Anything Goes - Part 19:

Run

Brian stopped in the wide doorway, looking around the big brightly lit hall that was filled with students and teachers hanging things on the walls, taking things off the walls, talking, and laughing.  His eyes settled on the blonde head on the opposite side of the room and Brian began making his way over to his lover.

He usually waited for Justin outside when he picked him up after school, but tonight he got to the campus a little earlier and didn’t feel like sitting in the car.  Instead, he decided to check out how Justin’s art looked framed and hanging on the wall.  The Spring show was in four days and the young artist had been spending all his free time in the gallery on campus. 

“Hey,” Justin’s tired, but bright smile greeted him.

“Hey yourself,” Brian replied as he pulled his lover in for a brief kiss.

“What are you doing here?”

Brian shrugged.  “Thought I’d see where you’ve been hiding for the past two weeks.”

“Yeah?  What do you think?” Justin pointed at the wall displaying several of his work.

Brian’s gaze followed Justin’s and he could barely contain the pride he felt for his partner at that moment.  He had seen these pieces before, but this was different.  They were framed and hanging on a wall…in a gallery…waiting to be seen, to be admired by hundreds and hundreds of people come Friday. 

This was Justin’s big break.  Brian did not doubt for a second that things would be different for Justin after this.  Someone important could see his work and next week the artist could be off to New York or Europe for his own show. 

The thought made him extremely happy and proud for his lover, but also…it was yet another reminder that pretty soon Justin could be out of his life…for good this time. 

“Brian?” Justin’s voice interrupted his thoughts, bringing him back to the present.

His lips pressed tightly together, Brian slowly moved his gaze from one drawing to the next.  “Not bad,” he concluded. 

He was rewarded with another Sunshine smile. 

“I’m gonna go wash my hands and we can go,” Justin said and immediately hurried across the room toward the bathroom.

When Justin disappeared from his view, Brian turned his attention back to the art.  Not bad, indeed.  It still amazed him how far Justin had come.  Less than two years ago he could barely hold a pencil in his hand.  And now…now he was chosen for an art show.  This wasn’t some bullshit GLC charity show where most of the people wouldn’t know art if it fucked them in the ass.  This was different.  It could make or break an entire career.

“He’s good, isn’t he?”

Brian turned around to see a woman standing next to him.  He nodded.

“Are you Justin’s…brother?” the woman asked.

Biting back a chuckle, Brian shook his head.  “Not exactly.”

She looked at him with a puzzled expression for a moment before holding out her hand.  “I’m Julia Green.  One of Justin’s professors.”

He definitely had to be on his best behavior now.  “Brian Kinney,” he said, shaking her hand.  “And yes, he’s very good,” he added, turning back to look at Justin’s art one more time.

“That boy is going to go far.  You’ll see,” she said.  “Don’t get me wrong.  There are a lot of talented students at the Institute.  They wouldn’t be admitted otherwise.  But it takes more than just talent to make it in the art world.  It takes passion and heart.  And Justin’s got that.”

Brian nodded in the way of response.  She had no idea how right she was.  Justin had the biggest heart of anyone he knew.  His love was so pure and so all-encompassing, so…contagious.  It was true for their relationship and it was true for Justin’s art. 

“Let’s hope we get invited to his big opening one day,” Julia joked.

Brian managed a smile, but inside he was anything but happy. 

“Ok, ready,” he heard Justin come up from behind them.  “Professor Green, uhm…this is…?”

“Oh, yes, we met.  Mr. Kinney and I were just talking about your bright and shining future,” she laughed again.

Justin’s face turned a nice shade of red like it usually did when he felt embarrassed. “Well, don’t break out the champagne yet.”

“Yeah, he’s not even legal,” Brian snickered.

She smiled.  “Alright.  It was nice to meet you,” she said to Brian.

Saying their good-byes, the couple headed home.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Later that night the two of them lounged on the couch, eating take out Thai and watching TV.  Brian remained quiet for the most part of the evening, letting Justin do all the talking.  And the blonde could definitely talk…he talked about his classes and the gallery and the internship that he loved.  The ad exec just nodded and made the ‘hmm’ sounds from time to time to let his lover know that he was actually listening. 

“Are you ok?” Justin asked him.

Raising his eyes from a box of drunken noodles, Brian met Justin’s gaze.  “Fine.”

“Well, you’re just…quiet.”

Brian lowered his eyes.  “Aren’t I usually?”

“No.  Usually by now you would have already made at least twelve sarcastic comments about my boss and joke about my obsession with the art history test,” Justin argued.

Brian knew that his boyfriend was, of course, right.  He hoped that with the sound of his own voice, Justin wouldn’t notice the lack of his.  But he should have known better.  Justin noticed everything when it came to Brian and their relationship.

Brian sighed, putting the box down.  He might as well get this over with now.  “I won’t be able to come to the show on Friday.”

Justin didn’t say anything for what seemed like forever, the only sound between them was the noise from the TV.  The blonde looked like he was just sucker punched.  Which, Brian realized, exactly what it must have felt like.  His big news came out of nowhere. 

“Why not?” Justin finally asked.

“I have a dinner with potential clients.”

“On Friday night?”

“They’re only in town for the weekend.  There’s nothing I can do,” Brian explained.

“That’s bullshit!” Justin shouted.  “You can tell them to fuck off.  Come on, Brian, you can’t NOT come to the show.”

“Justin…” he reached for Justin’s hand, but the blonde just shrugged it off, standing up and moving away from Brian.

“Why can’t you just send somebody else?  I mean, you’re a partner in the agency, for fuck’s sake.  Don’t you have any say at all?”

“This is a multimillion dollar account.  I wouldn’t trust anybody else.”  Brian placed the box with the noodles on the coffee table and rose from the couch, facing Justin.  “Look, what’s the big deal?  I mean, it’s not like I haven’t seen your stuff.  I just saw it.”

Justin shook his head.  “You really don’t get it, do you?  This is important, Brian.  Probably the most important thing that’s ever happened to me.  And you won’t be there.”

Brian almost winced at the look of hurt on his lover’s face.  The thing was, it hurt him too.  What would be the point of being there now if he wouldn’t be there later…when Justin would open shows all over the damn world…he wouldn’t be there.  He was just getting an early start on missing all the important things in Justin’s life.

“Well, this is important too,” he countered.  “This account can bring in a lot of money.”

“God!” Justin threw his hands up.  “Why does it always have to be about money?”

“Because we live in the real world.  Because it’s always about money.”

“NO!” Justin shouted.  “It’s about US, Brian.  You and me.  And the fact that I need you for once to think about US and not your damn job.”

“That damn job is what keeps us fed and clothed,” Brian yelled back.  “It pays for your goddamn art supplies and it paid for this Thai take out.”

Justin backed away, dumbfounded.  “I…I can’t believe you…” His voice got small, barely audible.  “I thought you changed.  That things changed.  But they haven’t.  Not really.” 

Brian closed his eyes, not sure what to say to that, not knowing how to prove to Justin that things did change.  He was different now.  He turned his life upside down for him, but in the end none of it really mattered. 

He sighed and opened his eyes again only to see Justin walking out the door.  And once again, he was alone.

~~~***~~~***~~~

“I just don’t understand,” Justin said quietly.  He was sitting on the couch in Nick’s apartment, hugging a throw pillow to his chest as he recapped the whole story to his friend.  “Things were so good.  I mean, really great, you know?  Better than they’ve ever been with us.  And then…he just…” He sighed. 

“Well, if you ask me, the guy’s an asshole,” his friend concluded. 

Justin’s eyes met Nick’s and he even managed a half smile.  “I love how you do that.”

“Do what?”

Justin shrugged.  “You know exactly what to say and when to say it.”

Nicholas grinned.  “It’s a gift, baby.”

Justin smiled back at him.  “Thanks.”

“What are friends for, right?”

“To call each other’s boyfriends assholes?” Justin snickered.

“Damn right,” Nick chuckled.

Justin tried to smile, but he felt anything but giddy inside.  The argument with Brian came out of nowhere.  And he still wasn’t entirely sure it had actually happened.  But he was here…hiding out in Nick’s apartment and Brian was…well, he wasn’t sure where Brian was at the moment, but he had a pretty good idea. 

“Look, blondie, it’s not the end of the world.  Maybe he just had a bad day at work or something.  We all have those.”

But Justin shook his head.  He knew it was more.  Something was wrong.  He thought that after they talked about what was bothering Brian, about his nightmares, that things would get better.  Brian seemed more open since then.  But Justin must have imagined it, must have wanted it so much to be true that he convinced himself that it was.  But the truth was, Brian wasn’t ok.  Something still bothered him greatly.  And Justin was just too busy being happy to notice it.  “I think I’m losing him.”

Nick moved closer to him, gently rubbing Justin’s shoulder.  “Look, if there’s one thing I learned since I’ve met you, it’s that Brian loves you.  I mean, really loves you.  Not just some sex-based, lust-driven, will-be-over-with-the-first-sign-of-trouble love.  No.  He really wants to be with you.  It’s not something you just ‘lose’.”

Justin nodded.  He knew his friend was right.  He and Brian worked too damn hard to just lose it all now because of a stupid fight.

~~~***~~~***~~~

He was surprised to find Brian sitting on the couch when he got home.  He expected the ad exec to be out fucking the night away in the backroom.  But no.  Brian was home.  Waiting for him to come back. 

Justin took his jacket off and tossed it on a stool.  Then walked over and sat down next to his lover on the couch. 

“Where’d you go?” Brian was the first one to speak, his voice low, hoarse.

“Nick’s,” Justin replied. 

Brian nodded, but didn’t say anything.

“Just needed to think,” Justin said.

“About?”

“You mean besides ‘asshole, asshole, asshole’?” the blonde joked.

Brian’s mouth tugged at the corners.  “Yeah.”

Justin shrugged his shoulders.  “Just trying to decide whether any of this shit is worth the trouble,” he answered honestly.

He could almost feel Brian hold his breath as the older man stared at him.  “Is it?” Brian asked, his voice betraying the nonchalant look he tried to sell to the artist.

Justin put his hand over Brian’s, winding his fingers through Brian’s thin, long ones.  “Yes,” he simply said.  It was a simple word but it changed everything.  He could feel Brian’s body relax, releasing all the tension and anxiety.

“I understand that this is important to you.  Your job, I mean.  So, it’s ok if you can’t come on Friday,” the artist added.  When Brian didn’t say anything, Justin continued.  “I mean, you have already seen it.  And maybe your dinner will finish early and you can still make it.  And even if you can’t, the show will run for a week, so you can see it some other day.”

Brian nodded, taking Justin’s hand in his and drawing his boyfriend closer to him.  “I’ll see what I can do.”

Justin smiled, relaxing into his lover’s arms.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Friday morning Justin was a nervous mess.  He couldn’t sleep the night before, no matter how HARD Brian tried to help.  Even their usual morning fuck in the shower didn’t help much in the way of relieving his stress. 

He worried about strangers seeing his art.  He worried about how he chose to display his pieces, obsessing over every single detail.  Then he started wondering about the review that was supposed to come out the day after in a local paper.  He wasn’t sure he would be able to handle it if the review was bad.

“Stop.”

Brian’s voice brought him out of his thoughts and Justin looked up.  “What?”

“Stop doing what you’re doing.  Thinking what you’re thinking.”

“I can’t,” he admitted honestly.

“Everything that you could have done you already did.  You can’t control anything else.  So, leave it alone and just enjoy the day,” Brian said, walking over to him and winding his arms around the blonde’s neck.

Justin snickered.  “Says the most controlling person in the whole wide world.”

Brian narrowed his eyes, giving him the evil eye.  Sliding one hand down the artist’s back, he slapped the bubble butt.  “Don’t get smart. 

Justin grinned.

“Besides, I’m not controlling.” 

Justin snorted.

“I just like things the way I like them.”

“I stand corrected,” Justin said with mock seriousness.

Brian rolled his eyes.  “You know, one of these days I’ll make good on my threats and spank your ass.”

“Yeah, and one of these days I’ll turn straight,” Justin countered as he walked over to the other side of the bedroom and picked up his watch from the nightstand.  He ducked in time for a pillow Brian tossed at him to miss his head. 

“Asshole.”

Justin looked over at the clock.  It was time for both of them to leave.  He had two classes today.  And then all the featured students in the show had to report to the gallery for the last minute instructions and such.  And Brian had an eventful day at work as well.  Justin sighed, as he picked up the pillow and threw it back on the bed.  It was time to go.  He wouldn’t see Brian until later tonight…after the show and the dinner with the clients.  And at this very moment Justin had a strong urge to grab Brian and pull him into bed and not let him out of his sight. 

But he knew that he was being silly.  He was just nervous about the show and upset that Brian wouldn’t be there.  Yes, Brian said he’d try to get the dinner over as soon as he could, but the truth was, Justin knew Brian wouldn’t be there. 

“You want a ride?” Brian asked, slipping on his suit jacket.

Justin shook his head.  “No.  Mom’s showing a house near the campus, so she’s picking me up.”

Brian nodded, walking around the bed to Justin’s side.  Justin’s stomach sank and he wasn’t quite sure why he was feeling so apprehensive.  It was more than just the damn show, he knew that much.  But what it was, he had no idea.

“Come here,” Brian murmured, pulling the blonde’s into his arms as his lips covered Justin’s.  Brian broke the kiss after a few minutes, but didn’t let Justin out of his embrace; instead he cupped the artist’s face in his hands and leaned his forehead against Justin’s.  “It’s gonna be ok,” he whispered.

Justin knew it was his cue to nod and smile, to let Brian know that he was ok, but he couldn’t.  He felt an enormous lump growing in his throat and he couldn’t understand why. 

“Just think.  After tonight, you’re gonna be famous,” Brian said with a lopsided grin, pulling away just far enough to see Justin’s eyes.

Justin forced out a smile, drawing Brian’s head down for one more kiss.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Later that night as he stood surrounded by his family and friends and hundreds of people he didn’t know, Justin still felt the same uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.  Like something bad was about to happen.

More than anything he wanted to call Brian, but he decided against that.  What would he say?  “I have a booboo.  Could you please drop your multi-million dollar account and drive across town to make it better?”  No.  He was a big boy.  He could survive one night without Brian making sure everything was ok.  Without Brian saving him. 

“Your stuff is so beautiful,” Nicholas said, kissing Justin’s cheek.  “The best.”

Justin blushed as he usually did when somebody other than maybe his mother, Brian, or Daphne paid him a compliment.

“You know, if you’re going to be the world’s most famous artiste, you’re going to have to learn how to take a compliment,” Nick teased.  “Tell him, Emmett.”

Emmett smiled.  “He’s absolutely right, baby.  Every self-respecting queen has to know how to graciously accept praise.”

“Oh, here we go.  Self Respecting Queen 101,” Ted groaned.  “We’ll be here for hours.”

Justin smiled at them.  For the first time all day he was able to genuinely smile.  He had no idea what he would have done if his friends weren’t here.  He just wished Brian could be here as well.  That would have made the night perfect. 

But he knew that even though Brian promised that he’d try to make it there, he probably wouldn’t.  And he wasn’t at all sure that it had to do with a client.  Something else was going on.  Something that Brian was hiding from him, pushing him away again.  

~~~***~~~***~~~

It was a little after seven and Brian had a signed contract in his hands and clients out of town and out of his hair.  He knew he should have been on his way to the gallery, but instead he found himself sitting in Woody’s, nursing a second shot of Jim Beam.

“Now that’s a sight to see…Brian Kinney…all alone.”

Brian turned around to see the last person he wanted to see…ever…let alone in that particular moment. 

Not waiting for an invitation she sure was not going to get, Mysterious Marilyn sat down on the stool next to the ad exec, her intense gaze studying his face.

He gave an annoyed sigh before getting back to something more important…like another shot of Jim Beam. 

“Isn’t there somewhere you’re supposed to be?” she asked.

Brian slammed his glass down on the counter, spilling the brown liquid, and glared at her.  This crap had been going on for way too fucking long for his liking.  This stranger seemed to know everything about his life, even his thoughts and feelings.  And he wanted to know how.  He was tired of the riddles.  Tired of the vague questions and hints or whatever the fuck she was giving him.  It was all bullshit.  What he wanted was a straight answer.  The truth.  Just this once.  “How the fuck do you know all of this shit?” 

“It’s my gift,” she responded calmly, seemingly unfazed by his outburst.

“You mean, my curse,” he sneered.

“It’s only a curse because you’re fighting it.  The sooner you stop the…”

“Happier I’ll be?  Yeah, I heard it all before,” he rolled his eyes.

“You heard it, but have you listened?  I mean, really listened?”

Brian grit his teeth, turning away from the drag queen.  What he wanted right now was to be left alone.  Not be told how screwed up he was or how he shouldn’t fight his fate.  He picked up his glass once again, downing whatever was left in it. 

“I told you before, Brian, you can’t fight this.  But you still did.  And now…this is the end of the road and you have to make a choice.  Before that choice is taken from you.”

Brian met her eyes, trying to comprehend what he saw there.  Whatever it was, he didn’t like it.  “Is this how you get your rocks off?  By scaring people?  Oooh…the end of the world is coming.  If you don’t come ten times before sunrise, your dick will fall off.”  He stood up, throwing some money on the bar.  “It’s bullshit.  All of this is bullshit.”

“Then why are you so scared?”

He pressed his lips together, studying her face for a moment, wondering what was hiding under the make-up and the wig.  “I’m not scared,” he finally said, turning to leave.

He was stopped by her hand on his arm.  “You have enough gas in your car.”

He stared at her, confused.  He couldn’t believe he even considered listening to this nutcase all this time.  “You’re fucking crazy,” he snarled, shrugging her hand off and heading toward the exit.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Brian got in the Jeep, taking his anger out on the driver-side door, slamming it shut.  He turned the ignition on and took a deep breath, trying to decide where he should go next.  He knew where he wanted to go.  Where he should go.  But there was a reason why he had decided not to go to the show in the first place.  It would just be too much.  This was Justin’s big night.  His glimpse of the life to come.  A life that Brian wouldn’t be a part of.  It was the last thing he wanted to see.

Shifting the gear into drive, he pulled onto the street, heading towards the loft.

Stopping at the first stoplight, he glanced down at his dashboard, noticing his gas gauge sitting on empty.  Spotting a gas station straight ahead, Brian waited for the light to turn green before driving down the road and pulling into the empty, dimly-lit gas station. 

He got out of the car, stopping long enough to get the wallet out of his pocket and check how much cash he had.  Satisfied that he had enough, he began to move toward the rear of the Jeep, but before he could even take one step, he heard someone behind him and the next thing he knew something sharp was cutting through his stomach. 

Go to Part 20

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