I never thought it would end like this. The Backstreet Boys, the best thing to ever happen to me in my entire lifetime, ended with a self-inflicted bullet wound in Kevin's temple. And people wonder why I turned to drugs. Hell, they make me feel good, why not? Anything that makes me feel better after the hell I've been through the last couple months is welcome. Amanda left me, Nick killed himself because of his mother, Kevin killed himself because of Nick, two of my dogs got sick, the group fell apart, everything's gone wrong.

Howie moved into Nick's house like Nick told him to. He seems okay, he's only a few houses down from me now. I moved closer to D after Kevin died and vowed that if we ever felt the need to do something like that, the other guy was just four houses away. He stays here a lot though, I think it's because Nick's house is full of Nick. We sold that damn boat as soon as we could, actually, Charity did, before she moved back to Texas or Arizona or wherever the hell it was she was from. I don't remember, I'm too fucked up. I did a line like twenty minutes ago, and I'm high as a kite.

The drugs help, but I always seem to figure things better when I put them down on paper. I think it goes back to that one time where I had that really good song idea and didn't write it down. Or maybe I'm just making it up because I don't wanna write about Nick or Kevin. The shrink said I should, that it would make things easier. He must be on drugs cuz he don't know what he's talkin' 'bout. Hell, I'm on drugs and I still don't know what I'm talkin' 'bout, maybe he just needs to get laid. I get plenty of that. There's a couple girls passed out in the other room right now. One of 'em gives the best head I've ever had, the other has tits like Pamela Lee.

Brian and that wife of his Leighanne moved back to Atlanta for good as soon as Nick died, they weren't even in the friggin' state when Kevin stuck that gun to his head. Brian always seemed to keep Kevin in check, so I can't help but wonder if Brian had been in town, if Kevin would have rethought doing what he did. Hell, Howie had only been to his house 2 hours before he did it. Come to think of it, Howie was the last one to see Nick, too.

I'm worried about D, he's so depressed about all of this shit. The dude needs some counseling or some shit like that. I love him though, he's my best friend and my brother. I just saw him tonight, he dropped by cuz he just flew in from LA, some sort of meeting with an artist he's gonna start writing and producing for. Howie doesn't have the flair for producing like Kevin did, but he can write some great lyrics. That Mandy Moore song kicked ass. Actually, he's here, I think he crashed upstairs in his regular room. I don't blame him, going back to that house alone all the time must really hurt inside, knowing it was Nicky's and all.

I need another line. I hate this shit, I hate the drugs, but drugs and sex seem to be the only ways I can get away from it all anymore. Even performing doesn't give me the high it used to.

Dude, I'm gonna do another line and go fuck these bitches. Hell yeah. Get me some luvin'.

~Alex

Chapter 4
Chapter 2
Table of Contents
Hosted Stories