Author’s Note: I’m back with my crazy obsessive Phil Collins fad because I have just suffered from the
biggest bout of Writer’s block for all my series, especially Why Do I Have To Feel This Way? And I
was listening to a Phil Collins CD and I found this fabulous song called ‘If Leaving Me Is So Easy’ and
I immediately thought, Draco Malfoy! I know, but every time I see a song I think will make a great songfic,
it is book marked until I think of an idea. Phil Collins has a site full of lyrics so I get them all from there.

Anyway, I swallowed my pride and decided for the first and last time will I ever write a Hermione and
Draco fic. But it is also a Hermione and Harry fic and is based about a monologue from Draco about a
relationship he had with Hermione many years ago. It is post Hogwarts, and they are all beginning to
settle down and start families.

Oh, the title is what Draco is feeling, not the fact that Hermione is leaving him. It is past tense about Draco’s
resentment towards her for giving up to easily. Bear with me!

If Leaving Me Is So Easy

by Inspiring Author
 
 

Chapter 1
If Leaving Me Is So Easy
 

Draco Malfoy watched as his wife left the room, smiling gently as his two year old daughter,
who admired her mother so much scrambled after her.

When he was sure they had gone, he got up and went to the oak desk his father had sat at so
many years before, which now belonged to him and after him, his unborn son.

He opened a secret drawer in the middle, a drawer he had never dared to show to his wife or
anyone he trusted. It showed his sentimentality and as a Malfoy, he couldn’t afford to have it.
It was crushed too easy for his liking.

He lifted up the dusty old shoebox he had kept safe for many years, since he was eighteen.
Now at twenty-five, he thought he could go through it without breaking down.

As he opened the lid, he was reminded of the day he had first complied the happy memories
that this box so sacredly contained. A day he had long forgotten, but not quite buried. Now
he would relive everything as he sorted through the precious memories he had of Hermione
Granger:
 

I read all the letters, I read each word that you've sent to me
and though it's past now, and the words start to fade
all the memories I have, still remain
 

The first thing I picked up was the very first love letter Hermione had ever written to me; back
in the fifth year, when we had thought our love was the only thing that mattered and nothing
could tear us apart as long as we had each other.

I must have read them at least a hundred times, the first one to the last, trying to see if there
was a hint on what she’d do to me later on; I must have memorised them all, but now I can
remember none of the sweet words that comforted me through it all. They all seemed to have
disappeared within the recess of time. Three years of heartfelt notes, forgotten by a misguided
soul.

But even though they all are gone, I can still remember every time she had given me one,
sealing them with stolen kisses.
 

I've kept all the pictures, but I hide my feelings so no-one knows
Oh sure my friends all come round, but I'm in a crowd on my own
 

I picked up the pictures that had been taken the summer of our sixth year, when we had snuck
out on ill made lies and she had shown me what life was like in the Muggle world. I had never
forgotten that summer.

I remember when I first got married to my wife and I how I had felt guilty at still being in love
with the ghost of the girl I had. The girl who had laughed and cried at once and made me so
mixed up. I hid it so well it was like I really loved the woman I longed to turn into Hermione
who could chase away the deep sorrow in my heart.

And even though my loved ones and friends surrounded me, I felt completely alone. That feeling
I, thought was lost in the pain, which I associated with childhood, but now I realised that Hermione
had been sheltering me from it. She had given me company in my crowd of one.
 

It's 'cos you're gone now, but your heart, still remains
and it'll be here if you come again
 

After she left me in the dark once more, I still held the burned out candle, praying she’d come
back and light it once more with the fire in her heart. I thought that if I kept the love I felt for her,
she would come back and everything will be where we left it, the love, the passion, everything.

But she never came back to me; she left me alone with solitude as my constant companion. Not
even the joy of marriage and fatherhood ever gave the complete safety and comfort I had with
Hermione.
 

You see, I'd heard the rumours, I knew before you let me know
but I didn't believe it, not you,
No you would not let me go
 

Then she did the most unforgiving thing she ever did to me; she never told me about her marriage
to Potter. I found out through whispered gossip, and even then, I refused to believe she wouldn’t
tell, that she wouldn’t mention that she left me for him.

 I found myself feeling invincible for a while, believing she hadn’t left me for him, and I managed
to convince myself for a couple of moments, until I was alone with my insecurity and absent soul.
She had broken my heart and hadn’t even given me the courtesy of telling me to my face.

I had waited for days and months until she had paid me the fateful visit to tell me. By that time,
I had known for several months, since the leaves had begun to fall, but I had deceived myself
with lies until I heard it from her lips.
 

Seems I was wrong, but I love, I love you the same
and that's the one thing that you can't take away but just remember...
 

I know it’s wrong, but I would still give up everything I have, my beautiful and doting wife and
adorable child, even my Malfoy wealth if she came and asked me to leave with her. I would be
in love with Hermione Granger until I died and I also know I will kill myself with guilt and
worthless heartache, because I can’t stop feeling like she had betrayed me and traded my heart
for Potter’s because she had tired of me.

But for some reason I’m glad at having the forbidden love, because it was at least something no
one could rip away from me and she would never realise it until I was long gone.

But secretly I wished she would come crawling to me and beg forgiveness because then I could…
 

If leaving me is easy,
going back is harder...
 

I could tell her that she’d have to win me back with promises of everlasting love, something she
pledged to me in her first and last love note. I’d tell she couldn’t win me back until I felt I could
truly trust her.

I’d make her suffer until she felt like I did when she left me alone and confused. But of course,
in the end I’d take her back, because I truly loved her, and I could never stay angry.

I just want her to see that she can’t just make and break my heart…I want her to see my true
emotions and how she hurt me with her goodbyes…but it’ll never happen now…it’ll never happen
to me…

Draco sighed as all the unbridled passion and feelings bubbled to the surface in painful bursts. All
he wanted was to forget, but forgetting meant leaving the past behind and he just couldn’t…not yet.

He replaced the memories in the secret drawer; before returning to the crackling fire and watched,
the flames burn into wood, leaving behind their presence.

He felt his daughter slip back into the room and clamber onto his lap, her small feet resting on his
knees.

“Love you daddy,” she whispered softly, leaning on his chest.

“Love you too…Hermione,” he replied, silently wishing his true love could hear the dedication he
had made to her…
 
 
 

Author’s Note: Not a good ending but there you go. This is the only Hermione and Draco fic I’m
ever going to write, so if you like Hermione and Draco I suggest you read it, even though it only has
angst. Romance doesn’t suit me so I tend to write about love lost.
I know the child bit is cliché, but it was the only way I could end it.
I hope you like it!
Thanks

I.A.
 

Chapter 2