Lost and Found - Part 3

New York, July 2004

“This place is huge,” Andrew exclaimed as they sat on one of the benches in Central park. 

“I still can’t believe you’ve never been to New York,” Justin said.

“My parents were too busy sending me to Bible camps.”

Justin made a face, “Sounds like fun.”

“It wasn’t that bad.  And they stopped as soon as I told them I was gay.  My mom was afraid that if somebody there found out they’d hurt me or something.”

“But your parents are ok with it?”

“Most of the time,” Andrew said.

“I know what you mean,” Justin nodded.  His mother was the same way.  He knew that she tried her best to understand and accept him, it wasn’t easy for her.  She loved him and that’s all that mattered to him at this point.

They sat quietly for a while.  Justin looked around, remembering the time when he and Brian came here.  Brian came to New York for Justin’s first opening.  They stayed in the city for a few days after everybody else left.  Justin was sure that they’d spend the whole time in the hotel room, making up for the months they were apart.  But Brian insisted on showing him New York.  They came here one day…and Brian just let him draw him.  He didn’t whine about his ass falling asleep or that his dick was going to fall off.  He just laid on the grass and let Justin draw him. 

“What are you gonna do?” Andrew asked, snapping Justin back into the present.

“Huh?”

“About Brian.”

“There’s nothing to do,” Justin said, looking away.

“So, it’s over?”

Justin didn’t respond.

“For good?” Andrew couldn’t believe it. 

“I guess it is,” Justin said, trying to hold back the tears.

“You don’t sound too sure.”

“Can we just not…”

“I’m sorry,” Andrew said.

“No, I’m sorry.  Honestly, I have no idea.”  He stood up.  “I…Christ…”

“You miss him,” Andrew finished his sentence.

“So much.”  No matter how hard he tried, his eyes filled up with tears.

“So, why not just go back?”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t.  Too much has happened.” Justin wiped the tears away. 

~~~

Pittsburgh, April 2004

“You wanna meet the guys at Woody’s or go straight to Babylon tonight?” Brian asked as he put his jacket on.

“I was actually thinking of staying in tonight,” Justin said, unsure of what Brian’s reaction would be.

“It’s Friday,” Brian said.  Babylon was always more fun on the weekends and they went out every Friday and Saturday nights.

“I know, but…” Justin wondered if he should just forget it.  “I wanted to just…you know…for it to be just you and me.  We can order out or I can cook something and then…”

“We can fuck all night?” Brian smiled at him, finishing his sentence.

Justin smiled back.  “That was the general idea.”

Brian bit his lip back, as if considering it.  “I’ll be home around 7,” he said. 

He gave Justin a quick kiss on the lips and walked towards where his coat was.  When he turned around he saw Justin beaming his beautiful smile at him.

 As Brian walked towards his car he still had a grin on his face.  

~~~

“Hi, Tyler,” Justin heard Debbie say.  He looked up to see Tyler take the seat next to him at the counter.

“Hi,” Tyler said to him.

“Hello,” Justin replied, cold-heartedly, then turned his attention back to the book he was reading.

“Just a burger,” Tyler ordered and Deb rushed off to place his order.

“Where’s Brian?” Justin asked, without looking up, trying not to sound like a jealous boyfriend.

“He had lunch with some clients.”

Justin just nodded, his eyes fixed on the pages in front of him.

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” Tyler asked.

“I don’t have classes on Fridays.”

“Brian said you go to PIFA.”

Justin looked up at him, “That’s right.”

“You must be really good.”

Justin just stared at him, trying to figure out what he was getting at.

“What year are you?”

“Junior.”

“Wow.  You’re very young.”

Ah-ha.  He knew Tyler wasn’t just trying to strike a conversation.  “I may be young, but I’m not stupid.  You don’t think I know what you’re doing?”

“I’m not doing anything, Justin.”

“Bullshit.  I can see it.  Everybody can see it.”

“Justin…”

“I can’t say I blame you.  I mean, we ARE talking about Brian.  He’s hot.  You two obviously have history together.  Why not go for it, right?”

“Is this the part where you tell me that he’s yours and you won’t give him up without a fight?” Tyler sneered. 

Justin gave him an icy smile, “No.  Brian’s a big boy.  He can decide for himself what he wants.  Who he wants.”

“Here’s your food, Sunshine,” Debbie set a big bag with food in front of him. 

Justin pulled out money and gave it to her.  Then he leaned in across the counter and gave her a peck on the cheek, “Thanks, Deb.”

Tyler watched as Brian’s lover walked out of the diner.

~~~

“This one,” Lindsay held out one of Justin’s drawing.  Justin asked her to help him pick out a piece to submit for one of his classes.  “Definitely.”

“You sure?” he asked.  When it came to his art, he was very modest.

“Honey, it’s wonderful, trust me.”

She took a bite out the sandwich that Justin brought for their lunch together.

He smiled at her shyly, “Thanks.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes, then Justin said, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What happened between Brian and Tyler in college?”

Lindsay shifted uncomfortably on the couch.

“Justin, I think you should ask Brian that.”

”Linds, please,” his eyes pleading with her to tell him the truth.

She sighed, looked away, considering whether she should tell him.  She looked back at him, “Tyler and I met during our freshman orientation.  We had a couple of classes together and lived in the same dorm, so we got close pretty quick.  Then I met Brian in one of my classes and introduced him to Ty.  The three of us pretty much hung out together after that.”

“Like the three musketeers?”

They both laughed.

“I don’t know about that.  But we were close.”

“Did something happen between them?”

“Not at first.  They hit it off almost right away.  They had a lot of the same ideas, views of the world, similar interests.  They could carry on a conversation for hours.”

“So, when did it change?”

“I’m not sure.  I think it was about six or seven months after they met that Brian came to my dorm room one night, upset.  He said that he blew it.  That he ruined the friendship.”

“They slept together,” Justin understood.

“Yes.  He said it was a mistake.”

“Why?”

“Because he needed Tyler to be his friend, not another…”

“Fuck?”

She nodded again.  “Brian didn’t have any emotional support there.  Michael was back here, so Tyler and I were all he had.”

“So, what happened next?”

“Nothing.  They agreed that staying friends was what they both wanted, what was best for both of them.”

“Tyler was ok with that?” Justin asked, not believing it for a second.

“Not sure.  I think they both wanted it to be more, but realized that it wouldn’t work.”

“But there was always something between them,” Justin spoke the part of the story that Lindsay left out.

Lindsay didn’t respond.  She didn’t have to. 

~~~

“Tell me about Justin,” Tyler said.  It was almost six and they’ve been working nonstop since lunch. 

“Tell you what about Justin?” Brian said, taking his jacket off and loosening the tie.

“Anything.  How did you two meet?”

“What’s with the sudden interest in my lover?  Don’t tell me you’re into blonds now?” Brian smirked, trying to avoid this conversation.

“I just want to know who this guy is that you’ve been with for…what…2…3 years?”

“Ty…”

“Lindsay said that he was hurt at his prom.”

Brian winced at the mention of the bashing.

“Lindsay has a big mouth,” he said, getting up.

“Bri, what happened?” Tyler asked.

Brian turned around, somber look on his face, “Who else did you talk to about this?”

“Just asked the guys when we were at Woody’s,” Tyler responded, confused.

“What about Justin?” he tried to hide his panic.

“No.”

Brian sighed.

“Listen to me.  I don’t want you asking or talking to anybody about this.  You understand?” Brian said, letting Tyler know that there was no arguing with him.

“Yeah, ok.”

Brian clenched his jaw, trying to subside the anger he was feeling right now.

“We better get back to work,” he said.

~~~

Justin looked at his watch.  8:30 and still no Brian.  He picked up the phone and dialed Brian’s work number, since his cell was turned off.

“Brian Kinney’s office.  Cynthia speaking.”

“Cynthia, hi.  This is Justin.  Is Brian still there?”

“Oh, hi.  Actually, he’s still in the meeting.”

“Meeting?  This late?”

“Yes.  With Tyler Greene.  It’s a closed door meeting, but if it’s something urgent I’m sure I can…”

“No, no.  It’s not urgent,” Justin was barely able to make out the words.  “Thanks.  Bye.”  He hung up before she could say good bye. 

He put the phone down, the images of what a closed door meeting between Brian and Tyler really meant going through his mind. 

~~~

Putting his briefcase and jacket on the couch, Brian looked around.  There were candles everywhere.  They were blown out, but he could still smell vanilla in the air.  He saw two plates with food sitting on the dining room table. 

“SHIT!”

He forgot.  With working on the layout and the conversation that he and Tyler had he completely forgot. 

“Justin,” he called out, but got no response.

~~~

It was after two when he heard the door open and close.  He readied himself to face the storm.  Putting the last plate away, he looked at his lover.

Justin stopped and stared at him for a moment.  Brian couldn’t help looking away.  He hated what he saw in Justin’s eyes…pain…disappointment.  Justin snickered and stumbled across the loft towards the bedroom.  He was drunk.

Brian took a deep breath and followed him.  Justin was already shirtless when he walked into the bedroom. 

“Justin…I’m…”

Justin turned around, “Sorry?”  He laughed nervously, almost hysterically.

“Yes,” Brian said.  “I forgot.”

“Of course you did.  You’re a busy queer bee, aren’t you.  How can you remember unimportant shit like that?”

He was frantically trying to remove his pants, with no avail.  He was flushed and sweating.

“Justin,” Brian reached for his hand, trying to get his attention.

Justin looked up at him.  He stopped trying to take his pants off and moved closer to Brian, covering Brian’s lips with is own.  Brian pulled away.

“What did you take?” he asked with concern.

“Christ.  Now you sound like Michael,” Justin scoffed at him. 

He pulled Brian’s head towards him, kissing him violently.

Brian put his hand on his chest and pushed him away a little, “What are you doing?”

“You promised to fuck me all night, remember?” Justin panted, “Or is your dick too tired from your meeting?” 

He stared at Brian, accusingly.  Then tried to kiss him again, but once again Brian pushed him away.  He hated seeing Justin like this…especially knowing that he was the cause.  He tried a different approach.

“I wanted to be here,” he said softly.  “I just couldn’t.”

Justin snorted out a laugh.  “Stop talking to me like a fucking moron.”

“I’m not!”  He took a deep breath, calming himself down.  He took a step closer to Justin and touched his face.  “We have a whole day tomorrow.  We can eat the leftovers and spend the whole day in bed.  What do you say?”

Justin gazed into his eyes.

“I think…I’m gonna be sick,” Justin covered his mouth with his hands as he ran to the bathroom.

Brian heard the retching sounds coming from the bathroom.  Slowly, he pushed the door open.  Justin was sitting on the floor, his head leaning on the toilet.  When he heard Brian walk in, he looked up at him.  “Can we save the lecture for when I don’t feel like I’m being turned inside out?” he said sarcastically.

Without a word, Brian turned around and left.

A few minutes later Justin looked up to see Brian kneeling beside him, handing him a bottle of water.  There were no words spoken.  But their eyes spoke volumes. 

Justin took a few sips of water and put it down on the floor…his eyes fixed on Brian’s.  Gently Brian wiped his forehead with a wet towel…kissed it softly.  Slowly, he moved the towel across his left cheek, immediately following it by a kiss on the cheek.  Then the right one…Justin’s eyes never wavering from Brian’s.  When he was done, Brian put the towel down and looked back at Justin.  Justin’s eyes were filled with tears.  

Slowly he stood up, then helped Justin up and led him to the bedroom.  When Justin was lying on the bed, Brian slowly removed his pants.  He felt Justin shivering.  He moved to lay next to Justin, pulling the duvet over them both.  He watched a tear escape Justin’s eye and roll down his cheek.  Gently, he wiped the tear away, then leaned in and kissed Justin’s closed eyelid.  Justin’s eyes fluttered open and stared at his intently. 

“Sleep,” Brian whispered softly.  He brushed his lips against Justin’s.  Then settled down next to him, holding Justin tightly in his arms. 

~~~

Brian stood at the bar, watching Justin dance with some random guy he picked out of the crowd. 

“You don’t mind?” Tyler asked him.

Brian looked at him, smirked, looked back at Justin dancing.

“You’re not worried that he might leave with one of those tricks?” Tyler asked.

“He always comes back,” Brian replied, without taking his eyes off Justin and his dance partner.

“What if one day he doesn’t?”

Smile disappearing from his face, Brian looked at Tyler.  He stared at him for a moment, then put his drink down and made his way through the crowd towards his lover.  Tyler wasn’t sure what the look that Brian gave him meant.  Would he go after him then?  Would he not care?

“Don’t.”

Tyler looked up at see Michael standing next to him.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t get between them.  It won’t work.”

“Just because you couldn’t get him?.”

“This has nothing to do with that.”

“Really?” Tyler had a smirk on his face.  “So, then why do you care?”

“Because they’re my friends.  BOTH of them.  And I don’t want them hurt.”

He saw Justin the night before…getting drunk and fucked out of his mind.  It didn’t take a genius to realize what caused it.

“I’m not trying to hurt anybody,” Tyler said, sincerely.

“But you will.  If you don’t back off, you’re gonna cause pain.”

Tyler watched Michael walk away, then turned his gaze towards the center of the dance floor where Justin and Brian were now dancing.

Go to Part 4

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