Scene Four
The music of "I Haven’t
Been Excited" begins to build with a drum roll. Lights flash. We now see
CATALUNI sitting at a table flanked by JULINKA and ASCLEPIUS, as HE is
served dish after dish by the SERVANTS. JULINKA is hand feeding him from
her side, ASCLEPIUS from the other. After each morsel, EACH sticks his
tongue down his throat. Finally, CATALUNI sings in a plaintive tone.
CATALUNI
Can I go now?
You have both been very
gracious.
(aside)
It’s quid pro quo
now,
And their appetite’s
voracious.
JULINKA
Aren’t you happy here?
Could it be you’ve a
case of the blues now?
Do you know what the
poor starving children in Assyria
Would give to be in your
shoes now?
(CATALUNI goes back
to allowing himself to be fed and to be kissed. Lights flash again, and
we are in the midst of a wrestling match between the TWO most muscular
of the SERVANTS. JULINKA and ASCLEPIUS watch in awe. BOTH are feeling Cataluni
as the men wrestle with ASCLEPIUS especially getting his rocks off. Suddenly
CATALUNI bolts to his feet and faces them. The WRESTLERS stop.)
CATALUNI
Can I go now?
It’s been three weeks
that I’ve waited.
I’m feeling low now;
I’m exhausted and I’m
sated.
ASCLEPIUS
You’ve everything you
can need!
Think of the Goths and
the Vandals!
Do you know what the
poor sex-starved soldiers in Galatia
Would give to be in your
sandals?
(CATALUNI sighs and
sits in resignation. SERVANTS continue wrestling in exactly the same position
they left off, and ASCLEPIUS continues to paw him. Lights flash again.
This time we see CATALUNI nude except for a loincloth and JULINKA and ASCLEPIUS
mounting him. CATALUNI struggles to his feet.)
CATALUNI
Can I go now?
Will you give me back
my tunic?
I really know now
What it’s like to a eunuch.
JULINKA & ASCLEPIUS
This is the thanks we
get!
It’s beyond all comprehension!
There’s the door, you
can leave now, you parasitic free-loader---
Go sell your stupid invention!
(JULINKA reaches
for his tunic and throws it at him.)
BLACKOUT
