Title: Dreams Come True
Authors: Shannon (kitty72885@yahoo.com), Kris (k809@sbcglobal.net), Rising Sun (jagrslc@yahoo.com), Sarah B. (sbrown@slbrown.com), Clair (Clairisant@revealed.net), and Paula B. (paulabilyeu2001@yahoo.com)
The FF of Shannon is archived at: http://www.geocities.com/kitty72885/
The FF of Rising Sun is archived at: http://www.geocities.com/jagrslc
Updates on Rising Sun FF join: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jagrslc
Join the Fan Fiction Challenge at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ffchallange/
Rating: PG-13 / NC-17 available at Behind Closed Doors http://pub10.ezboard.com/bbehindcloseddoors (Section: The Admiral and the Lt Colonel) and JAG Under Covers http://www.jagundercovers.com
Summary: Simple - If AJ is engaged is all lost for Mac?
Category: Round Robin; Romance; Other?
Spoilers: Vanished, Some One To Watch Over Annie, The Stalker, Retreat Hell, People vs Rabb, Yeah Baby, Touch and Go, Going After Francesca, A Tangled Webb
Disclaimers: None of these characters belong to any of the authors. They all belong to DPB and CBS. No author is doing this for monetary benefit.
Authors' Notes: This story was started before the three-part season finale. Therefore, the events of "Lawyers, Guns, and Money", "Pas De Deux", and "A Tangled Webb" have not occurred --unless someone wants to write it that way. ;-)
AN2: I'm so glad that there are so many enthusiastic authors willing to do this! I really hope we can get a good story going. This'll be pretty much open; whoever wants to add a part, feel free to do so.
AN3: If anyone can think of a good title for this story, go ahead and use it!
AN4: The Shania Twain lyrics are both from the Album “Up!”
The Quotes are from Othello and A Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare.
Feedback: Tis food for the soul so YES! Send it.
Permission to archive: You need to ask.
Story started: June 29, 2003
Saturday, 10 May 2003
1330 EDT
Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment
201 The Washington
Georgetown, Washington, DC
|
“H |
e proposed!"
The two words Sarah MacKenzie had been dreading for the past three months hung in the air like a thick fog. Her friend, Meredith Cavanaugh, and her commanding officer, AJ Chegwidden, had been dating on and off for about a year now. In February, after AJ had become lost in a blizzard after punching out of an F-14, they had finally become serious. Now, evidently, they were going to take the final step.
Mac licked her suddenly dry lips. "That's--that's wonderful, Meredith."
Of course, to Mac, AJ was not just her CO... but she couldn't admit that to anyone. It would mean her oak leaves.
She wasn't certain when her feelings for the tall, handsome admiral had changed. Oh, she had always found him attractive--actually, downright sexy. She supposed it had been just after Mic Brumby had left. She had been feeling quite down after the wedding had been cancelled, and AJ had basically called Mic a fool for letting her go. She had taken that thought with her on her TDY to the Guadalcanal, mulling over it at quiet times--which were rare, but happened enough to keep the memory fresh in her mind. Then, when she had returned from the Guadalcanal, AJ had suggested they run together in order to train for the JAGathon, the 10k race that had taken place in November 2001. Over the three months that they had trained together, she had learned many little things about her CO, which made her like him more and more as a person. Mac supposed it was during his Flag Mast that her feelings had really solidified. She couldn't stand the thought of AJ retiring--and not just because he was the best CO she had ever had. And when he had been lost in that blizzard... she had tried to prepare herself for the worst, so that it wouldn't hurt so much if it did happen.
When AJ and Meredith had met, Mac had been almost certain that nothing would come of it. Meredith just seemed too... flighty for what Mac had seen and heard of AJ's tastes in women. 'Well, you were obviously wrong, MacKenzie!' she told herself, silently berating herself for the tears that threatened to escape.
"Mac? Hello? Mac... you still there?"
Mac turned her attention back to the telephone receiver by her ear. "Yeah, I'm here. Sorry, Mer, I have a lot on my mind."
"Not too much, I hope. Mac, will you stand up for me?"
Mac dropped the phone. Fumbling to pick it up, her mind scrambled for a reply. "Uh, Meredith, aren't you supposed to ask a female relative to do that... or at the very least, a close friend?"
Meredith's laughter bubbled over the line. "Oh, Mac, I know that. But my sister and I haven't spoken for nearly fifteen years now, and I don't have too many close friends. Besides, if it weren't for you, AJ and I would never have met! Please, Mac? Won't you be my maid of honor?"
"Meredith, this is highly irregular... not to mention improper. I can't be in my CO's wedding party!"
"Oh, bosh. Why not? Everyone knows that we're friends. Please," Meredith beseeched her.
Mac took a deep, shuddering breath. Every nerve ending in her body was screaming, 'No! Hang up and run!' She ignored her tumbling emotions, and said, "Yes. Of course I will, Meredith."
"Wonderful! Now, we're going to have to have lunch sometime soon. I saw this gorgeous dress pattern while window shopping that I simply loved..." Mac tuned Meredith out as she rambled on.
'Oh, God. What have I done?' she thought in despair.
Part 2
Mac felt like throwing something against the wall just to hear it break, just like her heart was breaking. It was too late, she had waited to long. Now he was engaged to a woman she considered a friend. How could she even think of telling the Adm….AJ how she felt? That was how she thought of him, even if she shouldn’t. In her heart he was and always would be AJ.
Going for a run helped the edginess she was feeling, but it did nothing to lessen the pain in her heart. How could she walk up the aisle of a church with him waiting there in the front… for someone else not her? She would have to call Meredith and tell her she could not be her maid of honor.
‘Maybe I should go and talk to AJ and see if he could,’ Mac shook her head, ‘No! Bad idea Marine! Stay away from him! He is not yours and never will be now!’
Saturday, 10 May 2003
2330 EDT
AJ Chegwidden’s home
McLean Virginia
Mac walked to the door, ignoring the lateness of the hour and knocked. The Admiral came to the door rather quickly, indicating that he had not been in bed. He was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt and Mac found herself staring at the tight fit of those jeans.
“Mac, what are you doing here at this hour? Is something wrong?”
“No, AJ, I just had to talk to you.”
Startled at the use of his first name, AJ nonetheless backed up and allowed her to come into the living room.
“Have a seat, Mac, and tell me what you need to talk about. It must be pretty important if it brings you out at this hour.”
“Yes, it is. I want a transfer.”
“What?!” he bellowed.
“You heard me, I want a transfer,” she insisted.
“Mac… have you been drinking?”
“God, I wish I had been…. it would make this so much easier.”
“Please sit down and tell me what’s wrong. Why would you want a transfer? I thought you were happy at JAG.”
“I was till you…”
“Me? What did I do to make you unhappy, Mac?”
Throwing caution to the winds, Mac exclaimed, “You got engaged dam nit!!! How could you?”
“Mac, why should my engagement upset you so?”
“Because you are mine!!!” there she had said it! She had admitted how she felt, finally! This admission freed her to do what she had wanted to do for years, she stepped close to him and took his face in her hands and pulled him down to meet her lips in a rough and passionate kiss.
Not allowing him to pull back when she felt him try. Mac kept his lips locked with hers and started to lift his T-shirt over his head. She had come this far now she was not going to back out now!
AJ all of a sudden stopped resisting the kiss she had started and began to kiss her back. He was also busy trying to remove her clothing. It seemed he was as eager to see her naked as she was to see him that way.
The sound of her voice calling out, ‘AJ’ is what woke her from the most realistic dream she had ever had.
Miles away in McLean, AJ jerked awake as well. It had been a long time since he had had a wet dream. ‘My God, I am engaged to Meredith! What am I doing having that kind of dream about Mac?’ he thought as he got up to clean himself and the bed up.
Part 3
JAG Headquarters
The Next Day
0500 Hours
Mac had gone into the office that morning early after waking up from her dream. She was restless and decided that she might as well go and get an early start to the day.
The Admiral was surprised when he walked into the bullpen and went to Mac's office to find her there at this hour. He knocked on the door and she rose at attention.
"Please, sit. Mac, what are you doing here at this hour? Better yet, what time did you get here?"
"About 0400, Sir. I...I couldn't sleep so I figured I might as well get some work done."
AJ nodded his head. "Yeah, I thought the same thing this morning. I have been up since about 0300 but...I guess I was trying to fight it."
"Wedding Day nerves, Sir?" AJ looked up at her with surprised eyes. "I am sorry, Sir, that is none of my business."
"Well, in a way, I guess it is. Meredith told me that she asked you to be her maid of honor." Mac nodded and looked down at her paperwork, desperately trying to avoid his face. He sat down in the chair in front of hers and tried to see what she was trying to conceal. She looked up slightly to find her eyes locked with his eyes. They stared at each other like this for what seemed like eternity, but it was actually only about 30 seconds.
"Mac; if you don't feel comfortable standing up for Meredith, I can tell her to find someone else. I could easily say that it is against protocol or something like that."
"Well, Sir...it isn't...I mean...I don't...." Mac could feel the tear coming down her cheek but was unable to push them all back. She was desperately trying to fight her feelings, but was not succeeding with much grace. Her dream only brought her feelings more to life. Having him here now only made it feel more real. AJ could see something was upsetting Mac. He reached into his pants and pulled out a napkin and gave it to her.
"Mac, what is it? What's wrong?
"I'm sorry, A., I mean, Sir... I am ok, now"
'Was she really about to call me AJ? Is it something that I said?' "Mac, you obviously are not fine, otherwise you wouldn't be crying. You know you can talk to me if you want? I am always here for you."
Mac shook her head. Hearing him say that he was always going to be there for her upset her even more, because pretty soon, he wasn't going to be there. He would be with Meredith.
AJ sat in his chair confused and baffled. He had never seen Mac so upset. He desperately wanted to take her into his arms and tell her it would be ok. That he would make everything right some how. 'Where did that come from?' AJ stood and went to the door. He thought maybe she wanted to be alone. He was also very confused.
"Mac, I will let you have some privacy. I am just around the corner if you need me though." AJ was almost out of the door when he heard Mac's whisper.
"Please, don't go."
Coming back inside he closed the door. “What is it?”
She took a deep breath. She couldn’t do this. She wouldn’t do this to herself. All last night, after her dream, she had thought of nothing but drinking. Nothing, not even AJ Chegwidden, was worth that. She had get away from him. But what?
Like a sign from above she remembered a message she had deleted yesterday. Friends were always sending her job postings and before Meredith’s call she had always deleted them without question. But now she remembered it.
“Mac?” His voice was soft and full of concern. But she knew she had to broach the subject carefully. Somehow, ‘I need to leave because I want to fuck you senseless,’ didn’t seem quite right. It would certainly work, but she didn’t need him thinking she was a slut.
“Sir. I have a request. I’ve given it a lot of thought. I know it will put you in a bind, but it will be good for me and my career.”
He cocked his head and wondered what that had to do with standing up for Meredith. He felt his insides grow cold, dreading what she was about to say. “You aren’t resigning again are you, Colonel?” He hadn’t meant for his voice to sound so cold, but he couldn’t help it.
Her head jerked up and she bit her lip so hard she could taste blood. “No sir. This could actually mean a full Colonel.”
“Indeed.” His eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms. All thoughts of weddings and Meredith suddenly moved to the back burner. “Well?”
There’s a posting for a military attaché for our embassy in London.” «Don’t you see. Oh please see. This is best. For me. For you. For Meredith. I have to do this. Maybe that dream had meant something. Just not what I wanted it to mean.»
AJ felt lightheaded. He wasn’t sure he heard her correctly. «She wants to leave? Leave me? How could she?» “You feel like you’re in a rut here, Colonel?”
“It’s time to move on, sir. I feel it is best for the Marine Corps and my career. I’m just going through the motions.”
“Indeed. I hadn’t noticed.” He glared down at the woman he had wanted for nearly five years now. He had tried hard to find adequate substitutes. He had found one. Meredith. Available; she didn’t have the restrictions of being a subordinate. Age he and Meredith shared the same history. Interests; they shared a love of Shakespeare. And, if Meredith was reckless, she seemed to be working on it. He knew a lot of men who cracked jokes about their wives’ cooking. He didn’t want to be alone in his old age. He wanted a companion even if there wasn’t deep passion. Damn, he wanted Mac. «Well sailor, you can’t have her. Maybe this is all for the best.»
«What is he thinking about? He looks so sad, so angry. Is he mad at me? Tough! I need this.»
He quickly nodded his head. “Very well, Colonel. Allow me to make some phone calls. I’ll get back to you this afternoon.”
“Thank you, sir.”
Without another word, AJ turned and practically threw open her door. And if he closed it a little harder than necessary, she told herself it was just an accident. It was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders only to settle in the pit of her stomach. «Fine and good. He wants this too. He didn’t even try and talk me out of it. He is probably disappointed in me. Or he just doesn’t care. This will be good for me. This will be good for me. I will not cry. Maybe the transfer won’t go through. Stop it. I want this.»
JAG Headquarters
The Next Day
0850 Hours
Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. was in a hurry. He was late AGAIN. The Admiral was going to have his head or maybe just put him on bread, water and little old ladies wills for the next eighteen years or so.
Traffic was getting worse in DC. What he needed was his own air transport after all he was a pilot – military at that.
Feeling like the last kid in class Harm pushed open the large oak doors to the conference room that doubled as the weekly briefing room and of course all eyes zoomed his way.
He could cut the atmosphere with a knife. “Sorry sir.” He mumbled and slipped into the nearest seat. Even as he settled down he felt the atmosphere – something was not right.
Then the other shoe dropped.
The Admiral took a deep breath and not even looking Mac’s way made the announcement. “The Colonel has been made Legal Attaché to the US Ambassador to St James’s Court…” The collective gasp cut him short.
Harriett spoke first. “Effective immediately, Sir?”
This time AJ looked at Mac she seemed to have shrunk, or was that his imagination. God! She was so beautiful and deadly – an irresistible combination. He scanned her, but she refused to look at him. She looked as miserable as he felt. He had made arrangements for the assignment to be immediate but now his SEAL instincts were kicking in.
Why the sudden need to move?
Why NOW?
Why not a change chain of command?
Why change country?
What about Harm? Even Meredith had noted they needed couple counseling.
If she was getting the assignment why the mournful look?
He came to decision; well actually he played a hunch. “No, Lieutenant. Meredith has asked and the Colonel has agreed to be the Maid of Honour at our wedding. Once that obligation is met, then it will be immediate.” What was that he saw cross Mac’s face? Relief? Horror? What was wrong with that woman! Well now he had time to find out.
Mac heard the words and was torn. That was fast. Was he THAT eager to see the back of her? Well she too needed to get away but she so wanted to be near him. She focused. When was the wedding? Lord she hoped it wasn’t this time next year. With her luck who knew?
It was bad enough that she had to stay here but as Chief of Staff it was now budget season and if last year was any indication she and AJ were about to spend some long nights together. Or may be that was good. Who knew? By now her nerves were too raw for her logic to make any sense. “Huh?” she looked up at Sturgis.
“Congrats Mac.” He said.
She looked round. They were alone. “Where is everyone?”
He looked round as if to confirm the absence. “Gone.”
“But you stayed.” She stood.
“I was wondering…”
“About.”
“Harm.” He said in a conspirital manner.
“What about him.” She gathered her files together.
“How can you leave the man you love behind?” He was recalling her confession all those months ago.
Mac stood, took a deep breath, looked the man in the eye and said, “I’ve met someone worthy of me. Unrequited love will only go so far.” And that’s more of the truth than you will know she thought.
“Uh huh.” Sturgis nodded, he fell into step with her. “As a friend I love Harm dearly, but as a friend I KNOW that the man is a fool. And letting to slip through his fingers is one I’ll never understand. On the other hand, I wish you all the best, with the new career and new man.”
“That all she’s ever wanted.” Harm said as they rounded the corner.
Mac paled, had he heard? If so how much?
His next words left no doubt. “Remember it’s what you have always wanted - a great career, a good man, and comfortable shoes, lots and lots of them.” Then he turned on his heel and walked away.
“He didn’t hear.” Sturgis had read her mind.
She only managed to nod as she headed for her office. She needed to find out when the wedding was. The decision now was who to ask. The Admiral or Meredith?
She groaned first an aspirin as she considered not just that but the upcoming budget nights.
JAG HQ
2030 Hours
One Week Later
"... so the Comptroller allotted us only $22 million total for computer-related expenses, but that's not going to leave enough for the equipment upgrades we need to tie offices in the PACCOM into the new case-tracking system, so maybe we can suggest shifting some from the, uh, the ... hmm ... where can we spare some money?" Mac asked, scratching her head and digging through a pile of papers.
AJ looked through a printout on his lap and then up at Mac. "I don't know where we can squeeze out another penny," he said. "Maybe we can put the equipment in as a procurement request instead of under Operations & Maintenance. ..." He rattled on for several minutes, throwing out various strategies and figures, and finally said, "What do you think, Mac? Mac??"
Mac started at the sound of her name. She'd pretty much stopped paying attention as soon as he looked up at her, peering at her over the top of his glasses. He thought the reading glasses made him look old, but she thought there was no sexier sight than him with those half glasses perched on his nose, staring deeply into her eyes. She couldn't count the number of dreams she'd had that began with her reaching over to pull those glasses from his face just before she put her lips to his in a hot, wet, frantic kiss ... mmmm ... she unconsciously licked her lips thinking about it as she drifted back into her fantasy.
AJ stared at her glazed eyes and flushed cheeks, stunned. Dear Lord, if he didn't know better, he'd swear the woman was in the throes of a sexual fantasy! What it was about budget figures and end-of-year forecasts that could get her excited, he couldn't begin to imagine. Although he had to admit that he'd drifted off into that realm once or twice himself this evening. Something about her sitting across the coffee table from him sitting in that oversized armchair ... she'd discarded her shoes hours ago, and he found the way she fidgeted her bare feet when she was trying to figure something out unbelievably sexy. He wanted to pull her out of the chair and on top of him as he stretched out on the couch ... He pulled himself up with a jerk. "MAC!" he repeated, as much to snap himself out of it as her.
"Oh, Sir, I'm sorry, I was just..." she trailed off lamely. "Tell me again why Bud isn't here helping us?" she said, trying to divert him.
"He's still on restricted duty, can't let him work the late nights anymore," AJ explained. "Damn shame, too – that boy is a wonder with budgets. We could really use his brain right now. Uh, no offense, Colonel."
"None taken believe me. Maybe it's time to return him to full active status. When I'm gone, he'd make a great Chief of Staff." She saw him wince as mentioned her departure, just as she felt the pain inside herself. They'd manage to avoid the subject for a week by unspoken agreement. Oh, well, now that it was out in the open again ... "Uh, speaking of which, Sir, when is the wedding? Meredith never said." Probably because Mac had been dodging her phone calls. She couldn't bear listening to her friend go on and on about how happy she was to be marrying AJ.
"Uh, let's see, I had Tiner put it on my schedule, hang on..." he replied, picking up his Palm Pilot. "Oh, yes, four weeks from next Saturday." He felt that sinking feeling again – the one he got every time he thought about his wedding day. He'd managed to avoid getting sucked into all the wedding plans by pleading budget season, but that wouldn't work forever. He sighed.
Mac caught the look of disquiet that passed over his face and felt a flare of hope. Maybe he wasn't as thrilled to be getting married as he pretended to be. He didn't even know the date of his own wedding without looking it up. She still had four weeks. Did she dare use them to find out if it she wasn't too late, if she could make him feel about her the way she felt about him? She knew he desired her – she'd caught him in a few times this week staring at her legs in a very unbusineslike manner. Once they'd accidentally touched hands reaching for the same chart, and she was sure he'd felt the same jolt she had at the contact. And they knew each other so well – these late work nights had reminded her how close they'd gotten on a personal level in the past couple of years. Could she put those two facets together and make them click in his heart?
‘But what about Meredith?' her conscience prodded. ‘Remember Mer, your FRIEND? Who asked you to be her Maid of Honor? Who TRUSTS you to spend all these nights alone with her fiancé?' Mac parried, ‘Hey, is my fault the woman is stupid? Besides,' she rationalized, ‘if AJ and I are really meant to be together, than I'm saving her from marrying the wrong man.' She realized how lame that sounded, but dammit, this was serious! Her whole future depended on it, and she couldn't see how Meredith could possibly love AJ in the same soul-deep way that she did. She looked across at him for a moment and came to a decision.
"Sir, I don't know about you, but I'm starving," she said. "Why don't we pack all this stuff up and go to my apartment? I'll fix some dinner and we can finish most of this stuff in just a few hours." ‘And then maybe I'll see how long it takes to finish you off,' she thought naughtily.
AJ stared at her for a long moment, assessing her. He wasn't sure what she was up to, but he knew she was up to something. And by the gleam in her eye, it was something ... good. For the last week, he'd fretted about his decision to marry Meredith, knowing he would never love her as he did the woman across from him. He'd asked for a sign, something to tell him if he was doing the right thing. Maybe this was the answer he'd been asking for.
Ever since she'd abruptly asked for a transfer after his engagement, he'd wondered. Maybe his wedding is what had made her cry that morning in her office. That's why he'd played a hunch and delayed her transfer. He'd thought about laying his feelings out in the open and seeing if he could ever hope for Mac to return them. He knew she found him attractive – hell, hadn't he just caught her fantasizing? He was pretty sure it wasn't the FY04 budget that had put that look in her eyes. And the last week being closeted together for hours at a time had reminded him how close they'd gotten over the years, all the little personal things they'd shared. Could she be thinking the same way he was? He decided it was time to find out.
"Sounds good, Mac, but I've tasted your cooking," he said, beginning to stack up the papers surrounding them. "We'll go to my place."
Monday, 19 May 2003
Chegwidden Residence
McLean, Virginia
2130 EST
An hour later, AJ and Mac were pulling up to AJ's ranch house. Parking and climbing out of their cars, they walked up the pathway in silence. Mac, who was watching the object of her fantasies instead of where she was going, tripped going up the steps. AJ moved quickly and caught her before she fell. Mac smiled at him, and he stood there, transfixed by her beautiful brown eyes shining in the dim light.
"Thank you, sir," Mac murmured breathlessly.
AJ blinked. "Oh, no problem, Mac," he replied, flashing her a crooked grin. Mac's heart leapt into her throat. Did he have any idea how strongly he affected her? 'Probably not; we wouldn't be here if he did. Or would we...?'
AJ unlocked the door and gestured for Mac to precede him into the house. He followed and flipped on the light switch, illuminating the living room. AJ walked through to the kitchen, throwing his keys and cover onto a low table as he did.
"Just make yourself at home, Mac," he called. "Would you like something to drink?"
"Um, water, please," Mac answered distractedly. She was looking at the pictures on the mantle above the fireplace. There were many of Francesca, AJ's daughter; a few of Meredith (Mac winced as she saw these; her conscience was active enough as it was); but the majority of the photographs were of the JAG staff. Mac smiled sadly as she realized that, like herself, AJ considered JAG his family. Her eyes fell onto a photograph toward the back, and she laughed.
Lifting the frame so she could see the picture better, she asked quietly, "Where in the world did you get a copy of this?"
"Rabb," AJ answered just as quietly. Mac jumped, not expecting him to be so close. AJ smiled, handing her a bottle of water. "I believe he gave them to everyone. He said that it was the first time he had ever beaten you in a fight of any kind, and wanted to 'save the moment for posterity'.
" Mac snorted, replacing the picture of the snowball fight. "Uh-huh. I won that fight, thank you very much!" she said, smirking. "As if a squid could ever beat a Marine at anything!"
"Oh, I think there have been a few times," AJ replied, raising an eyebrow.
"Name three," Mac said, eyes sparkling.
AJ smiled slightly then said, "Why don't you start the salad while I go get the printouts from my car?"
"Sure," Mac answered. Then, "Hey, you're just trying to worm your way out of my challenge, aren't you?"
AJ just nodded. She sighed theatrically then said, "Fine, fine, I'll go make the salad." She placed the picture back in its place and went into the kitchen.
AJ lifted the frame and gazed at the photograph. Mac's eyes were sparkling, her cheeks were pink from cold and exertion, and her hair was wild from the wind. She looked beautiful. AJ replaced the frame and went outside.
****
After a delicious dinner of pasta and salad, Mac and AJ were in the living room, getting back to work on the budget.
After a few moments, AJ put his papers aside and turned to Mac. "Mac, something's been bothering you. What is it?"
Mac's hands tightened on the sheaf of papers she held. "N-nothing, sir. I'm fine." "Mac, you are not fine. I've known you for seven years; I can tell when you're upset." He couldn't see why Mac was being so stubborn about it. He pulled the papers out of her hands and placed them on the table. Taking her hands in his, he gazed at her and said softly, "Mac, please. Talk to me. If something's wrong, I want to help."
Mac bit her lip and looked down. 'I can't. This is wrong. It's inappropriate. There are so many reasons why we can't do this. What was I thinking, coming here?' She looked at their intertwined hands. "I wish..." she started, then broke off.
"You wish what, Mac?" AJ placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head. Meeting her eyes, he asked gently. "What do you wish for?"
She sat, mesmerized by his face so close to hers, unable to move. He usually looked so stern and forbidding, every inch an admiral. Now, as he tried to get her to talk to him, he looked so tender and gentle. She had many wishes. Her biggest one would never be granted. However, she could give herself one small wish; one to tide her over on those cold, lonely nights without him. Even if it wasn't much, it was something. With that reasoning, and firmly pushing her nagging conscience aside for a few moments, she reached up and pulled his glasses off of his face. She leaned forward, closing the few inches between them. AJ sat in shock, unable to move as Mac's lips met his. Finally, he gave himself a mental shake. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. Following his fantasy in his office, he lay back, pulling Mac with him. He moved his hands, running his fingers through her hair, cupping her rear with the other. Mac moaned and pressed closer. She couldn't believe it. She was finally there with AJ, after wanting him for so long. She pulled away from his lips and started trailing kisses down his neck. The sound a car pulling into the driveway pulled the two from their reverie. Mac scrambled toward the opposite end of the couch and tried to neaten herself. The front door opened.
"AJ! Are you home, sweetheart?"
****
AJ jumped to his feet, "Meredith! I didn't expect you tonight!"
"I can see that," she replied, taking in Mac on the couch and the paper work spread all around.
"Was there something that could not wait? Mac and I really need to get this budget work finished."
"Oh I just dropped by to talk over some of the wedding plans. I did not know you would be working on the budget here at home."
Mac spoke for the first time, "It was getting late and we needed to eat, it was either take time off and go get food or come here and keep working while we ate."
"Good thinking then," she answered. "That way you can finish quicker and I can have this man's evenings back to myself all the sooner. But while you are here I wanted to show you the dress I was thinking of for you as maid-of-honor." Meredith came over and sat down between Mac and AJ on the couch. She flipped open a magazine that she had brought in with her and pointed to one of the most ugly dresses that Mac had ever seen. "What do you think of this one?"
Trying to find a diplomatic way to tell her friend just how much she hated the dress, Mac's eyes fell on the wedding dress on the opposite page of the magazine. It was as beautiful as the other one was ugly. The dress was champagne colored satin and lace, with embroidered bead work on the front, the back plunged to the waist line and the skirt and train of the dress must have had twelve yards of fabric in them! Mac could just see herself in this wedding gown, and her fantasy led her even farther. She saw herself walking up the aisle with AJ waiting there for her in his dress whites. Her sigh of regret was audible and caused AJ to turn and look at her.
He too had seen the wedding gown and his thoughts had also put Mac in the dress and in the church coming up the aisle to him. `My God,' there he went again! `Your fiancé is sitting right next to you and you are having fantasies about Mac! You should be ashamed, squid!'
"Meredith, I really don't think plum is Mac's color," AJ finally managed to say.
"How did you know…oh I forgot that your daughter is a fashion designer, you must have learned about color from her? By the way,
have you found out if she will be able to come to the wedding yet?"
From the guilty look on AJ's face, Mac knew he had not talked to Francesca yet about coming to the wedding.
"Not yet, Meredith. I will call her again about the date and let you know. Now I hate to rush you off but we must get back to work."
"You are not sending me off without a kiss are you, AJ?" she purred, turning to face him and puckering up her lips.
`It was a good thing her eyes were closed,' Mac thought, so she did not see that AJ pulled back a bit at her request. With hungry eyes, Mac watched him place a peck on her lips, and her thoughts turned back to the kiss they had been sharing when Meredith had come in. The two could not compare! Maybe there was some feelings for her after all! Could she work up the courage to do something about it when Meredith finally left???
Part 9
Five minutes later, AJ closed the door behind Meredith and turned back to the couch where Mac was sitting. He walked back to the sofa and sat down on the opposite end.
Mac sat on the couch wrestling with her conscience. Not ten minutes ago she was kissing AJ and then five minutes later looking at a maid of honor dress. 'Honor. I can't do this. I won't betray Meredith like that, no matter what my feelings for AJ are. He asked her to marry him. That means something. He isn't going to walk away from that because of a kiss. A kiss I started. Let me just finish this work and walk out of here with what little dignity I have left.'
AJ was studying Mac trying to figure out what she must be thinking. 'I am so confused. I wish I knew what was going on. Is there a chance that Mac could have real feelings for me? As much as I do care for Meredith, I love Mac. I always have. I would walk through water to make Mac mine.' AJ cleared his throat.
"Mac, what just happened here? Where did this come from?"
Mac searched his eyes for a ray of hope but all she saw was confusion. She knew she had no right to feel the way she did and ever hope that he would want her the same way.
"I am so sorry, Sir. My behavior was inexcusable. I would completely understand if you want to bring me up on charges, but if you are willing to put it behind us, I would be eternally grateful, Sir."
AJ looked down. He was sad and heartbroken, but got his answer. "Consider it forgotten, Colonel. Let's finish the budget tomorrow at the office. I am exhausted."
Mac stood and came to attention. "Aye, Sir."
Without another word, Mac collected her belongings and was gone.
The next few days at the office were business as usual. They finished the budget and turned it into the SecNav. Meredith was showing up more and more at the office, going over wedding day plans with AJ. Mac stood in the background and watched with a sad and heavy heart. She loved this man so much that seeing him every day was almost becoming unbearable. Mac used to look forward to staff meetings and conferences. Any excuse to be near him. Now, being this close to him only hurt her, because she believed that he could never love her and return her feelings.
The wedding was approaching quickly. Mac was dreading and looking forward to the day at the same time. Today was especially difficult. Mac was meeting Meredith for lunch to discuss details and her heart just wasn't in it.
Meredith came into the bullpen about 11:00. Mac came out of her office confused.
"Meredith, I thought we were meeting at noon?"
"I know, Mac, but something has come up and I am just frantic." Meredith looked extremely irritated and in full panic mode.
"Calm down. Take a deep breath." Meredith nodded her head and took in several deep breaths. AJ was walking toward the kitchen when he saw Meredith nearly hipper ventilating in the bullpen. He sat down his coffee cup and rushed over.
"Meredith, what's wrong? What is it, darlin?"
Mac tried to back off and leave, but Meredith held her hand tight. After a few minutes, Meredith started to calm down.
"AJ, we have a problem. I have an emergency meeting out of town. I have tried to get out of it, but I can't. I am supposed to be meeting with the wedding planner first thing tomorrow morning."
"Can't you reschedule the appointment, Meredith? I am sure the wedding planner would understand."
Meredith shook her head furiously. "I tried. She said that tomorrow was it and if one of us wasn't there then there would be no way that she could make things ready by the wedding date."
AJ crossed his arms and slowly nodded his head. "Ok. I will do it. I will take the meeting."
Meredith began to calm down and nodded her head. "Oh, thank goodness. Thank you, AJ. There is only one thing that I insist on."
"Of course, dear, what is that?"
Meredith smiled and looked at Mac. "That you take Mac with you."
AJ glared at his fiancé. "Why would I take Mac with me?" he demanded. He could see the bright red spread across Mac's face and realized that she was about to say something. Something dangerous that could possibly destroy her career.
"Because, Mac will know what to do." Meredith said with surprising determination. "After all men, are so silly about this kind of thing." There was something in her voice, something in her stance that scared AJ more than the look on Mac's face. «She knows. Dear
God, she knows.»
"Indeed, madam." AJ put a hurt look on his face. "Unfortunately, Colonel MacKenzie has other things she needs to do tomorrow. I'll go and handle it." He stomped out of the bullpen.
"Now what?" Meredith huffed but Mac caught the look in her eye.
«She's hurt. She suspects something. She noticed something the other night»
Coolly, Meredith gave her full attention to Mac. "He couldn't even manage to propose right and he expects me to leave the wedding planner to him? I don't think so. See what you can do to get out of your meeting, Mac. After all, you are the maid of honor."
Mac licked lips that felt like they had in Afghanistan. "Actually, Mer, I can't. I'm sorry. But it's your wedding. I would think that something this important would overshadow anything else. I know it would for me." She too left her friend in the middle of the bullpen, slamming her office door a bit too forcefully.
She flopped down in her chair. She couldn't do this. The wedding was a week away and she knew she couldn't do this. He couldn’t ask her to do this. Resolutely, she picked up the phone on her desk and dialed Harriet's extension. "Let me know when Dr. Cavanaugh has left the building."
"She's going into see the Admiral now. You want to talk?" Harriet said softly.
"Nothing to talk about." Mac hung up the phone and pulled out another report that she had to go over. She wasn't handling any cases now, but there were reports that had to get done and if she had her way, they had to be done by tonight.
At the soft tap on her door she muttered, "Enter." She wasn't surprised to see Harriet standing there. She wasn't surprised at the concerned look on the woman's face. She just didn't want to deal with it right now.
"Is she gone?"
"Yes and she didn't look happy." Harriet closed the door. "Ma'am…Sarah, what's going on?"
"Nothing I can talk about, Harriet." She stood up.
"You're in love with him, aren't you? That's why you're leaving."
Mac forced her knees to remain locked. She breathed deeply through her nose and held it for a count before answering. "You'll excuse me, Lieutenant Sims, I have a report to take to my commanding officer."
"He won't be your CO once you transfer." Harriet's look of concern almost undid Mac, but she straightened her shoulders.
"No. He'll be married. And besides, what are you thinking, Harriet? I can transfer and two weeks later start dating him? You think that's going to fly? I would appreciate it if you kept this conversation to yourself." She walked around her desk and gently emphasized her request. "Yourself, Harriet. Not Coates, not Bud, certainly not Harm." She opened the door and made her way across the bullpen.
Not even stopping for Tiner to announce her, she firmly rapped on the door and entered AJ's office.
He was sitting back in his chair staring at her - no - staring through her. She had never seen him look so sad before and somehow she knew. "Let me guess, no wedding?"
He finally focused on her. "She knew."
Even as she nodded, she had to ask. "Knew what?"
He just looked at her and sighed again. "She had no meeting."
"I figured. Meredith is a lot of things, but she isn't stupid."
"I tried to talk her out of it."
"Why? You want to marry her?"
"Who else?"
She shrugged. She should have been elated, but she wasn't. Nothing had changed. What she told Harriet was true. "I want to go tonight. I can't wait around anymore."
"I don't want you to go." His eyes were tortured and she knew he had accepted the fact of the kiss. He loved her, perhaps as much as she loved him. Tough.
"Sure you do." She stepped up to the desk. "Here's the manpower report. Everything else can wait."
"You doing my job for me now, Colonel?" There was no anger in his voice, only an intense weariness – and sadness. She longed to reach out to him, touch him, comfort him. But, she knew that even that was denied her.
"I have always done that part of the job for you." She could feel the tears rising in her throat. She would not cry over something she could do nothing about. "Please…AJ. Either sign the transfer now or I'm afraid I'm going to be too sick to come into work."
He nodded, knowing in his heart that it was the only way. She was too young to give up her career. Hell, he was too young. What would he do? Was there anything else? How could he make this work? He sat back and studied her for a long time. Long enough for her to begin to lose that Marine resolve. He had never seen her fidget before. He did that to her. He wanted only one thing now, he wanted her and he would have her. He had run black ops, he had commanded men in battle and he had run roughshod over Harmon Rabb, Junior for nearly eight years. Okay, so he hadn't succeeded there as well as he would have wished, but this he would not fail in.
Standing, he walked over to her. Getting into her personal space until only a breath of air separated their lips. "Very well, Colonel, run to London. But just make sure to look over your shoulder."
She wanted nothing more than to close the whisper of a gap. But her eyes were mesmerized by his intense stare. "Why is that, sir?"
"Because you'll see me there one of these days."
"You can't."
"I will find a way." With that he closed the distance for just a moment. "Go pack, Marine."
"Aye-aye, sir," she breathed.
As she turned to exit the office she wondered how long the euphoria would last before reality set back in.