Chapter 10 Lance woke up first and edged out from behind Justin.  He cocked an eye at the clock and realized he would need to get up soon.  The night flashed through again, the horror of finding Justin, wanting to run out the door and pretend he hadn't been there, realizing how much work this relationship would be.  Right now, Justin was the vulnerable one, the one who needed validation for the good person that he was.  But looking down the road, Lance saw a place where Justin would no longer be grateful and then old, dull Lance would be a drag and it would end, just like all of the others. He wanted to provide a path for Justin and then take the risk that he, Lance, wouldn't be part of that path.  Not really,  he didn't want to risk that kind of pain, but it was what he had to do. Justin stirred and turned over, stretching his lean body and stirring feelings in Lance better left tamped down.  Lance eased out of bed, ignoring the hurt look on Justin's face.  "Can't we lie here for a few more minutes?" Justin said softly. "I've got ....um....some things to do," Lance said and Justin turned away, fearing that Lance had come to his senses and realized that a relationship with a hooker was an absurdity. Lance sighed, "OK, the truth is you turn me on and I need to take a cold shower." "Why?" Justin had turned back and was staring at him. "Why what?" "Why do you have to take a cold shower?" Lance was sure Justin was asking him to stay so he could say thank you the only way he knew and Lance wanted none of it.  He didn't answer the question, just headed toward the bathroom. "Isn't it possible that I could be attracted to you?" Justin asked.  Lance stopped in mid-step and turned back slowly.  Was it possible?  A hundred thoughts banged at him from all directions. He became aware that he had not believed that it could be mutual.  He offered and rescued and nurtured in the hope that this beautiful creature would be his.  It just never clicked that he simply had to be himself.  It still remained an elusive truth. Justin had riveted his intense gaze on Lance and wanted to know what the thoughts were that were flying through.  The feelings they left behind were flitting across his face and Justin wanted to know.  "Come back to bed.  We'll just talk." Lance could hardly swallow, "I... uh... need to call the office first and I can't even think with you watching me.  I'll be back in a minute."  He left quickly and went into the kitchen, tiptoing past Lynn on the sofa and JC on the floor.  He shut the door and prayed Jenna would be in early.  She picked up on the second ring. "Jen, I need a huge favor.  I have an emergency...." "Oh no, Lance, don't even think it.  Not today.  The presentation needs to be ready for the art department tomorrow." "I know, I know.  Have I ever done this before?" "Well, six months is certainly a long track record," she said dryly, "But ok, say that you're right.  I still need you here." "I can pick up whatever you need done and I swear I'll stay up all night if I have to and I'll have it at the crack of dawn tomorrow.  Please?" The silence on the other end was encouraging and when he heard her sigh, he knew he had her.  "I'll have a package ready at noon.  Don't let me down.  Our asses are on the line." "I promise," he said, "Thanks so much." He tiptoed past the sleeping bodies again and opened the door.  Justin was waiting, his arms behind his head, "Take care of the office?" "Yeah," Lance said, climbing back under the covers, "Now, where were we?" He leaned up on his elbow, careful to make sure that no body parts touched. "We were going to talk about my wanting to give you head," Justin said seductively. Lance let out a long breath, "Do you do that on purpose?" "Do what?" Justin frowned. "Act like a hooker," Lance said bluntly and was sorry when the blue eyes clouded over with hurt.  "I'm sorry.  I just meant..." "That I act like a hooker.  It was pretty clear," Justin said, covering with anger and throwing back the blankets.  Lance reached out and pulled him back. "Wait.  Truth.  OK?" Lance asked.  Justin hesitated and then nodded. "I fell for you on the el.  I don't go around offering stray men modeling jobs.  I went to a lot of trouble to find you." So far, Justin hadn't heard anything surprising.  "I have pursued you and rescued you and put my job on the line for you." Justin wondered if he was supposed to respond with protestations of gratitude.  He was waiting for the but.  "But," here it was, Justin thought, "it never occurred to me that I might not have to guilt you into liking me." Justin's mouth opened and closed, but before he could say anything, Lance held up his hand, "Wait, there's more." " I can't separate the real Justin from the hooker.  As a matter of fact, I hardly know anything about the real Justin.  That's who I fell for, the guy that smiled on the train.  That's who I want.  When you come on to me, it feels like....a hustle." "I want to be with you but it can't be with the hooker.  I have to meet the real Justin.  Last night, here, you let me see him a little and he's just as great as I imagined.  There.  That's it for now." Lance looked everywhere but at Justin, the speech taking everything he had.  He turned to go to the bathroom, taking Justin's silence as hurt or anger.  "Do I get a turn?" Lance stopped and bit his lip, afraid to face the younger boy.  He finally twisted around and met his eyes.  "OK, sure." Justin was sitting up, the blankets pooled in his lap, his fingers plucking restlessly at the flowers on the spread.  Lance tensed, waiting for the attack.  "The real Justin is all mixed up with the hooker.  It's almost impossible for me to separate them even if I wanted to." "You don't want to get rid of the hooker?" Justin shook his head, "Not right away.  He helps the real J deal with some fucked up shit." "But this..." Lance began. "*This*.  You may think it's safe but I don't." His voice dropped until Lance had to move closer to hear.  "That guy?  The one last night?  There was a guy just like him months ago.  Good-looking, well- dressed, smiling and friendly.  That was him.  He came and offered us jobs— guests at some hot shit party where there would be people like actors and directors and some of the boys want to do that." Justin hesitated and stared into space, remembering the night.  "So we went, four of us that fit his specifications.  It was a suite at the Hyatt.  He took each of us into the bedroom, one at a time and gave us clothes to wear.  I was last and when I went in, there were no clothes." "While I was trying to figure out what was going on, he put a cloth over my face and that's all I remember until I woke up and I was tied to the bed . I found out later that he paid the others off and told them that he had changed his mind and only needed me." Lance hated the comparison but he could see how Justin made the leap.  He looked at Justin, his head down, concentrating on his hands.  He moved to the bed and sat down. "OK.  I'll take what I can get for now and I'll try not to let the hooker make me crazy." Justin looked up, hope clear, and smiled.  "That one," Lance said, "That's the smile." "So, it's OK for the streetboy to hang around a while longer?" "Yes." God help me keep my hands off this boy, Lance thought. "You know I want to have sex right now, don't you?" Justin asked, "And that is the real Justin talking." "Mmm.  Me, too.  But we're not.  You owe me a date, remember?" Justin frowned, "Too early for the movies." "So I had this idea.  The zoo.  Then I have to stop by my office, we'll go to the movies and I'd like you to see my apartment and meet my roommates.  How does that sound?" The hooker was searching for the trap.  It sounded too good to be true.  Lance searched Justin's face and saw the fear.  "I swear," he said, "want JC to come with us?" Justin relaxed a little.  "Sorry," he said, blushing self- consciously, "Sure, sounds good." At least there were no obvious pitfalls.                                     Walking to the el an hour later, Lance said, "I never asked you if you wanted to go to the zoo." Justin shrugged, people asking him what he wanted to do an alien idea anyway.  "Do you?" Lance persisted. "Sure," Justin said.  It was outdoors, no rooms where Lance could turn into a monster, safe enough. The zoo was more fun than either of them had expected.  They compared favorite animals, sea otters for Justin and sea lions for Lance.  That led them to talking about water and how they both loved it and maybe they could walk by the lake someday. They even went into the children's zoo and tried out all the interactive games, including the slide in the squirrel's nest, until a guard flashed them a disapproving look.  They left, laughing like children, enjoying a respite from real life. At some point, they found themselves back at the sea lion pool, leaning on the fence, Lance entranced by the smooth swimming motion as the animals glided back and forth, rolling and playing effortlessly. "Carbondale," Justin said quietly. "What?" Lance asked, turning to look at Justin, a frown crossing his face. "I come from Carbondale.  It's about an hour from here," Justin said, staring into the pool. Lance looked back at the sea lions, wondering how he should respond and decided silence might be the best recourse. "I'll be 21 in January and my last name is Timberlake and that's all I'm telling you for now." "OK.  Ready to go?" Lance asked and at Justin's nod, they left behind the sea lions and their first hurdle. They made comments about their fellow riders, laughing like schoolboys and swallowing their giggles when an old lady fixed them with a baleful glare.  When they got off for Lance's office, Lance stopped Justin on the stairs.  "You have to stay out of sight when we get there." Justin tensed but just nodded.  Lance laughed, "You're supposed to be in Europe, remember?" The tension went out and Justin smiled, "Oh yeah.  The world travelers.  When are we coming back?" "A few days.  Saturday." They approached the building.  "Wait here.  I'll only be a few minutes." Justin was nervous being alone.  He kept expecting a cop to come and tell him to move along or one of the many well-dressed suits to stop and ask his price.  No one did and Lance was as quick as promised. "Shit, I have a load of work to do tonight." Justin looked disappointed and Lance shook his head, "As in later.  Much later.  Now on to the movie." They went to see "Bandits" and argued on the way over to the bar where Joey was working about which of them was Bruce and which was Billy Bob.  They finally agreed that Justin was the sexier of the two, like Bruce, and Lance was the planner, like Billy Bob.  Lance was happy that Justin seemed to take the sexier label in stride. They went into the dark bar and sat down, catching Joey's eye and he came over.  "Hey guys." He turned to Justin.  "You do know that since he met you, he never goes to the office anymore." Justin blushed and Lance pursed his lips until Joey said, "Just kidding.  So what can I get you?" Lance ordered a Jack on the rocks but Justin hesitated,  Joey misinterpreting the action as concern about his underage status. "There are no cops tonight.  Have whatever you want." "Soda is fine.  Coke, whatever." There was no way he was going to drink and be careless, but he didn't want to say that.  Joey cocked an eyebrow but put the soda in front of him anyway. The three chatted about the zoo and the movie as Joey moved back and forth between them and his customers.  Lance begrudgingly switched to soda when they had burgers at the bar, knowing he had to be alert enough to work. Around 9:30, Lance glanced at his watch and suggested they head over to the apartment before it got too late.  Justin bit his lip and then blurted out, "Will someone be there?" Lance looked surprised but answered, "Yeah, James the nerd is always there.  He's our version of a watchdog." Justin visibly relaxed, "Sure, let's go." Lance thought about the little scene and almost choked when it dawned on him that Justin was afraid to be alone with him.  When he went back over the day, he realized that Justin hadn't wanted to go into the indoor exhibits.  He hadn't thought much about it then but now, he worried about what it would take for Justin to trust him. On Justin's part, he hoped that he hadn't been too obvious with his question.  He wanted to trust Lance but he wasn't ready.  He didn't want to be Hansel,  following a trail of treats right into disaster. James answered the door and looked Justin up and down as if wondering whether the stray Lance had dragged in was housebroken.  He reached out for a brief handshake and then told Lance what his messages were.  Lance flashed Justin a look that said, "See, a watchdog that can answer phones." Justin pushed down a giggle. "Want something to drink?" Lance asked.  Justin simply shook his head, taking in the largish apartment.  Lance had the one bedroom since he paid the most, he had told Justin.  James had an alcove that was semi-private and Joey slept on the pullout sofa. They had lots of guy toys— tv, stereo, game systems plural and a basketball hoop in the corner for a full-sized nerf ball.  "One on one?" Lance asked grinning. "No, thanks," Justin answered, leaving out the information that he had been a star player on his high school team. "Want to see my room?" Lance asked with some trepidation.  Justin searched for Lance's intent. Finally, he nodded and followed him, figuring James would respond if he yelled. It was small but neat, everything put away.  Justin nodded approvingly, "Nice.  You're very...uh....tidy." Lance laughed, "Am I the gay stereotype?" Justin joined in, giggling at the idea. "Yeah.  Not me, though.  I'm a slob." Lance remembered how neat Lynn's place had been but decided not to bring it up. "Slob, huh?  Could be a problem," he said with a smile to prove to Justin that he was kidding.  He changed the subject then, "I need to work for awhile.  You have three choices— out there with James, in here with me and quiet or go home in a cab." "Can I stay here tonight?" Justin asked, a little surprised at himself.  Lance's eyebrows shot up in shock and Justin smiled.  "Surprised?  Me too.  It's just that it's been such a nice day and...." "Sure.  You're welcome to stay.  You can sleep here," he said, patting the double bed, or the floor, `cause  the sofa is taken." Justin eyed the bed.  After all, they had slept together the night before. "The bed is fine.  Looks like you plan ahead," he said, indicating the size. "Didn't we decide I was the planner," Lance laughed.  "Actually, it was one my mom was getting rid of.  Saved me the expense of a new one." "OK, well, can I use the ..." "Down the hall and ignore any dirty looks from James.  He doesn't trust strangers." "Me either," Justin said, slipping out the door. Lance shook his head, sad at the experiences that had shaped Justin into such a wary kid.  Not that he blamed him.  He just wished that they could be past this stage.  He picked up his cell phone and dialed Lynn's number and left a message for them that Justin was staying with him and giving them his number, just in case. Justin returned and Lance handed him a CD player with headphones and pointed to his collection. "Music or sleep, but I gotta work." Justin wandered over to the shelf and was only mildly surprised to see that they were alphabetized.  He chose one and came back to the bed.  "Better strip down now, unless you want to sleep on top of the blankets, because I'm *not* undressing you later if you fall asleep," Lance said, not looking up from the board he was working on. Justin froze.  When he didn't move after several seconds, Lance looked up, a question on his face before he realized the problem.  "Justin, I'm not going to hurt you.  It's your choice," he said in his soft, deep voice. Justin blushed, embarrassed that he was so obvious, "Sorry, I....." Lance held up his hands and stopped him. "I understand.  Really." He went back to his board and let Justin wrestle with his choice until he sensed movement and looked up.  Justin was pulling his shirt off.  Lance looked down quickly and said a quick prayer of thanks and then asked for the strength to keep his hands to himself. He could still see the outline of the word on Justin's chest but the bruises were almost all gone and he was confident he would be ok for Monday.  Justin saw him looking.  "It's getting better, right?" "Yep, you'll be fine for Monday.  Now lie down and let me work." "Can I watch for awhile?" Justin asked. Lance groaned inwardly.  It was hard enough working just with the boy present, much less watching him, but he didn't want to hurt his feelings so he nodded and Justin scooted over happily, leaning close to see. Lance felt his dick respond and sent up another prayer before showing Justin the board.  Justin's eyes widened when he recognized himself and JC drawn in various individual frames.  This was one they had added— the two boys waiting for their dates, checking out the other girls until their girlfriends catch them.  Cute, Lance sniffed. "So what do you have to do?" "Write captions.  Prelims really.  And flesh out the concept for them for the presentation." "Tell me." So Lance did and thought out loud, scribbling below the frames as he did so.  Justin paid careful attention and asked some insightful questions that Lance wrote down to discuss with Jenna. "How come it's not you and me instead of this random girl?" Justin asked and Lance looked quickly to make sure it was a joke. "I tried, but Jenna said I wasn't photogenic enough," Lance laughed. "She lied," Justin said in a husky voice.  Oh no, Lance thought, don't do that and he stood quickly to get another board out. Justin stopped watching after the second one and laid on his back listening to music.  Worse, Lance thought, because now all I want to do is stare at this perfect boy lying in *my* bed.  He forced himself to continue, taking breaks every now and then to soak up Justin's beauty. By the time Lance was finished, Justin had fallen asleep and Lance removed the earphones carefully.  Justin shifted onto his side without waking up and Lance just slid in behind him.  When he hugged him, Justin moved into him, and they slept that way. continue menu