Safe 14

Chapter 14

The next week was a whirlwind punctuated by significant events and
total nonsense, as Justin and Lance danced together and apart more
times than either could remember.

Justin's insecurities were heightened each day following his
admission to Lance about how frightened he was regarding the AIDS
test. He studied Lance every free moment waiting for the instant
when Lance would slam his hand against his forehead and declare that
he must have been crazy to think of getting into a relationship with
a loser like Justin.

Of course, it didn't happen, though Lance's nerves were strained
between work and calming Justin's fears. But when he crawled into
bed every night with Justin, he knew why he kept going. Justin was
the most affectionate lover he had ever known and Lance purred under
the attention, letting Justin move softly over his body, dropping
sweet kisses everywhere.

By the end of the week, they had learned a great deal about the
meaning of safe sex. Justin's touches were amazing and Lance often
found himself wondering where he learned all of his tricks and then
laughed at himself when he remembered.

For his part, Justin had hesitated initially, not wanting Lance to
focus on how truly experienced he was. But when he realized how much
pleasure he could give Lance, he did it anyway and sighed contentedly
when Lance arched into an orgasm, calling his name and swearing his
love.

They talked in between the sex and Justin exposed more and more of
himself, always expecting a body blow, but relaxing when Lance just
smiled and thanked him for sharing his life, his hopes and most
importantly, his fears.

Lance finally finished up the last details on Friday and Jenna sent
him home early, "I still think we are crazy for going ahead with this
but they are nice guys and deserve a break. I just hope we're not
all on the unemployment line together. Now get out of here and go
find your boy."

"Um, Jenna, can I ask a favor?" He cringed as she glared at him,
daring him to push his luck.

"I didn't tell them you knew. I'm sure JC could handle it but
Justin....."

"Fine, Lance, but didn't your momma ever tell you about tangled webs?"

"She sure did. But I never was one to listen to everything my momma
said." He waved goodbye and called Justin as soon as the door shut
behind him.

"Can you and JC meet me at Joey's bar? We'll celebrate this week
being over." He could hear the pleasure in Justin's voice as he
agreed to round up JC and head on over.

Lance got there first and Joey was patiently listening to Lance extol
Justin's many virtues. He finally rolled his eyes and said, "Stop.
Justin *is* a good guy. I give him my seal of approval but jeez,
Lance, he ain't perfect."

"You don't have to tell me, but Joey, he is incredible."

Joey waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "*How* incredible?" Lance
blushed and shook his head, but before he could comment, JC and
Justin walked through the door. Lance knew immediately that
something was wrong.

Justin was pale and came over to Lance seeking closeness even though
this was not the type of place where they could display their
affection publicly. He settled for standing almost on top of Lance
and Lance took his hand, squeezing it in support before dropping it.

"What's wrong, baby?" Lance asked anxiously. Justin was breathing in
panicked little gasps and just shook his head. Lance turned to JC
and saw tears shimmering there.

JC started, "We were walking over here, minding our own business
when..."

"No, JC," Justin whispered.

"Jus, Lance wants to be here for you. He needs to know." Lance's
stomach was churning, afraid of what he might hear.

"We were just walking," JC began again, "and this guy bumped into
Justin. We thought it was an accident so we started to walk away,
but the guy grabbed Justin's arm and spun him around. He said, `I
thought it was you, you little whore. What are you doing here with
the decent people?' Then he punched him once and walked away."

"Oh my God, Justin, are you ok?"

Justin looked at him and the shame was evident, " I don't even
remember him. But he remembers me. Over here. So far away from the
corner. Am I ever going to get away from it?"

Lance could barely hear the words spoken just above a whisper. But
he heard the pain. That was sharp and clear and cut him like a knife
and his self-control snapped and he pulled Justin to him, letting the
younger boy bury his face in his neck and holding on tight for a
minute.

They felt the looks and Joey's warning headshake forced them apart.
Lance said, "C'mon, let's go home."

Joey shook his head, "No, stay. My treat tonight. You guys deserve
a break and I'll throw anyone out who says one mean word to any of
you."

No one did and a drink or two seemed to loosen them up. Justin was
still off-balance from the encounter but they laughed a little at
some raunchy jokes that Joey knew and stories from Lance's short
career. It was still early when they left, the bar filling up too
much for Joey to spend any significant time with them. Lance and
Justin dropped JC off and took a cab back to Lance's. Justin was
used to James by now, that up and down look each time as if he were
the butler and he needed to announce Justin's arrival.

Justin giggled, the drinks fuzzing him out a little, and James threw
him a disgusted look. Lance was relieved that the streetboy didn't
make an appearance. "Night, James," Lance said as they disappeared
into Lance's room.

Justin was still smiling and came over to Lance. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"Being there for me tonight. The real Justin is very grateful." With
that, Justin dropped to his knees, and unbuckled Lance's belt,
unbuttoned and unzipped the slacks in one fluid motion.

"Justin, I don't want a gratitude blow job."

"Why not? I love you. I'm grateful that you love me. I want to
show it," Justin said earnestly. He smiled. "Ok, I really am not
grateful. I just like hearing you moan and whimper and yell my
name. Happy?"

Lance laughed but it caught in his throat the second Justin's magic
tongue flicked the delicate skin at the very tip. He gasped when
Justin moved up and down, stroking the sensitive seam, then taking
Lance's length in, varying the suction and the pressure, bringing
Lance to the edge.

Lance dragged his fingers through the tangled curls, urging Justin
to speed up but he knew Justin wouldn't. He knew he would stop and
tease and start only to bring Lance that much closer. Lance couldn't
believe how easily Justin could get him to the precipice and then
dance with him along the edge, until he begged, using every four
letter word he knew to encourage Justin to send him into oblivion.

Justin pulled away and looked up, a mischievous grin gracing his
features, "How much do you want this?"

"How much?" Lance gasped, "Jesus, Justin, c'mon, please, baby,
please." Justin still just grinned but he finally started to kiss
everywhere but where Lance wanted him to kiss.

"Justin?" Lance muttered, "Enough!" And Justin finished, Lance
exploding in a shower of fireworks that left him exhausted and Justin
contented. Lance slid down the wall. "I can't fuckin' move."

Justin stood and hauled Lance to his feet, "Bed, baby, let's go."

When they were settled, Justin let Lance stroke him, his orgasm
coming quickly and forcefully. Lance whispered, "I can't wait to
return all your favors."

Justin tensed, the thought that that might never happen,
frighteningly real. Lance kissed his shoulders and his back and the
soft skin of his neck, "It. Will. Happen," repeated over and over,
punctuated by kisses.

Justin had scheduled the clinic appointment for early Saturday
morning. Lance had said he wanted to be there and for once in the
year he had been in Chicago, Justin accepted an offer of kindness
without a hardass attitude. He had simply looked into Lance's eyes
and nodded, feeling the prick of tears and swallowing them down.

"We find out tomorrow," Justin whispered. "God, Lance, what if...."

He couldn't finish the sentence. The thought was too awful *and*
Lance's lips on his sealed in the words that wanted to be out, to
contaminate the air between them. Lance rolled onto Justin and
straddled him.

From his height, he looked down on Justin, staring into frightened
blue eyes. "Don't do this. Let us have tonight. Tomorrow will be
soon enough." He felt the body relax beneath him as he took a
centering breath.

It seemed odd to be saying this with the two naked bodies pressed
against one another but Lance did anyway. "Ever hear of the Serenity
Prayer?"

"I think so. That God, grant me the serenity to accept...."

"....the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can,
and the ...." Lance continued.

They finished the last words together, ".....wisdom to know the
difference." Lance slid off and hugged Justin close, whispering love
and support. He felt Justin's tears start and wet his chest and he
let them come and just held him. He was afraid, too. The thought of
Justin not being in his life was terrifying. It was a long time
before they slept.

Justin was awake early and lay studying Lance, admiring him,
wondering what Lance thought he was missing. There was nothing
missing. He was perfect, Justin thought, right down to his job and
parents. Justin wanted Lance to get up, to kiss and cuddle before
they had to face the ordeal at the clinic.

Justin leaned over Lance and blew softly, small puffs of air that
Lance batted away in his sleep. Justin nearly giggled and then he
leaned in and kissed Lance's cheek, a butterfly touch that Lance
sighed into. But he still didn't open his eyes, so Justin tried
again.

This time, Lance screwed his eyes shut and smiled. "Can you see I'm
sleeping here?"

"Uh-huh. I don't want you to sleep. I want you to keep me company."

"Why, you little brat," Lance laughed out loud and rolled onto Justin
pinning him down. He held Justin's wrists over his head and leaned
hard on them, seeking a kiss, until he felt the tension in Justin.

He looked down and saw fear in the clear blue eyes of his
lover. "Shit, Justin, I'm sorry," he gasped, releasing his wrists
and starting to move off.

Justin held him in place, his hands grasping Lance's waist. "No,
don't go. It's just that, it seemed so familiar, so scary. I *know*
you won't hurt me, but...."

"It's ok. I understand, totally. You sure this is ok?"

"Mmmm, better than ok," the younger boy answered as he rubbed himself
against Lance's pressure. They were both hard and ready, and it was
quick, a pleasurable release. This time Lance did roll off and
pressed himself to Justin's side, smoothing circles on the firm chest
next to him.

Justin put his hand over Lance's and stilled it, "No matter how this
morning turns out, you are the best thing that ever happened in my
life and I will totally understand if you can't stay with me if the
test results are positive."

Lance had tried to avoid that thought for the past week, positive
test results. It just couldn't be. But if it turned out that
way, "There is no fucking way we are not going to be together. Not
from my end anyway. It's going to be fine." He said it almost
angrily, daring the universe to add another burden to Justin's life.

"I hope so," Justin sighed and nuzzled into Lance's neck, accepting
the comfort he found there.

It seemed like only moments before they were standing in front of
the receptionist telling her why they were there and then nervously
taking seats. Justin sat hunched over, making a valiant effort to
steady his breathing, reciting the Serenity Prayer like a mantra.
Lance distracted himself by looking around the room, trying to guess
why everyone was here at this free clinic.

There were couples who appeared terrified, probably the way they
looked. Then there were those who were slouched in the hard plastic
seats, staring at the walls, resignation on their young faces. He
whispered a prayer that Justin would not be one of them in a few
months.

"Timberlake," the nurse called and they stood. Lance took Justin's
hand and squeezed, feeling the trembling that betrayed his stark
terror. The older woman stood aside, nothing on her face indicating
anything one way or the other.

She pointed to a small room, sparsely furnished with three of the
ubiquitous orange chairs and an old metal desk that had seen better
days. They sat and watched as she moved behind the desk and took her
seat, scanning the chart.

"Which one of you is Justin?" she asked quietly. Justin raised his
hand in a timid gesture and smiled, a weak effort.

"So you have been having unprotected sex?" she stated, even though it
was phrased as a question. "May I ask why?"

The streetboy stalked out, "Because the johns don't see any need to
protect me from disease." She didn't flinch.

"What about themselves? Did you ever ask them if they wanted to
contract...?."

Lance couldn't take it any more, "He's finished with that life. What
about the results?" He cringed when she turned a harsh glare on
him. "Please?"

She shrugged. She turned to Justin, "This is confidential
information. You want him here?" Justin nodded and scribbled his
name on the paper she pushed toward him. When she was satisfied, she
said, "You've tested negative, Mr. Timberlake, but....." Neither of
them heard anything else. They jumped up and embraced, the relief a
physical presence in the room with them. The nurse stood, her
teaching moment history, and left quietly, shutting the door behind
her.

Lance and Justin kissed then, desire and elation in equal parts.
Their tongues dueled in a dance of desperation, wanting more than
they could have at the moment. They studied one another through a
watery filter and fought for control, moving away from each other
before they forgot entirely where they were and dropped to the floor.

"We have to find JC and Lynn," Justin panted.

"I thought you didn't tell them."

"I didn't at first, but they both noticed that I was worried and they
asked separately and I told them. I promised we'd let them know as
soon as we could.

"Do you want to call or go over?" Lance asked.

"Go over. Maybe we could all go out to eat or something.
I...miss...them."

Lance smiled. "Sure, baby. Let's go out and celebrate with tuna
sandwiches. But later, it's us, just you and me." The promise in his
eyes caused Justin's pulse to speed up, his heart racing at the
thoughts that were running through his head. His smile was all the
encouragement that Lance needed.

As they left, Lance caught the eye of one of the younger patients.
He looked about Justin's age but the sadness in his eyes said that he
had not had the same good news and he was now taking a cocktail of
medications intended to stave off AIDS and hoping they would not stop
working. Lance whispered a prayer of thanks that Justin had been
spared and grabbed his hand. The younger boy looked startled but
happy as they walked to the corner. They weren't the only ones
waiting for a taxi and an older man stared at them, sniffing in
distaste. Justin noticed and thought to himself how this man looked
like all of the johns he had had, professing hatred for gays and
fucking him hard moments later.

Then he looked at Lance and whispered his own prayer, wondering at
this gift and adding a coda to it that Lance not be taken away.
Lance sensed the emotions coursing through Justin and turned to him,
eyebrows cocked in question. "I love you," Justin mouthed and if
they hadn't been on the corner in full view of strangers, Lance would
have whooped and dragged Justin into the most incredible kiss of his
life.

Instead, the smile that lit his face could have powered a city block
and Justin was happy. A bus came and they climbed on, each
contemplating what had just changed. They had no time or privacy to
talk, the bus crowded, the ride fairly short, and this was not the
kind of subject one covers in a few sentences.

They went to the diner first but Lynn had worked late so she was
home, the curly haired young girl told them. They headed over
assuming JC was there also. It was only noon so they
hesitated. "Knowing you're OK is more important than sleep. Knock,
Jus."

Justin knocked quietly, figuring if they were dead to the world, they
wouldn't hear it so he was surprised when Lynn answered the door
right away, a tea cup in hand. She searched his face for the
answer, "Well?"

"Negative." Her eyes filled immediately and she moved aside and let
them enter.

JC had heard and jumped up, embracing his friend, "That's fantastic,
Jus." He let go and Justin went back to Lance, the older boy sliding
his arm around Justin's waist.

"Want to come out and get something to eat? Talk? I've missed you,"
Justin said softly. They agreed and they were all sitting in the
diner thirty minutes later. The conversation was funny, silly, bits
and pieces of stories about customers, shared histories, and other
things that were safe.

After they were finished, Lance said he had some errands to run.
Justin started to get up but Lance put a hand on his
shoulder, "Stay. Catch up."

He saw the fear cross Justin's face and smiled to comfort him, "Be
back at my place at six, ok? Just you and me." He added the last in
a whisper and kissed Justin gently before standing. He
stopped. "Jus, take a cab, ok? My treat?"

It looked like the streetboy would make an appearance but the real
Justin convinced him it was concern and to put his pride in his back
pocket, as Lance would say. JC nodded, assuring Lance that he would
not let anything happen to Justin.

Now Lance was free to make it a perfect evening. He hurried to make
the preparations, buying, cooking, and throwing James out until
late. "Late, James, like four, not ten."

"Four? Where the hell am I supposed to go until four?"

"Joey's? Your Mom's? I don't care. Just not here." Lance knew it
wasn't nice but James was becoming a royal pain and if Justin moved
in, then they could ditch him. But that was not today's problem. He
just needed James's assurance that he wouldn't try to come home
before four.

James reluctantly agreed and started to gather his things, mumbling
things like, "I pay rent here. I don't need this shit."

Lance wasn't paying any attention, concentrating on the meal. He had
told Justin he liked to cook but he had never prepared anything for
them before and he kept it simple figuring a guy who lived on diner
food might not appreciate a meal from the pages of Gourmet magazine.

He looked at the clock and went to his room, the preparations there
taking almost as long as the meal. He wanted this to be a perfect
night, a celebration of life and the beginning of something special
together.

James flounced out somewhere around five, when Lance moved him for
the fourth time. "Thank God. Took him long enough to get the
message," he mumbled under his breath. He lowered the lights and
turned on some sweet, slow music. He looked around satisfied. Last
item. He punched in Joey's number to remind him not to come home in
case he got out early but the low laugh on the other end when he
picked up made it clear that Joey had remembered.

Justin had spent the whole afternoon with Lynn, pouring his young
soul into her hands. They had drunk several cups of tea, then walked
to the river where they leaned on the edge and watched the swift
flow. "Lynn, what does he see in me? I mean, the sex..."

"TMI, baby, stop there. I love you dearly but I do *not* want to
hear any intimate details of your sex life."

Justin sighed. "I'm afraid that's all it is and he'll dump me when
the sex isn't so new."

"Why would he do that?"

"Because he'll remember that I'm a hooker."

"Jesus, Justin, you are incredible. Do you think he doesn't remember
it now?"

Justin looked confused, "Well, yeah, I guess he does but..."

"Do you talk? Do you do anything but have sex?"

"Uh-huh."

"Then if they're there now, they'll be there later. Sex is only one
part of a relationship, the hook usually, but there is so much more
and you can discover it together. At least the sex is out of the way
I gather."

"Well, not exactly...." Justin began but giggled when Lynn put her
hands over her ears and started humming. When she realized he had
stopped speaking, she dropped her hands and laughed. "Dying to tell
me, huh. Well, no deal."

They started back. Justin was quiet and Lynn was worried, "You ok,
Justin?"

"Yeah, just thinking about Lance and how lucky I am."

"It works both ways, little boy," she said and hugged him just before
she put him into a cab headed for Lance's apartment.

Justin leaned back and allowed himself to anticipate the night
ahead. He knew he wanted Lance in all the ways you could want
someone and his stomach flipped at the idea that Lance might not feel
the same way. He pushed the thought aside for the moment as he paid
the cabbie and headed upstairs.

Standing outside the door, he remembered his fantasy, the one where
he and Lance made love. He laughed at himself. As if. Besides, he
had no wine or flowers. Lance opened the door and Justin's jaw
dropped.

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