Lorena's Story


I can so clearly remember lying in bed beside my husband, feeling safe and secure and loved.  It was February 1994, Jared,,our 16 month old baby was sound asleep in his cot.  He had delighted us during the day with all his wonderful doings and sayings.  Pete and I had been discussing the joys that he had brought to our lives and how we were so enriched by having him in our family.  I had been wanting to add to our family and to my delight Pete thought that it was time too.  I was to finish the birth control pills in my packet, and then we would start trying again.  I went to sleep with a smile on my face.

When I woke the next morning I found that I was bleeding profusely.

A later visit to the doctor's found that I had lost a child, although I never knew I was pregnant.

I didn't really grieve,  it happened so quickly, and then I was pregnant again.

Kenan was such a delightful child.  He did everything by the books, sleeping well, eating well, and well,...just being wonderful.  We went on holidays just before his first birthday, and came home knowing my period was late.  I didn't have time to go to the doctor's - we had to go on a training course for a week.  During  the week I had to go once again through a time of major loss.  This was January 1997 

Pete and I didn't really know how to feel.  What do you feel when you hadn't been trying to conceive?  I was saddened, but didn't really want to think too much about it.  It would have begun to hurt.

Only a mere two months later my period was again late.  We hadn't been trying.  In fact, we were trying not to conceive.  I knew I was pregnant.  Once the shock wore off, the excitement started to creep in.  God must have been telling us that we needed another, it was just so close to losing a child.

Pete had to go away for work.  I couldn't help it, I had to visit the doctor to make sure everything was going okay.  It was still early in the pregnancy, but the doctor congratulated me.  Wow, we were going to be a family of three. 

The joy really started to build, and I was frantically making plans.  Oh, the joy of knowing you are pregnant, of knowing that another life is growing inside your body!  It is so incredibly delicious to have a secret that no-one else knows, not even your husband.  I was just bursting with happiness.

I did burst.  I burst into tears when once again the blood started flowing. 

The incredibly anguish of having that child leave your body before it even had a chance at life.

Enormous pain inside, not being allowed to cry because there are two little boys watching your every move.

No husband around share the sorrow.

No one knew you were pregnant, how can you tell anyone that you are no longer expecting?

I had two children, I had lost three.

This was in March 1997.  No one could tell me why I lost them, I don't think I really wanted to know why.  It just might hurt too much.
Some friend said, with very good intentions, that maybe they were girls, and I just couldn't carry girls.  I know that can be the case.  It still hurt when she said that.

Two more years passed before I thought that I might be ready to have another child.

I can remember lying in bed next to my husband, feeling safe, secure and loved.  Jared and Kenan were sound asleep in their beds as I shared that I was ready to start trying again.  Pete was surprised, but so very pleased.  He had been waiting for a long time to hear those words.  He didn't have to wait long to hear more words.  I fell pregnant the very next day.

I knew I was pregnant before my period was even due, but I wasn't scared.  For some reason I knew that this time I would hold a child in my arms.  Pete wasn't so sure, but his fears left as the weeks went on.

Caleb, our third son, was born in December1999.

We thank God for our three wonderful children, and know that He is taking infinite care of our three "angels".

This is Lorena's (aka tuen2000) story of her three ANGELS

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