Chapter 12 Lance sat up and let out a long breath. "I need to get back, Dad, in case he wakes up." He stood and looked questioningly at his father and asked almost as an afterthought, "Have the press heard anything yet?" Jim shook his head, "Lucky this is so far out in the sticks, your names aren't ringing any bells with the staff. But Johnny already has Theresa and Jay hard at work. Let that be the last thing on your mind. By the way, Johnny should be here any minute." He made a shooing movement with both hands, "Go see him, Lance." He watched Lance move slowly down the hall, the worry blossoming now that Lance was no longer here to see it. Almost as if conjured by Jim's anxiety, Johnny Wright rounded the corner, a serious expression on his face. He nodded to Jim and produced the weakest smile Jim had ever seen. Jim frowned. "What's up, Johnny?" "This is gonna kill the group, Jim," he stated simply, "and it's not fair to the others." "What are you suggesting?" Jim asked cautiously, dread settling around his heart. "They need to stop the shit," he said almost angrily. "I talked to Theresa. She's seen the police report. It's being classified as a bias crime. Bias crimes— as in gays, Jim. If we can't deny the homosexuality unequivocally, the press will have a field day." Jim stood openmouthed at what their manager was suggesting. He must know that they weren't just fooling around, that they loved one another. "They love each other, Johnny. How do you tell them to say that doesn't exist?" The businessman's lips thinned to a grim slash, "You tell them that for the good of the group, they deny there is anything between them and then they make it happen. We deny it and threaten these rednecks if they say what they saw. It'll be old news in a few weeks, months at the most." He folded his arms across his chest, readying himself for a fight. "You can't do that to them. Not on top of what they've already been put through," Jim whispered unable to believe what he was hearing. "Watch me, " Johnny said. "NSYNC is riding high but there's no guarantees. The new tour is set to start, the new album is already a big risk. We can't afford to lose even a single fan." Jim shook his head. "You haven't even seen them. You couldn't be cold- blooded enough to do this to them. Not for money." "Fuck, Jim," he spit out angrily, "I warned them to be careful." "You think they wanted this?" Jim asked. "No, of course not. But they have been getting more and more relaxed. I see them, the looks, the touches, the whispers. If I can see it, why can't everyone? Especially now if every damned reporter is looking for it." "Johnny, could we start over?" Jim said more calm than he felt. Johnny's eyebrows drew into a question. "What?" "Right now those two boys are suffering unbelievably. Justin feels filthy because of what that animal did and Lance believes he didn't protect Justin so it's all his fault, not to mention his own rapes. You can't lay this on them, too." "I'm sorry, Jim, it's not an option to let them `work this out'." "Have you talked to the other three boys?" Jim was making a last ditch effort to sidetrack this heartless plan."It's their group. Let them decide." He prayed he was right that their friends would support them no matter what the outcome. Johnny gave him a hard look and shrugged. Moving to the other side of the room, he dialed the number of their hotel. Glancing at his watch, he realized it was only 6AM there. A sleepy JC picked up on the third ring. "JC, man, get Joey and Chris and put this call on speaker," Johnny said sharply. At the other end JC came instantly awake and called to the others. Johnny sighed. What did it mean that *they* were all in one room. Jesus, not them too! Ignoring that line of thought, he said, "Are you there.?" Through the speaker phone, JC's distant voice asked anxiously, "What's wrong?" Jim, only privy to Johnny's end, listened intently, determined that the manager wouldn't force his own response from the boys. "It's Lance and Justin.....No, they're OK." When he caught Jim's look, he amended, "They will be. They're both pretty beat up right now.....No, it wasn't an accident.....Some rednecks in this hick town decided to teach them a major lesson about the consequences of being homosexual." He felt Jim's glare at the tone. It sounded like he thought they *did* deserve this. "JC, stop crying. They'll be OK. Look, pull yourselves together. You guys have a major decision here. This is going to be a press nightmare if this gets out. Right now nobody seems to know but this ain't the south pole so it's only a matter of time. I want them to deny everything and stay away from each other until this dies down at least. What do you think?" Johnny turned around to Jim. "They're thinking." Jim held out his hand for the phone, "Let me talk to them," he said quietly, anger just underneath the surface. Johnny debated but looking at Jim he knew that the other man wouldn't take no for an answer. He handed him the tiny phone and stood nearby, arms crossed, a determined set to his expression. The two had clearly set up battle lines. "Hey, guys, it's Jim, Jim Bass." "God, Jim, are they OK?" "No, actually they're not. Physically they'll be OK but emotionally, they're a mess. They were both... um....abused pretty badly.....um.... including....um....rape." At the aghast cries from the other end, he paused, then continued, " They need a lot of support now. I know the group is important but I'm not sure how they could handle being told that they can't be together for one another..." his voice trailed off as he turned to see his son standing there, his face crumpling as the impact of what he had overheard sunk in. JC was saying something at the other end of the line but Jim wasn't listening. He threw the phone at Johnny and caught Lance as he slid to the floor. "God, no, what else?" he whispered. He cradled his son and rocked him, the younger man moaning, shedding tears that rapidly soaked Jim's shirt. For the second time that day, Lance looked up at his father. The pleading in his eyes broke his father's heart but he wasn't sure that he could reassure his son that it would be OK. Johnny was speaking quietly into the phone, his back to them. Jim could only catch single words so he gave up trying to listen and focused on Lance instead. "Dad, is it true? We can't be together? Why?" "Don't think about it right now. Nothing's been decided." "Decided? Who's deciding?" Lance questioned, wondering to himself who had the right to decide how he and Justin should live?  But he knew the answer and his heart sank. The group, the good of the group. They had promised one another long ago that the good of the group would come first. But that was before he and Justin had fallen in love, before they swore to spend their lives together, before they needed one another just to get through the next twenty four hours. Fresh tears started at the thought of being separated and still spending 24/7 together. He needed to be there, to help Justin heal, to help himself heal.  They couldn't do this without one another. He thought of the hundreds of times they had made love, always new to Lance as if he had never kissed this gorgeous creature or felt himself tight and hot inside Justin. He thought of Justin's warm body spooned into his every night, drawing comfort on the bad nights and sharing joy on the good ones. He thought of the secret touches and whispers and 1-4-3 on the beeper and stolen moments and longing looks. He remembered the night when Justin had taken a big risk and crooked his pinky at Lance at the end of `This I Promise You'. He had gotten hell from Theresa and Johnny and JC but he refused to back down. It was only when Lance himself had gently chided him did he look downcast and muttered `Sorry'. Then he had grinned that utterly amazing grin and whispered, "But it was worth it to see your face! And the best part is that it's on HBO so we get to keep it till we're old and gray together." "Lance, Lance," his father said insistently. "Are you OK?" Lance came out of his reverie. Not if I can't be with Justin. But he didn't say that. He said nothing, just lay slumped against his Dad's shoulder. Lance looked up, grateful for his father's strength. "I can't believe it, Dad. Just a little over 48 hours ago, we had decided to get married. Now maybe we won't even be together." Lance heard his father's gasp at the news that they were considering something so permanent. Being religious boys, he knew that they intended this to be forever. But they were so young. Then he smiled to himself—he and Diane had been the same age and they hadn't been forced to grow up at the pace that Justin and Lance had. Now, who knew? So much had changed or could change or would change so quickly. "Are you angry that we were thinking of getting married?" Lance asked apprehensively. "No, just surprised. You know we'll try to get you two to wait, right?" he said, a smile in his voice. "Maybe it'll never happen now anyway." It was clear that Lance was thinking the same thoughts as Jim about how things can change so fast. The young man pushed himself painfully off the sofa, "Let us know what everyone decides for us, OK?" he threw back over his shoulder toward Johnny, uncharacteristically sarcastic. The manager's hard expression never changed. His conversation had ended and he stood near the window as if he could see the future in his reflection. The other three had agreed to consider Johnny's plan but they weren't happy about it. They had always supported the relationship between the two youngest members. It made them happy to see the puppy love that Lance and Justin shared. As it had matured into something deeper, they had watched the two grow closer every day. They shared everything and it seemed impossible that they could be separated. None was willing to do that to their two best friends and yet, none wanted to see the group destroyed and the truth that Lance and Justin were a couple might do just that. The teenies who shrieked night after night when Lance's or Justin's *picture* appeared on the video monitors would not be likely to love the idea of their two idols screwing each other's brains out. The three tried talking it out but soon realized that the only way to make a decision was to go home and get the five of them together, like always, the way they made every important decision. JC called Johnny and told him that they couldn't make a choice without seeing their two friends and talking to them. Johnny was annoyed to put it mildly but respected their wishes. It was obvious that he wanted an answer right away when he had tickets on the Concorde delivered to their room thirty minutes later. If everything went OK they could be in Mississippi by noon today. Hopefully, the news wouldn't leak out in the next twelve hours. It was midnight and Lance was exhausted but he couldn't leave Justin's side, watching the younger boy sleeping. Nurses had come and gone several times checking something or other, fiddling with tubes, taking pulses and blood pressures and nothing they did seemed to arouse Justin. The last time Lance had asked if it was normal that Justin was still out of it.  The nurse, Betty he thought her name was, had smiled and said that Justin's body knew what it was doing and that maybe Lance should let his own body follow Justin's example. He had agreed because he was agreeable but as soon as she left, he climbed right back out and resumed his vigil next to Justin's bed. Sleep overtook him there once again only to be roused at four in the morning by a gentle shaking. "Lance," Betty's soft voice called, "why don't you get some rest in your bed? Your friend will be OK." Lance smiled, a little guilty to be caught there again,  and let her assist him to his own bed. "Stay there this time. OK? He doesn't even know you're there." "But I know," Lance thought to himself.  "And it may be the last time— to touch him or sit near him or watch him sleep or run my hand through his curls." But he was afraid she would get suspicious, so he did stay in his bed this time and slept until the next nurse came, at 7AM, a change of shift. Lance eased himself out of bed and stood over Justin, seeing his eyelids flutter as if fighting to wake up. Lance leaned down and kissed his lover's lips so gently it was barely a touch. Justin's eyes flew open, wide with fear, and his whimper broke Lance's heart, "No, please, no." "Shhh, baby, it's just me, it's OK," he consoled stroking Justin's cheek. Justin flinched and screwed his eyes shut, his breath coming in quick little gasps. He swatted Lance's hand away. Lance wasn't sure if Justin was even awake?  "Jus, look at me. It's Lance." Searching blue eyes found Lance's green ones and he sighed, a sad sound. "Lance, I'm so sorry. I was having a nightmare. I thought it was..." and he stopped as he choked around the sobs overwhelming him. "It's OK, baby, really, it's OK. Can I hold you?" The conflict was evident on Justin's face— he so wanted the comfort and protection that Lance was offering, had always offered, but he felt filthy and shameful, undeserving of any kindness.  He looked at Lance and begged him to make the decision for both of them.  He sighed in relief when Lance moved on to the bed next to him and hugged him.  Justin rested his head on Lance's chest, listening for the soothing sound of Lance's heartbeat, strong and steady, just like Lance himself.  Dear God, will I ever deserve him again?  But he was so tired, he couldn't keep thinking, his body begging for rest. Lance held him and felt Justin's breath even out, his body relax into Lance's just like before any of this happened.  But it wasn't before.  How could Justin ever trust him again?  Lance wanted to turn back time, make different decisions, keep Justin.... With no knock, no warning, Johnny walked in, "What the fuck? Jesus Christ, why don't you just put an advertisement in the paper?" Justin, caught between sleep and waking, tensed again and made a small noise, burying his head deeper into Lance's shoulder. Lance's arm tightened possessively, "Shut up, Johnny." Johnny's face was grim, "I came to tell you JC, Joe, and Chris should be here by noon. I also called your mom, Justin. She'll be here this evening.  Then we can make the decisions we need to make." "You've already made up your mind haven't you?" "Lance, it's not personal. I believe this is for the good of the group." "Not personal?" Lance hissed. "How much more personal can it get?" Justin, who was awake by now, was getting the drift of the conversation. He sat up and looked from Lance to Johnny and back again as if what he needed to know would be written on one of the faces. "What? What's personal?" "Never mind, baby," Lance said in a deceptively calm voice. "We'll talk about it when everyone's here. See you later, Johnny," he said pointedly. Johnny yanked the door open, "And stop the `baby' shit." To his back, Lance muttered, "Fuck you!" Justin had retreated to the safety of Lance's chest. He looked up, impossibly blue eyes holding Lance's, "Tell me what's going on." Before Lance could say anything, the door opened again. Lance was primed, ready to throw Johnny out this time. His angry expression greeted his visitors, who reacted with surprise. "Um, should we come back later?" Britney asked tentatively. Behind her, Lance could see Lynn and his father. His face relaxed and he smiled the familiar grin that the girls all loved, just a tired version. "Nah, come in. Sorry," he sighed, "I thought it was Johnny again." The three moved into the room and gathered around the bed. Jim frowned, nodding at the two curled up intimately in Justin's bed, "Is this a good idea, Lance?" The anger reappeared, "Maybe not but it's what we need. Please, Dad....." Jim held up his hands in surrender, "Just asking. Sorry." He turned to Britney and Lynn, "I met these two lovely ladies wandering the halls and wondered if they were looking for you guys?" Lance relaxed again and said softly, "I'm glad you're here. I was afraid you had run off without saying goodbye." Britney was staring at Justin, taking in the vivid bruises that marred his perfect face. His eyes opened as he felt her look and he gave her a tiny smile. Lynn spoke first, "Well, actually we did stop to say goodbye. We, um, are going back to Atlanta for a few weeks. It's just temporary. There's a lot to be sorted out back here but feelings are running too high to stay right now.  There's an investigation by the FBI and we are not too well liked, to say the least" "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Pearson, Britney. I never meant ..." Lance began. Lynn interrupted, "Lance, it was bound to happen. I'm so ashamed that I sat by the other times. At least this time we tried even if we only made things worse for you." "You didn't make things worse. The delay let my dad get here and at least stop it," Lance said quietly. "Do you have somewhere to go in Atlanta?" Lynn seemed surprised at the question coming from the young man. "Um, we have friends." "Let us say thank you. Let us help, " Lance said earnestly. Now she looked shocked. How were these two *boys* going to help? She shrugged, "It's not necessary. We'll be fine." Britney had been watching them during the interchange and suddenly clapped her hand over her mouth, "Oh my God." "What?" Lynn asked anxiously. "Brit, what is it? Are you OK?" Things were happening too fast. She looked at Jim and saw his arms crossed over his chest, a nervous expression on his face. Lance saw it too. "Dad, we can trust them. They lost everything to help us." Jim surrendered. He knew his son well. Everyone thought that Justin was the stubborn one but when Lance made up his mind, a Mississippi mule was easier to move and it was clear that Lance had made up his mind. He whispered in Justin's ear and Jim saw the younger boy nod. Lynn was rapidly becoming upset, "Am I the *only* one here who doesn't know what the hell is going on?" "I think so, Mom," Britney said with a tinkly laugh. "I just realized who they are — you guys are from NSYNC aren't you?" Lance nodded.. "NSYNC?" Lynn said, wondering what an NSYNC was. "Mom, it's a group— *the* group for about a million girls!" Britney said in an exasperated tone that said `What planet have you been living on anyway'. "God," she said turning to the two boys on the bed, "I can't believe I didn't recognize you. Not that anyone from around here would but I used to see your pictures all over Atlanta. Wow, you've grown up—especially you, Justin." Justin gave her a weak smile and in a raspy voice said, "Is that good?" She blushed, "Yeah, it's *very* good." It was Justin's turn to blush. "Hey," Lance said in a mock jealous tone, "he's *my* man, girl, back off." They all laughed companionably, grateful for a normal conversation after the horrors that they had been through together. Changing the subject, he went back to the idea of rewarding them. "We want to do something for you. Are you willing to stay in Mississippi, Mrs.  Pearson?" Lynn, who was still trying to take in the fact that these two *children* were talented performers, *famous* performers, was startled, "Um, what? Sorry." "He asked if we were willing to stay in Mississippi," Britney said impatiently. "I guess. If I had a job, sure.  Just not near here. Why?" Lance said, "I own a company..." He laughed at the expression on her face. "It's called FreeLance Entertainment. Want a job? You, too, Britney, if you want." Lynn stood openmouthed, speechless. Britney giggled at her mother's face and said, "I think that means yes but having a boss who is only twenty-one might be tough." "My mom does most of it. They'd get along great, Dad, wouldn't they?" Jim nodded, proud of his son, "Yeah, they would." Lynn looked at Jim and shook her head , still stunned,  "Thanks then. Where is it?" "Jackson. You can even stay at my house until you get a place of your own," Lance offered. "You have a house too?" Lynn was on overload trying to reconcile the two innocent, hurt boys with....whatever. "That's..... not necessary." "It's OK. It's empty right now. Justin and I won't be going there any time soon." His face registered the thought that perhaps they would never be able to go there together again. But he didn't want to focus on that right now. He really was grateful to the Pearsons and he wanted to do what he could for them. "Please. It would help me out." Lynn was sure that was a lie but she pretended to believe it, "OK then, thanks. Well, I need to go someplace quiet and absorb all of this. So we'll leave you alone now. Thanks again." She kissed Lance's cheek and blew a kiss to Justin, Britney following her lead. When the two women left, Jim offered to do the follow up and Lance was grateful. He already had other things on his mind. He had been thankful for the distraction but now it was all in his face once again. Justin, still exhausted, lay quietly, his eyes closed.  They didn't even notice Jim leave the room. continue menu