Chapter 6 The fight with Lance took place in front of all their friends.  Lance was so pissed he almost outed Justin right there and only the stricken look on his lover's face prevented him.  As it was, Justin saw suspicious looks pass back and forth between Britney and Joey. Britney stamped her foot, "What the fuck, Lance.  Why do you have any say in what Justin does during his lunch period?" "Because he's my..." the hesitation lasted three beats too long, "study partner for math.  He's one higher and I'm one lower, so we met in the middle and he said he'd help me.  Not that I have to answer to you, bitch." Britney would have pounded him with her fists but Joey whirled her around and pulled her away.  Justin raced after her, "Sorry, Brit, he's just upset." "Stop being a wuss, Justin.  Let him apologize for himself.  See you at lunch," she said, still too upset even to flirt. When Justin returned to Lance, he was alone, those green eyes blazing, "What was that about?" Justin sighed.  He just wanted peace, even if it meant he was doing all the peacemaking.  "Lance, can we drop this?" "No, Justin.  When are you going to stop hiding in the closet and tell Miss Cheerleader to get lost?" "When I don't have to live with my parents," Justin blurted out.  He was sorry when he saw the horrified expression on Lance's face. "We're supposed to do this for another two years?" Lance asked in a strangled voice. "No, no, not the whole time," Justin placated, "just not now. Please, Lance.  My parents are nothing like yours.  Please try and understand." "Justin, I need to go now before I say something I'll be sorry for later." With that, he turned on his heel and left Justin standing there, feeling as if he had fucked up once again. It was another long morning in class, his inattention noticeable. The teachers frowned but passed it off to a bad day.  Even the best students had bad days.  At lunch, as he and Britney were getting their food, Justin searched for Lance and saw him talking and laughing with JC.  He wanted to go over and beg Lance to tell him things were all right, but there was no time, not even to just say hi. Mr.  Raines was waiting and talked to them while they ate about what would be involved.  He told them that he hadn't scheduled the concerts yet and he would do it around Justin's schedule.  It was a great opening. "Mr.  Raines, my stepbrother wants to be in the choir and he has the same problem as me.  Actually, that's why he didn't join— basketball." "Who is he?" Mr.  Raines knew almost every voice in the junior and senior class. "JC Chasez." "Oh yeah, you're right.  Great voice.  I was sorry not to get him. So does he want to come with you guys?" "Uh-huh." "Fine with me.  Bring him tomorrow." Justin didn't look at Brit, knowing there would be a pout there —  her one on one ruined.  He couldn't wait to tell JC. The singing was like basketball, an escape, a place where he could lose himself.  A place where the insecure Justin was transformed into a cocky, confident singer.  He just pretended he was someone else and it was easy.  It was amazing how well he and Britney blended. Sometimes he wished they could blend that way all the time.  Things would be much easier. Lance avoided him the rest of the day and it wasn't till he got home that he got a chance to talk to him.  As he dialed the number, he prayed Lance wouldn't play any games, torture him with the silent treatment.  He cringed when he heard the icy tone, "Hey, Justin, able to spare some time for me?" "Want me to come over tonight?" "Are you sure your parents'll say yes or you can spare the time from studying or JC ..." "I get it.  Do you want me to come over or not?" Justin asked, just this side of girly tears. "You decide." "Fine.  I'll call you when I'm on my way.  I love you, Lance," Justin said quietly and waited. "See you later," Lance said.  Justin bit his lip.  Later, he'd make it better later. He was nervous on the way over and JC couldn't resist picking at the wound.  He had talked to Lance in the morning and Lance had been angry enough to let some information slip.  He didn't actually admit to dating Justin but he did say he was upset that Justin would be gone every lunch period, spending it with the blond wench.  JC said that sometimes Justin made poor choices, a relatively neutral comment that he could defend if Lance told Justin what he had said. As if an afterthought, he threw out, laughing, "I'll keep an eye on them.  Justin's gonna get Raines to let me come along at lunch. Always wanted to be in choir but basketball got in the way before this." Lance bit his lip, wondering what JC would think if he really asked him to spy on them and report what went on in there.  He hoped his tone was light enough, "Sure, let me in on the latest gossip.  The two of them would be front page news." JC had given him a thumbs up and sauntered off.  Now, in the car, he was trying to decide what to use, how to avoid being the villain.  "Thanks for getting me in on your little lunch deal," he started.  " Lance seemed a bit jealous." Justin looked startled, "He did?" His tone nearly gave him away, so he cleared his throat and tried to laugh, but it came out nervous and upset. JC looked askance, "Why are you upset?  Thought you were just friends.  What do you care what he thinks?" "Yeah, that's what Brit said.  I guess I shouldn't, but he *is* my best friend." He knew it sounded lame and was determined to stop digging the hole. JC was silent, too, already twisting Justin's words into a weapon that could be used against him. When he let Justin out, he nearly laughed at how easily the younger boy fell into the traps he set. Damn, how could he be that naive? Justin dragged his feet into Lance's house, wanting to postpone the argument as long as possible. When he knocked and pushed Lance's bedroom door open, he knew he was right.  Lance's whole demeanor was tense from body language to the angry set of his mouth.  He didn't even glance at Justin, who remained frozen once he had shut the door. Justin crossed over and dropped to his knees next to the bed.  "Lance, look at me." He was sorry he asked when the green eyes were turned on him, jealousy and anger burying the hurt Lance felt.  Justin swallowed hard, "I'm sorry.  I have to join the choir.  I can't quit basketball so that's the only time to practice.  I didn't ask Britney to join. Raines did.  You know I'm not interested in her, don't you?" "I guess, baby boy," Lance sighed. Justin felt a small wave of relief.  "My parents...." He knew it was the wrong thing to say when Lance's face closed down again. "Actually, Justin, everyone, everyone except me," he said evenly through clenched teeth. "What does that mean?" "It means Momma gets her way and Mr.  Raines and Coach Johnson and Britney.  What about me?" "What *about* you?" Justin said, still confused. "When do I get to be first?  When do people get to know we are together, that you're gay?" he said, the frustration evident. Justin hung his head.  They had been here so many times.  He couldn't seem to make Lance understand what would happen if he came out.  His parents, the coach, his teammates, everyone would freak and make his life a living hell, light years worse than it was now. "Not now," he whispered. "Make it up to me then," Lance said, his voice hard and demanding. Justin looked frightened but he nodded, willing to agree to anything but coming out. "Take off your clothes," he ordered.  Normally Justin would enjoy this but it sounded different, mean, and he hesitated.  "Now." Justin stripped, not looking at his lover, embarrassed to be so vulnerable.  Lance rolled off the bed and pointed to it.  Justin was shivering now, fearful.  The actions were so familiar but this seemed strange and scary as he stretched out on the bed. Lance leaned over and pulled Justin's arms down to his side and then straddled him, unpleasantly controlling Justin's movements.  This was way too scary and Justin began, "Lance...." Lance slapped Justin lightly on the cheek, not enough to hurt, just enough to establish dominance. And it was clear from the look in Justin's eyes that the message had been received.  Justin bit his lip, waiting for Lance's next move. Lance leaned down and kissed Justin, not the gentle one that he was used to, but an angry crush of lips on teeth.  Justin tried to move his head away but Lance drew him back, eyes flashing, threatening. Lance was rubbing Justin roughly, his denim clad ass scraping roughly over the sensitive skin of Justin's dick. "Is this what I have to do to get your attention?" Lance hissed. Justin shook his head wildly, "No, Lance..." This slap had a sharp sound and a sting that remained. Lance pulled open a drawer by his bedside and took out lubricant and a condom.  Justin's eyes widened. "God, Lance, no, not this way." He thrashed under his lover's body which had him pinned.  Lance finally looked down and he saw the tears, filling those beautiful blue eyes and spilling over, quiet sobs filling the air. Lance started to gasp, breathing hard, pushing himself off Justin and standing, hugging himself.  "What the fuck, Justin, I almost ...I almost....raped you." Justin had curled into a tight ball, his head tucked down, hiding from his lover.  He didn't answer. It was Lance's turn to kneel.  He pulled a blanket over the younger boy, but drew his hand back when Justin flinched. "Justin, please, I am so sorry.  I don't know what happened. Everything just ...there's no excuse for treating you like that. Jesus, I never mean to hurt you." "It's okay," Justin whispered. "No, Justin, it's not okay.  It's not okay for me or your mom or anyone to hurt you." Lance was shaking, terrified of how close he had come to inflicting the ultimate hurt on this boy.  "Maybe it would be better if we stopped seeing each other." "No, Lance, please don't say that.  It will be okay.  You didn't do anything.  Please." "Justin, if we stay together, you have to promise me that you will start standing up for yourself." Lance said it as if it were something Justin was capable of doing.  And Justin agreed, despite the fact that he had no idea where to start. Lance stripped and climbed into bed with Justin and for the first time, he thought only of what Justin needed.  He held him and stroked him and it was enough.  They left the other topics for another time, another day. continue menu