That week, the week that Emily passed the milestone of viability was peaceful. Maybe we should have known it couldn't last. Emily was happy and full of life. Jack was a part of the past. Jane, Colin and Cherry were rediscovering their roots. Elizabeth was joyously planning her wedding and I sat back and watched it all with a mixture of emotions. Now I can look back in wonder at the fact that I lived my life through these people but at the time I was content and happy too. For once I really did feel that I was accepted for who I am even if I really didn't quite feel as if I belonged.
Even though Emily was supposed to be resting she couldn't exactly rest. She had obligations to organizations that she couldn't pass off on others to contend with. One of those obligations was that she was the ticket sales coordinator for an ASL Teacher's Association Gala and Auction that was to take place in the middle of November. Of course, Jane and Betsy also helped with it but Emily was in charge. That meant she had the stress of making sure the different chapters got their tickets, the chapter that she and the other teacher's at Wolf Lake belonged to sold tickets, and then the worry of collecting the monies from all the of those sales. I already knew I wanted to go, so did Cherry, Elizabeth and Deidre. It would be a neat experience. But I hated that it also meant that Emily had added stress at a time when she absolutely didn't need more.
"What wear Auction?" I asked Emily after I had purchased a ticket.
"Nice, Auction Semi-Formal."
"Semi-Formal mean what?" I wanted to know because my idea of Semi-formal may not be hers.
"Dress pants, Khakis, skirts, no jeans."
I smiled. I had been right. My idea of semi-formal differed widely from hers. I had known Emily would be one to loathe actually saying ladies had to wear dresses. God-forbid she wearing one if she could get by with pants!
My mind went off on a side trip to thinking that these teachers from all over the USA and Canada who knew Emily were going to be in for a shock when they saw her. From what I have gathered from people I have talked to, the very idea of Emily actually being pregnant was almost incomprehensible. No one dreamed that she'd even have wanted to be a mother. It didn't seem to fit Emily's persona. I am not sure I agree given what I do know about Emily. To me a teacher can only be a teacher if they love children. You can't teach if you don't want to mold and shape young minds and help them grow. So Emily taught sports for many years, she was still shaping and molding young minds. She was still guiding and passing on her knowledge and wisdom to children just as a mother does. Did she love her students any less because they weren't her own children? I don't think so. Emily was their mother in the sense that like a mother she was giving her charges knowledge for life.
Emily also loves nature, the earth... she's one with it. But isn't nature the true mother of all things: from her all life springs. The cycle of life and death starts and ends with nature. Nature is creation. If Emily truly is one with nature then it comes as no real surprise to me that like nature she would also create life. A bit profound but it is how I see her.
She sat looking at me waiting for me to talk again. She knew I would have to say something. "Thanks, I think I know what wear, now."
She rolled her eyes as Sally came into the office looking shaken, "Sorry." She signed to me.
I started to get up but Sally signed, "No, stay."
I was surprised, as usually the moment Sally shows up it is my cue to get the heck out of Emily's office. "Fine, " I signed in return even though Sally is hearing and I knew Emily could read my lips.
Sally's eyes went back and forth between Emily and me "Joanna is on the TTY."
"Oh," I mouthed. Joanna had stopped calling Emily every day several weeks after Emily finally convinced her that she knew nothing more than Joanna did. This call was somehow different, I could tell or Sally wouldn't have requested for me to stay.
Emily looked at Sally as she turned on her TTY and typed, "Emily Wesson, GA" (Go Ahead).
I watched Emily's face from across her desk as she read the transcript of what Joanna was saying. Emily's face was like a screen as a mixture of emotions played across it. She sat staring at the TTY's miniature screen long after Joanna had stopped transmitting. She didn't type anything in return. She just sat staring. I grew scared as I watched her. Sally must have as well because she moved to Emily's side instead of waiting like me with the desk between us.
Sally looked at me and spoke, "Jack is dead. Some Indians found his remains next to a burnt pickup truck. He was driving on a little used road west of Laramie, Wyoming. Apparently, he lost control of this truck and went over a cliff into a ravine."
Sally typed something to Joanna and then turned the TTY off even as Emily continued to stare at the place the TTY had been sitting just seconds before. Sally then turned and touched Emily's arm. Emily's gazed shifted to Sally's, "Go work. I fine."
Sally turned to me and gave me a look that said, "I guess she'd rather fall apart with you," before she left the room, closing the door behind her even though Emily hadn't told her to.
I got up from the chair I had been sitting in and went around her desk to her. "Emily," I said aloud knowing she recognized her name. She looked at me standing next to her for a brief second before she started to shake. She was fighting so hard not to lose control. She pushed everything down so deep that to know her you'd think nothing fazed her. But her cup was running over and there wasn't anything she could do about it. "It's okay." I said instead of signing.
She didn't sign anything in return but her breathing grew faster until she was on the verge of hyperventilating. Suddenly her arm shot out and cleared three-fourths of her desktop in a single movement. I jumped back, out of the way of the flying debris. Before I could even move to return to her side Emily was out of her chair and had started pacing around her office shaking her head. She'd not made a sound or a sign since Sally had left besides the sound of ragged breathing.
She paced around the office a few times before she finally crumbled to the floor and began to sob. It was then that I moved to her and held her as she cried. Then Jane was there with us, kneeling along with me as all of the hurt and sadness poured out of Emily. Through her tears she signed, "I love him. I hate him. I not want him dead."
I had to bite my lip to keep from crying myself. I felt for her. I understood in a very remote way the pain she was feeling. For all Jack had done and been, she had truly loved him. Loving someone doesn't just stop because of their actions. It takes time to fall out of love. Jack had hurt her deeply but she still loved him. She was still carrying his child, a child that would never know its father, not because Emily wanted to keep Jack away but because he was now dead. She no longer had the option of one day letting Jack back into their lives that had been taking from both she and her child. Emily no longer could harbor wishful dreams that one day Jack would be a changed man and she could let her love for him take a hold of her life again. Those dreams had been dashed upon the rocks of Wyoming.
Jane signed something that I didn't understand but I wasn't about to ask for clarification as Emily struggled to stand up. Jane and I helped her up and then to a chair at her conference table where I handed her a Kleenex. I signed, "Slow breathe," because she was still close to hyperventilation.
She looked at me with tear-rimmed eyes and struggled to slow her breathing down. "I okay," she signed after a few more moments.
I turned to Jane, "Sally explain?"
"Yes," Jane replied sitting across from Emily at the table.
I felt that I should leave. They hadn't asked but somehow it seemed that maybe I should make myself scarce for a few minutes. I decided that Emily probably could use some water to steady herself so I slipped out the door and went to the student lounge where I bought some water. Then I returned to the office. I stood looking at the door only briefly. For the first time ever I ignored the fact that it was shut and entered with a bit of apprehension but still I went in without flashing the light.
I handed Emily the bottle. "Thought help."
She unscrewed the cap before signing, "Thank you." But she didn't drink from it. She sat the bottle down on the table as she looked down at her abdomen and touched it with her left hand.
Jane and I exchanged looks of concern. Jane signed when Emily looked up, " I take you home. You need rest."
Emily shook her head, "I not want alone. I stay here work."
Jane shook her head, "No, I go with. Not alone. You need rest. Baby need rest."
I certainly couldn't argue that point any better. I signed, "Same." Indicating that I agreed with Jane.
"Fine," Emily signed after she took a sip of water and made a face. She wasn't fond of water as a beverage but drank it out of necessity.
Jane smiled and went to Emily's desk to try and find her keys that Emily had sent flying earlier.
"You sure you okay?" I asked Emily as she stood up on emotionally weakened legs.
She took a deep breath and steadied herself, "Yes, I think."
"I come your house later. I sorry. I know you loved Jack."
Jane returned with Emily's keys and started to lead her out the office door when Emily gasped and grabbed the doorframe.
"Emily?" I said aloud again since her back was to me while several other students stood in the hall looking at her.
She grabbed Jane's hand and squeezed it hard. Jane grimaced as I went to them and helped Emily to sit down again. Emily's eyes were shut and the mask of pain played upon her face. "Hurt," she signed once she opened her eyes.
Jane shut the door again without explanation to my 3 classmates who had witnessed Emily's contraction. "Baby?" Jane asked.
"I think," Emily signed as I looked at my watch. "First pain?" I asked.
"No," Emily signed looking at Jane and not me.
"How many?" I asked growing concerned.
"That second."
"After first how long?"
"Ten minutes maybe."
I turned to Jane and signed, "Maybe not go home now. I worry. Need know not labor."
"If not labor what?" Jane asked.
I'd forgotten she wouldn't know about Braxton-Hicks. "Practice contractions, name Braxton-Hicks. Not real. Three of us need time contractions one hour. More than five she need call Doctor."
"I see," Jane said though I wasn't sure I'd made myself clear. It's hard explaining things in another language when the person you are trying to explain things to has no prior knowledge of what you're trying to say.
I put my hand on Emily's abdomen. The baby kicked. I was trying to feel if she was contracting without pain. Normally Braxton-Hicks contractions are not associated with pain. They are sort of warm up contractions that do nothing towards dilation and effacement i.e. thinning of the cervix. But they are still contractions and still will cause hardening of the uterus as they occur. The outline of the baby sometimes can be seen during these contractions, which is interesting to see. However, there is no easy way to tell the difference between that of braxton-hicks contractions and the real McCoy's. The only way to judge is to time the contractions for an hour. If more than five occur during that duration then it is possible that labor has begun. Sometimes drinking water will give an indication if the contractions are real or not. If the contractions are real they won't go away after drinking fluid but braxton's will.
"Important drink your water," I said to Emily only momentarily taking my hand off her stomach.
"Why?" Jane questioned.
"Water help stop contractions," I explained but not completely as I felt Emily's abdomen tensing again. I looked at my watch as she gasped at the pain.
Jane looked at me, "Practice Contraction Hurt?"
"Should not. I think she need go Hospital. I worried," I said watching Emily face as the pain eased.
"Yes, hospital," Emily signed looking scared as Jane raced out the door and returned moments later carrying her purse. Together we walked Emily to Jane's car.
There was a crowd of students watching us as we left. Cherry was among them. I called out, "Cherry, I'll call you on your cellphone and explain."
"Okay," she signed as we drove away.