“Sunshine, get another chair,” Deb says to me as I haul the two last chairs up from the basement and set them at the table.
I look around, counting all the chairs once again to make sure I got everybody and I did. “Debbie, this is everybody,” I point to all the chairs around the table.
“We might have an extra person tonight,” she says in a very quiet voice. Very guilty voice.
That should have been a warning for me, but I just go ahead and ask. “Who?”
She walks over to the table and starts wiping away some imaginary stain on the cloth, trying hard not to look at me.
“Deb.”
She finally looks up.
“Who?”
“I told Brian to…uh…bring his new boyfriend,” she finally says.
“Oh.” THAT I did NOT expect. And I know the surprise and the shock show on my face in spite of my efforts. I guess I’m not as good at hiding my feelings as I thought I was. And I should be, considering all the practice I’ve had in the last year and a half. Because that’s what Brian and I did. Hide our feelings. Pretend that being around each other wasn’t hard. That nothing ever happened between us. That’s how we got through this. At first it was awkward, but then our survival instincts kicked in and we just pretended not to give a shit. Well, mostly I was following Brian’s lead, but I’d like to think I’ve gotten pretty good at it.
“Sunshine, I’m sorry.” Now she’s got the Debbie’s patented ‘mother-hen’ face on. “I just thought that…”
I just shake my head, trying to stop her from saying whatever it was she was planning on saying. “It’s ok. Really.” Finally all systems are go and the ‘don’t-give-a-shit’ mask is firmly in place. “It’s fine,” I repeat again, hoping she won’t see through my phony cheerfulness. “I’m gonna get another chair and another setting as well.”
As soon as I near the basement door I hear “What did you do that for?” in a hushed voice.
“We agreed not take sides, remember?” Debbie replies to Vic quietly.
And they did. Not take sides, I mean. And I’m so grateful to them for that. To all of our friends. Because it was more than I expected. I expected them to butt in like they usually do and take sides and try to make things better with their concerns and opinions and only make everything worse. But they didn’t. They didn’t attack me, well, except for Michael, but that only lasted a couple of weeks anyway. And more importantly they didn’t attack Brian. I was afraid they’d think he was the one to blame for what happened. But they didn’t. For once they butted out and let us work things out on our own. Which is what we did. Sort of. It was hard at first but eventually we’ve gone from awkward to civil to even friendly. In a pretty short period of time, I might add. Sometimes I think it was because I broke up with Ethan, but I can’t be sure. Maybe it was all just a coincidence.
Everybody thinks that the reason we broke up was because Ethan couldn’t deal with Brian being in my life. Especially that whole tuition deal that Brian and I had a huge fight about. That Ethan didn’t want me to be connected to Brian that way. But the fact is we were headed for the breakup long before the tuition bill. The first couple of months we were together were great. We spent all our free time together, talking and laughing and just enjoying each other. But when summer ended and real life kicked in, it seemed like we just ran out of things to say or laugh about. And there was nothing left. No bond. No connection. No love.
I wasn’t as crushed as I probably should have been, I suppose. I mean, I gave up the love of my life for, well, nothing really. What I thought I wanted was just a lie. A fairy tale. I should have been devastated. But after a couple of days of wallowing in self-pity I decided that it wasn’t my idea of a relationship that failed. It was just that Ethan wasn’t the right guy. And the only way to find the right guy was to look. And so I did. I know that I probably beat some sort of a record of the amount of boyfriends I had in a pretty short time. I’m sure that those close to me were probably comparing me dating all these guys to Brian fucking all his tricks, which he, of course, went back to after we split. I heard Ted say once when he didn’t know I was listening, “The only difference between Justin and Brian is that Justin actually bothers to ask for a name first.” And he was probably right, considering most of the guys I dated I only fucked once. But they couldn’t blame me for trying, right?
The only person I worried about saying anything was, surprise, surprise, Brian. Because his opinion still meant a lot to me, no matter how much I tried not to let it. But amazingly enough Brian never said a word. When we ran into each other while I was on my ‘dates’ he just nodded, said a few words, smiled from time to time and went on his merry way.
I grab one more chair and head back upstairs.
“Jusin!” Before I can even close the door, Gus is in my arms while I’m still holding the chair. I drop the chair and pick him up, spinning him in my arms. That’s how we always say hello. He, of course, shrieks and giggles with excitement. I laugh with him and forget all the other things I was worried about just moments before.
Finally, I put him down and he “helps” me carry the chair into the living room where Melanie and Lindsay are helping Deb and Vic to put everything on the table. I place the chair at the table and then Gus and I join everybody else in the kitchen. In this house this is the warmest and happiest place to be.
“Hi, baby,” Melanie’s the first one to kiss me. I smile back at her. Then it’s Lindsay’s turn. It doesn’t take long for Gus to start demanding to be picked up into my arms, since he’s the only short person here and wants to be on the same eye-level as everybody else.
“We’re all done here, so why don’t you go play with him,” Debbie says, the expression of guilt still on her face.
“Gus wanted to show you his new truck,” Lindsay chimes in as we all go into the living room.
“Twuck,” Gus repeats and holds out his hands, patiently waiting for Lindsay to take his toy out of the bag and give it to him. Then, as I sit next to him on the floor, he starts pushing the thing around the room.
“You like your truck, Gus?”
“Yes,” he gives me a full-fledged grin. Debbie says that he learned how to smile from me. Which is probably the nicest thing anybody’s ever said to me. Because I love Gus even more now than I ever have before. “Daddy give me twuck.” I should have known. It’s new and Lindsay and Melanie vowed to not buy Gus any more toys before Christmas since he got an enormous amount of them for his birthday. But of course Brian does what Brian wants.
I look up at everybody only when I’m sure that my face is expressionless and of course everybody’s staring at me with pity and guilt. I just smile and turn back to the little person pushing the truck around.
Not long after that the rest of the gang arrives. Everybody, that is, except for Brian. Because, let’s face it, he HAS to make an entrance. Always. No matter what the event is. So, we’re all sitting there patiently waiting. Mostly I think everybody’s waiting to see if he brings anybody tonight like Deb said.
“I don’t think he’s coming,” Mel says.
“What makes you say that?” Michael’s already on the defensive. Some things never change.
“Well, he came over earlier today.”
“So?” Michael looks confused, but I understand Mel’s logic here. If he came over to see Gus earlier maybe he wasn’t planning on seeing him tonight.
“Well, let’s all sit down then. If he comes, he comes,” Debbie ushers us to the table.
“I always come when I say I will,” Brian says as he waltzes through the door.
“Daddy!” Gus yelps and I barely have time to put him down before he dashes into Brian’s arms.
Brian crouches down and picks him up as well. “Hey, Sonnyboy.”
“We play with twuck,” Gus says, pointing to me and the truck in my hand.
Brian looks at me and our eyes meet for a moment. Quickly he looks away. “See, he likes the twuck,” he says walking past Melanie and Lindsay and he and Gus are the first ones at the table.
Go to Brian's POV