Anyway I got a free trip back to Moreno Valley thanks to the helpful hand and boot of the Riverside City Police. I was picked up for malicious moppery and being where I wasn’t wanted. What I’m saying is a patrol car pulled over and the cop frisked me. Some more police showed up and I was put in one of their cars. Three rode in the car with me. They said that since my ID listed my home as Mo. Val. they were taking me there. And I wasn’t to come back. They had “enough bums and garbage in town“. I asked what I’d done. “We don’t need your kind and that’s enough“. When we got to Mo Val one cop got out and opened the door while another pushed me out with his foot. I fell and they were laughing as they drove off.
    So there I was back home. Yeah right! The only thing I knew I had to do was try to make amends with a friend of mine even if it meant I had to let her hit me and vent all her rage at me. She’d been betrayed by her closest friends and I’d been told she now blamed me and hated my guts. I figured the only thing to do was go to her and offer my apology and then not lift a finger if she decided to beat the snot out of me, not even in self-defense. I figure the lady was owed it And it might as well be me if anyone. When we finally met she told me she held me blameless in the whole matter, indeed she said that she knew I’d backed her up through the whole mess. She’d lost her best friends –false friends it had turned out. Too bad, these were people she’d really cared about.
    Now I had to figure out what to do with the rest of my life, just like everyone else, every day of his or her lives. No I’m not going to tell the whole story here of how I came to be homeless. It involves what happened to another and I haven’t been given permission to tell it all here in this manner. And it would only be my version of what I know and I would prefer to stay out of another “this one said that-this one said this”, ”no, I didn’t; yes you did” situation and maybe it is a story for another to tell.
    It was now early July if memory serves and I was casting about trying to figure out what to do next…first... … I had no idea! I was at a complete loss. I went to social services. I didn’t mind the seemingly endless paperwork but as I had already specified to being an adult single male with no minor children or dependents I will never understand why I had to complete the section stating that I wasn’t pregnant and did not need medical assistance so I could breast-feed! I was immediately turned down on cash/rental assistance and no there were no training/schooling programs open to me. They did give me a list of “charitable” organizations that may be of help. Unfortunately, it was wildly inaccurate and way out of date. One of the shelters mention had been gone over a year and another one had burned down nearly two years back (at least that is what one of it’s neighbors told me.) I still had to wait on a decision on food stamps
     That came nearly a month and a half later in the mail. Apparently my driver’s license, birth certificate, social security card, and high school diploma weren’t adequate proof that I was I and also I couldn’t prove that I lived in Riverside County! (No, I’m not making this up! Gee, they figured out that every night I go back home to Tacoma, Wash. And that I was there only for the benefits and that California cheese! Rats! Darn!)
    So there I was I just found out that I was doing this without any safety net. Actually I have gone back … how many times,? Same results each time. It is bad enough to have lost what I saw as my family but I was starting to wonder if Uncle Sam really wanted me around either! That does it from now on I’m voting Socialist! (Is it too late to join the Wobblies?) I was scratching by on what ever I could earn, trying to keep clean. I’d wash up in the rest rooms in the local parks; I’d also wash out yesterday’s socks, underwear, and shirt in those sinks. I’d buy a roll for a quarter and a 60-cent package of sliced meat. If they had any dented cans of soda I’d get one. They would discount them to 15 cents sometimes at Stater Bros. If they didn’t I had a bottle of water. Usually I’d eat every other day to stretch my money. Sometimes I’d buy an extra roll to have for “breakfast”. I mostly carried my stuff in a small knapsack that the kids had discarded. At the Men’s Shelter I first heard the joke that we are all just camping out – that’s why we all have these backpacks.
    It’s odd to me what I miss and… what I don’t, VOYAGER, DEEP SPACE 9, JOY OF PAINTING, and some of the cartoons but I really didn’t miss TV. Besides there are plenty of books in the library, I read those by the light of the street lamp. Boy, I missed having a bathroom…and daily HOT showers! When I finally have my own place I may spend 2 or 3 days just staring at my fridge and stove. I’ve been told I make a wicked meatloaf and my lamb shank stew is a treat. And who knows, maybe I’ll invite you all over for lunch! Company, now that I really miss! Ha, but I’ve already made that point, haven’t I? Yes, I do miss my family, even with all the problems that were there.  I don’t miss being put down for everything that I’d try. (Especially as they’ve worked for me.) I don’t miss cleaning the cat boxes. No surprise there, but how come if I fed, cleaned, and walked the various animals, none of them were mine? Shouldn’t the reputed owner(s) take some responsibility? Not just the “nanny”, joked about unmarried “househusband”, or ”fake dad”(thank you Ren and Stimpy!)
    My estranged family didn’t know I was back in town. I spent the time trying to keep myself presentable and looking for work. I’d reestablished contact with a couple of people. It would take until August to see her as she was out of state visiting family. This time wasn’t easy. As many problems as I see with organizations like the Salvation Army, it was a time without…without showers, without regular meals, without hot coffee, without regular social contact. The list goes on; I won’t for now. I think you get the idea!
    Anyway my family soon found out that I was back in town. I got the impression that they thought you get to stay in the shelter permanently. A lot of people are under this mistaken impression. To tell the truth I don’t believe they wish to be disabused of it. Nor are the shelters eager to tell the world at large that you will be limited to 30 days in each quarter year. There is no guarantee that on any night there will be a space for you. Sorry Joseph, still no room at the inn! But back to my family, I had a mere $12 and change in my wallet. When I was on the bus someone picked my pocket. To lose the money was bad enough but in that wallet also were my address book, my id, and the few photos I had of my family and friend (or two). This hurt worse than having no money to buy food. I earned $20 a couple of days later and I still had mayhap a buck and a-half in change I’d hidden away. I thought hard about the couple that’d “bumped” into me as I was getting out of my seat. Truthfully I’d paid them no mind. I was thinking about the job interviews and applications I’d filled out at the mall. I’d made sure my wallet was safe in my deep front pocket. (This is why I believe that I was pickpocketed rather than merely careless!) I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to find out if I tried to see if it had been turned in to the transit company. I walked up to the door and left a note asking my family to call and see if someone would call and find out if the wallet was in the lost and found. I got no answer over the next day or two. Now having earned some money I made a call to the lost and found. After giving a description of the pictures inside and waiting maybe almost a minute the woman said she had the wallet and almost it’s contents there. They would hold it a month and no longer. I asked one of my old family members for a ride into Riverside and back. She told me that she’d called them and they’d told her it wasn’t there. So then I told her that they told me not half an hour ago that they did have it! She had this odd half sour look on her face. She agreed to bring me there and back the next day. So the next day I had them back. That the money was gone was no surprise and really of no consequence. The photos were the items of true importance to me! If I never earned a dollar again in my life, then twelve dollars and change weren’t going to make any difference. I figure this was just a case of who was asking. The person at the lost and found told me they didn't have a brown long wallet just a black one. I described the contents and she said that indeed they were in it. Why she thought my wqallet was black when it is light greenish brown I haven't the faintest. Everyone else had given up at the first "no" I guess. Persistence pays I guess! Others give up too easy when it isn't their stuff at risk.
    So in late July Jennifer L. came back and we got reacquainted, renewing our friendship. She was unaware of my having been disowned as it were. After all I had gone through it was a surprise and joy to have someone so on my side! She offered me what little money she had, did I need anything, and hell she would have given me the shirt off her back if it had fitted!!!! She has a good heart, a better one than mine. I said to hold the money till I really needed it. But I can never thank her enough for her kind and caring words. Her words helped me find my strength, my courage. (Thank You, dear friend, from the bottom to the very top of my heart, Thank you! You are one heck of a person and I am humbled by and proud of your friendship! I can never thank you enough.)
    Still things were nowhere close to perfect. Everything tended to drift. I hadn’t found any direction. I would go on endless interviews. Picking up what money I could at the type of work offered. There is a whole ‘nother economy below the one most Americans live in. There isn’t a lot of money in it. Horatio Alger would find it daunting!
    There are a lot of reasons for the current ongoing homeless situation. There are the problems of poverty, and mental illness. But I tell you this three times; Family has a lot to do with homelessness. Not just as a cure and prevention but also as a cause. I’ve met a lot of “throw aways”, cast off children-wives-husbands-grandparents. You name ‘em and many good Americans have no problem discarding someone who has become “inconvenient” for whatever reason. Look, I’m not saying there aren’t many relationships that don’t need to end. I am saying we need to reexamine, to redo the way we handle each other, and ourselves.
    I ran into a bit of luck I guess. Here in Moreno Valley there is a local theatre group yclept SHAKESPEARE-OFF-THE-FRINGE and in August 1999 they did a production of AS YOU LIKE IT that absolutely blew me away. I was able to relate to the characters and what I saw as some of the themes running through it. Almost all the main characters are disowned, cast out. Abandoned by others who feel justified in their actions. This play has been described as a minor, flawed work. It shook my world and I don’t think it was just because I didn’t have TV or movies anymore. “Winter of our discontent” indeed! How simple these old words that sang how I felt! And they told me I could dare to dream, to have hope. I only missed one of the performances. I enjoyed going to each one. Next year they performed ROMEO AND JULIET in August. Even though you missed these past shows you can always catch future ones. Consider this an invite! Come! Bring a blanket, a friend, a love! During intermission you can picnic or get a soda at concession stand. Sorry folks they only have soda or candy. If you picnic I’m partial to turkey on rye, lots of mayo.(hint, hint) And did I neglect to mention there is no admission charge? I didn’t!! Well, they are free but they could use whatever contribution you can spare. But if you’re Mr. Gates with money to spare or just Joe with nothing more than his knapsack and some crackers and a can of tuna you’ll be made welcome!
     I do go on about my enthusiasms, don’t I?
    The only way I had to even come close to repaying these people was to show up and help them strike the set the day after the final performance. And it felt good to be of use again. The truth is I had fun, sure it was work but sometimes there is no difference between work and play. I don’t know if it is a matter of approach or of attitude but when it works right, boy it is so right!
    Besides this is where I met Dee. As much a mentor as a friend, she has been a welcome voice in my life. She also built the costumes for the characters. Her husband Jim had the role of Jacque in the play. It’s a tossup as to whether Jacque or the Motley Fool is my favorite character. Anyway Dee and Jim are both people who could have decided that they did not have to speak or associate with a homeless person. I have been so fortunate. Doesn’t that sound surprising? First Jennifer gives me a reason to go on, then these people show up and their actions have helped to turn my life around! No it is far from perfect and there is a lot of pain and heartbreak but look at the people who have come into my life. And how far I’ve come, and in such unexpected directions! Of course I have neglected to mention (till now) Roberta Pipitone, director and cast member whose encouragements have been helpful and welcome.
    Also in this time I was learning more about using the web. I didn’t have enough experience with Usenet or ftp to say “ the Internet”. Anyway, while trying to find someone else I found kitty. Her site actually, I mean! I e-mailed asking her about a cute gif on her site and she replied. We’ve become pen pals. I can’t recall there was this great British (which means he was probably Irish) poet Shelley, Colleridge, I’m not sure whom, and anyway the line goes something to the effect that in this life you must gather the good to you. Surprisingly, to me anyway, this seems to have happened in my life! These people are as diverse as imaginable and then some. But what they are is the good! For me they are the definition of good. Am I going to overboard in saying this?
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