A BIT OF POST-COITAL CONVERSATION
by Amorette

What Iolaus and Iphicles talk about afterwards. . .

Iolaus was sprawled wantonly across the bed, his golden skin glowing with a light sheen of sweat, his lips swollen from kisses, his eyes heavy lidded and sleepy. Iphicles shoved at his companion. Amazing how such a small man could take up so much space in bed.

Iphicles plopped down next to Iolaus, looking a bit swollen and glowing himself, a wine cup in each hand.

"Want some?"

"Sure." Iolaus sat up, brushing his hair back. He took a sip, then leaned over and brushed Iphicles' sweaty hair off Iphicles' forehead and stole a quick kiss.

"You're insatiable, aren't you?" said Iphicles, piling up some pillows behind his back. "No wonder Hercules keeps you around. Speaking of Hercules, how come you're cluttering up my bed instead of his?"

"Didn't you hear," replied Iolaus, settling in comfortably next to Iphicles. "He and Ares whomped on each other all afternoon so they have to spend all evening kissing and making it better."

"Really?" Iphicles took a long swallow of his wine. "I thought they weren't doing that any more. Last time I was with Ares, he said he'd sworn off Hercules."

"Ares says that about once a month. Herc says it once a week." Iolaus put his hand over his heart in a dramatic gesture. "I'll never fuck that miserable God of War again, he says. Two days later, he's moaning Ares' name when he comes."

"You know, Iolaus, that's something I really admire about you. Along with sucking cock better than anyone this side of Olympus, you never say the wrong name. I mean, as much as you've fucked around, I don't know how you do it."

Iolaus grinned. "Lots and lots and lots of practice. And regular offerings to Aphrodite in the form of some serious muff munching."

"Hmmm. I may have to look into that. Which reminds me, you've fucked practically everybody. Can I ask you a couple of questions?"

"Sure but remember, a gentleman never tells."

"You're not a gentleman and I don't think any of these people will be insulted." Iphicles leaned close. "What is it about Ares and that feather duster?"

Iolaus laughed, nearly spilling his wine. "Weird, isn't it?"

"No shit. First time I was with him, I was expecting whips and chains and I get. . .dusted."

"Think about it, Iph. Where do the feathers come from?"

Iphicles shrugged. "I don't know. Some swan I suppose."

Iolaus shook his head. "Think harder. Feathers. Wings."

"Cupid? Ares made a feather duster out of Cupid's feathers?"

"Yup."

"Did he yank 'em out or did Cupid volunteer his feathers."

"Cupid volunteers and there is a ritual you have to see sometime. Ares on his knees, begging Cupid for those feathers. Very hot. It's Cupid's birthday present to his father. Next year, ask Ares to take you along. I don't think he'd mind."

"I don't know. That seems kind of . . .intimate."

"You're kidding! Ares is the ultimate exhibitionist. He loves it! Half of Olympus shows up for the occasion. I think Hestia and Athena are the only gods who don't attend."

"What about Artemis?"

"I can tell you, from personal experience, that Artemis is only a technical virgin. She shares a lot of qualities with Aphrodite."

"Really?" Iphicles thought about it. "Live and learn. So, Ares and Herc. Do you think Hercules wears one of his dresses when he's with Ares?"

Iolaus snickered. "I can see it! Hercules all dressed up, dusting Ares."

The two men laughed. Iphicles shook his head. "First time I caught Herc in a dress, I nearly died."

"You! I started laughing and he got majorly pissed. What was worse was then he had to go and beg Hades for me back and he didn't take time to change. You should have seen the look on Hades' face!"

"Well, let's face it, my brother does not look good in a dress."

"No, not really, but if you can control your giggles, the sex is great."

"Oh, yeah. The best. I just try to keep my eyes closed."

"Next time, ask to put on his makeup for him. He gets so hot when I do his eyeliner he can hardly stand it."

"I'll try to remember that. We don't fuck much these days, though. Not since he caught me with Autolycus."

"Yeah, there's some whole tension thing between those two I don't get."

"I like Autolycus, he's got great hands, but I have to admit, it's disconcerting to have sex with someone who keeps looking in the mirror the whole time."

"I think that's what Aphrodite likes about having her pussy eaten. She can look in that mirror over her bed and get an unobstructed view of her own face."

Iphicles refilled their cups, then settled back down, pulling Iolaus' warm body against his.

"You've fucked Xena, right?"

"Haven't you?"

"Hardly. I've never even met her. Just heard about her. Is it true? The whole knot obsession?"

"Oh, yeah." Iolaus shifted a little making himself comfortable. "She gets more worked up over the tying up part than the sex part. I was once innocently lashing some sticks together at a campsite and she caught me at it. I was screaming so loud that Hercules came tearing back expecting a monster to be chomping on me."

"So, what's Gabrielle's quirk? I mean, besides being letting Xena tie her up?"

Iolaus grinned and held up his cup. "Let's just say you have to drink a lot of fluids to keep her happy."

"Yuck."

Shrugging, Iolaus took a long swallow. "If you're drunk enough, it's not bad. And she doesn't return the favor, thank the gods."

"Hmmm." Iphicles finished his wine and set his cup aside. Iolaus leaned over and set his cup next to the king's. As he moved back, he stopped and ran his tongue along the cock beneath him.

"You are insatiable." Iphicles stretched out, hands over his head, letting Iolaus have free rein.

"And I suck the best cock this side of Olympus. In fact, I think I suck cock better than a few Olympians I could name. Did you know Apollo won't swallow?"

"No. Enough talking. Start sucking."

"As you command."

"Some day," mused Iphicles, enjoying Iolaus' talents, "I am going to get my hands on that feather duster and give you a good cleaning."

Between Iphicles' legs, Iolaus laughed.

November 2001