November 1998 Age 24

"I am here as you are here, as you are me and we are both together"- The Beatles

Click here for my poetry at Spring 1999

Your neighbor

She has a cat she lives with called Theo

On a lonely street in somewhere USA

Rapist for a father

Co-dependent mother who could not take the risk

Sister a hairdresser at a barbershop

Still in psychotherapy

Her friends are color pixels

She is getting married to a doctor on General Hospital

The words and world have fallen away

for celluloid bliss

The weatherman says there are storms ahead

November 5, 1998

I hate you because I never felt you cared enough.

I hate you because I am angry with my father.

I hate you because you never helped me, you made me scared, you told me the Russians were going to kill us with their bombs, you told me I did not try hard enough, your lies, your wars, your government abuses, your hypocrites, your politicians, you told me no one wants to know how I really feel, your TV, the bigoted and irrational, the prisons, the injustice, the poverty, the undereducated, the pretentious overeducated, the experts, the censors, the system, the lying professionals, the wife beaters, the people killers, nationalism, Christianity and any dogmas of any sort, CIA, FBI, KGB, child abuse, rape, anti-feminists, god, Jesus, fat white men jerking off on the world, weapons of destruction, disease, poverty, psychological disorders, disintegration, sexual and economic slavery, pain, suffering, and hate.

"I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people don't care about them. You are not alone" -Irony from Kurt Vonnegut

Love- Acceptance, kindness, helping, justice, equality, giving, peace, egalitarianism, intense affection, warm feelings, pleasure, art, poetry, music, and creativity.

Simplistic and sentimental?

But what else is there?

What alternative do you have?

November 10, 1998

"I was not born with enough middle fingers. I don't need to choose a side"- Mr. Manson

Get down on your knees with the world on your shoulders

They are laughing and buying

Take the cross to the crucifixion

They are laughing their way to the slaughterhouse

Stand up and fight against injustice

They are laughing as their TV kills the children

Believe you are capable of change

Their laughs are virtual and medicated

November 13, 1998

These are creative ways to express how I feel. Do the same. I care about you.

Life a

laugh of a child

smile of an unknown friend

wonderful colors of nature

visual aesthetics

kindness of strangers

games of the mind

yoga and meditation

life a

Its time

for you

make the

change

I have killed god on my way up the stairs

You can do it

Rooms to be created

Names to be given

Bourbon only dampens the sickness

You will die

Accept it

The only thing left for you is to create your life

The reason you exist

Darkness will give way to light

This can be the only way out of the forest

November 15, 1998

"Blow up the outside world"- Soundgarden

Youth

When the people you look up to are gangsters

What do they care about you?

When the people you see with money, fame, and power never got there with intelligence but superficiality.

What will you do?

When the people who care about you are few

Who will you love?

November 15, 1998

Humanism (American Heritage Dictionary) - A doctrine or attitude concerned primarily with human beings and their values, capacities, and achievements

Keep those dirty feelings to yourself

Satan exists only when you say he/she does. These words only exist because you will it. How misguided your ego is when it does not really exist at all. A simple paradox.

"Are we god yet"- The child in the back seat says

"We will be there very soon, you just got to wait a little bit longer" -Your dad

"A person who is not disturbed by the incessant flow of desires- that enter like rivers into the ocean, which is ever being filled but is always still- can alone achieve peace, and not the man who strives to satisfy such a desire"

Bhagavad-Gita

"What a nice boy you are"

Translation: Wow! They did a great job when they brainwashed you.

Satan would regularly go into the heads of televangelists in the guise of their god.

Brainwashing (consensual reality) is a blast!

Icon Haiku

Mr. Tommy Blue Jeans

Ms. Melrose Bebe

the end of the show

Dinner, a movie

not else much to say

"I am a Barbie girl in the Barbie world….Life is fantastic being plastic"- Aqua

Outside the Wall

All alone or in twos

The ones who really love you

Walk up and down outside the wall

Some hand in hand

Some gathering together in bands

The bleeding hearts and the artists

Make their stand

And when they're given you their all

Some stagger and fall, after all it is not easy

Banging your heart against some mad buggers wall

Pink Floyd- "The Wall"

Written by Roger Waters

Mr. C sitting on your lonely steps

Hostility in the concrete halls of youth

A black polished boot

Iron bed and tan walls

"You are not okay until we say you are okay"

March for us

Have you forgotten how to reach out to your friends?

Could you learn or have you forgotten?

We know we are all scared when there are no absolutes

Some of us bring the despair inside and look for answers

or share the anguish with a disregard for others

Individuals are not the threat

The system of injustice, the multitude, the mythos we carry inside

November 17, 1998

I hate myself

Depression a symptom of my politics

I only identify with the weak

Collect many green pieces of paper and stuff

Then die

"The time has and it's quite clear the Anti-Christ is almost here"

"Anti people [moral relativism] you have gone too far"

"Anti-Christ Superstar [A product his society]"

Answer to Mr. Manson

An end of moral relativism?

Moral universality is over

Morality upon a spectrum of power?

Those who have the power to enforce their morality

Morality decided through a consensual spectrum?

Morality something for individuals to decide?

Subjective universe?

Objective universe?

Unknowable objectivity?

Due to the fault of the instruments (i.e. the senses and modes of measurement designed by humanity)

Eat the same ideas or throw them up and wake into the daylight.

Rewrite of a poem from 1993

Red stained candy glass

Birth

Given a ticket Bible in a TV dinner church

Found a place in a large grass field for my family to soak in the rays of the sun

Ownership

A claim by the righteous on the graves of the Mayan who failed to smile holy

Judge not

Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, and James Kennedy riding in their god chariots

Far from the ideas of Christ

Posting signs

Believe in Christ

Fear our Lord

Christ is our savior

Send money soon

Illusion spoon fed babies

Followers of the martyred pessimist messiah

Mother and Sister worshiping the idol upon their necks in a dream of paradise denied here

simple words they handed me:

All you have to do is believe in Christ, our savior, and our Lord

Simplistic words I deny

Disowned her only son in the hope of lies

A thought

Evil of the prisons

Corrupt bureaucrats

Murders

Slime

Believe and ride into heaven in that shiny red convertible rewarded

raping our women

rewarded

hypocrisy

rewarded

Let me show you the answer

Think my brain babies, find the dumbest point and pluck it from the shelves of an exciting era of monotony that has subverted us with this disgusting smiling carnival of compulsion

Truth

Womb of Mary

Plague

Hell

Death

Worms

Heaven

The desert eats the forgotten

Looking for answers you find questions

Stories do not comfort

Fishbowl self sits on a shelf

Librarians find books for you

Telling you of your legs

Inside the club we wait

if only you could get beyond those velvet ropes

or was it I who must get outside

November 26, 1998

They found themselves in a rusty box, in a dark room except for the small bead of light in the distance. "The food will continue if we stay here", says the man's companion. "Why should I die here in this monotonous existence when the distant light beckons me to investigate?", says the man.

Happy is he who is reading, and those hearing, the words of the prophecy, and keeping the things written in it -- for the time is nigh!

Transformation

There is a scream on the street

but I do not investigate

People are falling down

but I don't see them

The baby dies and rots

but I can no longer smell

I am now bourgeois

December 20, 1998

Losing your idealism is something that will come on like a sickness. What really bothers me is that some don't have any idealism to lose, just narcissism. To be replaced by what?

"I am going to Rodeo with a shotgun"- Rage against the machine

Jill told me that I should write some poetry that's happier or positive. I think my poetry is positive to the human condition because it reflects my feelings and experiences that I would like communicated.

Living on the wages of sin

Dharma will find them and their loved ones

Justice

I want to stay inside because there is nothing out there that can change how I feel.

`Reform! and if not, I come to thee quickly, and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth.

Click here for my poetry at Spring 1999

Mail to: jaymaudib@yahoo.com

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