The rest of the evening went by far too quickly. It hadn’t involved much more than a building
tension between Mara and my new “investment.” I’d had to break up more than my share of arguments for one evening.
But Mara would adjust... eventually, and they’d get along... I hoped. I certainly wasn’t going to break up a billion little squabblings every time we went out somewhere, but I’d be damned if I was going to choose between my bodyguard and my best friend.
And a terrible decision that would be. Alief was wonderful; he seemed all I’d even wanted -and not just a bodyguard. And as the night went on he just got better and better. I didn't want it to end.
But I couldn’t stay at the bar all night, and it would be nice to talk to him in private, be along with him. I knew that once we left we might be consumed by our building desire, knew that I wanted to, as did he, but this was going to be a professional relationship. It had to be. I couldn’t slip now.
Mara decided to stick around for a while, visit her “old acquaintances” and shooed us out with a hand. Alief escorted me out with one hand around my waist and the other near his blaster, constantly looking from side to side. I knew I’d feel any danger before it hit us, and so could only look at him.
The night was cool and dry, the air still except for an occasional breeze. The eternally clear sky shone with stars; Tatooine had no moons. The sound of night life seemed to disappear in the stillness.
“My shuttle’s over on pad 27,” I told him once we had gotten outside and adjusted to the night air. Things seemed so different now that we were virtually alone.
Alief had let his hands fall to his sides, though he kept close, and he lead me in the direction of the landing pad. There was a terribly awkward silence between us, filled but the sound of our footsteps on the dusty ground. What we had developed back in the cantina seemed almost shattered and we were reduced to trivial words and quick glances.
“You have a ship?” I asked before the silence could get to me.
Broken from obvious reverie, the dark haired man gave me a side-long glance, looking down on me. Standing side by side I had proven to be about hand a head shorter than he, and he had proven to be even more stunning. I could barely keep my eyes off him.
“I’ve got an old modified Imperial shuttle,” he replied, starring ahead. “It's not much, but it suits me.” I didn't doubt that. He seemed very conservative, simple in his ways.
I crossed my arms across my stomach. “Well, perhaps we can remedy that eventually,” I
suggested, trying to catch some inkling of what he was thinking. “You’ll be spending most of your time aboard my ship from now on, I hope.” The concept was almost daunting, now that I thought about it.
The mercenary must have thought the same as he have me an inquiring look. We would be in fairly close quarters, seeing each other every day, no doubt. Could we really contain ourselves under such circumstances?
“Of course,” he agreed, knowing the risks. “You’ll want to have me on call all the time.”
Yes, I thought, for various things...
I quickly pushed that out of my mind. this was going to be a purely professional relationship. Besides, Mara would know if anything happened, and Leera would find out, and the guards...
“You’re going to get a lot of scrutiny, you know,” I warned him. “My aide will surely want to turn you inside-out before he decides you’re trustworthy. And you’ll have to contend with the Imperial Guard, not to mention Mara.”
He just shrugged, trying to seem indifferent. “I’ve been through worse,” he claimed.
I was sure he had, but would he survive the torture of not being able to have me? It just struck me then. I couldn’t afford to fall for him. I was the head of the Empire. I had a government to run (such as it was,) a fleet to look after, a name to live up to.
But had I already fallen?
As if he felt the same thing, the silence fell again, only this time he broke it. “Do you actually think you can do it?” he asked. “Retake Coruscant, I mean.” He was simply curious.
I lifted my head with a developed air of dignity and pride. “I have confidence in the Empire,” I replied. “And I am determined. I vowed I would return and I will.” No one nor anything could change my mind.
Alief didn't argue. “Then I guess it's my job to make sure you do get that chance,” he supposed.
“Yes,” I affirmed. “You could say that.” It would do me no good if I was dead.
He smiled slightly but said nothing, just walked on, a slight breeze blowing through his dark hair. I felt a chill run through me. My heart was aching.
We remained pretty much silent during the rest of the walk, finally coming before the building marked as landing pad 27. “Here it is,” I was almost sad to say.
“Will you be all right alone?” he asked, sharing my sentiments. His eyes rested on me as if he feared that if he looked away I would suddenly be gone.
I nodded, trying not to look at him, afraid that I would never be able to let go otherwise. “I’ll be fine,” I assured him, “and Mara will be back soon.”
He nodded in consent, though seemed to wish I’d said otherwise. “So,” he said with a sigh. “Should I meet you here tomorrow then?” He tried to keep it casual.
I thought about it for a moment. People would see if he came here, and who knew who could be watching. “No,” I instructed. “I’ll meet you back in the cantina, around 1000?”
“I’ll be there,” he promised, giving me a reassuring smile.
He took up my hand, slipped a folded piece of flimsi-plast into it. “My comlink frequency,” he told me when I looked up in question. “Just in case you need me.”
I held it tight and smiled at him, suddenly captivated by the depths of his eyes. he took my other hand, held it firmly, almost endearingly between his. I felt myself shudder.
“My Lady,” he said softly, “I vow to you now that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, even if it means giving my own life.” He was sincere, determined and dedicated. But there was more in that look than just than just a promise of loyalty: there was still the incredible feeling that this was meant to be so much more.
All words were taken from me as he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it respectfully. Then, almost on impulse, he leaned down and placed his lips softly on my cheek. They were dry but held a wonderful tenderness and a want for so much more.
I should have slapped him. He truly had no right. But oh, how I wanted to give that to him, to plant my lips on his with the passion building inside me. But I simply stood, taking in the sensation of his daring gesture, the wonder of that seemingly perfect moment.
Then the moment was gone and he pulled away. He looked so sad all of a sudden, his eyes dimmed to gray. His gaze rested on me for a long moment, the dry breeze running though his dark hair. he sighed. “Good-night, my Lady,” he said in almost a whisper, then took his hand from mine.
I watched with almost a regret as he turned his back and walked away. My gaze fixed on him, I put a hand to my cheek where he had kissed, felt the warmth there, suddenly wanting to run after him, take him in my arms and be enveloped by our desire.
But as he disappeared around the corner I had to strangest feeling that I was just dreaming, that I would soon wake to find that he had been nothing but a figment of my imagination. I felt as if I had just lost destiny.
It was an hour or so before Mara finally wandered back from the cantina, --surprisingly relatively sober (not that she’d get drunk in the first place) -- an hour in which I remained in practical bliss.
I’d collapsed as soon as I’d entered the shuttle, almost unaware of my surroundings. My heart was beating double-time, fluttering, and I felt like I was floating on air. The smile on my face was that of a girl giddy with love.
Was I in love?
No, I told myself for the millionth time that night. I hardly knew the man! I couldn’t possibly be in love. Captured, yes. Entranced, definitely. But not in love... not yet.
I’d given a good attempt at going through the data we’d collected on my new and potential
employees, but concentration seemed impossible as my mind kept drifting back to him: his charming smile, his soft touch, the depths of his eyes, so mysterious with their harbored secrets.
Oh, how I wanted to know those secrets, to feel the touch of his lips on mine, to spend all night in his eyes...
But it wouldn’t happen. It couldn’t happen. I couldn’t let it. I was employing him for protection, not pleasure (not that it wouldn’t be pleasurable having him protect me.) Besides, I had an empire on my shoulders; I couldn’t afford to fall in love.
I was lying on the sofa in the shuttle’s small lounge, starring blankly at a datapad and dangling my Sith crystal form its long chain when Mara found me. She seemed somewhat surprised to find me alone.
“No luck?” she asked jokingly as she went to sit down at the computer terminal.
I glared at her from across the room, though knew she didn’t mean it. “He’s my bodyguard,” I told her, defending us. “Nothing more, nothing less.”
Mara swiveled around in her chair. “Nothing?” she echoed, laughing in amused disbelief. “C’mon, Cris. I saw you two back there. You’ve got a thing for him and we both know it.”
Still glaring, I considered argument, but decided that such was a futile act. “All right, so I do,” I admitted. “But it’s nothing more than that, and it’s not going to be anything more than that.” I looked back down at the pad. “Besides, I just met him.”
Noting my touchiness no the issue, Mara decided it best to back off. “Suit yourself,” she said, turning back around to face the terminal.
There was silence for a couple minutes as Mara started searching through files and I tried to get past the third paragraph of the page I’d been on for the past fifteen minutes. Of course, she was successful while I could only continue to stare blankly at the screen until the started to get to me.
And of course, thoughts of Alief came back to take over...
Damn it all...
Sighing, I forgot about the pad and lay my head back against the armrest, looking up at the ceiling. “Mara,” I said, putting on that tone I get when I wanted to talk about something personal.
She caught on to that, but didn’t turn, just gave an “Mhm” in acknowledgment.
Knowing that I had her attention, I made a long pause, wondering how to say it. “You’re probably not the greatest person to be asking this to,” I began, meaning no offense. We had long ago determined that Mara was just about the last person to go to on the issues of love, “but do you believe in love at first sight?”
There was a long, almost startled pause. She obviously hadn’t expected me to confide something like that to her, not that there was anyone else around. Still, I sensed a definite uneasiness from her, but she kept her attitude indifferent. “In my professional opinion,” she replied evenly, “it’s bantha fodder.”
I hadn’t expected anything less. Not of Mara Jade, at least. She had never held many men in high esteem, and love was just about the last thing on her mind. Still, she was my best friend. Who else was I going to ask?
Maybe she was right, too. If anything, I couldn’t possibly have fallen in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him. That was absurd! You don’t fall in love just like that!
Yet...
“You really like him, don’t you?” Mara pointed out, this time catching me off guard.
I had to think for a moment. “I suppose so,” I replied, not certain if I was being completely honest or not. “But who wouldn’t?”
The Emperor’s Hand shrugged visibly, holding her air of indifference.
“Oh, come on, Mara!’ I urged, rolling my eyes. “Don’t you dare tell me that you didn’t find him the least bit attractive.”
She flinched slightly. “Okay, maybe a little,” she admitted, “if you go for the rugged merc type, that is.” I caught her glancing over her shoulder at me.
I raised my eyebrows back at her. “Do you have a problem with that?”
“Not really,” she professed. “I just didn’t think you’d take him as your type... Here we are.”
I was about to ask her what she thought my “type” was, but was curious about her discovery. “What did you find?” I asked, getting up and going over to the terminal. There was a photo of Alief on the screen, along with his recorded information.
“Alief,” Mara read aloud. “Human male, thirty years of age; freelance mercenary; political
affiliation: neutral...” She glanced up at me.
“As long as he’s not with the enemy, I’m good with it.” I said.
She continued reading, though there wasn’t much more of any real worth. I took that as a good sign; usually the less there was in someone’s records, the less they’d gotten in trouble. And the less trouble, the better. Mara just shrugged, still inadvertedly trying to get me to change my mind.
“Oh, it won’t be that bad,” I told her, knowing that she was grumbling about it either way. “It’s not that he’s going to be shadowing my every footstep. I’m using him mostly for cover on excursions like this.” I held firm to that explanation, though I could have used one of my personal guards and she knew it.
Exhibiting her displeasure, Mara Jade swiveled around to confront me face to face. “And what about me?” she asked. “I’m as good as protection as that merc. Probably better.”
She tried to keep her last words quiet but I heard them anyway. “Yeah, but my being with him will look a lot better than the two of us.”
I had a good point and she knew it. Faced with my self-satisfied smirk, she could do nothing but sigh with frustration, fold her arms across her chest and fume. I just stood in silence.
After a long moment she finally managed to say something out of the basis of real concern.
“You’re sure you can trust him?” she asked, insistent.
I nodded an affirmative. “As sure as I can be,” I replied.
I only hoped that my feelings would prove true.
I hardly slept that night, eager for the next day to come. I dreamt of him, but not dreams of my desire and passion, but strange visions, unclear, confusing... I forgot them.
I went to the cantina earlier than our agreed time; I had some things to clear up with my new
employees, and I wanted to leave as soon as possible after Alief got there.
1000 came... and passed... and still there was no sign of him.
“Maybe he decided it wasn’t worth it,” Mara joked, knowing very well my look of anxiety as I took another look back toward the door -not that it made any difference. I would sense him; I could never forget a presence like his.
I grimaced at her. “Somehow I don’t think anyone in their right mind would back out of an offer like this,” I said in defense. She just shrugged, though knew as well as I that even though our funds were being run down now that the Empire had to fend for itself, I still had a considerable fortune, no doubt larger than some of the richest merchants or biggest crime lords. I was the Emperor’s heir after all.
Still, he had to have a reason. He hadn’t seemed like the type who would just suddenly change his mind, or who would just forget about something. Maybe he’d gotten held up. Yes, that was it! After all, even the best of us were late sometimes.
But a little late turned into really late, and then to the point where I was just fed up... and needed another drink.
I went over to the bar to order another, and as the barmaid prepared it I got the crazy idea that
maybe he’d already been in. Maybe someone knew what was going on.
“Excuse me,” I said, making her look up from her work. “You wouldn’t happen to have seen a
man come in earlier, tall, dark hair...”
Surprisingly, her face lit up. “Oh, Alief?” she asked, putting down the bottle.
Astonished, I blinked at her for a moment. “Ah, yes,” I replied, trying not to sound too surprised.
Obviously, I didn’t do a very good job, because she smiled slyly as she set my drink in front of me. “He was in just after I came on this morning,” she told me, “oh, around 0800. He looked ta be in quite a rush.”
My heart and my head started pounding. That was three hours ago. He could be anywhere by now... Suddenly I didn’t feel much like having that drink, more like being sick. Why? Why did this have to happen? It was so perfect. He was so wonderful, so amazing... and he had backed out on me? No...
“You Karinn Paltonae?”
The question jerked me away from my thoughts. Did she just ask..? “Yes,” I replied with as
controlled a voice as possible. “Why?”
She casually set the bottle back down beneath the counter. “He said ya might be lookin’ for ‘im,”
My heart beat a little faster. “Do you know where he is?” I asked, hopeful.
The young woman smiled again. “No, but he left a note for ya.” She giggled softly as she reached under the counter.
I found myself gripping the edge of the counter in anticipation, hopeful. So he hadn’t just
abandoned me... But why was I so concerned? Even if he had left I could easily find someone to replace him. As Mara had said, I didn’t really need some obscure merc to act as my protection.
I calmed myself and took the data pad that the barmaid handed to me, waited patiently as it ran through the decryption process (I thanked him for thinking of such things; another reason to have him at my side.) and took a deep breath as I began to read it...
“So, how’d ya hook up with a guy like that anyway?” the barmaid started up. “I tell ya, that man’s gotta be a real smooth one, with a bod like that. And that’s one sweet ass...” She whistled softly and kept on going...
But I didn’t hear her. I was too entranced even by this little part of him to even notice.My Lady,
I wish that I didn’t have to be communicating with you in such a way,
but I’m afraid something has come up and I have to tend to it immediately.
I can’t tell you what that is or where I’m going, but I have to leave immediately
and I have no idea how long it will take. I hope that your offer still stands
and I would be more than happy to take you up on it should I get the chance
in the future. Either way, it was an honor and a privilege to meet you, and
our time together will be well remembered. I hope we will meet again. Take care.
Sincerely,
AliefI starred blankly at the screen, a hand over my mouth, greatly disappointed by his message, yet touched that he would even bother to send one. Maybe last night hadn’t been just a feeling. Maybe it had been something more...
But now I might never know.
“What’d he say?” the woman asked as I lowered the data pad, trying to stop my hand from
shaking.
I don’t know why I told her, but I did. “He had to leave.” I fought to keep my voice steady as a rush of emotion threatened me. I reached into the Force, hardened myself. I wasn’t going to let this get to me.
The woman tried her best to be sympathetic. “That’s sad t’hear,” she said, though obviously got the wrong impression. “But if ‘e had a reason, y’bet it’d have ta be a good one.” She smiled kindly. “Ya don’t seem like the type anyone would want ta leave, and if ‘e did, then ‘e’s a real bantha’s ass.”
I smiled back weakly, taking comfort in this stranger’s support. “He had a reason,” I told her, my voice soft. “But maybe I hoping for too much. We only met last night.” I hardly realized I actually said that until it was out, though it didn’t seem to matter.
She had the wrong implication on that, but that didn’t seem to matter much either. “One night stand, ‘eh?” she inquired, grinning.
“Something like that.” I gazed into nowhere, remembering the night before, the wonder of him, the few touches we had had, a very real promise of something deeper... It had seemed so real then...
From my tone of voice and the look in my eyes she decided not to inquire too much into that, for which I was thankful. Instead she looked to the future. “Will ‘e be back?” she asked.
My heart sunk again, and I could feel my stomach tying up in knots. Maybe I’d get some tea
instead... “I don’t know,” I replied, my voice quiet, burdened. “I don’t know if I’ll even see him again.”
Her eyes held true sympathy when I met them, seemed almost touched. She smiled, giving me some hope. “Oh, you will,” she told me, laying a hand on my shoulder in comfort. “I know ya will.”
I was practically moved to tears, and would have hugged the woman had we not been in a public bar. A glimmer of hope planted itself in my heart, a part that would hold to her words, that would hold to him. Maybe she would be right, and Alief and I would meet again someday, be allowed to expand on what had been sparked.
Someday...
Contiune to Book Two