Ahem, what do you do when you are alone in someone's house? Go through the medicine chest of course! With everyone away for the holidays. . .

***

Royal Medicine Chest of Corinth:

One bottle bleach for hair. Label: lighten your hair with Achmed's bleach. Made only from the urine of purebred virgin camels. Do not get in eyes.

One bottle henna hair dye. Label: Royal Cleopatra Brand Henna. For the finest reds in the Mediterranean

One nose hair clipper.

One bottle olive oil labeled: Perfect for all your cooking needs! Drizzle on greens for a fresh salad. Keeps goat meat from sticking to the pan. Can also be used as a lubricant.

One polished bronze straight razor of Phonecian manufacture with ivory handle inset with the royal seal of Corinth in gold and the initial I.

One bottle of tablets labeled Olympicillin. Take two tablets every eight hours for ten days. Finish the prescription even if the rash clears. If the rash does not clear, contact Asclepius.

***
Medicine Chest Alcemene's house, the 'boys' bathroom:

One bottle blonde highlighting solution. Label: Achmed's finest camel urine, made only from the urine of purebred virgin camels, provides honey blonde and golden highlights to make the most boring brown hair beautiful. Do not get in eyes.

One poished bronze straight razor of local manufacture. Plain wooden handle.

One bottle olive oil. See above

One bottle of tablets labeled Olympicillin. See above.

***
Medicine Chest Iolaus' house:

One bottle Achmed's shampoo for natural blondes. Label: just a hint of the purest urine from virgin camels to insure that your blonde hair never turns dull or brassy.

One bottle olive oil. See above.

One pair of tweezers.

One polished bronze straight razor, still in the box.

400 assorted condoms. Ribbed. Reservoir tip. Gaulish tickler. Glow-in-the-dark. Etc.

One bottle of tablets labeled Olympicillin. See above.

***
Medicine Chest the Halls of War

One bottle Achmed's Egyptian formula. Label: wash away those premature grey hairs and look ten years younger instantly. Do not use on eyebrows.

One polished bronze straight razor of Hephaestian manufacture, ebony handle inlaid with a big capital A.

One bronze ruler marked "mustache," "sideburns," "goatee," "racing stripes" in the correct increments. Also Hephaestian

One nose hair clipper, Also Hephaestian

One bottle of tablets labeled Olympicillin. See above.

Note attached to bottle of tablets. "Dear Dad, Asclepius says these should do the trick. I have given bottles to every god, godling, monster, nymph, centaur, hind, silenus, dryad, nayad, mermaid, merman, nereid, monster and other supernatural creature I could think of. Maybe you should borrow some condoms from Iolaus. Love, Cupid."

December 2001