For Better or for Worse

By Sandman


"Assuming we get out of here, what are we going to do?" Hercules asks with a
grin on his face.

"Ha Ha!" I answer. "I tolerate your relatives, the least you can do is make nice for mine." In truth I'm not enjoying myself either, but it's my duty as a husband to make Anya happy, and this makes her happy.

"But Iolaus, a baby shower? Come on! We're men!"

Hercules is definitely not enthralled, although Deineira seems delighted. She's pregnant too, and I know I'll be forced to suffer through her shower in repayment for this. But Anya looks so happy as do the in-laws; and my son, soon to be oldest son, is getting lots of attention.

Hercules sighs and I watch his eyes roll. "Let's just sneak out the back and find some monsters to slay."

There are a few monsters here I'd love to slay, but since they're Anya's relatives, I'll have to keep the peace treaty she made me agree to and avoid them. "Maybe if we had another mug of ale this whole thing would be a little more tolerable," I suggest.

Actually it would take quite a number of ales for me to like this gathering. Anya's relatives aren't always nice to her. In fact, some of them are downright mean. They call her useless because she can't take care of the animals and plants wilt when she touches them. And honestly her cooking has improved over time, although I suspect that the baby will be getting the best meal in the house, as Anya doesn't have to do anything to that. But she's so beautiful and she has the sweetest smile.I just melt when she turns her beautiful brown eyes on me and graces me with that smile of hers. And she's given me the most precious gift of all, a son. And now another will be here any day. It's going to be a son, I know it.

"Uh, Iolaus.Hercules to Iolaus."Herc throws an arm around my shoulders, bringing me back to the here and now. "Iolaus, let's go get that mug of ale."

"Sure," I agree but I can't take my eyes off Anya. Deineira is next to her, helping her with the gifts her friends and family have provided for my soon son. She lifts her eyes to mine and I see the laughter and joy there and feel my heart sing. She hasn't been feeling well lately. She's grown pale and tired and I find her frequently crying and holding her swollen belly. She says she's okay, but I still worry.

I haven't seen her this happy in weeks and just want to enjoy this moment in time; this moment when Anya is blushing, bringing color back to her cheeks and a twinkle to her eyes. This is the Anya I fell in love with, and even though I can think of a million things I'd rather do than be a guy at a baby shower at this second I'm happy to be here. Anya turns her attention back to Deineira, whose belly is only a few months smaller than my wife's own is and accepts another gift.

"Iolaus!"

Hercules sounds frustrated and I know I've got to pay attention to him; after all I don't get to see much of him now that we're both married. I let him lead me over to where Anya's brother is pouring the ale I bought for the shower.

"Hey bro," Anya's brother greets me. "Guess you found sis good for something, huh?"

I smile tightly at him and simply hold out the mug. "One for my friend too," I say staring at him with daggers coming from my eyes."

Hercules takes a mug from the cretin and steers me away. Around us the sounds of the high pitched laughter of happy women and children are like music. My ears tune to the sound of my son's happy babble as he careens towards my leg. Suddenly I'm swaying with the impact and the ale is dripping down my hands.

"Iolaus," I scold him. "Go easy on your father." He looks up at me with Anya's gorgeous eyes, her smile and the golden curls bob with his childish laughter.

"Da," he gurgles. "Love Da."

I put down the mug and scoop him up and pull him close to my chest, pressing my nose in his hair and smelling his baby scent. I have never felt so settled or as happy in my entire life as I do now with Anya, and my son. . .sons. He squirms in my arms twisting towards Hercules.

"Unca Herc," he squeals. I hand the busy bundle over to Herc.

"Get used to it," I grin as I watch his discomfort. "You'll be in this boat soon." I nod towards Deineira and I see Anya watching me with a sly half smile on her face. If it's possible, I want her more now than ever before.

My son is a small tornado and as quickly as Hercules picks him up he has twirled away, over towards his grandma now. The high pitched laughter of the women and low rumble of the few male voices fills my small home so I can't hear Anya's mother as she scoops up my golden child, but she smiles and nods to me. I wave back. She is the best part of Anya's kin, the only one who doesn't hold my sweet wife in contempt and for that she is my favorite. But no one is dearer to me than Alcmene.

Alcmene is busy serving up fresh fruit and goat's milk, feta cheese and fresh salty sweet olives to our guests. I'm a poor farmer and can't offer much of my own produce, but I've hunted and fished and provided some nice smoked meats for this gathering. This I'm used to doing. No one will go hungry when I can partake of Artemis's bounty. And 'Mene has so kindly decorated the place with many bouquets of flowers from her gardens.

Anya was stunned when she saw the great variety of flowers that Alcmene had grown, the colors and styles and textures. She actually wept as Alcmene made up a special bouquet and placed it next to our bed, this one with the most fragrant flowers. And now around me my own house has come alive with color, a living indoor garden fit for a god, not just a hunter and his wife.

I turn to Anya once more as I stuff an olive in my mouth, rolling the sweet flesh on my tongue before I bite into it. She catches my glance and smiles back at me, a little nod as if she knows I will be around, even if not in the house with her. Alcmene makes sure Herc and I have a platter of food to share as we head out to the porch where it is infinitely quieter.

As much as I love a party, a baby shower doesn't do it for me. In truth I'm thrilled that Hercules is here, even if we haven't had much time alone. A farmer's life is lonely and I wish I could work more in the forge, but this town already has a smithy, so mostly I do my own work. But the solitary hours of plowing, and planting and fertilizing (yuck) and tending to the animals have taken their toll. As much as I love Anya and my boy, I miss meeting other people, wish we lived closer to Hercules and his family and Alcmene.

Out on the porch alone finally I feel like I can let out my breath. Hercules puts the platter down on a table between two chairs Anya and I sit on at night when my boy is sleeping. Our ale goes down and we stand, facing each other in silence. I break the silence first.

"Hercules!" I murmur as I grab him in bear hug. "I'm so glad you're here." My breath is caught in my throat. It has been too long, and when I saw him in the crowd, a day later than Alcmene and Deineira, I felt as if my redemption was near. We've been too long apart.

"Iolaus." He speaks quietly into my hair, caught between embarrassment and need, the trial of being a demigod. His arms grab onto me as if a he has found driftwood in a rough sea, and then release me too soon.

"It's been so long," I comment, breaking away and taking a seat. Across from me the fields of grain are growing golden in the late summer sun and the vegetable garden looks more anemic than Anya does. A warm breeze ripples through the grain, sending the scent of fertile soil sailing across the trembling tassels, lifting Hercules' honey brown hair off the sides of his neck as he surveys my farm.

"Looks better than mine," he comments as he pops a hunk of cheese into his mouth.

I tip my mug of ale back, take a long swallow before answering. "Well, when Anya's brothers get hungry enough they help me."

He lifts an eyebrow and quaffs down some of his ale. "Been keeping Anya away from it huh?"

"Nah, I make her go out and stare at the weeds," I laugh. "They just whither away. Petty handy." I grin up at my best friend, happy just to see him. I love the way he won't look directly at me when he wants to do just that. I think he's afraid to let his feelings show, that if the gods know how much he cares about anyone or anything they'll just zap it away from him. So he acts detached. But I know he's here today because he loves me. No other reason to be at this baby shower.

Hercules laughs and says, "So you use a barter system to keep things green?"

"Yeah," I admit. "Her brothers are lousy hunters and the fish won't go near their hooks. Must be a family thing, although they'll never admit it. So when they've been long enough without meat, they saunter along here and offer to help out with the farming if I'll go catch something good and solid to eat." I'm smiling now.

"Something tells me you like that arrangement," Hercules still isn't looking at me. He's eating like I usually do, and the platter is emptying fast.

"Wouldn't you?" I lean forward on the chair and feel the warm breeze and fingers of sun caressing my face, as Anya does at night just before she runs her fingers through my hair. I close my eyes and imagine it's her just for a few seconds. Back to reality. "Her brothers are not particularly nice to her, never have been I gather. They only come around when they want something. Today it's free food and ale," I snort. "Her parents are alright; After all, I paid them well for her and took away the extra mouth they had to feed, and gave them a grandchild."

"Not too fond of the in-laws, huh?" Hercules observes. He turns towards me now, face splitting with a grin.

"You don't get to choose your family," I retort. Herc should know this.

"Well you do get to choose your in-laws," he says dryly. I watch him as he slowly stops smiling and turns serious. "Iolaus, you're losing weight. And come to think of it, I ate everything on the platter. What's going on?"

I rub my mouth with my hand, a nervous habit I've had for years. I do it when I'm thinking too. My mouth feels dry and I don't even want to speak my concerns for fear they may come true. But this is Herc, and I've never kept anything big from him.

"Anya hasn't been well," I finally spit out. I can feel my jaw muscles constrict, my mouth feels tight.

Hercules raises his eyebrows. "Beyond the pregnancy stuff?"

I nod. I can't look at him, I'm afraid I might actually cry. I lick my lips and swallow, but can't speak yet. He puts a hand encouragingly on my shoulder and I can feel his assessing eyes boring into me.

"Pain and bleeding, on and off for a few weeks," I finally choke out. "She's exhausted." I pause and get control, so I can look up at Herc. "I think there's more but she's not telling me."

"She should probably be in bed, not at a baby shower,' Hercules admonishes me.

"She can be headstrong," I plead in self defense. "And I've got to hunt and work, I can't watch her constantly."

"Her family." Hercules starts but I cut him off explosively.

"They don't care about her! If you lose the baby you can always have another, they tell her. As if that's the whole worry. It's Anya I'm concerned about, after the problems with the last pregnancy..." I trail off, unable to voice my fears. Anxiety runs through me like the blood that gives me life and I stand, unable to sit peacefully for any longer.

"Her mother?"

Turning away I simply shake my head. "She has her own family to take care of, she's still young." I hate to admit this, but she's only a decade older than I am. Hercules I think suspects as much, but it's something we never talked about. He knows only that Anya is a number of years younger than I am. I'm rubbing my face again and suddenly aware of that, I drop my hands at my sides.

Hercules walks over and drops an arm as heavy as a tree bough across my shoulders. "Let's walk," he suggests.

I simply nod, heading toward the field of grain, leaving the laughter and noise that surrounds my wife behind.

"I didn't realize that you were so isolated," Herc begins. He's finding the words hard. "I always thought that her family was there for the two of you. They seemed so happy at your wedding."

"Happy to get rid of her it seems now," I admit with a shake of my head. "By the gods Hercules I've missed you," I whisper and fling myself against him, grabbing him hard around the waist and burying my head against his chest. My eyes are wet and I clamp my jaw shut hard. I've spent almost my entire life with Hercules and these last few years without his company have been hard, a journey I'd never foreseen.

"I've missed you too," he answers simply. I feel him patting my back as one would a scared puppy and I pull away, facing the field. We stand in uncomfortable silence for a moment. "I should have come..." his voice trails off.

I wave a dismissive hand. "You had your life, a wife, a child, and adventures."

"I still should have come. So what are we going to do after the party?' he asks, trying to lighten my mood.

Tuck Anya in for a nap with little Iolaus and clean up. No more adventures for me old friend."

"Adventure enough for today," he replies.

I open my mouth to answer, but instead catch the sound of one lone pair of feet thudding urgently across the ground behind us. Hercules and I turn as if we were roped together. I don't know what he's thinking, but my heart is in my throat.

"Iolaus!" one of my lazy brother-in-laws shouts. "Come quick, it's Anya!"

My legs feel like rubber and I almost drop until I feel the steadying arm of Herc under my elbow. His hand grips my forearm and he stares grimly at my paling face. I'm sure I'm sweating and know he must be able to see my chest pounding with the beating of my heart.

"No!" I gasp and suddenly find that my legs have minds of their own, so quickly they respond to the thought of my Anya needing me with her. I hear Hercules trying to catch up to me as I careen across the lawn, crushing the tender blades of grass, then kick up dust when I hit the path to the house. I blast through the door of our home, pushing aside the revelers, stomping on gifts tossed to the floor in the excitement of this moment. The room is in total silence except for the grunts and moans of my Anya.

"ANYA!" I scream horrified as I push through the crowd surrounding her. I see her lying in a crumpled heap, her lovely dress soaked in blood and her face a pallid mask of pain. She's gasping for air and each exhalation is simply a moan.

I drop to my knees, gathering her up in my arms, tears streaming down my cheek, feeling her life blood soak my leather pants. Her belly is taut and I can feel the contractions against my chest as I cradle her. I wonder if she can feel the frantic beating of my own heart as I press it up against hers, smell my fear as I watch her weaken.

"Get Alcmene!" I shout and suddenly she is there with Hercules.

"Iolaus!" Anya is whispering to me and I hear none of the murmuring in the room, only the sound of her voice like chimes on the wind, a gift from Elysium. "I love you," she breathes softly.

"I'm here." I kiss her damp forehead and push the soaked strands of hair away from her eyes. "Anya, don't die," I beg her blubbering now. "I can't do it without you. I love you! Don't die!" I rest my forehead against hers and stare into her eyes watching them growing duller by the second. "Stay with me Anya!" I plead. My whole body is shaking and I don't want to let her down, even though somewhere outside of the tiny intimate circle consisting only of Anya and I Alcmene's voice insists she needs room.

Hercules is pushing people out of the room, away from us, as the circle of Anya's blood grows larger. Alcmene is standing in it, unaware of how it is soaking into her new dress.

"I need to help her," Alcmene insists and I look up finally. Her face is set grimly and I've only seen her this stern the day she had a fight with Zeus, so I know things are bad.

Hercules grabs my shoulders. "You can hold her Iolaus; just let me position her so Mom can help."

I nod mutely, trying to remain calm enough to help Anya, but my fear and pain is stronger than my courage and I find myself sobbing as Hercules picks her up out of my arms. "NO! Give me back Anya!" I scream so loud the whole town must hear me. He places her across my thighs as I kneel, resting her back against my belly and chest. Her head drops limply against my shoulder.

Deineira is here now, holding Anya's legs up. She too looks like she's been present at a slaughter. I would think Anya dead except that I can feel her shallow breaths against my cheek. She feels so cold in my arms in spite of the summer heat. I want to gather her all to myself, to protect her even from death, give her my warmth, my own life if need be. But I can't.

Anya's pretty dress, the one she worked so hard to make, is pushed up around her waist and I see that the room is empty of guests and Herc is standing guard at the door. Alcmene's hair has dots of blood in it and she is working frantically between Anya's slender legs. I kiss Anya unendingly with my dry lips and in between breaths tell her to hold on. She feels so cold and I don't think she is even conscious. Her eyes are half open and dull. She is neither crying nor moaning anymore.

"Don't die!" I whisper to her as my tears wet her beautiful face, drop against her long dark lashes, but still she doesn't blink. My heart is broken as I hold her cold still frail body lying like a discarded doll across me. "I love you," I weep into her hair. "Anya, stay with me," I sob heavily.

The room is deadly silent, as Alcmene works where I can't see, don't want to see. The only sound I hear is the air rasping in and out of my chest with each sob and the small frightened voice of my son outside the door crying "Mama!"

Hercules is standing with his back to the scene as much to preserve Anya's privacy as to keep me from reading the horror on his face. That a baby shower could end up with a dead mother to be should never happen.

I hear Alcmene giving whispered directions to Deineira who looks incredibly uncomfortable kneeling in Anya's blood on the floor in her very pregnant state. But there is no one else who will do this. Time seems to slow down as I wait for something to happen. Everything in the room is incredibly clear. I cry silently now not wanting to scare my son further, and continue kissing Anya's cold forehead.

The silence is finally broken by a weak cry, so faint I at first think that it's from outside the room.

Alcmene looks up with a sad smile. "Another son, Iolaus."

"Oh Anya," I weep. My arms hold her tightly and suddenly I feel the tiniest of movements, her lips against my neck.

"She's alive, she's alive!" I scream and even Alcmene looks startled.

"Carry her to the bed," she commands.

I lift her tiny limp body, cradling it against myself, and as I pull her up I feel the persistent trickle of blood down my pants. Alcmene hands my new son to Deineira. I barely glance at him. It's not his fault that Anya's dying, but I'm still a bit angry. I will have time with him later, maybe not with Anya.

I have held boars bigger than Anya and it's no problem getting her to the bed. I lay her down as carefully as a cracked egg and kneel next to the bed. Alcmene pulls her dress up and reaches into the gaping hole where my son passed through. I turn my face away and stare at Anya, as flat and white as a cloud on a windy day, and streaming away from me just as fast.

"Anya," I say over and over, each time hoping that it won't be the last.

She groans and her eyes flutter open as Alcmene does something painful inside her. "Iolaus," she whispers and for the first time sinseI charged in she focuses on my face. "The baby?" she questions as much with her eyes as her voice.

"A boy" I smile bravely.

She gives me a tiny smile and closes her eyes as I kiss her sweaty face over and over like a lost puppy who has found his way back. "Fight Anya" I whisper in her ear finally. "We need you."

Alcmene looks up. "I need help," she says with a sharp edge to her voice. "Get Deineira or Hercules in here."

I move reluctantly from her side and rush out of the bedroom. "'Mene needs help," I call out.

Hercules looks flustered. His choice is new born baby care or a bleeding new mother. Not a good position to be in, but he rises to the occasion. "I'll take the baby," he says. Deineira nods and dashes off to Alcmene's side.

"Iolaus," Herc calls as I turn back towards my wife. "I'm here for you."

My face crumbles and all my bravery flies away like a group of startled birds. The baby is crying softly in Herc's arms, I no longer hear little Iolaus calling from outside the door. His grandmother must have him, I hope. In our bedroom I hear hushed voices and Deineira reappears in search of the medicinal herbs Anya keeps. I nod toward a storage box and she disappears back into the bedroom.

I turn and head back to Anya. The room smells like flowers and sweat and blood. I drop to my knees at her head, wrapping my arms around her and bury my face in her breasts. And that is where I stay as I pray to Zeus for her life, to Aphrodite, to spare my love and not break my heart and to Aesclepius to lend his healing powers to Alcmene and Deineira.

I don't know how much time is passing. I feel like I'm simply floating through a nightmare and I'm afraid to wake up, afraid the ending will be unbearable. I know only that Anya, although cold and sweaty and silent isn't yet dead. The sun is setting, the room darkening when Alcmene declares her work done. I help as she tenderly removes Anya's bloody dress and covers her with a clean sheet and a blanket.

I'm so tired I could fall asleep on my knees here at her side, but I must keep vigil. Her breathing is shallow but regular and I take a small measure of comfort in that. Deineira and Alcmene leave me alone with Anya. I let the quiet and the darkness of the room strip away all vestiges of my courage and give free voice to my emotions. I lay on top of the covers with arms around Anya, my face buried in her neck and weep. I let the sobs wrack my body until I'm shivering as Anya did when she lay bleeding in front of everyone. I curl around her willing her to live, giving all my body heat to her and finally, empty, I simply lay awake and listen for the sound of her breathing, the only comfort I feel.

It is some time toward morning when Alcmene brings my new son in, startling me from my exhausted, drifting state.

"He needs to feed." She hands me the tiny bundle, so much smaller than little Iolaus was and I marvel at him. Tiny fingers, tiny toes, but such large lungs. Just like his daddy I think. His head is covered with a cap of golden curls and as I gaze on his angry face I know I can't hold him responsible for this. I slide the covers down and place him awkwardly at his mother's exposed breast. I might not know what I'm doing but my son sure does. He latches on instinctively and starts to suckle with vigor. I watch him in amazement and it is then that Anya opens her eyes.

"Iolaus." Her eyes focus on me for the first time in what seems like an eternity. She reaches weakly towards the baby and I take her slim arm and cradle it around our son, so she can feel his life, so she will not give up.

"Anya." The word floats off my lips, soars out of my heart as light as a dandelion seed born upon a breeze. My heart skips a beat as she manages a smile.

"Our son," she says simply.

"Our last son," I admonish, then send a prayer of thanks to the gods.

"A daughter then next," she whispers.

I kiss her fervently hoping that there will be no other children and feel sad about this. But Anya is simply too precious to me. I can't risk her again.

***

A week has passed and Hercules needs to head home, Deineira is getting restless, her time is drawing near and she wants to nest. Anya is improving everyday and Alcmene has offered to stay a while longer, until I can handle everything. Little Iolaus tugs at my pants and cries to be lifted up, but I'll do that later. It's time for good byes. I hug Deineira and thank her for saving Anya, then turn to Herc.

"Don't be a stranger" I say as I first grasp his arm, and then pull him into a hug. His body is warm and strong and I draw strength from it. He pulls me tight against him.

"Guess you won't make it to Deineira's baby shower," he grins. "Maybe next time."

"Yeah," I answer, choking and pulling away. "I won't be subjecting you to one of those again I guess." I feel sad as I say it. I always wanted a big family.

"Yeah, well make sure Anya knows it. She's a head strong woman you know." Hercules smiles down sadly at me.

I nod. She won't live through the next one. Each birth is worse than the previous one. Alcmene has given her some herbs that should help her to be barren. I don't know if she'll take them, and it's up to her, but I'll certainly do everything in my power to make sure she does. I can't think about it now though.

"Hercules," I say simply. "Rough way to get out of that baby shower, and a lot to do afterwards, huh?"

"Harder than slaying a monster, he says. He claps me on the back. Don't be a stranger."

I pick up little Iolaus and he snuggles into my neck. "Good bye, Hercules, and thank you."

The End