Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour

by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part One:

It was a calm, quiet late summer evening in Nerima, and Ukyou
Kuonji knew something was going to happen. She had had an
uneventful day, study... work, and now she was tidying up
Ucchans by herself, having given Konatsu the night off (and
strict orders to go and do something he liked). So, Ukyou's
nerves were tense at the moment, trying to anticipate the
type of crazy event Nerima seemed to throw up on a regular
basis. She didn't have to wait long.

"WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW??!!" screamed a voice, accompanied
by the sound of something smashing.

Ukyou rushed outside and saw Ryoga Hibiki standing in the midst
of what had once been her back garden wall. He looked
despairing, angst-filled and lost. In other words, completely
normal. Ukyou felt her temper rise. Of all the walls in all
the world, why did he have to smash down HERS?

Ukyou removed her battle spatula from her back and gripped it
tightly. "Ryoga-kun..." she said threateningly.

Ryoga didn't hear her and, unaware of the danger he was in,
closed his eyes and began to angst. "Lost again!" he cried.
"Some outlandish mysterious place... I'm never going to get
back to Nerima, I'm never..."

CLANG!!!!!!!!

Ryoga peeled himself away from the object that had struck him.
"I'd recognise that spatula anywhere. Konbawa Ukyou-san, what
are you doing here?"

Ukyou stared at her dented spatula. Damn, she kept forgetting
how thick Ryoga's head was. Looks like he'd been off training
again, usually he couldn't shrug her blows off that easily.

"Ow," muttered Ryoga, rubbing his face. "That hurt you know."

"This is my back yard you jackass! Ryoga no baka!" shouted
Ukyou. "Can't you wander around _without_ destroying property!"

"Gomen nasai," groaned Ryoga. "It wasn't intentional. I get
carried away sometimes when I'm lost."

"Break my place again and you'll get carried away alright - in
a hearse!" Ukyo snapped, throwing her bent spatula behind her.
"Anyway, it's nice to see you again. What have you been doing?
And... oh..." Ukyou gasped as Ryoga keeled over unconcious.
"Oops, maybe I hit him too hard."

She dragged him inside and propped him up on a seat, removing
his backpack and placing it at his feet. "He'll probably want
something to eat and drink when he comes around." she muttered
to herself. "I'll fix him something."

Ryoga revived slowly as soon as his nose told him that food was
in the vicinity. He blinked and opened his eyes just as Ukyou
was tossing up whether or not to throw some water on him. He
lifted his head and began drooling the minute he sighted the
okonomiyaki.

"T-that smells _wonderful_."

"It's all yours sugar, eat up!" Ukyou beamed at him.

Ryoga gave himself a little shake and began to eat. He noticed
the steaming cup of tea next to the okonomiyaki and gulped that
down as well. As he ate his first half-decent meal in a week
he debated whether or not to apologise again for bakusai
tenketsing the backyard wall. Better not, he decided. Ukyou
tended to be somewhat spatula-happy. Ukyou flipped him another
okonomiyaki and he gave himself over to the pleasure of eating.

Munching on the third okonomiyaki, hunger sated enough to
enable rational thought, he glanced at Ukyou and swallowed.
"So, how is everything around here?"

Ukyou shrugged, "Oh, same old same old. Happosai is still the
Nerima panty-thief, Cologne and Shampoo are still running the
Nekohanten and scheming to nab Ranma." She paused and helped
herself to some tea from the pot on the oven, then stared into
it unseeingly, her expression pensive.

Ryoga frowned, she hadn't mentioned the most important person.
"What about Ak..." he started to ask before she smiled brightly
and spoke.

"Oh! I forgot to mention, Nabiki has made another two million
yen investment with the Kuno money and Kasumi is pregnant."

Ryoga's thoughts were diverted, "But when I was last here she
had just had twins!"

"What can I say? She and Dr Tofu like... uh... big families."
Ukyou finished her sentence with an embarassed cough.

"Knee deep in toddlers," Ryoga shook his head. "How... noisy."

Silence descended for a minute, Ryoga polished off the
okonomiyaki and Ukyou drank her tea. Then he took a deep breath
and tried asking again. "What about Akane?"

Ukyou bit her lower lip. "Ummm... yes, well, Akane... uh...
she's okay, she's been studying physical education and english.
She, um... *sob*"

Ryoga looked at Ukyou in alarm as tears welled up in the chef's
eyes. "Ukyou? What's... what's wrong?"

Ukyou blinked and swallowed. "Oh, uh, she and Ranma... they're,
they have decided... decided on the date."

"Date?"

Ukyou sniffed, "Yes, the date... for their wedding."

"Oh, their wedding." Ryoga nodded. "WHAT?!!!"

He jumped up. "Th-they're getting married? Soon?!"

"Well, they have been engaged for four years and they have
graduated and Ranchan _promised_ his dad and Mr Tendo that he
would marry Akane after he finished his education."

Ryoga sat down again, flabberghasted. "So this is it. This is
really it." He put his head in his hands. "So much for my
triumphant return to Nerima. Dammit!" He raised a fist to
pound the floor, then controlled himself. "I've got to get
over there!" he stood up.

"Now hang on a second." Ukyou stood as well. "Don't do anything
stupid, you can't just go over there and beat up Ranchan! Let
me rephrase that, _try_ to beat up Ranchan."

Ryoga sneered, "Trust me, defeating Ranma is _noooo_ problem."
His eyes narrowed in fury. Damn that Ranma. He was finally
ready and...

Ukyou's eyes narrowed in fury. All her repressed anger and
other negative-type feelings sprang to the fore. Sure, Ryoga
might be an _okay_ fighter. But the arrogance of the man...

"Are you kidding, you couldn't even manage to defeat _me_,
much less a true man like Ranma."

"TRUE MAN?!!! Are you high?" Ryoga furiously turned on her.
"He's a pervert! A half-man! A wimpy little jumped up lame
excuse for a martial artist!"

"YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT RANCHAN LIKE THAT!!!!" screamed Ukyou.

Several passersby ducked and then rapidly evacuated the area.

"OH YEAH??!! AND WHO'S GOING TO STOP ME!!!!"

*BOOOOM*

Ukyou and Ryoga stood surrounded by battle aura. Each of
them glaring at each other, lightning flashing from their eyes.
A thunderstorm filled the air around them.

Ukyou spoke, clearly and concisely. "_I_ am."

Ryoga answered in the same tone. "You, and _whose_ army?"

"JACKASS!" Ukyou chucked a dozen minispatulas at him with a
speed that defied description (Man that's tacky - Orla).
Ryoga didn't even blink. He flung up his umbrella and
the spatulas embedded themselves deeply in the canopy as he
responded with a flurry of bandannas.

Ukyou vaulted over the counter, avoiding the bandannas and
throwing a flour bomb that enveloped both of them. She
swung a new battle spatula at him (she's got a storehouse of
them, what can we say? - J & O).

Ryoga heard the spatula coming and ducked, then threw himself
at the area he'd last seen Ukyou. They collided and grappled.

"Watch what you're touching," Ukyou screamed. "And you call
Ranma a hentai!"

"You started this," snarled Ryoga. "If you can't take the
heat, then you better get the hell out of the kitchen _lady_."

"You misogynistic, arrogant, directionless JERK!"

"Hah! And people call Akane a tomboy! No wonder you're always
attracting gender-confused weirdos when you act like this.
I've always wondered about you being a real girl."

Ukyou was speechless, her face turned an alarming shade of red
and she began to hyperventilate with fury.

"You... you PIG!" she screeched. "How DARE you..."

Ryoga snarled, "Who're you calling a pig, you unladylike,
pathetic excuse for a martial artist? I'm not surprised Ranma
chose Akane when all he had to chose between was her, you and
Shampoo. At least the other two are cute."

Tears sprang into Ukyou's eyes and her aura began to change and
waver. Half-crying she forced out the words to hurt him back.
"At least I could TELL Ranchan how I felt, I wasn't so gutless
as to always mask my feelings. No wonder Akane went with him,
when all she had was you and Kuno, and at least he could get out
a sentence to her without stuttering or getting a nosebleed.
You're not man enough for her or any other woman, and you never
will be!!"

Ryoga felt the tears pour down his face. It was true... he...
he couldn't take it anymore. He clenched Ukyou tighter to him
and her aura caught and matched with his, both of their
depressive moods mixing and augmenting together.

"Shi..... shi..... HOKODAN!!!!!!"

*FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!*

A beam of pure ki shot into the night sky. Think Independence
Day backwards. (Sucky movie that it was.) Slowly the light
faded and the dust cleared, revealing Ukyou and Ryoga, arms
wrapped around each other sagging down to the floor. The
restaurant was completely unharmed, save for the perfect hole
punched into the roof.

"Oh god," said Ukyou. "It feels good to let all that out."

"Yeah." agreed Ryoga, collapsing to his knees. "Sorry about
that." He noticed that he was holding Ukyou tightly to him.
His brain started waving for attention.

"S'okay." said Ukyou, resting her head against his chest in
exhaustion. "I needed to get some of that pent-up feeling out."

"Gah." managed Ryoga, his brain having finally gotten back in
control of things and pointing out the closeness of a female
body (that wasn't Ranma).

"Gonna sleep now, kay?" Ukyou leant against him and Ryoga
toppled backwards, half-conscious, with blood streaming from
his nose as she landed on top of him, fast asleep. Ryoga's
brain took in the situation and clubbed him unconcious before
it fried and he lost too much blood.

***

The next morning:

Konatsu walked in bright and early despite staying out all
night, ready for another day at work.

"What the hey?" he stared at the hole in the roof and the
sight of his boss and love of his life happily asleep on top
of Ryoga Hibiki of all people. Gently, Konatsu picked up
Ukyou and carried her upstairs, tucking her into bed. On
the way back downstairs he picked up the phone and called
the local repairpeople to come and fix the roof before
opening. Only then did he allow himself the pleasure of
beating Ryoga awake with a frying pan. After he'd cooked
bacon and eggs on it.

"YAAAAAH!!!" Ryoga woke up and automatically punched out.
"uh... ohmigod... I'm sorry miss... oh it's _you_ Konatsu."

Konatsu smiled sweetly. "And just what are you doing _here_
Hibiki-san?"

Ryoga looked around. Then back at Konatsu. "I don't know."
he said confusedly. "I wanted to go to the Tendo training
hall."

"Then why were you..." Konatsu stopped. "You want to leave?"

"Yeah." Ryoga stood up and hooked his backpack up. "Wonder
why I'm here. Then again, why am I ever anywhere?" he
shrugged. Then he looked embarrassed. "Uh, could you take
me to the Tendos Konatsu?"

A smile spread across Konatsu's face. "I'd be _delighted_."

***

"Here you go! Have fun! Stay as long as you like!" said
Konatsu brightly. "Come back to Ucchans for lunch (and
nothing more)!" He skipped away across the rooftops, secure in
the knowledge that Hibiki-sans sense of misdirection would
keep him away from his beloved Ukyou-sama.

Ryoga shook his head. "Fruitcake." he said. He walked up the
front steps. Now where was...

"GET BACK HERE YOU OLD FART!!!"

Happosai bounded out of the door and bounced off a head-high
object. Hmmm, wonder what that was, he thought, just before
a very heavy umbrella connected with his face, hurling him
into the air.

"I really, _really_ hate that." Ryoga said calmly, lowering
the umbrella.

Ranma landed in front of him. "Where'd he go?" he asked.
Ryoga pointed upwards. Ranma looked up to see Happosai
spiralling through the air. "Hey, not bad." He turned to look
at Ryoga.

"I don't believe it. Ryoga? Jeez man, I haven't seen you in
ages. Not that that's _surprising_ or anything. Where've you
been? Whatcha been up to?"

Ryoga regarded his closest rival and contemplated punching
him in the face.

"You don't look so good." said Ranma. "Something wrong?"

Ryoga sighed and let the energy go. "Got any sake?"

"That bad? I've got a bottle the old man doesn't know about."

"Sounds good, what are you going to drink?"

Ranma paused. "Riiiight. I'll borrow some of Soun's stash.
He'll think Happosai drank it."

"Perfect," Ryoga shrugged off his backpack and slumped.
Ranma put a hand on his friends shoulder and led him round
the back.

***

Ryoga threw back his head and gulped the saucer of sake. He
shuddered. "Oh man, this stuff is terrible!" he said.

Ranma grinned, "Can't afford the good stuff." he said. "But
once we've got the training hall up and running properly..."

Ryoga glumly noted the 'we' and poured himself another saucer.
"Kampai." he said, and slugged it back.

"So," Ranma said, sipping his saucer. "What have you been
doing these past six months? I mean, how're things with Akari?
I thought you were going to try to make a thing of it with
her?"

"Ugh." Ryoga shuddered and threw back another saucer full.
"Short version: she loved P-chan more than she loved Ryoga.
And being around nothing but pigs all day made me feel
physically sick. I had to get out of there. She wanted to...
_do_ things."

"So?"

"With P-chan."

"Whoah, didn't need to know." said Ranma, nasty visions
haunting his mind. He gulped the sake and poured more.

"Not like _that_ you sexual deviant." snarled Ryoga. "It was
just always, 'Ryoga, why don't you turn into P-chan', 'You're
so cute as P-chan', 'Why don't you help my sumo-wrestling
pigs train, I've got the cold water right here'. Then towards
the end it was, 'Oops, I tripped, oh no, the cold water went
all over you, and the heating's off...'"

"Yeesh." said Ranma. "Sounds like a Kodachi in the making."

"Where _is_ she now?" asked Ryoga, momentarily distracted from
his troubles.

"Nabiki got Kuno and the headmaster to have her committed."

"Finally." they both said together, then laughed. Ryoga lay
back on the porch and let some of the tension flow away.

"Akane and I were so glad when it happened." mused Ranma.

The tension came back, with friends.

"Yes..." Ryoga debated bringing up the Akane question, or
whether to just pound Ranma as he had originally planned. He
clenched his fists.

"So where did you go after leaving Akari?" Ranma asked,
oblivious to Ryoga's distress (as usual).

Ryoga licked his lips, pounding can wait, keep talking, and
drinking.

"Well, the break-up was pretty harsh. I had to tell her to her
face, and she cried, which was terrible..."

Ranma nodded, "I know what you mean, Ucchan cried when I told
her that she and I were just friends."

Ryoga frowned, Ukyou... Ukyou... there was something nagging
at him concerning her, but he couldn't quite recall. Oh well,
think later, sake now. He poured himself another saucer.

Ranma frowned, Ryoga had gone through half the bottle, while
he was only on his third saucer!

Ryoga drank the sake and exhaled. "Anyway, after all that I
just wandered, went to lots of places, had various jobs and
finally I ended up back in Nerima."

"So where did you go?"

"Oh... everywhere. England.."

"What was that like?"

"Okay but the food isn't great and there are too many museums.
I got lost in the one in London for eight days and had to
camp out in the Japanese tea-house exhibit, which was
embarrassing, people thought I was part of it, and while I was
asleep someone tried to dust me!"

Ranma tried not to laugh. "Then where?"

"Paris... that was bad."

"I thought it was supposed to be really nice."

"Yes... it was the romantic atmosphere, I had to get out
before I ShishiHokodaned Notre Dame." He sighed, "But I'd
like to go back there with someone I really cared about."

"Ah... right. And after that?"

"Australia... it was hot and dry... nice beaches though, not
that I could go _swimming_, but I did get a tan. From there
I moved on to New Zealand."

Ranma blinked. "New Zealand?"

"Yeah, nice little place, lot's of sheep and open spaces. I
had a shearing job there for a while."

"'shearing'??"

"Uh-huh, I wound up in the capital city and had a look around.
It was a bit windy, but I met two really nice girls who got me
on the plane to Japan (Against our inclinations - J & O) they
kept trying to convince me that New Zealand was a really nice
place to live."

"Is it?"

"Well, yes, but I wanted to come home."

(Jaelle and Orla would like to thank Tourism New Zealand for
sponsoring this section of this fanfic. Ryoga-kun come
baaaaccck!)

"And so here you are. Sounds like you had fun though."

Fun? Ryoga thought about that, no, he wouldn't call it _fun_,
especially since he was trying to get to the Tokyo Tower.
(There is no reason for this we just wanted to included the
Tokyo Tower as it is in nearly every anime. - Orla)

"I wish I could go on a holiday, just travel around going
nowhere, just seeing places for the hell of it."

Ranma sighed and then looked at Ryoga. "So what are your
plans now?" he twiddled his thumbs. "'Cause if you are going
to stick around... would you consider being my best man?"

Ryoga almost swallowed the saucer.

Ranma continued. "It's just that... my only other option is
Ucchan and I don't think she'll want to wear a tuxedo and I
don't want to put her through that."

Ryoga glared. "Oh... so you'd put _me_ through it, huh?"

"You're a guy, you won't cry on me so much."

"Thank you _so_ much."

"Anyway, Akane would really like you to do it."

Ryoga swallowed. "She would... ? Ok... ok... I'll do it."
He fought back the pain as he felt his heart of glass start to
crack.

Ranma grinned. "Great! The wedding is in two months."

Ryoga's eyes widened, Two months? Ranma wanted him to stay in
_one_ place for two MONTHS?!

Ranma saw his expression. "Good point. We need to put you
somewhere safe where you won't wander off because we'll need
you on hand for all the fittings and stuff."

Silence fell as the two men thought.

"Somewhere safe... " mused Ranma. "Somewhere you can work
and with someone who can keep an eye on you... I know!
Ucchans!"

At that point Ryoga's memory kicked in. Throwing aside the
saucer he grabbed the bottle and sculled the lot.

***

"So is that okay Ucchan?" Ranma asked. Ryoga had gone bright
red and was staring at the floor. This was not entirely due
to the sake.

Ukyou smiled, for some reason she had woken up today in a
really good, relaxed mood. "Of course Ranchan." she said. "If
it gets me out of wearing a tuxedo okay, besides, I'll get
some free help!"

"FREE help?" Ryoga forgot his embarrassment and glared at
her. *Man, she's a real piece of work*, he thought.

"Hey lost boy, I'm giving you board and babysitting you.
Helping out around the place is the least you can do.
Besides, I'm already paying Konatsu, I can't afford to take
on any more help."

Ranma kept his mouth shut. He knew _exactly_ how much Konatsu
got paid.

"Oh... alright." said Ryoga.

Ukyou smiled. "You and Konatsu can share his room!"

"PWHAH?"

"Gotta run," said Ranma, sensing the potentially explosive
situation. "Thanks for everything both of you, me and Akane
really appreciate it. Bye!" he ran out the door.

Ryoga and Ukyou both slumped back into their seats.

"Sure. Don't mention it." said Ukyou.

"It's a pleasure," growled Ryoga.

The two of them glared at each other.

"I am NOT sharing with Konatsu!" Ryoga emphasised.

"Well you can hardly share MY room!" Ukyou snarled.

Ryoga gulped and remembered the fracas last night. Either
Ukyou couldn't or wouldn't remember it. Okay, fine, he could
do that.

"I could camp out in the back yard?" he suggested.

Ukyou rubbed her forehead, "Nooo, you'd just get lost going
to the bathroom. I prefer you to be _in_ the house. Last
chance, Konatsu's room or couch?"

"Couch."

"Done." Ukyou called out. "Hey, Konatsu!"

Konatsu walked in. "Hai itsujo!"

"Ryoga's going to be staying and working here for a while.
Take him downstairs and get him to work in the kitchen. And
DON'T LET HIM OUT OF YOUR SIGHT!"

"I'm not THAT bad." said Ryoga.

"Oh yes you are!"

Konatsu froze... "Staying... here?" he squeaked.

"That's right sugar. Now shoo... back to work." Ukyou
went down to the restaurant to finish getting ready for
opening for the lunch crowd.

Konatsu stared at Ryoga, who blushed. "Errr... so, where's
the kitchen?"

***

Ryoga mopped the floor and moped. Damn it, damn it all! He
was finally ready to tell Akane how he felt without screwing
it up. He'd practiced, he'd suffered, but he could now say
the words.

"I love you." he said out loud.

CRASH!

He turned around to see Konatsu standing staring at him,
the shattered remains of several plates scattered around
the floor.

"Hey, I just mopped that. Be more careful!" he said.

"Who... who do you love?" Konatsu demanded.

Erp, did I say that out loud? &*(^!!!

"Not you thickwit." he said. "I was just... oh what's the use.
She loves someone else!"

"Who... WHO??!!" demanded Konatsu.

"I just can't believe that she's actually getting married to
him."

Konatsu face-faulted. "You... you mean you're talking about
AKANE?!" he groaned.

Ryoga looked at him funny. "Well duh. Who else am I hung up
about?"

"I thought... I mean, I thought... you mean you're really
not... YES!" Konatsu punched the air and started to dance
around daintily in his kimono. "For a minute there I
thought... never mind. Clear this mess up, we've got more
customers out front. Weeeee!!!" Konatsu floated out. Ryoga
stared after him. Fruitcake, he thought. Absolutely... fruity.
With nuts on top. Why does Ukyou always attract the weirdos?

***

Two Days Later

Ryoga dried the last of the plates and sighed. It had been a
long day and it wasn't over. Ukyou had dragged him out of bed
in the small hours to get the restaurant ready, there had been
one alarming instance when she had threatened to throw cold
water on him to wake him up. Then just when Ryoga was taking a
breather after the incredibly busy lunch crowd Ranma had
popped in and took him off for tuxedo fittings. This wouldn't
have been so bad if Ukyou hadn't come along to offer advice,
actually it was more like _criticism_. Ryoga frowned, she had
acted like _he_ was the groom! Of course Ranma thought this
was hilarious so Ryoga attacked him, naturally Ukyou leapt to
Ranma's aid and they had nearly destroyed the tailor's before
everyone calmed down.

Ryoga stacked the plates, he had washed more plates in the past
couple of days than in his entire life! And he _hated_ it
because he had to be so careful so as not to break them.

"Hey lost boy." Ukyou strolled into the kitchen. "All finished?"

"Yes, finally, and don't call me that!" Ryoga wiped his hands
"Where's Konatsu?"

"Poor boy, he's exhausted, I bundled him off to bed."

Ukyou went to a cupboard and took out a bottle of sake and a
couple of saucers, she placed them on the kitchen table and sat
down.

"Join me in a drink?"

Ryoga smiled, "Yeah, that sounds great." He sat down opposite
her.

Ukyou poured the sake. "I just want to say that you've been a
great help, Ryoga, I really mean it."

Ryoga raised his glass and sipped the sake. "Thanks, I'm
sorry for being such a grouch before."

Ukyou downed her own drink. "Hey, no problem, I know
_exactly_ what you are going through."

A few saucers later...

Ryoga leaned back. "This is good sake."

Ukyou grinned. "That's the advantage of owning a thriving
business, I can afford the good stuff."

"So 'Ucchans' is really making the grade then? What are
your plans for the future?"

Ukyou leaned forward and smiled. "I'd love to have a chain
across Japan, perhaps even expand outside, that's why I've
been studying management. I haven't heard of many okonomiyaki
restaurants in places like the States, so perhaps I have a
product that can make me a lot of money."

Ryoga thought about it. "It's a possibility." He raised a
full saucer. "Hope it works for you."

"I'll drink to that!" Ukyou raised hers and took a long
swallow. "Ahhh... so good. What about you Ryoga? What is your
ambition?"

Ryoga blinked. "I-I haven't really thought about it. I never
did finish High School. All I can do is punch holes and get
totally lost."

"I can see how that would make holding down a job difficult."

"Yeah, I get a job and then the minute I get sent anywhere
or walk away I get lost! I've done so many things, I can
hardly keep track, I even managed to get a drivers license
somehow."

Ukyou stared. "A drivers license? _You_?"

"It was really strange. I got in the car to take the test
in Hiroshima and ended up in Kyoto. The examiner gave me the
certificate and bolted out of the car yelling something about
insanity."

Ukyou giggled and Ryoga glared at her. "My sense of direction
is not a joke!"

"Ahem! Yes... Anyway, sugar, you are right. It is impossible
to have a career when you can't make it to the office." She
smiled. "Unless you did something involved with travel."

"Oh yes," muttered Ryoga. "I've been everywhere and back again
in the world and everyone thinks I'm having a great time. I go
for a walk to the supermarket and end up in London, Mexico,
Rome, Beijing or Tibet, yeah, it's just _great_!" He gulped
down another saucer of sake. "Well it isn't! It's a nightmare
not knowing where you will be from one day to the next, and
having people like you and Ranma thinking it's cool does not
help!"

"Oh... " Ukyou blinked. "Ranchan wants to travel? I would've
thought that dreadful trip to the China was enough."

Ryoga shrugged. "He said he liked the idea, the freedom."

"You would be a good mystery tour guide." Ukyou said. She
looked wistful. "If only I could get Ranchan away from Nerima
and convince him that I'm the one."

Ryoga lost himself in a brief fantasy in which he took Akane
on a holiday, said those three little words and then found
out that she really loved him. Then he shook his head. "No,
it wouldn't work, not now."

Ukyou's expression mirrored his own, miserable. "But there is
no way I'd get Ranchan on his own now." then she perked up.
"Unless they went on holiday and broke up then."

"Doubt it... " muttered Ryoga.

They sat in the darkening kitchen, each wrapped up in their
own misery. Minutes passed, then suddenly Ukyou lept to her
feet and slammed her fist on the table.

"Damnit! They are _not_ married yet, I am _not_ giving up!" She
grabbed Ryoga's hands. "Listen, I have an idea but I'm going to
need your full cooperation."

Ryoga stuttered. "Wh... what... do you mean?"

"I mean we are in this together, all the way, until Akane's
in love with you and Ranchan is in love with _me_." Ukyou
leaned closer. "And this will solve your career problems
too."

Ryoga attempted to focus on her words. "Okay, what's the
deal?"

"A Mystery Tour!"

"Nani?"

"You are going to set up business as a mystery tour guide and
I will be your business partner, and caterer of course. We
will outfit a... a bus or something and offer places on the
first tour to Ranchan and Akane as an engagement present. Then
during the tour you will show Akane how right you are for her
and I will show Ranchan that he can't live without me! Best of
all we will _not_ invite Mr Tendo, Mr Saotome, or Shampoo and
Cologne, they won't be able to interfer. I swear to you that
we will both return married to the one we love!"

Ukyou finished with a gasp and squeezed Ryoga's hands. "Well?"

Ryoga just sat there, his expression unreadable, then a slow
grin spead over his face. "I like it... " He lept to his feet
and hugged Ukyou. "Yatta!"

She hugged him back. "Cool, ne?"

Konatsu stumbled into the kitchen yawning. "What's all the
noise, itsujo?" He took in the scene... his Ukyou-sama locked
in what looked like a passionate embrace with Ryoga Hibiki.
Tears sprang to his eyes and he ran back to his room, the tears
flowing a la Soun Tendo.

"Did you hear something?" Ryoga descended from his fantasies.

Ukyou descended from her own musings and looked around. "No."

Ryoga realised that for the second time in under a week he was
hugging Ukyou. With an embarrassed exclaimation he jumped back.
"G... gomen."

Ukyou blushed and fiddled with her hair. "It's okay...
ummm... shall we get started?"

Ryoga smiled. "Hai."

End of Part One. 

 

Chapter 2

Index