
Quin: Fei? Is that his name? There’s something strangely familiar about his face…
Chi San: You recognise him?
Kit: Big sister, you remember Fei Gor?
Quin: I cannot place it. It’s like a face in a dream, a wispy memory…I can’t remember.
Fei: Kwan.
Quin: You’re Fei.
Quin: Come over here, Fei.
Quin: Who are you? Who are you to me?
Chi San: (smiling) Who else would be so worried about you, Quin? Think about it for a moment.
Quin: (Glancing at her left hand) There’s no ring on my finger. Either you are my close cousin, or my…boyfriend.
Chi San: (mentally kicking Fei) He’s your boyfriend, Quin.
Quin: My boyfriend? (tipped her head to one side, looking at Fei) Could that be why you looked vaguely familiar?
Fei: You recognise me?
Quin: No, I have a feeling of seeing you before, but I cannot place you.
Quin: What are you crying for, silly? I’ll be okay. I’ll remember.
Fei reached down and enveloped Quin in a tight embrace, his tears coming faster. At that moment, a strange sense of serenity, security and calm settled in Quin. She returned his embrace. This man is practically a stranger to me. So why do I feel this sense of familiarity and comfort? Suddenly, Quin froze. A hidden memory was struggling to get out. A flash of a vision. She saw herself and the man she knew as Fei. They were eating cake. Fei was laughing and feeding her the cake. The cake…it was coffee. As suddenly as it came, it went. She pulled back and looked at Fei.
Quin: Have we ever eaten cake together?
Fei: (stared at Quin) You…you remembered?
Quin: (shook her head) I saw something…I can’t…(collasped against her pillows) I’m so tired…
Fei: (gently) Don’t overdo it, Kwan. You need to rest.
Fei: (to Chi San) There is hope yet. Thank God there is hope.
A week later…
Quin: Umm…thanks.
Fei: How are you feeling today?
Quin: I had the nightmare again. There was the man, with his covered face. He had a gun…(her head snapped up) I thought I saw YOU, but I can’t be sure…
Fei: What happened in your dream?
Quin: (shaking her head) I don’t know. Everything was a blur of darkness. I only saw the gun, and the face. I had a terrified feeling. A feeling that I was going to die. Or something equally horrible. Fei, it never occurred me to ask this until now. How did I end up here? What caused my amnesia?
Fei: (looked uncomfortable) I…I…
Quin: (looking at Fei) You knew. I can see it in your eyes. Tell me.
Fei: (looked down and refused to meet Quin’s eyes) This…this…is not the right time.
Just as Quin was about to reply Fei, her room door opened and Man breezed in. She stared at Fei and nodded at him, acknowledging him. Fei managed a smile in return.
Man: (leaning down to hug Quin) Good morning.
Quin: Hi, Man. Thanks for coming. (turning to Fei) Do you mind leaving the room? I want to talk to her.
Fei: It doesn’t matter. I’ll get some coffee or something in the cafeteria.
He looked at Quin and hesitated. After second thoughts, he leaned down and brushed her cheek quickly with an affectionate kiss. Quin stiffened and shifted slightly. She wouldn’t look at him. A feeling of disappointment hit Fei. He then left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. At that moment, something flashed across Quin’s mind again. She saw Fei. He had his hand on her face, and he was smiling. That little bit lasped into darkness again. Quin shook her head and focused in Man.
Quin: Man, you tell me. He wouldn’t tell me.
Man: Tell you what?
Quin: Why am I in the hospital. Why was I in a coma. And why do I have amnesia. Tell me. Why?
Quin: Why won’t you tell me anything?
Man: It’s just that, well…ummm…
Quin: (her temper flaring) I just wanted to know why! Is that such a hard question?
Man: Okay, you asked for it. (she took a deep breath) You once had a fiance, but because you weren’t ready for marriage, you broke it off. But he turned into a raving lunatic and a month ago, kidnapped you and you got shot. That’s the answer to your 3 whys.
Quin: (not believing her ears) That dramatic? Are you trying to be funny, or what?
Man: Do I look like I’m kidding?
Quin: (paused) Is it strange that I don’t really feel anything? Just that…I feel that at least I finally knew the answer to my 3 whys, as you put it. (looked at Man) Wait a minute. My fiance, you say? I thought Fei is my boyfriend.
Man: (cleared her throat) Well…you two broke up for a period of 2 years. You only got back together recently.
Quin: So, tell me more about myself, yourself, you and me…
Fei entered the room to see Quin and Man giggling together. He stood there for a moment and looked at the two best friends. Instead of sitting on the chair by the bed, Man was sitting on Quin’s bed. Quin leaned lightly against Man as she laughed, while Man was gesturing, and telling Quin something.
Man: …and you were like, “huh?” I honestly thought the guy would land all of his 300 pounds on you!
Quin laughed again, leaning her head on Man’s shoulder. Fei watched the whole scence, feeling a pang of jealousy. Quin had already begun to open up to Man, accepting her as her best friend. Meanwhile, Quin’s manner towards him remained cautious. She approached him in the same manner one might approach a fierce dog. Yes, he visited her everyday, but Quin didn’t seem she wanted to TALK with him. In the week, they had chatted about the most casual things, nothing about personal life, nothing about their relationship. He didn’t tell Quin anything since she didn’t ask. He didn’t understand why Quin didn’t ask about their relationship, didn’t ask about THEM. He didn’t understand why Quin didn’t want to make an effort to know him. The hug he gave her on the day she woke up was the only touch not rejected by her. She spoke to him as if he was a stranger. A little voice sounded in his head. In a way, you ARE a stranger to her, aren’t you?
Chi San: So much has happened since the last I came. Quin finally recovered from her coma, but another hurdle emerged: she’s amnesiac. Poor Fei is almost out of his mind. Life is just so funny, isn’t it? Fei and Quin are obviously meant to be, but why do they have to go through so much pain? Maybe God just don’t want them to have an easy romance. After all, a romance that survives through, well, almost everything, in Fei and Quin’s case, will be a strong and lasting romance. I personally really feel sorry for Fei. The poor guy hadn’t had any peace for so long. I was wondering the other day, if he hadn’t want to play the macho hero after Ching Ching’s return, if he had been true to his heart and stayed with the one he loves, who knows what will happen today? You know, some may say Fei deserved his pain, after all, he practically brought in onto himself, and onto Quin. Man was one of them.
Chi San: Tong Sum, I wouldn’t want to lie to you. I really miss Man. I know I still have strong feelings for her. But I couldn’t bring myself to be together with her. She was my wife’s best friend. She was your best friend. I just cannot overcome the past. Sometimes, I’m just so damn stupid. Time and time, I told Fei he mustn’t look into the past, and yet, me myself keep dwelling in it. But I know you understand that, Tong Sum. You would understand.
Chi San: Enough sob story. Let me tell you what I read recently…
Man: Guess what? Quin finally woke up. So you can just rest easy, Tong Sum. You must be worried about Quin. After all, you two were best friends. But it is not entirely good news. Quin has amnesia. But when I think about it, maybe it is a blessing in disguise. Maybe now she can just drop Tsui Fei. That man was such a…
Man: But she loves him, though. You know, I never really understand their triangle. I saw how Quin was suffering, so naturally, I’m mad on her behalf. But maybe I didn’t know Fei’s side of the story. Maybe I’m being unfair. No, scratch that. I AM being unfair. I blamed Fei for everything, but it wasn’t entirely his fault. Quin could be so damn stubborn.
Man: Since he can forgive me on the part I played on Hung Gor’s death, maybe I should try to forgive him, too. I know I should do something to help Quin and Fei.
Man: So, you ask me, what about MY love life? Tong Sum, you know how much I love you, right? I would never want to hurt you intentionally. But I love Chi San. I now understood how you feel 3 years ago. It was so hard to love someone whom you know you’ll never have a relationship with. Back then, you didn’t want to betray me. Now, I didn’t want to betray you. Besides, Chi San and I were never meant to be. He still loves you, so so much. I could never take your place.
Man: Something tells me I’m being stupid. I should grab the chance while I have it. (ngor mm ying goi chor gor gei wui) If, just if, I am to have a relationship with Chi San, what would your reaction be?
Man: (in a whisper) I know you would be so happy for the both of us. I know you wouldn’t mind. But I mind. I never wanted to be a replacement.
Quin: You’re Man? My best friend?
(Her eyes rested on her family.)
(Heung turned to hide her sobs as she realised that Quin didn’t recognise her.)
(Everyone looked at Quin in wonder. And then they started attacking her with questions.)
(Suddenly, the door opened. Fei stepped in.)
(She reached out her hand.)
(Fei obediently walked over and stood in front of Quin. Quin studied his face intently.)
(Fei opened his mouth to reply that he was her boyfriend. But then, he hesitated. Should I? He wasn’t so sure he should. Even though he had broken up with Ching Ching, even though he loved Quin, he wasn’t so sure he should tell Quin that he was her boyfriend. He didn’t want to get into their long and complicated, not to mention heart-wrenching history.)
(Chi San shot Fei a look, urging him to reply. Fei stood motionless, just staring at Quin.)
(Everyone turned and looked at Chi San with shock, Man, particularly. He shot them an I-know-what-I-am-doing look. No one said anything.)
(Fei’s head jerked up.)
(She reached up tentative fingers and traced Fei’s features. Fei immediately grabbed her hand as a tear leaked out from the corner of his eye. Quin stared at him and gently wiped his tear with a piece of tissue.)
(Quin managed to smile. Her eyelids slowly closed as she slipped off to dreamland.)
Fei: Here, have an apple.
(Fei held out the peeled fruit to Quin. Quin took the apple as Fei settled down beside her bed and took her hand. But Quin gently pulled her hand out of Fei’s grasp and held her apple with both hands. Fei’s face fell slightly with disappoinment.)
(Quin’s face clouded over as she stared down at her bedspread.)
(Man shifted uncomfortably, refusing to look at Quin.)
(Quin opened her mouth to ask why again, but seeing Man’s face, she knew that Man didn’t want to delve any further. After all, there’s plenty of time for me to rediscover myself. She decided to ask Man something else.)
(Chi San stopped talking and touched Tong Sum’s portrait.)
(Chi San shifted his position and picked up a magazine.)
(Man made a face and pondered.)
(Man paused, and spoke again.)
(Man sat down next to Tong Sum’s grave.)
(Man looked at Tong Sum’s portrait.)
(Tong Sum’s face stared smilingly back at Man.)
Is this the end for both couples? Quin had lost her memory, lost the memory of the great love between Fei and her. Would she, or wouldn’t she remember? Man and Chi San, both unable and unwilling to betray the dearest memory of Tong Sum. Will they managed to overcome this invisible barrier?
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Yong June-Ling
Copyright 2001