Chapter 11 Lance was up early and they had no time to talk. They left together and Lance insisted on putting Justin into a cab, telling him that he would check on him later, first chance he got. Justin leaned in and kissed him suddenly as the cab pulled up and Lance hoped the taxi driver hadn't seen it. Lance took a cab himself, too tired for the el and its vagaries. He leaned back and took the opportunity for a few extra minutes of rest. Jenna met him going in to the building. "Well?" "Got 'em." "So how was your hot date, umm, I mean, emergency?" "Jenna, you shock me. You mean you don't believe......" They laughed together as they made their way to the office. He wished he could tell her it was Justin but he had already lied one too many times for that and he just hoped that she would never discover the truth about them. They got involved and it was after ten when Lance got a chance to call Justin. He heard the coolness and wondered what he had done wrong. On the other end, Justin was trying to be reasonable without success. When Lance hadn't called within the hour, Justin had assumed that he had finally realized that a relationship with Justin would not happen. "Sorry, " Lance said, "Lots of work today for the presentation tomorrow." "Uh-huh," Justin said. "So you made it home okay?" "Seems like it." "What the hell, Justin, what the fuck is going on? Why do you sound pissed?" "Pissed?" "Fuck it. I'll talk to you later," Lance said, anger clear and he hung up before Justin could say anything else. Justin stared at the phone. JC was sleeping and he didn't have the heart to wake him up to ask him what he should do.  Serves you right, you little bitch, he said to himself. He forced himself into the shower rather than walking out the door and into the arms of the nearest john. Lance replayed the conversation and couldn't understand what had happened. But before he could continue, Jenna knocked and told him to go to the art department to work with them on the storyboards. He was grateful for the distraction and threw himself into the project, pushing Justin away. Justin wasn't so fortunate. He felt the warm water heating his body and touched himself, erotic pictures of Lance in leather, causing a reaction in his dick. He imagined himself leaving the bathroom, water dripping from his curls and running in little streams over his chest and down his abs. Lance had lust written in neon across his face and the bulge building in the tight leather pants was beginning to look uncomfortable. Justin smiled, the sensuous smile that said you are it, baby, and ran his tongue over the pinked lips that promised so much. He pictured them coming together in a wild embrace, Justin's towel loosening and falling to thefloor. They would move as if in time with a heartbeat until they had collapsed onto the bed. Justin would take charge, dropping light kisses on Lance until he reached the soft skin of his neck and sucked, drawing it in, reveling in Lance's moans. It would be wild, two passions meeting in a frenzy of lust. Lance's clothes would be flung to the far corners of the room and the two bodies would tangle in a disjointed dance until Justin emerged the victor, straddling Lance and claiming him as his own. Lance, meeting the blue eyes alive with desire, would respond with moans, whimpering sounds that urged Justin forward. Justin would..... Just then the phone rang and Justin jumped. The scene had been so real he looked around the room for Lance and stared at the telephone, finally answering it with a sigh. "Justin, it's me." "Hey." He needed to apologize. "I'm sorry for acting like an ass before." "Me, too. I should have called sooner. I'm sorry. Jus." "So, does that mean you'll leave work and come play with me?" "No, it means I have to work here until everything's ready for tomorrow." "When is that?" Justin asked, the pout of a toddler in his voice. Lance's low laugh only infuriated him further. "I'll call again when I have a better idea," Lance said.  "How about a late bite to eat?" "Sure. Fine," Justin said, the pout still there. Lance bit his lip, "Jus, don't do anything dangerous. OK?" "For you or for work?" "Jesus, you are so damned annoying. For me, you ass," Lance huffed into the phone. "Just checkmg," Justin said and Lance could hear the uncertainty in his voice. When they hung up. Lance leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes, thinking about how much effort he was putting into this relationship and wondering what would happen down the line. How much of their mutual shit would crash together causing disaster? Concentrate on today, Lance, he chided himself, picking up the storyboards and heading to Jenna's office. They worked till 8PM but were pleased with the results. As they stretched their tired bodies, Jenna asked, "Hungry?" "Rain check. I have to meet someone." Jenna laughed, "Ooh, Lance, cheating on your boy in Europe?" Lance laughed self-consciously, trying not to add to the lies, "Just dinner." "Whatever. "The clients will be here at ten. We're all ready so as long as you're waiting for them when they arrive, you can come in a little later." Lance nodded, his head already imagining lying there with Justin in the morning and not having to jump out of bed. When he called Lynn's, there was no answer and he felt his stomach clench. Justin, please, no. He shook his head. Was he going to have to rescue this boy every time they had an argument? Because of the lateness, the company sprang for a cab, so Lance was a t Lynn's door in twenty minutes. He banged on the door, frantic by now, so when it opened, he rushed past Justin,"Where the hell have you been?" "I...uh...I just needed to get out..." Justin faltered. "What the fuck is it going to take for you to listen? Some john gonna have to cut you open?" Lance was out of control, his fear for Justin overwhelming. Justin went into streetboy mode, "I'm not a kid. I've lived on the streets for a year. Without you. I can't stay cooped up 24/7. Why the fuck am I explaining myself to you?" They stood glaring at one another. Lance broke first. "I was worried that something happened to you." "I know. Lance," Justin said softly, "but I'm not a doll." "OK," Lance replied, "Can we start over?" When Justin nodded. Lance began, "So, how did your day go?" Justin laughed and moved toward Lance. "OK, boring. I took a short walk with a friend. Thought about this guy I'm crushing." "Do I know him?" Lance grinned and the conversation went from there, easing into comfort as they went out to eat. They talked about the campaign and Lance's past and Lance's friends and Lance's goals. "So, we've covered Lance, I think," Lance said finally. Justin squirmed and looked down at his plate, searching for one more question so that he could avoid going where Lance was eaded. "Justin, you don't have to tell me anything until you're ready." Justin took a deep breath, hearing JC's voice on their walk, "He's crazy about you, J. He's not gonna hurt you like that. Give him a chance." "Well. ...umm.. ...how I got here from Carbondale is a pretty pathetic story. Sure you want ..." Lance was nodding before he got the words out. Justin told him then, including the hurtful things his parents had thrown at him. Lance winced at the sound of the harsh words and how they must have felt to hear them from your parents' lips. Justin chewed on his lip during the recitation but shed no tears. He couldn't give that to Lance,too. Not yet. "So, that's it," Justin said, "Part 2, Chicago, another time." Lance sat opposite Justin, wanting to reach across the table and make a comforting gesture, but he could tell by the set of Justin's shoulders that the streetboy was moving in to protect the real Justin. "I wish you didn't have to go through all that. Maybe with the modeling, they'll come around." Justin had thought the same thing. But then he realized that modeling would reinforce their idea of him as a girl. He shook his head and this time, tears appeared that he couldn't stop and he pushed away from the table and ran out. Lance threw money on the table and followed him, hoping that he wasn't running. But he was outside, sniffling quietly and he shrugged off Lance's comforting hand. Lance said, "Want to come back to my place?" "Taking the stray home again?" the streetboy asked. "Justin...." Lance hesitated. The word love had popped into his head again. Too soon for either of them. "Sorry," Justin said, "Yeah, I would like that. Let me just pick up my toothbrush." It was so clear that they wanted one another, desire a haze between them, as they lay in bed, facing one another. But. ..there were so many obstacles and Lance didn't want to blow up the whole thing by stepping on a landmine. He couldn't help himself. He reached out and touched the soft curls, fascinated as they sprang back into place when his fingers were gone. Justin closed his eyes, purring like a cat, enjoying the feel of Lance's touch. When Lance withdrew his hand, Justin whimpered and Lance leaned over and kissed him, a sweet meeting of lips that denied the wild desire just under the surface. Justin reached out and pulled Lance to him, skin touching and igniting fires better left banked. "Please?" Justin begged. Lance wanted to give in, to give them what they both wanted but it was wrong. It was still too soon for Justin. Lance was sure that if they made love the morning would bring remorse and guilt and the seeds of destruction would germinate there. So he forced himself out of Justin's grip and let Justin turn away, his shoulders hunched against the rejection. "Let me hold you, Justin." "Do whatever you want. You're making all the decisions, just like all the other johns." Lance gasped and left the bed, fleeing to the bathroom. He slammed the door and sat on the closed toilet, his head in his hands, rocking with the revelation that Justin had shoved in his face.  He *was* treating Justin as if he, Lance, knew best. Oh fuck, why is everything so complicated? He was contemplating what to do next when there was a tentative knock on the door. "Lance? I'm sorry." The voice was childlike and unsure, the streetboy banished once again for bad behavior. "Please, Lance, come out and talk to me." Lance opened the door and strode past Justin, leaving the younger boy to follow. Once back in the bedroom, Justin waited by the door as if he had been asked to leave. "Well?" Lance asked. "Is it ok for me to ....." Justin started. Lance nodded and Justin got under the covers, the wide,frightened eyes of the real Justin asking for forgiveness. "You're right. I am treating you like you can't decide for yourself. It's just that I want this relationship to work and I ...." "I know. You're trying to protect me. And I'm grateful but, God, when are we going to hook up?" "I don't know. Not tonight. So, if you don't want to stay, I'll understand." "I want to stay," Justin said softly and snuggled into Lance, even though his body screamed for more. The next few days were the same, a dance of desire unsatisfied, but the positive was that they were allowing themselves to know one another. Justin still hadn't told Lance any more of his story but he was dropping facts about himself into the conversation, letting Lance see the boy underneath the hooker. Lance had gushed about how excited the clients were to meet the boys on Monday and that they loved the storyboards. By Sunday night, they had established a connection, an incipient friendship, and they sat at Joey's bar, eating and having a couple of drinks. Tonight, Justin took a chance and ordered a beer when Lance did. "So where did you guys go last night?" Joey asked. "Exit. Great dj," Lance answered, replaying his mental picture of Justin thrusting his hips in time to the music, his sinuous litheness too dangerous for words. Lance had seen the other men at the club eying Justin and felt the jealousy rise to the surface. See, he said to himself, once he's on his feet, he'll ditch your sorry ass. It must have been obvious because Justin danced close and pulled Lance to him, whispering in his ear, "You are the only one in this room." Lance flushed with pleasure and looked into Justin's eyes. It was the truth. He wanted to grab this boy and take him right there on the dance floor and from what he could see, Justin wouldn't have stopped him. It would have been perfect except for the ugly incident right before they left.  They were heading for the door, Lance's arm draped around Justin's shoulder when they heard a smirking laugh behind them.         "He's great in bed," the stranger said. Lance turned, turning Justin as well. Lance looked at Justin who had a frozen smile on his face. Lance started to move away. "What are you paying? Because the club may be getting a cut." Justin trembled under Lance's hand. As Lance turned away, the guy snorted, "Just telling you. He ain't worth more than the hundred I paid." Lance urged Justin forward, the younger boy paralyzed. Justin took halting steps, one after the other until they were outside. "See. You shouldn't be with me. There are lots of them." Lance tried to lighten the mood, "Are you telling me that you're a hooker?" He realized how much that hurt Justin when he bit his lip and sucked in his breath. "Yeah," he answered seriously, "and there are lots more of them out there." Lance moved to face Justin, "I. Don't. Care. Which part am I not making clear?" Justin didn't answer. "C'mon, let's go. Forget that asshole." He didn't, of course, and Lance could feel it in the stiffness of his body as they spooned together. Lance swore to himself. He wished he could ease Justin's shame, end his hurt, right now. "Lance, Lance," he heard a familiar voice calling. He shook himself mentally and came back to the bar stool, looking from Justin to Joey, the two exchanging amused glances. "Where did you go?" Joey asked. He had seen the lust, anger, and pain all cross the young blond's features. Lance just shook his head and held up his empty beer glass. "One more for the road and wish us luck. Big day tomorrow." Justin flinched. He had been effectively ignoring tomorrow's meeting. Joey put the drinks down, "On the house. Good luck, both of you." He watched them look at one another and reminded himself to tell Lance that this one was a keeper. They had decided that as much as they both wanted it, it would be better for Justin to spend the night with JC and arrive separately. So Lance dropped him off at Lynn's apartment, satisfying himself with a surreptitious kiss in the back seat. On the way to his place, he prayed that it would go well, that they could pull it off. He had coached Justin on the lies he had told on their behalf and he hoped no one, including himself, screwed up. continue menu