Prosperity Key No. 1
Prosperity Key No. 2

Abe Lincoln once remarked that, "People are about as happy as they decide to be." Women, too, are about as prosperous as they decide to be.  Developing a life of abundance is the result of deliberate decisions.  Women have traditionally blocked their prosperity conscious-ness with decisions which led to self-defeating attitudes about self, money, power, and love.
     By following the suggestions in the next four chap-ters, you will be able to review your decisions in these areas, which may uncover and so help you to change those attitudes presently blocking your prosperity.  The concept of our self is our first concern, for that is the basis of all other attitudes we hold.

     The first concept to decide upon is whether it is ok for you, as a woman, to prosper.
     We have identified and celebrated masculinity with the idea of 'success' for so long that many women have forgotten the obvious: prosperity is not gender-determined by nature.  Being prosperous has nothing to do with being either female or male - it is a learned cultural role.
     Once we start to challenge the limitations set by the cultural assumption that being female and successful are mutually exclusive, we are on new territory.  It is no wonder, then, that one of our first concerns in becoming a Prospering Woman is how the men in our lives will respond to our success.  We have a wide range of fears connected with this issue of invading their 'domain'.  Some of the more effective fears we use to block our path to prosperity are such ideas as:

1. To be successful we must become masculine in attire, attitude, and behavior.
2. If we climb too high, too fast, in the business world, it will be assumed that we granted sexual favors en route.
3. As single women, our success will threaten men and we won't attract life partners.
4. Marriage relationships will be endangered if we start to earn more money or have more prestige than our mates.

     The reaction of males to our new roles is mixed.  Many men totally applaud and support our more expansive roles - others don't.  Because of their own fear, many men do feel threatened by the so-called new 'macho-woman'.
     It is not the attitude of men with which we need to be primarily concerned, however.  Any real change in life always starts from within.  It is our own attitude that demands our focus.  We fear the reaction of others only when we believe, at some level, that what they are saying is partially true.  The key to prosperity is to change our minds - our thoughts - about ourselves and our success.
     Most women do not want success to be a barrier between themselves and men.  Whether it is or not will depend primarily upon our inner decisions.  The challenge is not on how the men will react to us but on overcoming our own fear of failure, fear of success, and lack of self-worth.  When we feel good about our own prosperity, so will the rest of the world.

     When I believe my value as a human being is gauged by the results of my actions, my self-esteem is vulnera-ble.  My fear of failing at any act is intensified.
    Fear of failure is the fear of being or doing some /wrong'.  It presupposes there is a 'right.  Yet, how can we fail when there is no way of knowing, on the grand scale, the ultimate outcome of any single act we make?  How many things in your life which you thought were total disasters turned out to be the best thing that could possi-bly have happened?
     Fear of failure keeps us from risking, but a willingness to risk is a measure of our prosperity consciousness.  When we're blocked from this consciousness by low self-esteem, we are unwilling to try something new,.  Rather than be open to opportunities, we suffer from doubt and mistrust of our abilities and tie ourselves in psychological knots when faced with even the thought of stepping out, moving ahead, and taking a chance with the unknown, the unproven.
     In doubt, we identify more with the possibilities of failing than of winning.  We seem to be saying, "If I don't reach too high, I won't fall too far." In our unconscious minds, we're imagining failure far stronger than we can see, smell, or taste success.
     One way out of this fear is to ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that could happen if I failed at something I really wanted?  What would be the ultimate calamity?" Ask yourself if you could live with the worst possible result.
     The trick is in specifying the fear.  Usually the worst never happens.  It rarely happens to the degree that our active imagination conjures up.  By specifying the fear, however, the rational mind has something concrete to work with in helping dispel the fear.  As long as the fear remains nebulous, it continues to have power over us.
     Every successful person agrees that the risk is the fun of achieving.  Our highs in life come not from having or doing any single thing, but from the strength we experi-ence when we find the means within us to face a chal-lenge and overcome all barriers to resolution.  Prove this to yourself by thinking back to a time in your life when you were the most elated.  What challenge did you have to overcome to achieve that success?  We get energy from taking a risk once we face our fear, and act in spite of it.  We forget that when we risk, we might lose, but we sometimes win!
     Yet winning can establish a fear of its own - the fear of success can be just as paralyzing as the fear of failure.

     Have you ever felt like stopping just when things got going good?  Did you feel confused about this conflict?
     We all have impulses urging us to open up, move on, communicate more, give more, be more.  At the same time, we can have an almost equal urge of restraint - a feeling of wanting to pull back.  Why?  This is often the fear of success.
     Fear of success has sometimes been called the fear of the sublime - the fear of acknowledging that we really are great and wonderful beings.  That idea is more than many of us can stand.  Being prosperous comes too close to proving it is true.
     Think how your lifestyle would change today if you truly believed that you were a great and glorious person with something valuable to contribute.  How would you live?  How would you act with your boss?  How would you dress?  What colors would you wear more?  What basically would be different about you?  Everything we do, say, and have expresses our beliefs.  An image of success could require radical change to our basic self-image that we're not ready to handle.
     If success should come before the self-image is ready for it, we will do whatever is necessary to put the brakes on and discredit it.  When we experience true prosperity, we experience acceptance by the world as worthy.  This is difficult for us before we have accepted our own worthiness.
     Success also brings with it great expectations by others.  It is easy to assume it is our responsibility to fulfill these expectations.  Ironically this can fuel the fear of success - we may yet fail!

     Fear of success is a barrier to the development of our prosperity consciousness when it keeps us from develop-ing our full potential.  To the degree that we fear personal success, we tend to also separate ourselves from the successful.  Those who dare to risk and achieve remind us painfully of what we're not doing.  To avoid this pain, we condemn with envy and jealousy, or we admire with awe.  Both responses separate us from others.
     Only when we are able to truly appreciate and enjoy the success of others are we setting up the right mental attitude to be successful ourselves.  Each time we sin-cerely applaud others for their achievements, we can rest assured our own success is coming closer because our consciousness is on success.
     Your way out of fear of success is to realize you are in control.  It's just as it is in skiing: once you know you can come to a stop, you can let go!  All true success is personally defined.  You decide the goal, the pace, and the parameters around which you are willing to be successful.  You call the shots.  You have only you to please in your success.

     Fear of failure and success stems basically from lack of self-acceptance.  Every successful woman must go through the crucial hour of facing herself squarely and declaring her own independence to herself.  At that point in time, she must accept all her foibles and weaknesses, along with her beauty, strength, courage, and know-how.  This is her moment of true liberation.  It is a state-ment of the end of waiting in line for approval.  We all know the power of self-approval.  Until we reach the moment when we are able to give ourselves complete approval, however, we block our prosperity conscious-ness with our self-doubts and feelings of not being good enough.
     Women have no edge on the market when it comes to feeling low self-esteem or feeling unworthy.  It seems to come with being human.  Women, however, have been considered second class, and very few of us have escaped that gnawing feeling that we've never quite made it.  This is a perfect set-up for scarcity consciousness.
     The prettiest are never pretty enough.  Our bodies are either too big or too little in the places that count.  If we don't know math, we're not smart.  If we do know math, so what?  It seems as though we can't win.  Some of us have tried to compensate for a low self-image by being the best at everything - super-woman at home, in rela-tionships, in school, or on the job.  Too often, this only covers up those deeper feelings that somehow we have to prove ourselves to someone.
     Sound familiar?  It all comes from scarcity consciousness, from not feeling 'good enough'.  For whom?  For ourselves, of course.
     Psychoanalysis focuses on the original causes of how we started all this, but if we are to get any immediate real change in behavior, we need to focus more on how we are daily reinforcing this negative state of mind - and on the effect of finally letting it go.  While in this state, we substitute wishing for doing.  This wishing is often in the form of repetitive thoughts about ways we are in-adequate.  How many people do you know who think that if they dwell on their faults and fears long enough:

1. This is somehow almost as good as improving;
2. Maybe some magic will happen and they will overcome their bad habits automatically;
3. No one will criticize them because they are saying it first; or
4. Someone will at least take pity on them.

     What they don't realize is that by dwelling on miseries - internally and externally - they are unconsciously inviting even more negativity into their lives.  The process by which this works is, paradoxically, the same process which provides the way out of low self-esteem:

     Our lives manifest our dominant thoughts.  Just as whatever we plant grows, that which we focus our atten-tion on multiplies.  Whatever we put into our minds comes out in our lives.
     By deciding to only focus on, and move toward, what you want, you are able to raise your self-image.  Each time you dwell on inadequacies, you decrease your self-assurance.
     When we plant the idea in our minds that there is not enough in life, we reap scarcity.  When our focus is on loss, past pain, and fear, we get more loss, pain, and suffering in return.  To understand how this works, let's go a little deeper.

     As Richard Bach wrote, "Argue for your limitations, and they are yours." Some people have a life theme of believing that they can't have what they want in life -and they often don't get it.  This gives the impression they are losing in life, when in fact they are winning.
     This kind of winning, however, acts as a block to prosperity consciousness for it is negative winning.  How does it work, and how do we remove this block?  The answer is in this key:

     We all have the need to be right. We want to prove that whatever we believe is in fact true.  That's the nature of consciousness.  If we have an unconscious low self-esteem, we will need to prove ourselves right and pro-duce a life that supports that internal image.
     It is uncanny how we mastermind a life plot that 'proves' we are 'no good'.  Depending on what the script calls for, we can: get caught, hurt ourselves, get preg-nant, get fired, lose something important, over-spend, get drunk - whatever is appropriate to prove we're ''no good'.  When we've really proved it, we've created a win!  A negative win, but a win. We showed the world we were right all along.
     We select circumstances that occur in our lives by choosing how and where we focus our attention.  For example, when we concentrate on reasons life doesn't work and why we can't have what we want (my husband won't like it, I don't have any money, I haven't the time, I'm too old anyway, I just can't, etc.), we remain oblivious of opportunities to change our circumstances, and so perpetuate our negative 'wins' - i.e., your husband doesn't like it, you don't have any money, there isn't any time, and you are too old.

     The law of causation is the same for both positive and negative wins.  They are both produced by thought; only the emphasis is different.  A positive win is created when we realize that within every problem lies the solution.  It is our choice how we interpret every event.  There is no one way to look at any set of circumstances.
     Almost everyone has a favorite story of someone who has turned adversity into opportunity.  Those who benefit from the calamities in their lives, whether it is an accident, a divorce, or a loss of some sort, are people who prefer positive wins.  They create positive results from even the negative circumstances of life by choosing to focus on what they want, and on what they can do.
     As long as we are content to substitute negative wins (proving we can't) for positive wins (proving we can) we effectively block our prosperity consciousness.  Before we will move out of low self-esteem and give up negative wins, however, we will need to recognize the 'pay-offs' or benefits we receive in them.
     The single biggest pay-off for negative wins is getting to play 'martyr', and we will go to great lengths to play that game.  For example, when we stay with an alcoholic mate who has no intention of changing, we may be expressing a need to be 'put down', or to feel like the 'healthy one' in a relationship, or to perform the miracle of changing another.  We may have an axe to grind, such as choosing men who reject us, and thus prove that all men are brutes, or we need to prove that we're unlovable.

     If we assume that all life is growth-oriented, we would have to agree that we are always moving toward the expansive, the positive.  We choose whatever we think is best every moment, according to our state of conscious awareness.  The basic underlying reason for every act then is good - only the means create the negative resullts.  The more conscious we become about who we are in relation to all life, the more directly we can get what we want in a positive manner.
     If we are all moving toward the positive, then why don't we believe what our own eyes and ears tell us about the negative situations we're in?  Because, unconsciously, until we get the 'message' of the negative situation, we will do whatever is necessary to remain in the learning situation!
     We repeat our negative wins until we're clear about what we want, or at least don't want.  Then we are ready - with energy built from the experience - to go on to our next step.  We change internally so we can tolerate a different life externally.
     The sooner you can find your pay-off in any negative situation, the sooner you can speed up this learning process.  Once you become aware of the name of the game you're playing, the easier it is to let it go.  This frees you to get on with positive wins.
     Use this prosperity key of always proving yourself right to identify any negative self-image you may be 'proving'.  Look at every negative situation as if you were winning - somehow - even if it is difficult to see how this could be.  Do not blame yourself.  Ask yourself, "How is this a win for me?  What am I getting out of this that I couldn't get faster any other way?"
     As soon as you give yourself permission to prosper, step through your fears of failure and success, see that you deserve all that you desire, and move toward what you want, rather than toward what you don't want, you are deciding to win successfully!

Mara Marin, divorced with one young son, has created a unique employment referral business, WHIM.  Four years ago she started with $12,000 capital and a good idea.  Today her business is worth over $100,000.

Q: As a successful woman, how do you relate to men?

A: It's been a problem all my life.  I was smart, intelligent, quick.
For a long time I thought I envied men.  Now I know it's not men I envied - what I envied was that if you were a man, you could use your brain to get ahead.  As a woman, not using my brain was supposed to be an asset.
     As a teenager, I tried to figure out how not to be smart or competitive.  Eventually, I had to maintain my integrity and be who I was - not play a role.  There was a lot of pain around coming to terms with that question.

Q: How did you resolve that in your own mind?

A: The answer for me was in recognizing that first I am a person.  I'm not a woman first.  Now I say what I feel and don't stop to check in to see if it's a female point of view.
There was pain not only in relationships with men, but also with other women.  I have found it difficult t@ relate to women who have chosen to remain passive and uncomfortable with their own assertiveness, especially when they appear to be threatened by my self-expression.

Q: How do you handle men who are hostile to successful women?

A: Basically, I'm a non-threatening, perceptive person.  I don't think others feel the need to feel competitive with me.  I approach all people as equals.
     I also watch my environment.  Emotional prosperity to me is recognizing my needs.  If  I am uncomfortable with people, I choose to avoid them when I have a choice.  It's great to experience choice in life.  Men and women have both created the sexist wall we have.  There's no percentage in blaming each other.

Q: Did you ever feel you had to give up your feminine qualities to be a Prospering Woman?

A: Definitely not.  I appreciate my deeper feelings.  I frequently express my compassion in business, for example.  It's not meant just for home and children. It is meant for the world.  I believe that being in business and being human are not separate.  If I speak to anyone from an open, sensitive, articulate place, they will most likely respond in kind.  Prospering to me is acknowledging we all carry responsibility for our financial and emotional well-being.
     I also use my intuition frequently in making decisions. I know that each decision I make is the best solution I can perceive given the factors of time, commitment, money, and my feelings.

Q: Have you ever felt the need to dress in a more masculine way in order to prosper?

A: In the long run everything is superficial, you know - what you wear, what kind of car you drive.  We women need to look at ourselves regarding the games we play with dress and everything else.  I had to ask myself if I was wearing a filmy dress or blouse to relate to the male in the old role or because I enjoyed wearing it.  Now I know that I dress to please myself.
     I am not appealing to the man's protection when I go see my banker, for instance.  I state the purpose of my visit, what I want, what I have to offer.  I ask if we have a place from which to negotiate.  I don't patronize him and I don't want him to patronize me.  Sure I'm a woman, but I don't apologize if I don't know something.  I haven't had the experience a man might have had.  I just state what I want, and ask what's the next step.
     We then negotiate, not because of my dress, but because we will both benefit.

Q: What was your biggest barrier to becoming a Prosperous Woman?

A: Understanding that I deserved the rewards of my labor. Sooner of later we have to recognize that being humble just doesn't work.  I was taught to give; it's difficult to receive.