In the Spring

AUTHOR: Magic Weed
EMAIL: magicweed@mindspring.com
FEEDBACK: Yes, please!
SUMMARY: Alternate universe starting after Destiny in Ats5, through the
spring.  Something good finally happens to Spike and he doesn't know how
to act.  Buffy becomes human again and gets what she deserves.  Angel
broods, Fred washes her face, Knox plays with a microscope, and Spike
plays with himself.
SPOILERS: Through Ats5 Destiny
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon, et. al, are the owners. I'm just borrowing the
characters for a bit.
NOTES: A huge thank you to my betas, especially KimberlyFDR, for helping
me to see the obvious (in retrospect) so that I could fix it!


II. In the Spring


Buffy had a very normal baby girl, and named her Joyce.  Her friends all
thought she would stop thinking about Spike after Joyce arrived, but it
only made her more determined to find out what had happened to him at
the Hellmouth.  She wanted to be able to tell her daughter where he went.
  She hated not knowing.  Since Angel and Wolfram and Hart were the only
ones who knew anything about the amulet,  she had to return to
California to look for answers. Buffy thought about calling Angel before
coming to LA with her baby, but she decided to surprise him instead.

She walked into the Wolfram and Hart building with baby Joyce in her
arms.  There had been a lot of changes since her quick visit after the
battle at the Hellmouth.  No change surprised her more than seeing
Harmony behind the receptionist's desk.  As they saw each other's faces,
they both cried, "Oh my God."  Harmony, of course, was much more
squeaky and excited.  She leapt up from her chair and came running
around the desk to Buffy. 

"What are you doing here?"  Buffy demanded as the brightly colored blur
of Harmony closed in on her.

"I'm one of the good guys now!"  Harmony squealed, and then gave Buffy
an unwelcome hug.  Buffy held  Joyce as far away from Harmony as she
could without dropping her.  Harmony let go and quickly explained her
situation as Buffy straightened up and looked around for weapons.  "It's
okay, really!  I've been off human blood for, like, ever.  I hear you've
quit killing things too - good on you!"  She patted Buffy on the
shoulder with a smile.  "They should have a patch, you know."  Harmony
was trying her best to be friendly, but the Slayer's uneasiness was
making her nervous.  She thought to herself, "Even a reformed Slayer is
still a Slayer!"

"So you ... work here?  For Angel?"  Buffy said, looking more confused
by the minute.

"I'm Angel's assistant," Harmony said brightly, then broke into a
cheerful sing-song, "I bring him blood,  make his appointments, tell him
which clients not to kill... OH!, and when that bad mojo made him and
Spike both lose their souls - I helped Spike chain him up!  Just until
he got his soul back, of course.  Angel is REALLY nasty when he doesn't
have a soul, but I'm sure you know that."  Harmony's attention then
switched to the baby, who was staring at her chest with wide-eyed wonder.
  "Look at that little face!"

"What the hell are you talking about? Spike?"

Angel came out of his office and almost ran into the very confused
Slayer.  "Buffy!" he said, stepping back in surprise.  After a moment,
he smiled broadly and moved back towards her.

When Buffy saw Angel, her face relaxed.  As he came up to her, she
leaned into him, hugging him with her free arm.  She gazed up at his
face with relief and affection and said, "Boy, am I glad to see you."

Spike was in Angel's office and followed him out as far as the doorway.
  He stood there transfixed at the sight of Buffy and her baby until
Angel's bulky figure blocked his view.

After a few moments of silent hugging, Buffy announced: "I'd like you to
meet my daughter."

"A daughter?"  Angel grinned, peering closer.  In a ridiculously sweet
little voice that Buffy had never heard from him, he said, "Look at
those little curls!".  Buffy had to stifle a laugh. He placed a finger
in one of Joyce's tiny hands, and she closed her fingers around it in a
tight fist.  "She's strong.  What's her name?"

Spike's unmistakable, deep voice broke in gently.  "Now, anyone who
knows Buffy should know what she named her daughter."   He cautiously
approached, looking at her with adoring eyes, and said, "It's Joyce...
isn't it?"

She felt like she was in a dream, or was looking at the First in the
form of Spike.  He was looking at her like he had the night before she
had found the Scythe; the night she had given up.  She spent a moment
trying to decide if she was awake or asleep and didn't understand why
nobody else was alarmed.  She finally responded in a whisper, "Yes." 

Angel looked at the two of them, then pulled away from Joyce's grip and
stepped back.

Buffy's face slowly changed to show pain and betrayal as the reality
sank in: "I thought you were dead." 

"I was, pet, for a while," he said apologetically.  "But then somebody
out there decided to have a bit more fun with me - playin' me with that
bloody amulet.  They brought me back," Buffy winced at the phrase, "and
I was a ghost for a while, trapped in the LA branch of hell, and then
FLASH, I'm back in the flesh like I'd never been burnt to a crisp at all."

"They brought you back?  Why didn't you find me?"  Buffy said pitifully,
almost crying.

Angel looked like he was getting ready to say something, but Spike beat
him to it.

"I did find you.  In Barcelona.  I saw you sittin' in a Plaza with a
dark haired lad, lookin' like the perfect little family-to-be.  You
finally had everything you deserved, and I - " he rolled his eyes and
shook his head,  "I'm not part of your world anymore, so I came back
here to help keep Angel and company from being devoured by this beast
they think they're in charge of." He looked at Joyce with the same
adoring expression that he used for her mother, then held out his hands
and asked Buffy, "May I?"  She nodded and placed Joyce in his large
hands, coaching him on how to hold the baby to support her head. 

He looked into the small face in his arms and said with William's gentle
voice, "Hello Joyce.  Your grandmother would have loved to have seen
you."  Tears welled in Buffy's eyes.  "She was a lovely woman.  I'm
sorry you won't get to meet her."  The tears were now streaming down
Buffy's face.

"She always liked you,"  Buffy managed to say through the tears.

Angel thought, "She never liked me."

Buffy then turned to Angel, seething in spite of the tears.  "And you
knew?"

Angel's voice was consoling as he explained, "I knew.  I tried to keep
him from going after you, but I think he did the right thing in the end.
  I... we just want you to be happy."

Angel was confident that his explanation would appease her, but Buffy's
anger has just begun to build.  "You didn't tell me he was here.  You
didn't help him find me - what right do you have to decide what I should
and shouldn't know?"  Buffy's voice rose sharply at the end, startling
Joyce.

Spike would have loved to have watched Buffy vent her anger on Angel. 
Hearing her yell at her beloved poof made his heart glow.  However, with
Joyce getting upset, he knew he would have to settle for hearing about
it later.  "You two obviously need to talk,"  he said with barely
suppressed glee.  "If you don't mind, Buffy, I'd like to take this young
lady for a tour of the place."  Buffy nodded and watched Spike walk off,
gently bouncing and rocking Joyce in his arms.  Buffy and Angel went
into his office and closed the door.  Harmony sat at her desk, listening
with amusement and keeping a tally of every time she heard something
smash.

.................................



Buffy stood behind Angel's desk, her face flushed with anger.  Several
of the priceless, antique weapons that covered the wall were now lying
on the floor at the opposite end of the room.

Angel was still crouched slightly from dodging the last weapon Buffy
threw at him - an Irish Skain, one of his favorites.   "Buffy, it was
for your own good," he pleaded.

Buffy took a few deep breaths to control her rage enough to speak. "I
have spent the last 357 nights wondering if Spike went to heaven, like I
did, or ended up in some demon dimension or hell.  Did you even think
about that?"

He straightened up and looked genuinely surprised.  "When were you in
heaven?"

She had forgotten that he didn't know, that he was still oblivious.  She
said contemptuously,  "When I died.  Jumping off Glory's tower." 

"I thought you were in a hell dimension, like I was."

"That's what my friends thought, and I didn't want to hurt them by
telling them the truth."  She looked vacantly into space, calmer now,
and sad.  "I hated being alive.  I just wanted to die again so I could
go back where things were easier, and happier, and warm.  It took years
to recover from that.  It wasn't until a few months ago that I really
felt like I had gotten past it.  When I was expecting Joyce and was one
of the gang again, instead of having to be the all-powerful Slayer, that
was the first time I felt like I had gotten a better deal by living."

Angel shook his head in disbelief.  "Why didn't you tell me?  I mean,
here you are ripping me a new one for not telling you about Spike and
you never bothered to tell me about that!   All you had to do is call me
and tell me what you were going through, and I would have left for
Sunnydale as soon as I hung up the phone."  In the back of his mind he
knew that it might not have been possible to do that, with Darla and
Connor and Holtz and the chaos going on in his life that year. 

"You couldn't have helped,"  She said matter-of-factly.  "Even my
friends couldn't help.  But still, deep inside I've always blamed you
for not knowing.   You met me halfway to Sunnydale, talked for a few
hours, and headed back.  I kept waiting for you to see through my lie
and ask what had really happened, but it was like you didn't really see
me at all.  You just told me how glad you were that I was back.  You
left me to die.  So did Giles.  I WOULD have died if it weren't for
Spike.  I would have danced myself to death or lost some fight to an
ordinary vampire because I didn't care enough to go on.  In his own
twisted way, Spike made me want to live again.  All the while, you were
back in LA with your new life, too busy to pick up the phone and call."

"So that's your connection to Spike.  He saved your life."

Buffy looked at him and the anger returned to her face and voice.  "My
connection to Spike is named Joyce, our daughter."

Stunned, Angel insisted, "That's not possible."

"You know, being impossible never seems to keep things from happening. 
That's part of the reason I came here - to find out how it was possible."

Angel asked, very tentatively, "You sure you didn't maybe have too much
to drink one night and you just don't remember..."  Buffy flung a
beautiful, curved Balkan dagger at him.

After several minutes of apologizing, Angel was able to continue the
conversation.  He was still convinced he did the right thing.  "So now
that you've found Spike, what does that buy you?  Do you want a vampire
for a husband?  Haven't we gone all through that?  Isn't that why we're
not together right now?"

"Lots of families have alternative lifestyles.  When Willow has kids,
they'll have two moms.  Xander is destined to marry a demon, so Spike
not being able to go to the beach doesn't seem like all that big a deal
anymore.  Besides, the reason you and I aren't together has nothing to
do with me.  I didn't want to break up - I wasn't consulted."  Her voice
was rising again.  "You made this unilateral decision that it was the
right thing for me, without even asking."

Angel was very glad that Buffy couldn't remember his decision to reverse
their perfect day together.  "I was more mature than you.  I could see
what was best for you then, like I can see what is best now."

"Mature, right!  Well, when you date girls 220 years younger than you
that's always an issue isn't it?  Not to mention that I was DAWN'S age
when we started seeing each other, you ... freak!"

"Well, that's ... You're not sounding much like a champion right now,
Buffy."  He didn't think she sounded much like the girl he fell in love
with, either. 

"I died twice!!!  And I'm not enough of a champion for you???"

"That's NOT what I said.  You sound like you're ..."

"Tired of being patronized?  Of having decisions made for me like I'm
not capable of making them on my own?  Will I ever be old enough for you
to trust MY judgment?"  She grabbed a 1200 year old Mongolian knife and
threw it at him.

"Not when you're acting like this, Buffy.  Try a little self-control and
maybe we can finish this conversation!  Until then, I'm out of here." 
Angel turned and headed for the door.

"Do you know what I missed most about Spike?" she asked.  Angel stopped
and glared at her. "Knowing that no matter how much we fought, or how
bad it got, that he would never walk out on me.  He'd stay and finish it."

That got him.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  "So finish it."

"He was the only one who ever saw me at my worst."

"I think I've seen that."

"You have no idea!"  She walked toward him.  "This is me.  I'm emotional.
  I have a bad temper, and I'm gonna lose it sometimes.  I may not
behave perfectly, but I'm still a champion, and I will NOT be treated
like a little girl.  You know, having Spike as my right hand man made me
stronger.  With you, I feel less strong, like my opinion doesn't count
as much.  There was a time when I could have lived with that." She
laughed, "Oh, who am I kidding?  That was just a dream.  Schoolgirl
crush stuff.  I miss my Daddy stuff.  What I need now is a right hand
man."

Angel had no weapons left.

......................................................


Spike was in heaven walking around with Joyce in his arms.  He could
easily make her smile and laugh, and he could gaze into that miniature
version of Buffy's eyes all day.  Her face reminded him of someone, some
distant memory from long ago, but he couldn't place it.  It wasn't
until Fred was holding her that he remembered.  "My sister!  That's who
she looks like." he said.

"You had a sister?" Fred asked.

"Not for long.  She died when she wasn't much bigger than Joyce, here.
   Broke my mother's heart."

"I'm sorry.  Did you have any other brothers or sisters?"

"None that lived.  I was all my mother had left."

"I can't imagine how hard it must be to lose a child."  As soon as she
said it, Fred had the strangest feeling that she had lost a child once,
but couldn't remember.

"I wonder how different things would have been if she had lived?  If I'd
had a sister like Dawn to tell me what a complete fool I was."

Joyce had started putting everything in her mouth.  She sucked on her
blanket, Fred's fingers, and then her own.  "I think she's getting
hungry," Fred said.  "You'd better take her back to her mom."

......

Spike was coming down the stairs to the lobby just as Buffy was coming
out of Angel's office. 

"If you're ready to take a break from beating the crap out of Angel,
this young lady might be hungry,"  he said as he approached her, beaming.

Buffy's face brightened when she saw how happy Spike and her daughter
were together.  "Do you have an office I can feed her in?"

"Of course, right this way," he said rather formally.  The two of them
hadn't touched each other, and had barely spoken since she had been
there.  As Spike walked along, still carrying Joyce, he said, "You've
done a good job, Mum.  Everyone approves."

"Glad to hear it,"  Buffy said, not sure if the approval of evil lawyers
was a good thing or not.  "So you like her?"

"You could say that," Spike replied, looking at the baby sucking on her
fist in his arms.  "I've known her for less than an hour and I would
gladly lay down my life for her.  She's your daughter.  Joyce's
granddaughter."  He stopped in front of the door to his office.  "I
couldn't love her any more if she was my own."

Buffy looked at him intently, but he was looking at Joyce and didn't
notice.  He opened the door with his free arm.  "Not as posh as Angel's,
but I call it home."

Buffy looked around the office.  It had a bit of the Bohemian homeyness
that his crypt had before she and Riley blew it up.  Candles, decanters,
and books filled the shelves; assorted rugs broke up the monotonous
tones of the carpet and walls.  The furniture was much better than in
his crypt: several inviting couches and a large, antique table and
chairs in place of a desk.  She liked it.  She made herself at home on a
small, comfy couch and started to unbutton her blouse.

"I should go," Spike said as he held the baby out to her.

"No, you can stay," she replied encouragingly, without taking Joyce from
him.

He turned his back as she fumbled with her bra.  She bared her breast,
then modestly pulled her blouse back to cover most of it.

"Okay.  I can take her now," she said.  Spike turned around just long
enough to hand her the baby and then turned back around again,
embarrassed.

"I shouldn't be here," he said, facing the wall as she got Joyce
situated.

"Why?" she asked without looking up. Joyce began feeding, making happy
coo's and slurping noises. Spike couldn't help peeking around to see her,
before sheepishly looking away.

"You're another man's wife.  It isn't right."

"What???  I'm not!" she insisted, finally looking up at the back of his
head.

"You mean that git didn't marry you?" Spike said turning half way around.

"What git, Spike?"

"That handsome chap I saw you with in Barcelona.  Holding hands.  Gazing
at each other... Ring a bell?"  Buffy looked confused.  Spike was
facing the floor, waiting for an answer.

Buffy finally figured out who Spike must have seen and exclaimed: "That
was father Antonio in Barcelona; he's a priest!" 

"You shagged a priest????"  Spike said incredulously as he turned to
face her again.

"No, I didn't shag him!  He was just giving me some moral support."

"Moral, ay?"  Spike asked with a lewd glance. 

Buffy glared at Spike for a moment, then shook her head.  After
adjusting Joyce's position a bit, she looked at Spike earnestly.  "I
haven't been with anyone else since that last night we were together,
before you died.  She's your baby, Spike.  YOU are her father."  Her
face was an open book of emotion telling him to believe her.  A rude
noise from Joyce ruined the perfect moment and brought a smile to her
lips.

Spike smiled too for a split second, but then his face fell and he said
bitterly, "Buffy, don't tease me like that!  You know how badly I wish
that were true."

"I'm not, it is true.  I don't know how, but it is,"  Buffy said as
calmly as she could.  She hadn't expected quite this reaction. 

"I'm a vampire!  You know I can't." 

"Right, and vampires don't have souls, and people don't come back from
the dead. I'm telling you, you did!  Get the science guys to figure it
out."

...............................................

Spike grabbed Fred and dragged her into her office. "I need your help
with something."  He held her by  her shoulders and looked intently into
her eyes for a few seconds, waiting for the words to come.  "...I can't
do this."  He released her, then went and opened the door.  "Oi! Knox!
  Could you come in here?"  Knox came in dutifully.  "Fred, get out,"
Spike said curtly and pushed her out. 

After the door closed in her face, Fred was a mass of confusion.  She
soon began ranting at the door. "He can't throw me out of my office.  He
just threw me out of my office.  This is MY lab, AND my office.  I don't
have to take this..."

Just then the door opened, and Knox burst out, full of energy, and on a
mission.  He grabbed a small wide-mouthed beaker and handed it to Spike.
"This should do.  You can use Fred's office.  Fred, do you have any
good porn sites bookmarked on your browser?" 

"WHAT?????" 

"Don't need it mate, I'll be out in a jiff," Spike said confidently and
closed the door. 

"What is going on, Knoxy?" Fred demanded in her little girl voice.

Knox explained the situation.  Just as he was finishing, the office door
opened.  "Here you go."  Spike held up the beaker.  The bottom was now
covered with thick, cream-colored liquid. 

"Man, that was fast!" Knox exclaimed.

Spike smirked.  "My uh, partner in crime has been ready to go since
Buffy walked into the building." 

Knox took the beaker enthusiastically.  Fred was wearing the disgusted-but-curious
face she would have on for the next few minutes.  Knox began making up
a microscope slide saying, "Let's see what we've got here - a mobile
army, or..."

"A bunch of dead soldiers."  Spike finished.  Spike looked over at Fred.
 

"You didn't touch my computer, did you?"  She asked. 

"Didn't need to." 

"Good.  That's good," she said to herself, "Now I won't have to burn it."
 

Knox put the slide under the microscope and selected the highest power
lens.  He switched on a projector so that Spike could see what he saw as
he adjusted the focus to get a sharp picture of...
"A mobile army!"  Knox yelled as he threw both fists in the air, looking
like they had just scored a touchdown. 

Spike seemed hypnotized for a moment as he watched hundreds of sperm
teaming about on the screen.  Slowly, a smile spread across his face and
he said softly, "I'm a father."  Knox started to put out his hand as he
congratulated Spike, but Spike grabbed him in a big bear hug.  Spike
then turned to Fred, grabbed her face in both hands and kissed her on
the mouth, hard.  When he pulled back, he started to say something, then
changed his mind, and simply said, "Thank you."

"I didn't do anything," she said, looking confused.

"Wow, look at that one move!" Knox said, pointing at a very athletic
specimen.  "That's gotta be a boy - they swim faster."

Spike looked at it quizzically.  "If that's true, then how'd they all
get beat by a girl?"

Fred answered, "Because it's not just about getting there first.  It
takes a cooperative effort by the team to, um..."

"Beat down the doors of the castle," Knox offered.

"Right,"  She said, pleased with Knox's analogy.  "And once the door is
down, well the next lucky one gets to go inside. In Joyce's case, the
next one was a girl."

Spike smiled. "Well that's fitting.  Story of my life - a man giving all
he's got, laying everything on the line for a girl.  The chosen one." 
He looked at the screen, jutted his chin out and said dramatically:  "God,
I'm proud of my men!"  Knox beamed in camaraderie; Fred rolled her eyes
and laughed.

Spike snapped out of it and exclaimed, "I need to go tell Buffy."  He
turned to leave.

Fred called after him, "I think she figured it out.  I mean, she knows
who she slept with."

Spike stopped in his tracks.  "Yeah, but I..."

"Didn't believe her?" Fred said, gently admonishing him for his apparent
lack of faith in the Slayer.

"No!  It's just I didn't think... I gotta go," Spike said and ran out of
the lab with a thousand emotions all going at once.

Fred switched back to scientist mode and asked Knox.  "How is this
possible?"

"I don't know.  It's a miracle," he said, still staring at the images on
the screen.

The grossed-out look returned to Fred's face. "I wonder if he touched
anything in my office?"

"Your office, hell, he touched your face, remember!"

"Oh my God, ew, eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!"

As Fred ran off to wash her face, Knox stared at the frenzy of motion on
the screen with a look of pride and wonder.


..........................................................

Spike burst into his office, saw Joyce sleeping in Buffy's arms, and
quietly closed the door.  He crossed the room and knelt down in front of
her.  "I didn't mean to doubt YOU Buffy," he said sheepishly.  She
smiled.  That felt good to hear.  "I just couldn't believe it was true.
  I've seen it for myself now.  Part of me that should be dead, like the
rest, is alive."

A new thought dawned on her.  "So you can have others?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Do they know how this happened?"

"It must have been that bloody demon - the one who gave me my soul.  I
wasn't real specific with my request you know, not 'I'd like one soul
now, please'.  I said I wanted to give you what you deserved."  He
laughed. "The demon part of me wanted to kill you, but wish granting
demons (vengeance demons and the like), they don't just go by what you
tell them, they can see into your heart, to what you really wish for.  I
wanted to give you everything you deserved - a good man who loved you
more than anyone, and I knew you wanted children someday."

"I thought it had something to do with your soul,"  she said.

"Oh God, Buffy, I'm such an idiot!  I should have talked to you in
Barcelona!  I missed everything - our baby growing inside you, moving,
kicking. I missed her being born, and everything for the first three
months!"

She placed her hand on his face.  "It's not your fault.  You didn't know.
  You thought you were doing the right thing.  Angel should have gotten
word to me when you first came back."

"Damn right, he should have!"

"And you can be there for our next baby."

"Our next?"  Once again, Spike couldn't believe what he was hearing.  "You
mean you want me in your life?  And in Joyce's?"

"I do.  Forever."

After a few moments of stunned silence, Spike started to look worried. 
"Oh God, this isn't real is it?"
He touched her hair.  "But I can feel you, you aren't the First.  I must
be dreaming."  He laughed.  "Of course, I'm dreaming, and I'm going to
wake up in the school basement, talking to shadows, bug-shaggin' crazy,
with you still hating me."  He is almost crying now.

She took his hands in hers.  "No, spike, it's real.  I'm here.  We're a
family now."

Spike began to chuckle in a crazy sort of way and pulled away from her.
  "So wake up already.  WAKE UP!!!!"  He yelled at the ceiling.

Joyce woke up and began to cry.  "Spike!  Stop it, you're scaring her!"
Buffy pleaded.

He stood up and shook his head.  "She's not real!"  He pointed at Joyce.
  "She's been dead for over a hundred years."

"What???"

"Now stop all this and WAKE UP!"  He began punching himself in the head,
then suddenly stopped.  "Ow.  That hurt."

Buffy was looking at him with a mixture of concern and horror. 

Spike started pacing and muttering to himself: "Can't be real, can't be
real.  When are they gonna stop playin' with me?  If I could have
children, should be able to go out in the sunlight.  Can't be in the
sunlight, got burnt up like a ... "

"Spike, Stop!  You couldn't have imagined this." 

"Oh, but I have!" he shot back with a dangerous look.

Buffy was bouncing Joyce in her arms.  "Look at her, Spike.  She is not
a ghost.  Tell me you could have imagined how tiny her hands are, these
little fingernails and long fingers.  She has your hands, Spike.  And
curly hair, like you had when you were crazy in the school basement."

"Like now?" he said, still pacing.

"Your hair was longer then."

Spike stopped pacing, reached up and felt his hair - short and stiff and
freshly styled.  That seemed to convince him that maybe this wasn't a
dream.  With a shaky voice, he said, "I should have woken up by now. 
Are you really here?"

"I am."

"And Joyce, she's not my sister ... and this all really happened?"

Buffy was crying now.  "Yes.  It all happened."

"And now you think I'm bleedin' barmy, don't you?" Spike said
pathetically, thinking he had ruined the best chance he would ever have
with her.

"Maybe if I knew what that meant," she replied hesitantly.  "Come here."

He knelt down in front of her as she sat holding Joyce, who had gone
back to sleep.  Putting the baby down beside her, she pulled Spike's
head into her lap.  She stroked his hair and rubbed his back as she
cradled him, making the same comforting noises she used to quiet Joyce.
  When they had both calmed down a bit, she said softly, "I sometimes
forget how much you've been through in the last few years.  It took
Angel a hundred years to adjust to having a soul."

"It takes Angel twenty years to adjust to a new hair style," he said
snarkily.

"And when are you going to try a new one?" she asked, the wax dragging
against her fingertips as she tried to run them through his hair.

He shot her a sideways glare.  After a few more minutes of silence,
Spike said without looking up, "You can't be Buffy; you feel like my
mother."

Buffy pulled her hands away from his head and stared down at him.  "You're
really saying all the right things today, Spike."

"I thought you'd like that one, pet."  He lifted his head from her lap
and flashed her a wickedly non-crazy smile.

"You're just messing with me!" she exclaimed as she smacked him on the
shoulder.

He grinned even wider.  "A bit.  But I'm serious too."  He sat back on
his heels and got serious.  "You've never touched me like that before,
no matter how bad off I was.  No matter how much I needed to just feel
your touch.  Not in a sexual way, just like someone who cares.  You've
changed so much, and for the better.  You're really a mother now."

"I really am."

"So have I totally scared you away, or are you willing to let a vampire
who might be off his trolley into your life?"

"I think I am, which probably makes me crazy too. I don't want to let
you out of my sight.  I'm afraid you'll be gone again, like I'm dreaming
too, and if I wake up you'll be dead."

"I'm not goin' anywhere," he said as he wrapped his arms around her and
they rested their heads on each other's shoulders,  "but we do need to
sleep together so that we'll know whether this was a dream or not as
soon as we wake up."

"I wonder how many guys have used THAT line," Buffy quipped.

They kept hugging as Buffy talked, and for once, Spike was silent.  "I
was so afraid you might have ended up in a bad place.  I know you did
horrible things, but you changed, because YOU wanted to.  You saved the
world.  After all that, you deserved to be at peace.  I told Willow and
Xander that I finally understood what they were feeling when they
decided to bring me back from the dead.  I hated feeling so helpless,
not knowing where you were, and not being able to save you" (sob).  "I
could finally REALLY forgive my friends, and we've been closer than ever
since then.

After they brought me back, it took so long for me to feel like a human
being again.  I couldn't love anyone for the longest time.  It wasn't
just you.  I was so cut off.  My friends brought my body back to life,
but you helped bring back the rest of me.  You and Joyce."

"I think it was more Joyce's doing," Spike responded.

"You gave me Joyce," she said and squeezed him tight.  "I never got to
thank you for that." 

"Thank YOU.  You did all the work, took all the risks," he said.  He
imagined her worrying about whether Joyce would be born with little
fangs, screaming for her first drink of blood.

"I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant.  It was the next best
thing to getting you back."  She pulled back so that she could look at
him as she went on. "In the Hellmouth, when we joined hands..."  She
held up her hand and Spike placed his against it; their fingers
intertwined.  "Whatever the amulet was doing to you, it let me see, or
kind of... feel, inside you.  I could see everything about you; Spike
and William.  There were things I already knew about - your unbelievable
devotion to the ones you love, your courage, your independence, your
temper, and things I didn't realize - like the insecurity behind all
that bravado; the gentleness and decency you were afraid to show.  I
could feel how all of those things were jumbled together to make the
most amazing and unpredictable person I'd ever met. The man who was
about to die to save the world.  In that moment, I knew I loved you. 
But you didn't believe me."  Her voice broke at the end.  They looked
deep into each others eyes as she continued.  "I knew I couldn't make
you leave, and that you wouldn't let me stay.  I also knew that there
was no time to convince you that I wasn't just saying it.  I love you,
Spike."   She wrapped her arms around his neck and they held each other
tight.

He was convinced again that he was dreaming, but he stopped fighting it
and responded, "I love you, Buffy.  I always will."

......


They spent a long time in silence while they held each other and watched
their baby sleep.  Spike was the first to speak.

"It's been almost a year."

"Three hundred fifty-seven days yesterday."

"You counted?"

She nodded; he smiled.

"It never occurred to me that you would worry about where I went, much
less count the days.  I didn't think you cared."

"I told you I did."

"I'm an idiot."

She nodded in agreement.  "You destroyed my whole town along with the
Hellmouth you know."

"I heard.  Took a road trip up one day to look at the crater.  Sorry
about that."  He stroked her hair.  "Bloody amulet."

"We all lost our homes, and all our things, but what hurt most was
losing the memories, the pictures, the graveyards where people we love
were buried."  

"Oh, pet, I'm so sorry.  I did save the world, though."

"You did.  I'm SO proud of you.  I knew you would make a difference." 
She ran her hand down his cheek.  "You made all the difference.  Giles
feels really bad about misjudging you."

"And tryin' to kill me."

"That too.  But he gave me a hard time for not telling him about things
that would have helped him to make the right decision.  If I had told
him about the chip not working on me, or about how badly I treated you
before you got your soul, or what you had to go through to get your soul,
he might have believed in you like I did."

"Water under the bridge, luv."

"You were my dark secret for so long - you, the chip, being in heaven. 
So many secrets."

"Is that how you want it to be?"

"No.  Not anymore.  I want everyone to know you're my man."

He smiled and was quiet for a moment.  "You know what you'd be giving up,
living with me?" he asked.

"Sure."

"I can't go with you when you take Joyce to the beach.  We can't have
that outdoor wedding you wanted."

"We could have it at night," she countered.

"And when you're eighty, people will think you're shacking up with a
younger man."  She smiled; she had never thought about it that way.  "You'll
be right scandalous.  And yes, I'll still love you when you're eighty.
  Now that I think about it, if you stay with me, out of the sun,
exercise and eat right, you probably won't age much at all, what with
your super Slayer healing."  She laughed, and he continued, more
seriously, "I'll never leave you Buffy, and I hope you never leave me. 
I don't think I could stand losing you again.  I'd much rather die first.
  Or next, rather."

She protested immediately.  "I don't want to lose you again.  We've both
watched each other die before, and once was enough.  I wish we could
just go out together next time."

"I tell you what," he said brightly, looking her right in the eye, "maybe
after the kids are grown, if there's another apocalypse, we could go on
a suicide mission together."

"Works for me," she replied cheerily.

"It's a date, then."

Now it was Buffy's turn to be serious.  "From what I've heard about what
you do here, you're putting your life on the line every week.  I don't
want you doing that anymore.  You've got a family now.  Giles could use
your help training the new Slayers.  They're stronger than you anyhow. 
Let them go fight.  You've done enough."

...............


Joyce woke up hungry again.  Buffy fed her while Spike's arms encircled
them both.  Afterwards, Buffy  changed her, and they packed up the few
things Spike wanted to keep from his office.  He wouldn't be coming back.
  He took one last look around after Buffy went out,  smiled, and closed
the door on his life with Wolfram and Hart. 

"Just need to tell Angel," he thought.  Suddenly he realized that he
felt no joy about defeating Angel for the ultimate prize.  Hell, he
almost felt sorry for the guy.  Buffy noticed he was lagging behind and
looked at him inquisitively.

"You coming?"  She asked.

"Yeah.  I need to tell Angel I'm leaving, but I really don't want to see
him right now, and I'm sure I'm the last person he wants to see."

"So don't tell him," she responded.  "He never tells us anything.  He'll
figure it out."  They shared a mischievous smile and a laugh.  "Seriously
though, I was pretty hard on him.  He's gonna need some time." 

Spike nodded in agreement.  "He's gonna need a lot."

"I can't believe you and Angel have been working together all this time
without killing each other."

Spike rolled his eyes.  "We're like a couple in a bad marriage who fight
all the time, but as soon as the cops show up we're coverin' for each
other and actin' like nothing ever happened. After that, there's a brief
truce, some make-up s-" Spike's eyes flew open wide - don't go there,
mate - "STUFF, and, well, you get the picture."

Buffy just raised her eyebrows and smirked. She could picture that. With
oil, definitely.

"Stop thinkin' that!" he ordered.

"Make me," she challenged him.

They were approaching Harmony's desk now.  "Wait 'til we get home," he
said.

News travelled fast at Wolfram and Hart.  Harmony wasn't thrilled about
it, "but I'm a professional," she told herself.  She looked up at Spike
and said "Hi Dad."

Spike walked up to her and said, "I'm leaving with my family, and I'm
not coming back.  Take care of yourself, Harm."  He gave her one of the
first real warm and caring smiles he had ever given her.

She smiled back, happy that he finally acted like he cared.  "You too. 
And take care of them."

"You know I will.  And Harm, ... no one gives you credit for what you've
done.  Changing sides without a soul, just because you feel it's right.
  Angel gets all the attention, but it takes a stronger person to do
what you've done.  I should have told you that a long time ago, and I
didn't want to leave without saying it."

Big tears began rolling down her cheeks, and she sniffled. "Ohhhhhhh,
Thank you!"  She came around the desk and gave him a big hug, then let
go before Buffy got pissed off. 

"One more thing," Spike said,"could you give your boss a message for me?"

"Sure."

"Tell him the competition's over.  I've got my reward.  The rest is all
his."

"Okeydokey."

Spike turned to Buffy.  "Shall we, then?"  She nodded.  With old
fashioned propriety, he took her arm, something he hadn't done since Dru.
  He had been a good boyfriend for over a hundred years, but Buffy had
never allowed him to be one.  Everything would be different this time,
he thought as they walked to the elevator.

As the elevator doors were closing, Buffy said lightly, "So, tell me
about your mother."

Spike sighed, "Not tonight, pet."

.....................................................