Title: Dreams Come True
Authors: Shannon (kitty72885@yahoo.com), Kris (k809@sbcglobal.net), Rising Sun (jagrslc@yahoo.com), Sarah B. (sbrown@slbrown.com), Clair (Clairisant@revealed.net), and Paula B. (paulabilyeu2001@yahoo.com)
The FF of Shannon is archived at: http://www.geocities.com/kitty72885/
The FF of Rising Sun is archived at: http://www.geocities.com/jagrslc
Updates on Rising Sun FF join: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jagrslc
Join the Fan Fiction Challenge at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ffchallange/
Disclaimers in place…
THAT NIGHT
AJ CHEDWIDGGEN’S RESIDENCE
The bed was hot.
His body burned
She’s leaving! MAC IS LEAVING!!!
Meredith! You did her wrong!!!
Then must you speak Of One that
lov'd not wisely but too well.
Officer and Gentleman – HA!!!
SHAME ON YOU!
Set this right!
Procrastination is the thief of time!
She’s leaving! MAC IS LEAVING!!!
AJ tossed and turned.
Dammit just watched his master fascinated.
Finally AJ surrendered and got out of bed.
0209 LOCAL
OUTSIDE MAC'S APARTMENT
The vehicle reeked of the pizza. Yet still AJ sat in his car.
Pizza?
Was this a peace offering?
Why pizza?
What peace?
Why at this God forsaken hour?
What the hell was Mac doing up at this time any way?
What was HE doing here?!
He got a grip of himself. After all he was a SEAL!
0211 LOCAL
MAC'S APARTMENT
Mac peeped through the spy hole in her door and sighed. She opened the door and there stood AJ with a pizza in his hand. “Seemed like the thing to do.” He confessed, “The man suggested a half and half.”
Despite the situation she could not help but chuckle “The man knows. Come on in.” She swung the door open and he followed her in. The position had its advantages. She was barefoot with a long flowing shirt, which was split to reveal well shaped long legs and she had on a tight top.
The combination left no doubt that Mac as all woman.
Temptation!
As she moved to turn the music down she asked, “Why are you here sir?” and leaned in toward the CD Player but not before Shania Twain had her say...
(I'm not in the mood) I'm not in
the mood
(I'm not in the mood) To be shy
- to stand by - and not give it a try
No, I'm not in the mood
(I'm not in the mood) To stay
home - be alone - face the night on my own
No, I'm not in the mood (to say) - to say - (to say) - to say no!
>
"Don't." AJ requested, "The music is fine." [Suggestive] he thought.
She paused, "Sure?"
"Sure." he confirmed.
She changed direction and headed for the kitchen “Half and half pizza is what Harm brings over when we work late.” She explained and then froze at what she had just said.
AJ had heard and his heart skipped a beat. Not commenting on the statement he placed the pizza down and lifted the cover. The smell instantly took over the kitchen.
“Plates.” She said as she reached for the shelf. Then repeated, “Sir, Why are you here?”
He had not a clue why he was there but with her back to him reaching up into the cupboard for the plats AJ's resolve broke. With two steps he was standing behind her. He slipped his arm around her now exposed waist as she was in the process of reaching. The suddenness of the move caused her to stumble but he had a firm grip on her. She turned and came face to face with his hunger.
AJ lowered his head and kissed her. She didn't have to be told twice, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled him closer and deepened the kiss. “Oh Mac God forgive me but I love you so!” He said.
She replied with a similar need. “Then we will burn in hell together.”
“No!” He stated and disentangled himself.
“No?” She echoed.
“No.” He explained. “No…I don’t know.” He wailed. The self assured Admiral of action who had promised to track her down, but a few hours ago was now a bundle of nerves.
“Well!” She stood to her full height. “Then this is … what then?!”
"Meredith..." He reached over and wiped the tears from her face. "Hey" AJ was worried she was crying.
"Damnit, why am I the only one crying?" she sniffed.
“Cause I have cried already.” He confessed. “But as an Officer and a Gentleman…” he trailed off.
“So this is it?” Now she couldn't leave the country fast enough! To hell with the Wedding, she had been right that afternoon to force the issue.
“Yes.” He was sober. “Meredith...” again he trailed off. How could he explain what he had not yet figured out for himself? All he knew was that before he could give his all to Mac he had to make it right with Meredith.
But he didn’t say that and Mac was left to draw her own conclusions. She could only nod. Yes indeed Meredith.
She didn't bother to escort AJ he knew his way out. She stood frozen in the room till the door closed. Then as if puppet strings had been holding her and the closing of the door had cut the strings - she collapsed.
Shania sang
And it only hurts when I'm
breathing
My heart only breaks when it's
beating
My dreams only die when I'm
dreaming
So, I hold my breath - to forget
* * *
JAG
NEXT DAY
Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie did not report for duty that day.
Or the next.
AJ agonized over what to do. Mac hadn't been in office in two days and she hadn't called. He was miserable. He missed her presence. He groaned. He had a headache, he wasn't eating, he hadn’t faced Meredith and it was only two days that he hadn't seen Mac. Is this what it would be like when she assigned to London?
What would he do if it were Rabb? This is why one did not fraternize in the military! Here he was second guessing himself. He finally made a decision.
* * *
That afternoon AJ walked into Sturgis' office. "It's either you or Rabb." AJ launched with no introduction. "Rabb is on assignment, so that means you. Find her before I report her UA."
Turner watched the back of his CO as her walked away. No explanation was necessary. He meant Mac. "Aye, Sir."
And so Sturgis went in search of Mac.
* * *
Two dozen phone calls later; to her home and her cell and Commander Sturgis Turner was at the front door of Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, with her landlady in tow.
"Are you sure?" she hesitated.
Sturgis got deadly. "We have two choices here ma’am. I can watch you unlock the door or you can watch me break it down."
She unlocked the door.
He was in, in a flash. "Mac? Mac?" He called. Something was not right. All the lights were on, Shania Twain was playing and the place stank of bad pizza. For no reason Sturgis could explain he broke into a cold sweat.
As he headed for the bedroom he switched the CD player off. "Mac? Mac?" He continued to call.
“Commander!” The landlady virtually screamed.
He came running, his fear becoming dread. There she lay unconscious on the kitchen floor.
"Is she..." the landlady could hardly say the word. "... dead?" she finally whispered.
Sturgis crouched down and put his fingers to her neck. Her skin was warm and pulse steady. Relieved, he shook her gently. "Mac! Mac, wake up!" He shook her harder. She stirred and murmured, but didn't open her eyes.
He turned his head to the landlady. "Call 911 – we need to get an ambulance up here! Tell them we'll be going to Bethesda." He examined Mac carefully, but couldn't see anything wrong. There were no bumps or bruises, no blood. He shook her again. "Mac, please, wake up!"
This time Mac groggily opened her eyes and looked up at Sturgis. "Wh- Sturg's ... what're you doin here?" she mumbled.
"Trying to figure out why you've been AWOL for two days," he responded. "Mac, what's wrong, are you sick? Do you hurt anywhere?"
Mac seemed to ponder that for a moment. "No, don't hurt. Just tired. Need a nap ..."
Sturgis stopped her as she tried to lay her head back on the floor and pulled her up until she was leaning against his chest as he sat on the floor. The landlady handed him a throw from the couch and told him that the ambulance was on its way. He wrapped Mac up and then pulled out his cell phone. "Mac, hang on," he told her. "We're going to get you to a hospital. I'm just going to call the Admiral to let him know I found you."
Mac struggled weakly in his arms. "No, no, don't call ... don't call him. He doesn't care ... left me here, alone ... don't -” She continued to protest weakly but Turner ignored her as he dialed the number. "Yes, it's Commander Turner, please put me through to Admiral Chegwidden. ... Tiner! I found her. Let me talk to the Admiral, please."
A moment later, AJ's voice came booming through the phone. "Were is she? Is she ok? She'd better have a damned good excuse for this! Is she alright?"
Turner broke in. "Sir, I'm not sure. I found her unconscious on her kitchen floor. She must have been here for some time, because there's a pizza here that's clearly been sitting out for quite awhile. The ambulance is on its way."
On the other end of the line, AJ's heart dropped. Could she have been lying there, alone, ill, since the time he left her? Oh, God, he would never forgive himself! She had needed him and he had walked out without a backward glance so he could go home and nurse his guilty conscience. Suddenly, a horrible thought occurred to him. "Turner, she's not drunk, is she?"
"No sir, I don't see any signs of alcohol around here. And I don't think ..."
Suddenly the phone was snatched out of his hand. "Drunk!" Mac cried into it. "You tell tha' bastard he better not 'cuse me of that. ..." She slumped back, seemingly exhausted by her outburst, and dropped the phone to her side. Turner picked it back up, hearing the wail of the ambulance in the background.
"Sir, the ambulance is almost here. I'll follow it to Bethesda and call you back when I have a report on her progress."
"Never mind that, Commander, I'll meet you both there."
"Sir, Harm will probably want to know what's going on...”
"Well then Harm should have damned well gone looking for her himself a long time ago," AJ roared. ‘And so should I have,' he thought bitterly to himself. ‘If I wasn't so afraid to confront her again, if I could have pulled my shit together and talked to Meredith like a man so I could go to Mac free to offer myself to her ...' "I'm sorry, Sturgis.
I'll let Harm know where she is, but he's going to have to man the fort, because I AM coming over there. I'll see you in a half an hour." AJ slammed the phone down, grabbed his cover, and ran out the door, stopping only long enough to tell Tiner where he was going.
ONE HOUR LATER
BETHESDA NAVAL HOSPITAL
BETHESDA, MD
The doctor came out to meet the two anxious Naval officers in the waiting room.
"What is it, what's wrong with her?" AJ demanded.
"It appears she's suffering from exhaustion," the doctor explained. "She's dehydrated, it looks like she's lost some weight recently, and I doubt she's gotten much sleep in the last few weeks. Is there something going on in her life that would cause her unusual stress?" he asked.
Sturgis looked over at AJ. He'd like to know the answer to that one himself. Something weird had been going on between Mac and her CO lately. He hoped it was nothing he'd have to prosecute them for later.
AJ stammered, "Uh, she's getting ready to transfer overseas shortly. That may be it."
The doctor nodded, satisfied. "That could do it, I guess."
"Will she be ok?" AJ asked anxiously.
"I think she'll be fine, but she's going to have to spend a couple of days in the hospital while we get her back into shape. Anytime someone spends that long unconscious, we have to be concerned about lingering effects. She's scheduled to have a CAT scan in a few minutes, so I'll know more after that, but if I suspect that two days of rest and IVs will have her back on her feet. And ..." he hesitated.
"Yes?" AJ prodded.
"And I'm going to send up a counselor to talk to her tomorrow when she's more herself. Normally you don't see someone end up in this bad of shape without there being some ... emotional issues that need to be addressed."
AJ felt a lance of pain go through him at the doctor's words. ‘This *is* my fault,' he thought. ‘Because I couldn't reach out for what I wanted, because I wasn't honest with her or Meredith. I'm the one who needs the shrink. Well, no more. This foolishness ends now.'
"She's awake if you want to see her before she goes for her CAT scan," the doctor added.
"Of course, Doctor," Turner said when AJ was silent. "Thank you." He shook hands with the doctor and then turned to AJ. "Shall we, Sir?" he asked.
"No, you go," he said. "Make sure someone stays with her. If you have to go back to the office, get Harm, or Harriett." He turned to leave. Sturgis was shocked. "But sir, aren't you going to at least look in on her?"
"No, Commander. I've got to go talk to Meredith." And with that he turned and stalked out, leaving a stunned Sturgis behind him.
===============
Mac jerked up, gasping for breath. Her eyes adjusted slowly to the dim light, and she almost wept with relief seeing she was in her apartment, not a hospital room. "Owww!" Sitting up fully, she pressed her fists to her throbbing temples. `Great, this damn wedding is giving ME migraines,' she grumbled, but couldn't stop the uneasy feeling from creeping up her spine. She'd been dreaming. Dreams that could, or could not, mean anything.
They'd started the night after the disastrous, heavenly, kiss at the Admiral's house. She dropped her head back onto the couch, pulling the afghan up around her shoulders. She saw the surprise, the acknowledgment, in his eyes as she pulled his glasses off, felt again the broad hands cupping her buttocks to hold her close. Her heart thudded and her blood sang. It had meant something. You don't kiss a woman like that without it meaning something, especially when you were engaged to someone else.
However, for all the change it brought to their lives, it could have never happened. They didn't speak of it and the wedding was going on as planned. `Which reminds me,' she thought, uncovering her arm to snag the remote. She turned off the snowy TV and knew immediately what one part of her dream meant. Watching the Wedding Planner when her life was so screwed was just an exercise in torture, but it had fit her mood. Hopeless.
The man she wanted was marrying a woman she respected. And that very same woman was putting her into a gown of the most hideous shade of chartreuse she'd ever seen. If anyone needed a wedding planner it was Meredith Cavenaugh. The sick yellowish green satin made her look like she was seconds away from throwing up a month's worth of meals. Mac snorted rudely. The thought of the Admiral marrying did make her sick to her stomach, at least the dress gave her an excuse for looking nauseous.
There was more to that dream than the fact that Meredith possessed no taste whatsoever. AJ was never going to call it off. Out of honor, he'd go through with it. She sighed heavily. In her dream she'd tried to manipulate the situation, made Meredith break it off with him, made him show up on her doorstep with a pizza of all things. It hadn't mattered. He'd kissed her, touched her, said he loved her, then he'd left. Left with Meredith's name hovering in the air between them.
There was also a message there, for her. Suck it up and move on. Her health was beginning to suffer. She wasn't sleeping and had lost over ten pounds. She was also becoming short tempered, especially when anything was mentioned about the upcoming wedding or her transfer. In her dream Sturgis and Harriet had caught onto why she was different. It couldn't happen in real life.
Blinking to keep her tears from falling, she resolved to get through the next few weeks with as much of her dignity intact as possible. She drifted into a fitful sleep, the surprisingly strong voice whispering in her ear, "Very well, Colonel, run to London. But just make sure to look over your shoulder."
JAG Headquarters
0030
AJ caught his head right before it hit the desk. `I need to go home,' he thought, coming fully awake quickly. Staying until midnight had started years ago as an excuse to avoid going home to an empty house had evolved into avoiding going home to Meredith's cooking, but falling asleep on his desk was ridicules when he had a perfectly good bed at home.
Ignoring the pile of paper covering his desk, he picked up his cover and headed for the door. Unable to stop himself, he stopped in front of Mac's office. Even though the office was deserted, he looked around before opening the door. Stopping just inside, he breathed deeply, the scent of her leaving him weak. He looked at her chair and felt the despair of his dream swamp him. Mac. Meredith. What the hell was he going to do?
He'd proposed. Badly, but she'd accepted and was so happy. He loved her, but it was becoming painfully apparent his feelings for Mac ran deeper than those he had for Meredith. He couldn't stop thinking about her, or the kiss they'd shared. He leaned his elbows on his knees, dropping his head. If she had stood and stripped naked, it would not have been as provocative, as arousing, as the threes seconds it took her to remove his glasses. He put his hand to his eyes, remembering the doubt and determination in her eyes, the lushness of her mouth, and the way his body gave into the inevitable, even as his mind protested.
If Meredith hadn't shown up, there's no telling where that kiss would have led. He liked to believe they would have stopped, but he couldn't deny the heat that had exploded between them. His mind had almost shut down at the feel of her through clothing; all reason would have been abandoned if he'd actually touched her skin. He was adult enough to admit they would have spent the night pleasuring each other and the next day regret and duty would have destroyed
them. If it hadn't already.
The easy working relationship they'd fallen into was gone. They now only spoke when necessary and then only about JAG related topics. Because of rank they'd never been what you could call `friends' but there was something between them. He often knew what she was thinking by the look that was NOT on her face. He could tell when she was tired, angry, hurt, amused....aroused. There were very few people in his life that he could read like he could Sarah Mackenzie, especially with so little personal contact.
Swallowing past the tightness in his throat, he moved further into the office to sit in one of the chairs by her desk. She was leaving soon and he'd be a married man. Meredith. He remembered the dream, how she'd broke it off with him, and knew that he was subconsciously searching for an easy way out. Out for what reason though? A fling with a junior officer? He knew the attraction ran both ways between him and Mac, but was it reason enough to throw away the love that was being offered so readily by Meredith? But, on the other hand, wasn't he doing her a disservice, going into marriage with such conflicting emotions?
That dream had seemed so real. Usually the only ones he experienced on that level were the ones where he relived a combat situation. But, the confusion and censure he'd felt from Sturgis as they waited for the doctor's report had been very real. He knew why it had been Sturgis, not Harm or Harriet, he'd sent looking for Mac. He'd seen the younger man watching Mac earlier in the day. She'd been staring into space with a look of such profound sadness on her face, that it had been embarrassing to witness. Sturgis had seen her also, and had turned immediately to face him. It might be his over active imagination that had Sturgis blaming him for putting that look there. For all he knew Sturgis had not even seen him, but had just been turning away from a private moment.
He slumped suddenly. Hospital. Dear God, why did he imagine her in a hospital! He'd noticed she was losing weight. Her face was thinner, her eyes deep sunk and shadowed. Surely that one breach of protocol had not done that to her. It had to be the stress of wrapping up one posting, leaving her friends in Washington, and preparing to leave the country on top of participating in a wedding she obviously was reluctant to participate in.
London. She should be excited about being posted there. It was a very large feather in her cap. Instead she looked like someone kicked her favorite puppy. Surely it couldn't be him that put that look on her face. He tried not to think of her leaving very often. It hurt too badly. He was going to miss her.
"I will find a way." The sound of his voice was loud in the quiet office. Where had that come from? Find a way to what?
"Because you'll see me there one of these days." He touched the nameplate on her desk. The dream. `How can you go to London, if you're married to Meredith.'
"I can't." Standing, he left her office, closing the door softly behind him.
Tuesday, 21 May 2003
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
0930 EDT
"Mac!" Meredith's voice carried across the bullpen. Mac, who had been on her way to the break room, paused. Meredith continued toward her.
"Mac, you're not busy today, are you? Please tell me you can come with me..."
"Meredith, slow down! What's wrong?" Mac turned and faced Meredith once they made it to the break room.
Meredith, who was full of anxious energy, declined the seat that was offered. "Oh, Mac, the wedding planner had to reschedule for Friday--she had a family emergency--so I need to find my gown today! You have to come with me!"
"Hold on, Meredith. Let me go check my schedule and make sure there's nothing due." Mac smiled wanly and turned to go to her office. Just then, AJ entered the break room.
"AJ!" Meredith called. AJ smiled and walked over to his fiancée.
"Good morning, Meredith," AJ said.
"Good morning, darling," Meredith replied, standing on tiptoe to kiss AJ quickly. "AJ, I need to borrow your Chief of Staff. Do you think I could steal her away for the day?"
"I thought we were meeting with the wedding planner today?" AJ said, pouring himself some coffee.
"Yes, we were supposed to, but there's been a slight change in plans. Liz won't be in town until Thursday, so I need to flip-flop my schedule."
"Well, what are you going to do today, then?" AJ asked, taking a sip of his coffee.
"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," Meredith cooed.
Mac watched this exchange with a masked face and a heavy heart. She should be happy for Meredith and the Admiral. Her mind knew this, but her heart didn't want to accept it. She wondered where she had gotten this sudden masochistic streak from, and why she didn't just request an immediate transfer.
"Well, then, I guess the Colonel can have the day off for your mysterious activities," AJ said, smiling at Meredith.
"Thanks, AJ," Meredith said, kissing AJ again. "If you're free for lunch, why don't you meet us at that little café I showed you last week? You know, the one by that boutique I was window-shopping at?" Grabbing Mac's arm, she said, "Come on, Mac, we have places to go, people to see, gowns to try on!" Mac let herself be dragged out of the break room.
Rebecca's Boutique
Washington, DC
1230 EDT
Three hours later, Mac sat in a dress shop downtown, watching Meredith try on practically every dress in the store. She was starting to get hungry, and her patience was running short.
"What do you think, Mac?" Meredith asked from the dressing room entrance.
'I think that that's the thousandth gown you've tried today,' Mac thought in exasperation. She looked at Meredith and pasted a smile on her face. "You look beautiful, Meredith. But really, I don't think the Admiral would care if you showed up in a potato sack. He's marrying you, not your dress."
Meredith laughed gaily. "I know, Mac, but I just want to look perfect for AJ." She looked at her reflection critically. "I think I liked the other one--you know, the one with the beaded train? I'm going to try that one on again."
Mac nodded and tried not to roll her eyes. As Meredith went back into the dressing room, Mac looked around at the wedding gowns surrounding her.
A particular one caught her eye. It was the one she had seen in the magazine that night Meredith had interrupted her and AJ. She sighed, reaching out to stroke the cool satin and rough lace. She traced her fingers over the beaded embroidery, imagining herself in the gown.
"Oh!" Mac spun around, hearing Meredith's voice behind her. "That's gorgeous, Mac! You have to try it on!"
"Um, I don't think so, Meredith. We're here to find you a gown, remember?" Mac hedged.
"Oh, don't be silly. Go ahead; try it on! What will it hurt?"
'My pride? My dignity?' Mac thought sardonically. Aloud, she answered, "Fine, I'll try it on."
"Great! Let me change first; then I want to see you in that dress." Meredith went back into the dressing room once more, and came out in her street clothes. She ushered Mac into the dressing room.
Mac stripped out of her clothing and removed the dress from its hanger. She gingerly slipped it on, trying not to snag the fine material. Straightening the dress, she stepped out of the dressing room.
Meredith squealed as she saw the gowned Sarah walk out. "You look absolutely beautiful, Mac! But you have to put the veil on. The veil completes the look." She handed Mac a veil, which Mac placed on her head gently. "Well, look at yourself!"
Mac turned around and looked in the mirror. The dress fit her perfectly, as if it had been made for her. Her eyes welled with tears. She knew she would never purchase a dress like this. There was only one person who she would want to walk up the aisle to in this masterpiece... and he was marrying someone else.
"Oh, you look simply amazing, ma'am!" a saleswoman said admiringly. "When is your wedding?" she asked curiously.
"Oh, I--I'm not the one getting married," Mac replied. "My friend is. I'm the maid of honor; I'm just trying this on." The saleswoman looked vaguely disappointed.
Suddenly, a bell jangled as the door to the shop opened. Mac froze as a man in a familiar uniform stepped through the doorway.
Coming into the darkened store from the sunlit street, it took a minute for AJ's eyes to adjust, but when they did, the vision that stood before him was one from his dreams! Sarah stood there in the very gown he had seen in that magazine that Meredith had brought over the other night, she was stunning!
Mac saw the man of her dreams enter the store through the mirror that she was still looking into. After his eyes adjusted to the dimness his gaze met hers in the mirror. For just a moment he stood there and she wondered what he was thinking seeing her standing there, in a wedding gown. He stepped up behind her, slightly off to one side; they were both there in the mirror, him in his uniform and her in the lovely gown. Their eyes met and in that moment all the love they felt for each other was there for the world to see. A world that included Meredith Cavanaugh, who Mac had forgotten about and AJ had not seen when he came into the store.
"You are breathtaking Sarah! That gown is perfect on you." He turned slightly to the clerk who was still standing next to Mac and handed her is charge card. "She will take it!"
Mac spun around to face him, which was no easy task with all the yards of material around her legs, "Oh no, AJ, I can't! You can't!"
Before he had a chance to reply, Meredith sighed in a tortured voice, "You love her, don't you, AJ?"
"Meredith!" he exclaimed, startled.
"You did not even see me when you came in. You only had eyes for her. How long have you loved her?" she asked.
"Over seven years now," he found himself admitting, because he was an honest man. "But there is nothing that can be done about it Meredith, and you and I are getting married in just a few days."
"How can I marry you knowing you love another woman?"
"Because I have made a promise to you that I do not plan on breaking. Sarah and I can never be together because she is under my chain of command, regulations would not allow it."
"But you would be with her if it weren't for the damn regulations, wouldn't you?" Meredith demanded.
"If she would have me, yes, Meredith I would offer her my heart."
Mac, who had been silent this entire time, drew in a delighted breath. To hear the man she loved finally express his feelings for her was the most wonderful thing she could ever imagine, and the worst at the same time. They were both hurting someone close to them; Meredith did not deserve this from either of them. Before she could tell her friend how sorry she was that this was happening, Meredith turned her attention to Mac.
"You love him too, don't you?" she accused her maid-of-honor.
For one split second, Mac thought about lying, and then her eyes met AJ's, and she knew that no matter what came of it she had to tell the truth. "Yes, I have loved him since the day we met. But, Meredith nothing can come of…"
Sliding her engagement ring off of her finger, Meredith held it out to AJ, "I will not be the person who stands in the way of a love that strong."
AJ looked at the ring she held out to him, he remembered the day they had gone to pick it out, even then he had been dreaming of having Sarah at his side, picking out engagement rings. He took the ring from Meredith's hand, he looked into her sad but determined eyes, "Meredith, I am sorry that this happened. I hope that someday you will find the person that is worthy of your love. Please believe that I never intended to hurt you in any way."
"I know that AJ. And in my heart I always knew that there was someone else, but I had convinced myself that it was someone you no longer saw. Everything is planned and reserved, you have even bought her dress for her, marry her AJ, both of you be happy. Just don't ask me to be maid-of-honor please."
Meredith turned to Mac. "I know you will do the right thing, Mac. You know you want this man as much as he wants you." Mac had tears in her eyes now. She was crying for several reasons. She did want AJ, she was happy, but she also felt incredibly guilty. "Meredith... I never..."
Meredith put up her hand in protest, begging her not to say another word.
"I know, Mac. I know. I will be ok, really. Consider this a wedding gift." Meredith smiled and hugged Mac. As Meredith put her neck around Mac's, she whispered into Mac's ear, "Don't let him get away, Sarah. He is a keeper. A love like this doesn't happen every day." Meredith pulled away and went to the door to leave. She opened the door and the bell went off again. She turned around one last to look at the man she loved and her best friend. She smiled. She knew that this was the way it was meant to be. She also knew that her heart was breaking, too. She knew she could have fought harder and AJ would have married her, but she knew that he would never look at her the way that he just looked at Mac. She looked straight into AJ's face and with her best teacher voice she yelled, "Don't blow this, buster!" Without another word she turned and walked out the door.
AJ and Mac stood there stunned. Everything happened so fast. The wedding was off. AJ revealed his feelings. Mac admitted her feelings and Meredith practically gave them her blessing. She didn't put up a fight. Nothing was thrown. Mac expected some sort of angry reaction. 'I know that if AJ were my fiancée that I would be fighting for him.'
Once again, AJ turned to see Mac in her wedding dress. She did look absolutely breath taking. AJ never imagined that one minute in time could change everything for them. He loved her so much and heard her say that she loved him, too. Mac stared back into AJ's eyes. AJ knew that she was waiting on him to make the next move.
AJ took Mac's trembling hands into his. "I will always regret that I hurt Meredith. I never meant to, but I think I would have regretted not having this moment more. I do love you, Sarah. I have for a long time." AJ gently got on one knee. Mac's tears were coming full force now. "Please say that you will be mine. Marry me, Sarah."
Sarah nodded her head furiously through the streams of tears flowing down her cheeks. She could hardly speak, but she found her voice long enough to scream, "Yes!!!"
AJ stood and gathered Sarah in his arms and swung her around. The scene had caused quite a commotion in the store. Everyone was clapping and yelling for the happy couple. AJ gently put Sarah down and took her face into his hands and brought his face down on hers. Their kiss was gentle but passionate. AJ smiled down at Sarah as he pulled away. AJ was about to lead her out of the store when the salesperson stopped them.
"Miss... you are still in the dress. Wouldn't you like to change first?" Sarah laughed and nodded her head. She turned to AJ, "I will be right back, AJ."
Hearing her say his name for the first time was the sweetest sound that he had ever heard. His broad grin only made Sarah blush slightly as she disappeared into the dressing room. Within five minutes, she walked out of the dressing room. She was glad that Meredith had insisted that she go home and change. She wore tight jeans and a lovely white silk shirt. The look on AJ's face was priceless. He definitely appreciated what he saw.
As they walked out of the store hand in hand, Sarah turned to AJ, "Where to?"
Sarah groaned and rolled over. Her head hurt like she had been drinking straight vodka for a week. Glaring at the clock she sighed. Today was the day. Harm was coming to pick her up and take her to the airport. They had her farewell party last night and she knew she hadn't had anything to drink. AJ and Meredith had been there and she would have rather gnawed off her right arm than showed anyone that she was anything other than 100% happy at going.
Meredith had been upset with her for going, but AJ had pulled his fiancé back from the brink of rudeness. "Now, Meredith, this is good for Mac."
"But I want her there," Meredith had insisted like a spoilt child.
"Sometimes we can't get what we want." The utter sadness in AJ eyes had brought tears to Mac's. Fortunately, everyone, including Meredith, had assumed that Mac was upset to be missing the wedding.
"Oh dear. Listen to me. Mac, I'm sorry. Maybe you can fly back for it."
Mac had just smiled and turned to the other guests at her party. Even Webb had shown up. She had been happy at first until she caught the way he was intently staring at her then AJ, then back at her. She had always figured Webb was astute but the look he had given her was one of such pity that she knew he had worked it out. It was Webb who had driven her home and Webb who had sat there outside her apartment holding her while she cried. It was Webb who said, "Everything will work out, Mac. You and AJ are a couple of the good guys. Let me work on it."
"You won't do anything to her." He had looked so hurt she had immediately apologized. Perhaps that's why she had all those strange dreams.
****
London was a frenetic town and the security at the embassy was complicated at best. For nearly a month she had stayed on the grounds in one of the guest rooms down the hall from the Ambassador's apartments. On the day she found an apartment less than a mile from the embassy she received her first shock.
She was just leaving her office when the phone rang. She almost didn't answer it. "Colonel MacKenzie."
"Ma'am!"
"Harriet! Oh it's good to hear your voice. How are Bud and the babies?"
"Buddy's great. Little AJ is wonderful and I'm trying to give little Mikey away to gypsies." Her rueful laugh told Mac she was just kidding.
"That bad?"
"The worst. The little darling has got his days and nights confused."
Mac felt a pang. She was beginning to accept the fact that she would never experience such sweet horrors. "Well that won't last long."
"No then he'll start to teethe." Harriet paused and then took a deep breath. "But that's not why I called."
"Oh yeah?"
"You'll never believe it." Her excitement was thick as the fog that rolled off the Thames most nights.
"Well you better tell me."
"Meredith broke off her engagement with the Admiral."
Mac didn't know whether to laugh with joy or cry out at the injustice that anyone could do that to AJ. She settled for an indignant gasp. "What happened?"
"Seems the University of Barcelona offered her a position to teach graduate level Shakespeare."
"Meredith?" Mac closed her eyes and remembered what Webb had told her. Did Webb have those kind of connections? How could he have known it would work?
"Yeah. She said it was something she always wanted, for like forever, since she was in grad school herself. I guess the Admiral didn't want her to take it. Said he didn't want a long distance romance or something like that and there was not a damn thing for him to do in Spain while she taught."
"Harriet," Mac settled back into her chair, "how do you know that?"
"Well, I guess half of Washington knows it. They had this huge fight in the middle of Calisto's. She threw the ring at the waiter – I don't get that, must have something to do with the way the admiral proposed to her – and stomped out of the restaurant."
"He really must be hurting," Mac whispered. She suddenly wanted to track down Webb and find out if he had anything to do with the job offer. She couldn't believe that the job offer just popped up out of nowhere. Gazing down at her hand resting on the desk, she rested the phone against her shoulder and pinched the skin with her nails until he cringed from the pain. No she wasn't dreaming.
"He seems pretty good to me. But there's more news."
"What?"
"He's leaving JAG." Even from 5000 miles away Mac could hear the heartache in her friend's voice. "I can't believe it. First you, now the Admiral."
"But for what?"
"That's just it. He won't tell anyone, but Tiner told me he's selling his house in McLean."
Oh she was definitely going to call Webb as soon as she hung up the phone.
MAC'S APARTMENT
She hung up the phone. She should have NEVER called Webb. Not only had he dodged her questions but she now found herself on some mission with him!
She headed for the shower.
=============
US EMBASSY
LONDON
The name plate read Colonel Sarah Mackenzie.
She had hoped the assignment would eventually produce a promotion but not this fast! As the Ambassador had put it. “The Post calls for a Colonel not a Lt. Colonel.”
And so here she was a full Colonel.
=============
POKER NIGHT
What had started out as a definite chore in fact it had been an order - had not turned out too bad in the end.
The New Secretary realizing that one: he had started out on the wrong foot and that two his “people” were not the enemy but good loyal people, he had set out to regain badly lost ground.
Hence the poker night.
He had gathered his senior staff for a casual night. The officers had attended; none would have dared a charge of disobeying an order. Such had been the success of the venture that it was now six months since they begun gathering on the last Friday of the month to ‘socialise’
“AJ, just how long are you going to stare at those cards?!” Admiral Phil Mayers asked.
“Pity the man.” SECNAV reproached.
“Pity!” Admiral Don English snorted. “With all due respect; Sir. If I were to pity AJ and I do; it is not for his hand.”
AJ looked up confused.
“Oh you can’t let that comment hang!” SECNAV encouraged.
“Have you ever met the Chief of Staff of JAG?” Don continued.
Phil whistled. “Yep. Pity the man. To have someone like that so close and yet so far.”
SECNAV shook his head as if to clear the cobwebs. “I’m missing something here.”
“Damn straight!” Phil replied “Sorry, Sir.” Then to AJ “She is straight… right?”
“Oh God tell me she is straight!” Don begged.
AJ frowned, “Don! You are a married with grandchildren.”
“And that equals death?” He retorted, “That is one fine woman. I can look. And I do look.”
“Gentlemen that is an Officer of the US Military you speak of!” SECNAV teased.
“Again, Sir with all due respect, have you EVER seen Colonel Sarah Mackenzie?” As his superior officer shook his head Phil continued. “All I can say is if that is what the Marine Corps is putting out then God Bless America!”
“Seriously...” Don said, “…as a Marine Colonel she is inherently deadly, but the packaging, the packaging…”
AJ was torn. He didn’t know how to react to the sudden spotlight on Mac. Finally he said. “Enough. This is my Chief of Staff you speak of.”
“Don’t you mean former?” Phil corrected.
“What ever.” AJ grumbled.
“What is she up to now?” Don asked.
“Attaché to the US Ambassador London.” Phil seemed to know a lot, they all looked at him. “I read the correspondence on movements.” He defended.
“Actually…” SECNAV added “I think the Ambassador has her in Amsterdam at the moment.”
“Amsterdam?” AJ’s radar went into over drive. Ambassador his A S=squared. That smelled of WEBB.
"Got your retirement request." SECNAV said.
The other two men focused on AJ. He was now in the spotlight of three powerful men.
"Er yes, Sir... personal reasons."
"JAG don't interest you anymore?" Phil winked knowingly.
"Let it rest Phil." AJ growled.
"Don't go just yet." SECNAV suggested. "I have a proposal for you... One I hope will keep you in the NAVY even if not JAG."
AJ hesitated.
SECNAV continued. "Take a leave of absence - Lord knows you have enough time on the books."
AJ winced. The last time he's gone on leave he'd ended up being fired from a Movie. But then if he had time off he could travel: Milan and London jumped to mind. He smiled "Yes sir. I'll take some time off Rabb can act as JAG and I can return and look at your proposal with an objective eye."
"Good!" SECNAV slapped the Admiral on the back. "Now are you in the game or out?"
=============
HOLAND
JULY 4
1921 LOCAL
Mac was attending the US Ambassador’s Annual Independence Day Cocktail Party. She had been in Holland for about two weeks, undercover as a widow and with the assistance of the Ambassador’s Staff and the conniving of Webb she was already connected to the rich and famous. In fact the mission was over and this was her last night in town; she headed back to London the next day. But she figured she deserved the swaree.
Antonia Van Dross approached her as she stood waiting for a tonic and lime at the bar. “Mac!”
“Toni.” Mac replied. “How are you?”
“Not as good as you. You look gorgeous all the men are eyeing you.”
“Well that IS good isn’t it?” Mac smiled in character.
“Not if my husband is in that drooling group.” Toni replied. “But I have the cure for that.”
“You do?” Mac had met the woman at a tea party for some charity and the two had become fast friends.
“Oh yes. I have the most delicious US Naval Officer for you to meet. Like you he is single. Now I want you to appreciate the favour Mac. If I were younger I would not do this.”
“Toni you are married.” Mac teased.
“Your point?’
Mac gave up. “Lead on.”
The two women crossed the lawn, waded through a few hundred people stopping all along the way to touch base with friends or to be introduced to new ones. Finally they approached the Officer. Mac got cold as she recognised him from the back. She prayed to all Gods that he didn't blow her cover...
LONDON
JULY 3RD
"Colonel Mackenzie please?"
"I'm sorry, Sir. She's not in."
"When do you expect her back?"
"I'm not sure, Sir."
"You have no idea when she's returning?"
"I'm not at liberty to say. I'm sorry, I didn't get your name."
"Admiral AJ Chegwidden. Now can you tell me where she is?"
"I'm afraid not. I can tell you that she is working out of the country, but I still don't know when she's expected to return or the nature of her business. May I take a message?"
Gnashing his teeth in frustration, AJ declined and hung up the phone. He crossed to the bed, sitting down and leaning against the headboard. Reaching onto the nightstand he picked up the ornate wooden frame that held Francesca's picture. The time he'd spent with her over the last three weeks had been well worth it, or it had been until he found out Mac was out of town. He had three more weeks before he had to report back and had planned to spend them finding out what, if any, feelings Mac had for him.
He closed his eyes and smiled softly, remembering the kiss they'd shared. There was definitely something there and he ached to hold her again. He groaned thinking that at the rate he was going, that memory would be all he'd be holding onto. `I'm whining,' he thought, his eyes flying opening, before narrowing with purpose. Reaching for his suit bag and phone, he called a cab. Maybe a personal visit to the embassy, in uniform, would yield more information on her whereabouts.
Two hours later
"Where is she?"
"Nice to hear from you Admiral. Enjoying your vacation?"
"Enjoying your health? Where is she, Webb?"
Clayton Webb sat back in his chair, tenting his fingers over his stomach, prepared to enjoy this conversation. "What makes you think I know where Mac is."
"I didn't; but, since I didn't give any names, how did you know who I'm talking about."
"Just a hunch. The last time I saw you both, it looked like a double suicide was imminent. Which reminds me, congratulations on narrowly escaping the old ball and chain."
"Your ass must hurt, Webb."
"What makes you say that?"
"You've obviously been sitting on that dig for a while." AJ grinned humorlessly. It was an old game of insults that he'd never admit enjoying. "If you must know, I'm heartbroken."
"Sure you are, AJ. That's why you're threatening me with bodily harm if I don't produce Mac...what a month after the blessed event was called off."
"Blessed events usually indicate a birth of a child. Get your platitudes straight." The silence stretched as each man waited to see who would speak first. Finally, AJ asked softly, "Do you want to hear me beg, Clay?"
"No. I don't want to hear you beg. I want to hear you're going after her."
"I can't go after her if I don't know where she is."
"Got a pen?"
HOLLAND
JULY 4
Mac allowed Toni to drag her across the lawn, praying, `Oh please...oh please....please...go along with whatever Toni says...'
Toni leaned closer, "Isn't he delicious."
"If you like that flavor." Mac muttered, making her companion laugh.
"Commander," Toni purred. When he turned to face them, she patted Mac's shoulder. "This is the friend I said you must meet. Mackenzie Reid, this is Commander Mic Brumby. Commander, this is Mackenzie Reid."
"Pleasure to meet you." Mac said, holding out her hand, pleading with him silently to accept the introduction.
"No, I believe the pleasure is mine." Mic said, winking and bending low over her hand to kiss it.
"Oooo!" Toni trilled. "Are all American Naval Officer's so romantic."
Mic turned his brilliant smile on the older woman, mainly to cover his confusion, "No American I know is that romantic. I'm Australian Navy, Mrs. Van Dross."
"American...Australian...same difference."
"Big difference, Toni." Mac said sharply.
"Now... now.... you know I didn't mean anything by that." Antonia turned to Mic gushing, "Rule number one, don't insult an American on their Independence Day."
"Yes. They are very big on their Independence." Mic said dryly. Hearing the music start up, he turned to Mac. "Care to dance?"
"I'd love to."
"Excuse us, Mrs. Van Dross."
"Have fun you two!"
Within moments they were dancing closely on the crowded floor. "What are you doing here?" The looked at each other, wide eyed, as their questions meshed, finally laughing softly. They danced quietly, and finally Mic said, "Mackenzie Reid?"
Mac leaned closer whispering, "Work."
"JAG?"
"Webb."
Mic nodded and said, "Well, that's better than wondering why you'd married and changed your last name to your first."
"What are you doing here?"
"Visiting my wife's family."
"Your wife! Toni said you were single!"
"She also said I was American."
"True," Mac laughed, before asking, "How long have you been married."
"A little over five months."
"Anyone I know?" Mac said, wondering if she'd met the woman on any of her trips to visit Mic.
"No. Helen came down on holiday last summer. I talked her into extending her stay."
Mac's throat closed seeing that quick, loving, grin again. Only this time, it wasn't directed at her. "I'm happy for you, Mic."
"Thanks, Sarah." Mic grew quiet as the music changed. When it started again, he spoke under the cover of sound. "How are you and Harm doing?"
Mac's smile was both exasperated and sad, "I guess he's doing well. I'm stationed in London now."
"Harm doesn't mind?"
"Harm doesn't have a say. Mic... I didn't run from you to Harm. I didn't run to Harm at all."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Well, don't I feel like an idiot."
Mac gestured to the ring on his hand. "A happily married idiot."
Mic smiled thinking of the beautiful woman he'd fallen in love with. "Who gave you that rock?" He asked, gesturing to the large gold and diamond wedding set on Mac's finger.
"Government issue."
"Aaah." Mic looked around as if expecting a couple of bad men to jump out of the bushes surrounding the lawn. "Any danger?"
"Not anymore."
The music ended and they applauded the band quietly. Walking to the edge of the dance floor, Mac smiled, "I think I've had enough partying tonight. I'm going to head back to my house. It was good to see you again, Mic."
"Have you got a ride?"
"No. I'll call a taxi."
"Let me drive you. I should be getting back to Helen anyway."
"Isn't she here?"
"No. She doesn't get morning sickness, she get's all day but especially after dark sickness."
Mac put out her hand, touching his arm, "Mic! How wonderful! You're going to be a father!" Her voice, her words, her mannerisms were all correct, but she couldn't help feel a pang of sadness. This man was supposed to be the father of her children. It was best it hadn't worked out between them. She had a mountain of unresolved feelings for AJ Chegwidden and he was married to someone who he obviously treasured, but she still couldn't help but wish for a child of her own.
Mic beamed proudly, not missing the sadness in her eyes, but knowing her well enough to not call attention to her weakness. "In about seven months. I wouldn't have come tonight, but she insisted. You'd like her, Sarah."
"I'm just glad you do." Mac sighed tiredly and noted the time. "I'd love a ride home, if it's not out of your way."
Mic held out his arm, "Do you need to say goodbye to anyone?"
"No. Just take me home."
Toni watched the two of them leave arm in arm, barely resisting the urge to clap like a child. She knew they'd hit it off.
Twenty minutes later, Mic pulled up in front of a lovely house in an exclusive neighborhood. Whistling softly, he grinned, "Certainly a come up from a one bedroom, 2nd floor apartment."
Mac laughed, "It's drafty, decorated like a museum, and echoes. I miss my little apartment."
Ever the gentleman, Mic walked her up to the door. "It was good seeing you again Sarah. I've always regretted..."
Mac put her hand on his chest. "Mic stop. It's over. I'm just glad you're happy."
"Are you happy?"
Mac thought of the man she longed to see, "I could be...one day. Right now, I'm content with my life the way it is."
"If you ever need anything...."
Mac smiled, put her hand on his shoulder, and leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the cheek. "Thanks Mic. Now. Go home. Take care of your wife."
"I will. Mac, I hate to ask, but do you mind if I use your phone? I meant to call Helen before I left the party, but I didn't. I want to make sure she doesn't need anything from the grocery before I go home."
"Come on in." Mac said, smiling at his thoughtfulness. She opened the door and ushered him inside.
AJ sat in his rented car feeling his body ice over. Mic Brumby. His lips tightened, seeing her smile at him, touch him, kiss him, lead him into the house for a night of who knew what. He cranked the car, turning up the radio to drown out the voice in his head sneering at him, "Why should it make you angry that she's making love to Mic. She was married to the man after all." He gunned the engine, roaring away, the image of gold and diamonds flashing on their hands burning in his mind.
They stood an unfathomable distance apart, gazing at each other for a precious few seconds that seemed like an eternity. Finally, he started to turn away. She tried to call out to him, but her voice was silenced. He began to walk away. She tried to follow, but her movements were slow, like she was moving through a bog. Finally, she found her voice. "Wait!"
He stopped and turned to face her. The look on his face was one of loathing and disgust. She flinched from the _expression, but reached out just the same. Just as she was about to wrap her fingers around his the cloth of his blue uniform jacket--
-- she woke up, panting. She brushed at her face. Her hand came away wet with tears.
MONDAY, 7 JULY 2003
0930 BST
AMERICAN EMBASSY
LONDON, ENGLAND
Mac threw open the door to her office, slamming her briefcase and cover down on a chair beside her desk. Said desk, which always looked like an avalanche had hit it, now looked like it was on the verge of collapse. She groaned and covered her eyes, hoping the paperwork would go away. It didn't.
Mac sighed and sat down. She started shuffling through the reams of paper, separating them into piles mentally labeled as 'Urgent', 'Important', and 'Ignore until further notice'.
She continued this until a familiar voice interrupted her. "Good morning, Colonel MacKenzie."
"Whatever it is, Webb, the answer is no." She glared at the spy. He wore the smug, knowing look that always made her itch to slap him.
"Why, Mac, I was only going to ask if you had a nice weekend," Webb said, smirking.
"As a matter of fact, no, I didn't," Mac snapped. "What are you still doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be back in the States?"
"Now, now, Sarah, you know I can't answer that."
Mac rolled her eyes. "I don't have the time for your mind games, Webb. I have work to do. You know, for my job? The one that I'm paid to do?"
"Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. So... did you have any... unexpected visitors this weekend?"
"Actually, yes, I did. I ran into Mic Brumby at the Ambassador's party on Friday."
"Brumby? That Australian that you were engaged to? Well, it's a small world, after all."
"Oh, come on, Webb. That was trite, even for you."
"So," Webb said, returning to the original subject, "you didn't have anyone else show up at your house?"
"No--why?" Mac asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. "Was one of your spook friends supposed to drop by for a visit?"
"No. Someone was looking for you."
"Get to the point."
"He was searching everywhere for you. It was quite interesting to see how worried he was."
"Damn it, Webb, are you going to tell me who it was, or do I have to beat it out of you?"
"You know, you and AJ are incredibly alike. He used the same threat. And I'll have you know, you wouldn't get any information out of me if I didn't want you to."
Mac's heart started pounding. "He--was it--did he--"
Webb's smirk became more pronounced. "You know, Mac, I've never heard you stunned speechless before."
Mac glared at Webb. "Do you know where he is?"
"I thought he went to Amsterdam to find you. I gave him the address and everything," Webb said mildly.
"Well, I didn't see him. Are you sure he's all right?" Mac suddenly felt a rush of worry. What could have happened that AJ didn't get to where he was going?
"I'm sure he's fine, Mac. Maybe he just chickened out at the last moment."
Mac's temper flared. "AJ Chegwidden would not 'chicken out' of anything. He is the strongest, bravest man I've ever known. Don't you dare--"
"Calm down, Mac. I didn't mean anything by it. I know better than anyone how brave AJ can be. But for some men, putting their hearts on the line is more frightening than risking their lives in battle."
They sat in silence for a few moments. Finally, Webb said, "So he didn't contact you?"
Mac shook her head in the negative.
"Well, you'll just have to call him, then."
"What? What would I say? 'Hello, Admiral, I'm calling because Webb told me to'? Are you out of your mind?"
"Sometimes, I truly think so," Webb muttered. "No, you say that you miss him and want to see him again. Do I have to write it out for you? Now, enough of this agony aunt business, I have work to do myself." Webb walked to the door. "Call him, Mac."
Mac watched as the door swung closed. She groaned. She needed coffee, and an aspirin the size of her head.