Things Not To Say to Police Officers:

1. Are you Andy or Barney?

2. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

3. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.

4. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

5. I pay your salary!

6. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

7. Hey, you must've been doing' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

8. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

11. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Doctor

"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"

Quotes from Medical Records

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

She is numb from her toes down.

The skin was moist and dry.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

EMPLOYMENT?

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, and ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: Yes

Same Recipes

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted
from
politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do
anything with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way -
'Take a clean dish'".

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