REFLECTING ON AN EMERALD SEA
By Amorette

Hercules woke up and rolled over. No Iolaus. For a moment, the grief rose up in a wave in his chest, then washed away as he stared at the overstuffed pack and the silly hat. It wasn't the same as having his Iolaus but it was better than waking up alone.

Sitting up, Hercules saw his new partner perched along the cliff edge, staring out at the ocean, faintly outlined against the first pre-dawn glow of light.

"Iolaus?" Hercules was always careful to speak softly when he approached this Iolaus. As he came closer, he could see how the man was sitting with his legs bent, his arms wrapped tightly around them, his chin resting on his knees.

"Oh, hello. Did I wake you?"

"No." Hercules sat down next to Iolaus, spreading his long legs out and letting them hang over the edge of the cliff. It wasn't a severe drop, only a few feet down, to a ledge of grass and gravel. "Thinking?"

Iolaus sighed. "Yeah. This is the gulf between Greece and Persia, isn't it?"

"Yeah. If you were to row due east you'd hit the Persian coast."

"He had a villa here." Iolaus didn't specify who "he" was but Hercules knew. "I don't know who he took it from. It was a beautiful place, very tasteful." Iolaus laughed softly. "I was here once. The village was having some festival and he brought the court along to celebrate.

"I came out on the verandah at about this time on the second day, to watch the sunrise over the ocean. I like watching the ocean. It looks so peaceful on a calm morning.

"I was thinking about things. About what was under the ocean, all the places we couldn't see. Hestia is the Goddess of the Ocean and she is supposed to rule over a peaceful, fertile realm." Iolaus shifted, running his hands back through his hair, before wrapping them back around his legs. "Nothing like where I was. And I started to think that I could run away."

Iolaus looked over at Hercules, who was still staring at the horizon, where the golden edge of the sun was rising over the water.

"And?" said Hercules, glancing over at Iolaus. He wanted to learn more about this familiar stranger but was careful not to push too hard. He knew that this Iolaus had some very dark memories.

Iolaus shrugged. "All I had to do was climb over the balustrade, cross the sand and find a fisherman willing to take me across the gulf. I could dye my hair with ink, change my clothes, start over again."

"Why didn't you?"

"Stupid really." Iolaus said. "I was thinking about what I could do in Persia but first I thought, I need a new name. I need to be someone else and if the fisherman asked me, I had to give him a name." His voice caught. Hercules reached over and laid a gentle hand on Iolaus' shoulder. "I couldn't think of one. All I could think of were names of people I knew. For the life of me, I just couldn't think of some simple name that wasn't known to half of Greece."

Iolaus took a deep breath. "I stood there, with my hand on the railing, watching the sun rise, watching a couple of fishing boats setting out, and I couldn't think of a name. And then. . ." He sucked in another breath. "He called my name and I knew I was a fool. I couldn't escape. Changing my name wouldn't help. He had the gods under his thumb. They could find me no matter what color my hair was, what name I gave myself. I was trapped in my life and there was no way out."

"So I went inside. He was lying on the bed and as I came in, he lifted his head and looked at me and said 'help me. Make me feel better.' And I as I looked at him. . ."

Hercules rubbed the tense spot at the top of Iolaus' spine gently, letting the warmth of his hand relax the knot building there.

"I realized he was trapped, too. He couldn't get away from his life, either. He drank to forget his pain and it didn't help. He hurt others to draw attention away from his pain. None of it worked but I. . .I could help him. I could make him feel better." Iolaus wiped his nose on his knees. "He was a monster, but I still find myself hoping that, when your Ares killed him, it set him free or at least, put a stop to the pain. I know I should be hoping he's suffering for everything he made me suffer. But I can't."

"You're a good soul, Iolaus. A kind soul. And now, you're free." Hercules hand brushed against the back of his friend's head. " And you didn't have to dye your hair with ink."

Iolaus sniffled. "Probably wouldn't have worked."

"It helps me," said Hercules, "to think of Iolaus someplace safe and peaceful, where he will never again feel pain or sorrow. Where he spends his days in bliss. I think if I were you, I'd hate to dwell on the Sovereign suffering somewhere."

Iolaus' voice hardened. "I'm sure he is." He took another calming breath. "But maybe, after he suffers for a while, he'll learn from his mistakes, and find a way to peace."

The sun rose, spilling golden light, turning the dark sea bright, so bright it hurt to look at it.

"Under the sea," whispered Iolaus, "must be peaceful. A strange and wondrous world."

"It is. From what I've seen of it, that is."

Iolaus stood up, straightening his tunic and giving Hercules a watery smile as he brushed away the tears along his lower lashes. "And now I'm free."

"And I'm glad about that."

"Me, too." Iolaus managed a more solid smile. "Feel like breakfast?"

"Now that you mention it. . .

They walked back to the campsite, leaving the sun to reflect off the waves.

August 2001