AMO, AMAS, AMAT Act 2 Scene 3

Scene Three

The Temple of Vesta a few minutes later. CRISTELLE once again is sprinkling water on the sacred fire.

CRISTELLE Oh, Mother Vesta,
Let our dear nation
Soar even higher;
Let us be free
From earthquake and fire.
Oh, Mother Vesta,
Let peace remain on
All of our shores now,
But let us win
In case there are wars now.
Let the soil always stay fertile,
Let the plains always stay green---
Protect every man, every woman, every turtle
And protect me from that madman
With that stupid machine.
Oh, Mother Vesta,
Dear Mother Vesta.

(CATALUNI still dressed in drag hurries from stage left, cautiously turns from right to left, then leaps up the few steps to the imaginary entrance. HE comes behind Cristelle. SHE lets out a yelp.)
CRISTELLE I'm sorry. My nerves are on edge. I keep expecting…

CATALUNI

(in his falsetto)
Yes?

CRISTELLE

May I be of service?

CATALUNI

Yes. I would like to stay here.

CRISTELLE

Here? In the temple?

CATALUNI

No. In the Atrium Vestae.

CRISTELLE

Oh, but that is impossible. It is only for Vestal Virgins.

CATALUNI

But I am a Vestal Virgin.

CRISTELLE

You!?

CATALUNI

Oh, my, yes.

CRISTELLE

In Rome?

CATALUNI

Oh, no. Cappadocia.

CRISTELLE

You mean near Assyria?

CATALUNI

(aside)
Is that where it is?

CRISTELLE

But I thought in Cappadocia they only worshipped the Goddess Ma.

CATALUNI

Well, they did. But people got bored with Ma. So they thought they'd give them something new.

CRISTELLE

But why do you wear green? All Vestal Virgins wear white.

CATALUNI

Except when travelling. White gets so dirty so quickly.

CRISTELLE

And isn't your gown awfully short?

CATALUNI

Let's the air get in when you're traveling through a tropical clime.

CRISTELLE

I never thought of that. You see, I've never been outside Rome. And you seem so worldly. I bet there are many things you can teach me.

CATALUNI

If you only knew...
(HE brushes his hand against the back of hers.)
Do forgive me.

CRISTELLE

Oh, it's perfectly all right. We Vestal Virgins often touch each other.

CATALUNI

That's what I'm counting on.

CRISTELLE

As long as you're not a man. Especially a mad inventor from Gaul. You see…
(Lights dim and, as CRISTELLE mouths words, a spot falls on Cataluni.)
CATALUNI                     I've only to look at her
                    Or brush my hand against her hand
                    And this thing between my thighs
                    Starts to instantly expand. I can't be around her
Without longing to touch her,
Without longing to hold her
Without longing to screw.
I can't be around her
Without longing to feel her,
Without longing to kiss her---
What the hell can I do?

I think of maggots in the mud,
I think of termites in the wood,
I think of gore and slime and blood,
But it does no good.

I can't be around her
Without longing to grab her,
Without longing to crush her,
Without brimming with lust;
I can't be around her
Without longing to lick her,
Without longing to eat her---
Any moment I'll bust!
Any moment I'll bust.

(Lights come up now, as CRISTELLE is speaking.)
CRISTELLE So you see how nervous something like that would make one of us. What is your name?

CATALUNI

Licker.

CRISTELLE

Licker?

CATALUNI

Lickerania.

CRISTELLE

Are all the girls in Cappadocia as large as you?

CATALUNI

Only the ones who drink the sacred water.

CRISTELLE

You drink the sacred water?!

CATALUNI

Oh, yes. It's much healthier than well water. Well water has all sorts of parasites.

CRISTELLE

But, Lickerania, I don't understand what you're doing in Rome.

CATALUNI

Well, I'm… I'm a sort of an Exchange Vestal Virgin.

CRISTELLE

A what?

CATALUNI

It's something quite new. Throughout the Empire now, one Vestal Virgin is exchanged for another Vestal Virgin so we get to see how the other half worships.

CRISTELLE

What a fascinating idea. But, as you know, there can only be six of us in any Temple. So who are we exchanging for you?

CATALUNI

I'm not sure. But I can tell you this---not you.

CRISTELLE

(taking his hand) Come. You must meet the others. We are just about to sit down to lunch. Lickerania, what enormous hands you have!

CATALUNI

Sacred water makes you big all over.

CRISTELLE

And you are really in luck today. Because you'll meet our pontifex maximus.
(A spot falls on Cataluni. His jaw drops.)

LIGHTS DIM