It was nice to get away from the mental and emotional strain that sitting for hours on end, listening and seeing the pain Emily was in caused me. It hurt me that she was in such pain and there was nothing I could do to help her but sit back and watch and occasionally sign an encouraging word. Because I cared greatly about her each pain that tore through her body was like a knife being twisted in my own chest. I had to keep mentally steeling myself. I had to keep thinking, "it will be over soon" or "later there will be no pain but joy."
By the time Cherry came to relieve me of my self imposed duty I was ready. If it was only a few moments that I could steal to gather my wits and calm my fraying nerves, it was worth it. I joined my cousin in the family room and heated up my then cold sandwich. I ate it and drank my drink that tasted more of melted ice than of the soft drink I had ordered. Then I sat down on the couch next to Matt and watched an episode of some TV-show that I never caught the name of. It didn't matter any way, if I knew the name I'd probably have forgotten it.
It was only after the show ended that I realized Jane was nowhere to be seen. "Matt where is Jane?"
"I took her home an hour ago. I'm leaving in a few minutes to go get her again. She needed to check on her own family."
"Oh, I hope she's back in time to help Emily."
"Why wouldn't she be?"
"Well, things could speed up. And no one can say how long it will take Emily to push the baby out. She might manage in just a few pushes or it might take awhile."
"I guess I'll go get Jane now. She told me that she's looking forward to helping Emily since she was never able to have a child of her own. All of her children are adopted."
"I've never asked Jane why she adopted instead of having a child herself. I guess I always assumed that there was a problem with something one way or another."
"Yes, we spent the last hour she was here trading notes. She quite frightened for Emily. We talked about a lot of things that I'd never have dreamed I be talking to some lady about. Cherry told me that it's just the Deaf way. They are just a lot more blunt and to the point."
"They are that. So what all did she tell you?"
"That when she was first married she kept getting pregnant but then losing the baby. After awhile they stopped even trying to have a baby of their own and decided that God had a different plan for them. They started the adoption process after coming to that conclusion. It took several years but they eventually adopted Micah and the rest followed pretty fast."
"Oh, I didn't know she'd even been pregnant. That's sad. Miscarriages are always hard to accept when they represent much wanted children."
"If you say so. Whoops better go get Jane. I'm going to be late."
"Okay, I think I've gathered my nerves enough. I'll rejoin the labor party," I said as we started out in opposite directions and each disappeared through different doors.
I re-entered the birthing suite to find that Emily was no longer lounging in the Jacuzzi but squatting over a birthing ball in the suite. Basically, a birthing ball looks like a beach ball that is a bit sturdier. By sitting on it, it helps open the pelvis up. The rocking, rolling motion it can produce during contractions helps to bring the baby down onto the cervix. Emily had changed out of her wet bra and had a gown on. A chux pad covered the ball where she sat to absorb the blood and amniotic fluid that was flowing from her body.
Cherry looked a bit green around the gills when I spied her sitting in a chair sort off in a corner. "You okay?" I signed so not to bother Emily with my voice.
Debbie came over to me from where she'd been sitting at a desk writing notes on Emily's progress and whispered, "Why don't you take her to the family room and get her some orange juice."
"Okay," I signed with the universal O.K. sign and took Cherry back with me to the family room.
After she drank a bit of orange juice she didn't seem so green. "What happen?" I asked but wasn't sure I should have.
"Emily suddenly couldn't stand to be in the water anymore. I didn't know what was happening. I was not looking at her so she took me by surprise. I was daydreaming about our finals. She just stood up and started to get out. Micky helped her over the edge of the Jacuzzi, seeming to know without being told what Emily was wanting. I didn't have a chance to avert my eyes. She was getting out and blood was pouring down her legs. It made me ill. I passed out. Debbie had to leave Emily to make sure I was okay. Micky stayed with Emily but she needed them both. I feel horrible."
"Oh, don't you're not the first or the last to get sick at the sight of blood."
"I didn't when my mom had the twins."
"You've changed is all that happened. You know more than you did when you were 13. Plus you weren't expecting to be witness to this birth. You were mentally prepared when the twins where born."
"I guess. I still feel badly, though."
"I'm sure Emily won't even remember. She's in an inner place that she had to find within herself to cope. She probably didn't even realize you were there."
"I hope. Please, go back there and be with her. I promised Jane we'd not leave Emily alone while she was gone."
"Sure, kiddo. You calm down and watch some TV. Maybe even try and catch a few winks of sleep. We've been up since 5 AM and here it is almost 11 PM no wonder we are tired."
"Okay, I'm sorry."
"Stop that!" I said in mock aggravation as I went back to Emily.
"Ohhhhhhhh! I can't do this. It hurts," Emily cried with her voice as tears streamed down her face. Micky was rubbing at the small of her back with a ball much the same way I had earlier when I re-entered the room.
"Is Cherry okay?" Debbie mouthed from the desk.
"Yeah, she's fine just feels bad about making you come to her when Emily was needing you.
"Can I be of help?" I asked quietly.
"Yeah sit in that chair after you place it in front of her and let her lean against you," Micky supplied. "She's exhausted and the position will be more comfortable for her."
"Okay," I said moving the chair Cherry had been sitting in to in front of Emily. She was moving the ball in small circular motions with her thighs. Her hands where planted squarely on her knees. Her head was down and her eyes clamped shut as if she didn't want to hear or see conversation. I noticed that she'd removed her hearing aids at some point too. She had truly closed herself off from everyone but her own body and the rhythms that surged within her.
I hated to intrude on her inner world but if she needed me I figured it would be better to intrude then than later when things might be to climatic. I tapped her hand. She looked up at me with glassy, tired eyes. I'd never seen her look so old. I bit my lip to hold back my own tears. I signed, "Let me help you. Lean against me! Let me support you for awhile."
She looked at me briefly somewhat confused by what I had said. Micky helped her into position so that my knees were in-between her open knees and she could lean forward against me. She rested her head on my shoulder. Her long salt and pepper hair had been balled up into a bun. It tickled at my nose. But I didn't move. I'd never felt closer to Emily than I did at that moment.
I held her in my arms while Micky rubbed at her back through several very intense contractions. The contractions were by then coming at less than one-minute intervals and sometimes she wasn't even getting a break between them before another one started. As the next contraction came coursing through her, I could hear her making a sound in her throat and tensing. "Debbie, I think she's involuntarily pushing," I said sort of recognizing what was happening.
"I haven't checked her progress for a while, maybe I should," Debbie answered again getting up from the desk.
I tapped Emily on the shoulder so she'd open her eyes. Sharon then signed what Debbie was saying, "I need to check your progress. Can you lean back against Micky?"
Emily nodded as Micky helped her to lean back so that Debbie could slip her gloved k-y jellied hand into Emily's body. I moved out of the way and let Debbie sit where I had been sitting. I stood so that I was off to the side and farther behind Emily as Debbie moved Emily's gown aside to see where the baby was and how long it would be before Emily could push.
Emily moaned and cried out in pain, "OHHH AHHHHHHHHHH." She arched her back against Debbie's hand, trying to push the painful foreign object from her body.
"Don't push Emily, yet. Look at me. The baby is right there. You're almost completely dilated. There is anterior lip of the cervix that is all that is left to go. I think you can push through it." Debbie said slipping the bloody glove from her hand.
"Oh wow," I thought as I ran down the hallway to get Jane and Cherry. I hoped Matt was back with Jane.
"What!" Cherry asked jumping to her feet as I came in the room.
"She's complete. Debbie says she can push. Where are Matt and Jane? She needs Jane!" I implored desperately as I saw lights turn into the drive.
I didn't wait for a response. I ran to the front door and pulled it open and signed, "Hurry. Baby born soon!"
Jane jumped out of the car before Matt had even killed the engine and took the icy steps in one jump. Together we raced down the hall to join Cherry in the birthing suite as Micky and Debbie helped move Emily to the bed.
"She wants to have the baby there," Micky said as Emily crept towards the bed holding her lower abdomen as if she let go the baby was going to fall out.
I understood what she was saying. It is actually easier to give birth in a squatting position than lying on the back because of gravity. But Emily wanted to be in bed. I think she was just plain too tired to support her own weight and push at the same time. "If that's what she wants that's what she wants" I said but before Emily could lay down I waved my hand to gain her attention. "Stay on your hands and knees. Remember my telling you it opens the pelvis so it is at its largest diameter?"
She tried to do as I suggested but her arms as strong as they were from the rigors of her swimming shook so hard that it was obvious that someone was going to have to support her upper body. She lay on her side and signed for her hearing aids. She wanted to be able to hear what was said and the sounds around her even if she didn't understand them all. Cherry brought her the aids as Debbie got things ready for the baby. Micky sat on the bed next to her and bathed her face with a wet washcloth.
"Okay Emily, whenever you feel the urge to push, go for it!" Debbie instructed as Sharon translated what she said into ASL.
"I don't feel it now," Emily answered as another contraction started. But she tried pushing with one leg drawn up and back towards her chest as Debbie waited.
Cherry and I stood off to the side out of the way of what was happening. I was glad to be there but still a bit apprehensive of being given the privilege. Cherry apparently was feeling a bit like I was. I almost felt as if I was window peeping or something. It was if I in some strange way felt that I was witnessing a very private moment without permission. But of course that wasn't the case. Emily had made it clear not with words but by action that she wanted us there.
Debbie moved again to check on the baby's position. "The baby has moved back up some. Until it comes back down there is no point pushing. As long as you were upright gravity was working for you. But once you laid down gravity no longer has an affect," Debbie stated withdrawing her hand from between Emily's then shaking legs. I recognized the shaking as transition. The baby was moving into the birth canal. In the few seconds that it had taken for Debbie to say what she'd said the baby had again moved down.
I was a little shy but figured it wouldn't hurt to ask, "Do you think a birthing chair would work for her? I think she's physically too wiped out to squat without someone strong holding her but a chair would support her and allow gravity to work with her again."
"Yes, it would work if she wants to try. The more upright she is the better."
"I'll try. I'm not comfortable lying down. Pains …OHHHH!" Emily signed and then stopped before finishing the sentence to let out a screech of pain that caused her to rise up onto her arms as after Debbie's internal check she'd moved onto her back. When the pain was over she mouthed without her voice, "Must move."
But before anyone could move to help her she had swung her legs to a sitting position on the very edge of the bed. "Wait!" Debbie said. Trying to get the chair positioned better for her.
"OHHHH! Baby come now!" Emily said with her voice through gritted teeth as she pushed.
When Debbie checked once again she could obviously see the baby's head was beginning to crown. There wasn't time then to move Emily again. She was going to have the baby right where she was. The only thing to do was for everyone to try and support her as the edge of the bed wasn't exactly a great spot by some standpoints but by others it was perfect.
Jane looked confused as to what to do. I signed to her, "Sit behind her. You can support her and help her push." Jane did as I said as Micky fed Emily ice chips to help counter dehydration and mopped at her face.
Debbie turned to Cherry and I, "Girls, she could use some help holding her legs up. There isn't a way for her to support them where she is. She's in a precarious position once she starts pushing the rounded edge of the bed could let her slip. By holding her legs, you'll help hold her in place."
"I can't do this, " Cherry said looking green again.
"Run, get Matt. He saw it on film. He can do this," I said. "Hurry!"
She was gone in the next instant looking for any excuse to leave the room. Within seconds Matt was looking in the door. Debbie looked at Emily, "Is it okay?"
"I DON"T CARE!" Emily screamed as another contraction surged.
"Matt, she needs help holding her leg, " I said under Emily's scream as she was pushing and screaming at the same time.
Matt blanched but grabbed Emily's leg and pushed it back towards her chest mimicking what I was doing, though Emily was pulling at her legs too as she curled around her abdomen with Jane helping her from behind. Matt and I tried to watch Emily's face and not Debbie's hands. Cherry stood again in the far corner of the room and watched from a distance.
"The baby's crowning! Touch the baby's head if you want," Debbie said to Emily
Emily reached with a trembling hand to touch the wet glisten mound that slowly was emerging from her body. It was like watching a butterfly emerge from its chrysalis. First there was nothing and then something small and wet slowly unfolding its wings to reveal the beauty of a butterfly. Matt continued to watch Emily's face but I had lost my inhibition. I watched in amazement as Emily's child slowly entered the world. At first there was nothing but a mass of wet dark hair bulging from Emily's body, then the forehead and next the eyes. Debbie's hands guiding the baby as the head emerged and its eyes opened to see the world. I was so spellbound by the miracle of life being born that I no longer heard Emily screaming. It was as if the sound of her voice was a million miles away. I no longer was scared or embarrassed. All I saw was the beauty of the moment. I didn't even realize Emily had stopped screaming until the head was born.
"Emily, pant! The cord is around the neck!" Debbie instructed as Micky showed Emily what she needed to do.
"I want to delivery my baby," Emily signed as Sharon said in translation.
"Sure, on the next contraction push again." Debbie answered guiding Emily's hands so that after the baby rotated to face Emily's right thigh and the shoulders had been born Emily could lift the baby to her own stomach as it slid the rest of the way out of her body.
Emily lifted her child to her stomach and looked into its eyes. The baby hadn't cried yet but seemed content to look into its mother's tear rimmed eyes. "My Baby," Emily said in a soft voice as she touched the small glistening human as if she couldn't touch it enough. She looked upon her baby lovingly.
Debbie spoke, "You have a daughter."
I seemed to step outside myself then and see us all from Cherry's eyes. Jane holding Emily against her, crying as she looked over Emily's left shoulder. Matt, who had no reason at all to be there but was, was fighting back tears. Emily, Emily holding her daughter, her Christmas miracle wept with joy. Through my own tears of happiness I saw it all. The hours of agony, blood and sweat were gone in an instant and replaced by the beauty of life and love.