The Wish - Part 9

Justin cursed under his breath when he saw Caleb waiting for him outside the school.  Instead of getting better, his life was only getting worse.  On top of having to pack and move to his mother’s new townhouse he had to deal with getting ready for finals and graduation.  He also had his fallout with Daphne after he made a stupid mistake of sleeping with her, Chris Hobbs and his friends picking on him, AND the guilt of having cheated on Caleb yet again to worry about. 

“Hey,” Justin plastered on a fake smile.

“Hey, stranger,” Caleb said, smiling back at him.  “Feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“I know.  Sorry.  But with the move and everything…” Justin still couldn’t make himself meet Caleb’s eyes.  A part of him wanted to come clean and tell Caleb what he did.  But another part of him was sure that if he did, he’d lose Caleb for sure.  He almost had as it was…when he decided to give Daphne what she asked for.  Caleb wasn’t too fond of his decision to sleep with his best friend.

“I understand,” Caleb sounded disappointed.  “Are you all moved in?”

“Almost.  Just have a few boxes left to unpack.”  Justin lit a cigarette. 

Caleb knew that it wasn’t just the move that was bothering Justin.  He had been distant for weeks.  “Well, how about you come out with us tonight?”

“I don’t know, Cale, I have a lot of…”

“Please,” Caleb pleaded.

“I’ve got homework.”

“It’s Friday.”

“And unpacking,” Justin added.

Caleb took a step closer to him.  He cupped Justin’s face and lifted it up, trying to get Justin to look at him.  Justin tried to look away, but Caleb insisted.  “Justin, is something wrong?  With us, I mean.”

Justin finally looked him in the eyes, “No.”  He wondered if his nose was growing.  He wanted to scream, “I’m a lying cheating sack of shit.”  Instead he just took a step back.  “Everything’s fine.”

Caleb wasn’t convinced, but he let it go.  He hated feeling so completely insecure all the time, but he found that he had fallen for the blonde twink.  “Well, how about tomorrow night?  It’s the big night at Babylon.”

“Big night?”

“Yeah.  It’s the King of Babylon contest.  Lots of hot guys taking their clothes off.”

“Are you serious?  God, who would do something like that?”  Justin was grateful for the change in subject.

Caleb shrugged, “Lots of people.  I think they get like a grand for winning.”

“Oh.”

“So, what do you say?”

Justin sighed.  The only thing he wanted to do right now was to get home, lock his door and hide under the covers for the rest of his life.  But that wasn’t an option anymore.  “I’ll try.” 

Caleb gave in, realizing that it was better than nothing.  “You want a ride home?”

The thought of being alone with Caleb in the car did not appeal to Justin who felt the guilt come back with a vengeance.  “No, it’s fine.  I have to stop by the store first.”

Justin hated to see the look of disappointment on Caleb’s face once again.  He watched his boyfriend get in the car and drive away before turning around and walking toward the bus stop.

~~~

Hoping to redeem himself…at least in his own eyes…Justin showed up at Caleb’s the next day with take-out.  He congratulated himself on it being a good plan when he saw Caleb’s face light up as soon as he opened the door.

They lit candles and then sprawled on the floor with the food. 

“What time are the guys gonna be here?” Justin asked, stuffing his face full of chicken egg roll.

“Uhm…should be here soon,” Caleb replied.  “Pass the rice.”

Justin did as asked and then started on the crab rangoon…his favorite. 

“Do you have plans for this summer?” Caleb asked.

“Uhm…no, not really.  I’ll probably look for a job to…you know…save some money for when school starts.”

“Oh.”  There was that disappointed look again.

“Why?”

“Oh, nothing.  I just thought…well…there’s this really cool camping place just outside of town.  We could…you know…go there some time,” Caleb said, hopeful.

“Uhm…I’m not much of a camping person,” Justin hoped Caleb wouldn’t force the issue.

“Oh…well…we could just rent a cabin or something,” Caleb said, grasping at straws.  The last few weeks he had felt like he was losing Justin, like he was slowly slipping away from him.

Justin could tell how hard Caleb was trying to make this work.  He smiled slightly, “Sure.”  He knew he said the right thing when a grin spread across Caleb’s face.  Feeling a little less guilty now, Justin once again concentrated on his food.

When he looked up the next time he noticed Caleb still staring at him, still with a huge smile on his face.

“What?” he asked shyly.

“Nothing,” Caleb shook his head.  “It’s just nice.  THIS is nice.”

Justin smiled.

“Wish we could do this more often,” Caleb said.

Justin looked down at his food, “Yeah.”  He sighed, relaxing for the first time in weeks.  For a moment it seemed like his life was starting to get back to normal instead of spinning more and more out of control with every passing moment. 

“I love you.”

Or maybe not.

His eyes shot up at Caleb, his brain trying to figure out if he imagined what he had just heard.  The look on Caleb’s face told him that he didn’t.  ‘Fuck!  Fuck?  That was not a reaction a person should have to someone else telling him they loved you, is it?’  Justin thought his heart would burst out of his chest as he tried to figure out what to say.  His mind was drawing a blank.  And he was sure one of the crab rangoons was stuck in his throat.

“Justin?”

Justin made himself look back up at the other man.  “Yeah?”  He tried to clear his throat.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Yeah.”

Justin got off the floor.

“Oh,” Caleb said.  He did not expect that kind of reaction from Justin.  He got up as well.  “Well…”

‘What do I say? What do I say?’ was the only thing running through Justin’s mind.

“Caleb…”

“Justin?”

“I…uhm…well…I…”  It was as if he had lost all of his vocabulary in a blink of an eye.

Caleb took a step back as if somebody punched him, understanding what Justin’s reaction meant.  “You don’t.”

“What?” Justin muttered.

“You don’t…love me.”

“Cale…” Justin took a step closer, but Caleb held out a hand, stopping him from getting closer.  “Caleb, I…” Justin tried again, but he didn’t get a chance to say anything more because the door opened and Nicholas and Kevin walked in.

~~~

“You know, some people don’t know when to quit,” Nicholas chirped as the four of them watched some old guy dance on stage.

“We’ll see what you say when you turn forty,” Kevin smirked at his lover.

“That ain’t ever happening, baby,” Nicholas replied, “I’m never getting older than twenty nine.”

Kevin sneered.

“Hey, what’s with the two of you?” Nicholas turned to the other two members of their little group who hadn’t uttered one word the whole night.

“Nothing,” Caleb said, glancing over at Justin.

Nicholas turned to Justin expecting him to be a little bit more forthcoming with information.

“Nothing,” Justin said as well.

“Ouch…that bad?” Nick said, he and Kevin exchanging a look.

Justin could feel Caleb’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t make himself meet his gaze.  He tried to focus on the man on stage when he suddenly felt somebody pulling him up.  “Excuse us, but we need to talk,” Caleb said as he practically dragged Justin after him.

~~~

Getting tired of David’s self-righteous tirade and after planning a small prank on him, Brian moved up to the catwalk to check out the crowd for potential tricks.  Looking over at where Michael and David stood, Brian smirked.  He was relieved to finally have his best friend back after months of not talking.  His plan for Michael’s thirtieth birthday worked too well.  This was the longest they’d ever gone without talking, even when he was in college.  But when Michael found out that Brian’s father died he showed up at his door without a second thought.  There were no apologies, no words said about what happened.  It wouldn’t be their style.  All was forgiven and forgotten like a bad dream. 

Pushing all thoughts aside, he looked down at the crowd below.  A young twink in a white midriff tee caught his eye.

~~~

Caleb found the farthest corner he could find.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Justin demanded, not appreciating being dragged across half of the dance floor.

“I need to know,” Caleb said.  “I need to know NOW.”

“Know what?”  He knew exactly what Caleb was referring to but he still had no idea what to say.  Everything inside him told him to just say the words, to make Caleb happy, but he just couldn’t.  For some reason he couldn’t make himself do it.

“You know damn well, Justin.  Do you?  Do you…love me?” He tried hard not to let his voice betray just how hurt he was right now.

Justin opened his mouth, but no sound came out of it. 

Caleb’s scoffed nervously. 

“I just…I need to think about this,” Justin finally said.

“Think about it?  Justin, you don’t THINK about IT!  You FEEL it.  And YOU obviously DON’T!”

“That’s not it.  I just…it’s too much!”

“What?  Me loving you is too much?” 

Justin blew out a puff of air as he ran his hand through his hair.  He was getting aggravated and wanted to end this conversation as soon as possible.  “No…yes…I’m not sure…I…”

“Well, you better get FUCKING SURE!” Caleb shouted.

Justin looked up at him, now angry at being given an ultimatum.  “I don’t need this shit right now,” he growled. 

“What shit?  Me saying I love you?  Or me loving you?”

When Justin just glared, he continued.  “Or BOTH?!”

More than anything he wanted to get out of here.  He suddenly felt claustrophobic in that corner, surrounded by a horde of strangers.  “I’m leaving,” he said, pushing his way pass Caleb and through the crowd.  He was fuming.  He was so fucking furious for Caleb backing him into a corner…literally.  He heard Caleb calling after him, but he didn’t stop.  Not until he ran into somebody.  He looked up to see a tall skinny guy in a tight white shirt. 

“Oh, sorry,” Justin mumbled.

“I’m not,” the guy said.

“Justin!”

Justin turned to see Caleb standing a couple of feet away.  He wasn’t entirely sure what the hell he was doing when he turned to the other guy.  “What’s your name?”

“Sean,” the guy smiled.

Justin glanced over at Caleb who looked like he got the air knocked out of him.

“You’re hot,” he said to Sean who just grinned even more in reply.  “You wanna get out of here?”

“You lead.”

Justin put an arm around Sean and they made their way through the crowd.

~~~

Brian felt like his heart skipped a beat when he saw the blonde from his visions talking to the same trick he was eyeing just moments earlier.  Without even thinking, he rushed down the stairs and through the crowd.  But by the time he got to where he saw them, they have vanished. 

He searched through the crowd, but did not see a blonde head anywhere. 

“FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!”

~~~

It was nine o’clock on Sunday morning, but Justin was already up.  In fact, he was never down.  He didn’t sleep a wink the night before, trying to figure out what in the world he was thinking when he walked off with that guy.  He sat on the doorsteps to Caleb’s building, knowing that in the next few minutes Caleb should be leaving for gym. 

He heard the door open behind him and held his breath hoping that the other man would at least give him a chance to explain.

To his surprise Caleb just sat next to him. 

“I’m sorry,” Justin said.  He knew it was lame and in no way made up for what he did, but that was all he had at the moment.

“I know,” Caleb said softly.

“I do…I mean…care about you.”

“I know.”

“A lot.”

“I know.”

Justin looked at him, “I AM sorry.”

Caleb stared at him.  He knew that he should let him go…right here…right now.  “I know.”  He couldn’t.  Not yet.

Go to Part 10

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