INSIDE IOLAUS
Golden Apple Challenge: Highway to Hades con't

by Amorette

Hercules stood outside the little hut, puzzled, staring at his hands. He could see through himself, which was very disconcerting. Maybe volunteering his body wasn't such a good idea. Still, he could hear Daphne and Timeron behind him, and the sound made him smile.

Now he had to find Iolaus and explain why he was now a ghost. If he could figure out how to explain to Iolaus.

He found Iolaus with very little effort. The walk to the side of the stream where his partner was sitting was. . .interesting. He walked through trees on his way, amused at how it tickled. Then his nose started to itch and he discovered he couldn't scratch it.

Iolaus was sitting on a log, next to a small campfire, tracing aimless patterns in the dirt. He looked bored and unhappy.

"Iolaus?"

No response. Great. If Timeron could appear when his emotions were stirred, maybe Hercules could try the same. He concentrated. Nothing. He wasn't angry or afraid. The best he could manage was annoyed. Annoyed because he couldn't contact Iolaus and annoyed because his nose was still itching and no matter how much he flapped his ephemeral hands in front of his face, he couldn't scratch it.

Iolaus was drawing a long spiral, concentrating on his task, which gave Hercules an idea. If Timeron could touch physical objects, then surely he could do the same. Carefully, Hercules reached out, concentrating on touching the end of the stick. Almost. Unaware that his tongue was sticking out in effort, he squinted his eyes and touched the end of the stick.

Iolaus sat up abruptly, startled by the line that cut through his careful spiral. He looked around suspiciously. "Timeron?"

Hercules grabbed the end of the stick. Iolaus continued to hold it loosely in his fingers, letting the end wander. Hercules traced out the first letter of his name.

"Hercules?" Iolaus' voice went tight with horror. He sprang to his feet, spinning around. "Herc! What happened? How come you're . . ." Iolaus voice trailed off, unable to say the word.

Great. Just great. Now Iolaus thought Hercules was dead. With considerable effort, Hercules picked up the stick and started to trace the word "alive" in the dirt. He had gotten the first two letters laboriously scratched into the dirt when he heard Iolaus gasp.

"Herc?" Iolaus sounded confused.

Hercules stood up, relieved that he was, at least for the moment, visible and able to communicate. He still couldn't scratch his nose, though.

"I talked Hades into letting Timeron come back for twenty-four hours so he and Daphne could have their wedding night."

"Twenty-four hours, huh? Some night."

Hercules glared at his partner. Iolaus looked less pale but his grin seemed forced.

"So how come you're. . ." Iolaus gestured at the shade in front of him.

Sighing, Hercules tried to explain. "For a wedding night, Timeron needs to be. . .solid." He ignored Iolaus' snickering. "So I sort of loaned him my body."

"So, the maiden Daphne is getting Hercules for her first time." The snickering was accompanied by a very broad, very sincere smile. "I hope the shock doesn't cause her to faint or something."

"He doesn't look like me! He looks like Timeron!" Hercules was surprised to find that a ghost could blush. "The spirit shaped the flesh!"

"Oh." Iolaus got his giggles under control. "So who does he feel like?"

"Iolaus."

"Sorry. So you're. . .like that. Until tomorrow night.?"

"Yes." Hercules wanted to say something else but realized from Iolaus' expression that he was fading away again.

"Herc?"

Hercules grabbed the fallen stick again and waved it, feeling more than a little idiotic.

"Oh." Iolaus scratched the back of his head. "So you're going to drift around for a day while I do. . .what? Wait, I guess."

The sight of Iolaus scratching gave Hercules an idea. If Timeron could use his body, maybe he share Iolaus'. Question was, how to go about it and what would Iolaus think. He didn't think he would be able to explain the concept writing in the dirt.

Iolaus sat back down, poking at the fire with the toe of his boot. "On the bright side, you can't tell me to shut up. Then again, how can I tell if I'm talking to you or if I'm talking to myself?" The smaller man heaved a sigh. "I don't like this dealing with ghosts stuff."

Hercules walked over to Iolaus, standing over him. Would walking through him be enough? Nope. Hercules turned around. All walking through Iolaus had produced was a faint sensation of warmth. Iolaus had sensed it, too, though. His head came up, eyes narrowing.

"Was that you? Damn, this is creepy."

Concentrating again, Hercules placed his hands on Iolaus' shoulders, trying to imagine himself. . .what? Fitting inside his friend's body? How could he imagine that? Maybe he should picture himself sort of melting into Iolaus. Timeron had taken Hercules' body by merely walking through it. Had Timeron's intent been enough?

"Herc?" Iolaus' voice sounded strained. "I know you are up to something but. . ."

Finally! Hercules reached up to scratch his nose and found himself lying on the ground, curled up in pain, with Iolaus screaming obscenities. Oops.

"Iolaus?" He didn't actually make his mouth work. Iolaus' mouth work. Hercules thought of himself saying his friend's name, concerned at the damage he had caused.

"Hercules?" Iolaus responded in the same way, with a thought. Sitting up, Iolaus touched his sore nose gingerly. "Where are you?"

"Um, here. I think."

"And here would be . . ."

"In your head. Or body. Sorry. My nose has been itching and I just automatically scratched it and I guess punched you. . .me. . .us in the nose by mistake." Hercules made his thoughts sound as contrite as possible.

Iolaus didn't respond but Hercules could sense his friend's unease.

"Look, I don't have to stay. I thought it might work at least long enough that we could communicate and figure out what I am going to do for the rest of the day."

"It's okay." Hercules could almost feel Iolaus circling him, making sure that they were still separate in mind if not in body. "Took me by surprise, that's all."

They sat silently for a moment, while the sting of their injured nose lessened.

"So, what are your plans for the evening?" Iolaus managed to sound amused.

"I have no idea. What were you planning on doing?"

"Well, I was going to wait for you to get back from. . .you know. . . and then get some dinner. Maybe stop by a tavern, as long as we are in town."

"I don't know if drinking is a good idea, under the circumstances."

"No. Probably not. I might start talking to you out loud."

"How about dinner then?"

Automatically, Hercules started to stand up. Instead of rising to his feet, he found himself writhing on the ground in some sort of seizure.

"Hey! This is my body!" Iolaus managed to get their limbs under control. "You're just along for the ride."

"Right." Hercules went limp. Nothing happened.

"Crap. I can't stand up."

All right, limp wasn't the answer. Mentally, Hercules sort of wrapped himself around Iolaus and when Iolaus moved, he moved along.

They lurched to their feet but didn't stay that way for long. Hercules was so surprised to find himself watching the world from Iolaus' point of view that he let go, tried to take a step forward and they fell, in a tangle of limbs, again.

"Hercules." Iolaus sounded as if his teeth were clenched. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Sorry." Hercules radiated apology. "I sort of felt as if we weren't quite done standing up. I kept straightening and we fell down."

Yup. Iolaus' teeth were clenched and he was mad. Hercules could tell.

"I. Was. Standing. Up."

Right. Height difference. Iolaus saw the world from a lower angle than Hercules.

"Shall we try again," asked Hercules as humbly as he could manage, "or should I drift off until tomorrow night."

Iolaus sighed. "I don't like the idea of you hovering around invisible. Let's try this again but remember, my body. My rules."

"Right." Hercules mentally wrapped himself around Iolaus again, who got to his feet and stayed there, swaying slightly. This was odd. Hercules had always known that Iolaus was smaller than he was but he hadn't appreciated how much smaller until they were standing in that clearing, trying to maintain their balance. Hercules felt like a child again, looking up things.

"I'm going to take a couple of steps forward," said Iolaus. "Ready?"

Anyone who saw Iolaus staggering around the campfire would have assumed he were either drunk or suffering from some sort of brain injury. Hercules found it difficult not to walk and when he did, he screwed up Iolaus' balance. Iolaus walked differently than Hercules, leaning forward more with each step and bouncing off the balls of his feet. They ran into a tree.

The sudden pain of the rough bark on the skin of Iolaus' shoulder made Hercules jump back, sending them crashing to the ground again.

"Ow!" Hercules tried to touch the abraded spot on their shoulder. It felt as if it were on fire. He expected to find blood and was surprised by how minor the injury was and how puzzled Iolaus by his reaction.

"Herc?"

"That hurt!"

"No, it didn't. I mean, not much."

Iolaus' flesh was mortal. Hercules lay there, feeling Iolaus' aches and pains, the bruises from the day's fights, a lingering ache in his right arm, the continuing tenderness of his nose.

Very softly, Hercules thought, "Maybe I should go."

"No." Iolaus sounded very determined. "We can do this."

For the third time, Hercules embraced Iolaus and let him stand. If he held Iolaus loosely--so to speak--and sort of imagined he was a child being carried on the smaller man's back, Hercules could follow Iolaus' movements without impeding them.

Iolaus walked slowly around the campfire. Then he spun around and trotted in the opposite direction. Hercules hung on, letting Iolaus do the work, continuing to marvel at how differently Iolaus moved, quickly and lightly, with an awareness of his body that Hercules knew was lacking in his own motions.

"I think we've got it," said Iolaus cheerfully. Hercules could still feel every minor pain but Iolaus seemed oblivious. "Are you doing all right?"

"Um, yeah."

"Great! I'm starved!"

He was. Hercules could feel the gnawing hunger in his friend's belly. He had always thought Iolaus was exaggerating his hunger pangs but now that Hercules could feel them for himself, he was ashamed.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah, why?"

Iolaus shrugged. "I dunno. Got this odd feeling from you just then."

"I'm fine. " Hercules said it firmly.

They walked towards an inn on the edge of the city.

"It still sucks that Daphne and Timeron only get one night."

"Yeah."

An image flashed before Hercules and he knew it came from Iolaus. It was of Daphne, naked on the bed, and standing over her was. . .

"IOLAUS!"

"Sorry!" Iolaus staggered, tripped and righted himself. "Are you sure Timeron looked like Timeron?"

"Yes! Now think about something else." To make matters worse, Hercules realized the mental image had made Iolaus slightly aroused. Hercules concentrated on something nasty, a pile of rotting garbage, that one eyed woman he sold his mother's grain to once.

"Herc? What in Tartarus is going on now? I'm feeling sick."

"Sorry." He started thinking about naming all the kings of Corinth in alphabetical order.

The smells coming from the inn made their mouth water and their stomach clench. Still, Iolaus was a cautious man. He paused in the doorway, letting his gaze drift across the room, making sure that there was no one there who seemed a threat. He lingered on a dark-haired woman eating with her family and Hercules caught a flash of something that felt like regret. He didn't want to be privy to Iolaus' innermost thoughts. All he wanted was to be able to talk to Iolaus. And scratch his nose. Very carefully, he nudged Iolaus' hand and Iolaus obliged.

They took a table in the corner, facing the door. The food was decent, a piece of mutton cooked with garlic and onions, a chunk of bread, a cup of watered wine. Iolaus ate more slowly and carefully than usual, to accommodate his companion.

"Do you remember that wedding feast in Thrace, what was, ten years ago? When, oh, what were their names got married and his mother cooked up all that lamb?"

Vaguely, Hercules recalled the meal. Iolaus, however, seemed near rapture. "She stuffed the lamb with almonds and rubbed it with spices and it was delicious."

"Do you think about food a lot?"

He had meant the question as a mere inquiry but immediately felt Iolaus' offense.

"What would you rather I thought about?" A flickering image of an orgy past through Hercules.

"Not that. And I wasn't insulting you. I was just curious. What do you think about?"

"I don't know!" Iolaus scratched their nose again. "What is it with you and noses."

"I walked through some trees coming to find you and it made my nose itch and I couldn't scratch it."

"Weird. What's that feel like, walking through trees?"

"Weird."

They fell silent. Hercules was grateful that his thoughts were separate from Iolaus' but it felt surprisingly lonely, staring at an empty chair across the table.

"How come you didn't, you know, stay and visit. . ."

Hercules saw an image of Deianaira and his children. Deianaira seemed much taller than he remembered her.

"I don't know." Hercules sighed, as best he could, when he didn't really have a body. "It's not the same, being with them in Elysian Fields. And leaving hurts."

"Sorry." Hercules' melancholy drifted across Iolaus. "Do you ever think about it?"

"About what?" Hercules had a pretty good idea what Iolaus was thinking about but hoped he was wrong.

"Being dead." Iolaus sounded matter of fact. "For real."

With considerable effort, Hercules controlled an image that rose up in his mind, an image of Iolaus dying in arms. A death that had never really happened. Iolaus must not have sensed his friend's struggle because he was continuing to talk--if such thoughts could be classified as talking--to his friend.

"When the She-Demon turned me to stone, I thought that was it. I was dead. Forever. And then, when I came back. . .well, it makes a person think. A mortal person, anyway." Iolaus picked at the last of the bread, breaking it into crumbs. "You might not die. I know I will. Someday. For good. And sometimes, I think about it."

Hercules considered the issue. He didn't know if he was immortal or not. He suspected not. But he still didn't dwell on the possibility of his eventual death.

"Do you worry about it?" Hercules asked gently.

Hercules could feel the lines forming on Iolaus' forehead. "No, I wouldn't say I worry, exactly. I know it's going to happen and the life I lead, it's more likely to be sooner than later. . ."

Iolaus. Dead. His blood soaking into Hercules' clothes. Hercules pushed the image firmly aside.

Iolaus continued. "Worry isn't the right word. But sometimes, especially if I've had to kill someone, I do wonder. I mean, my best friend is on speaking terms with the God of the Underworld, is related to him, so maybe that gives me a different perspective but I wonder if . . .being dead isn't so much different than being alive. If I end up in the Elysian Fields. . ."

"You will."

Iolaus laughed softly. "If I end up in the Elysian Fields, I won't know I'm there, will I?"

"Well, no, as I understand it, if you're in the Elysian Fields, you don't know you're dead, although there is that period when you're waiting for Charon that you probably know."

"But that part passes."

"Yeah."

Hercules picked up the cup, letting Iolaus do most of the work, and took a long swallow of the wine.

"Herc."

"What?"

Iolaus cleared his throat, although he wasn't actually speaking. "When the time comes and I die. . ."

You have been dead, thought Hercules, hugging that memory to himself.

"You'll no doubt still be alive, unless something really goes wrong, and I just don't want you to brood over it."

"Brood?"

"Yeah. You get depressed and beat yourself up sometimes. If something happens to me while we're together, you'll probably get all upset and blame yourself. I'm telling don't do that. I'm mortal. I'm going to die someday. And if I've lived that life the way I want to, then I'm happy. And if I'm in the Elysian Fields, you can always come and visit."

Hercules didn't say it. He didn't say, I didn't brood when you were dead, I raged.

It was Iolaus' turn to sigh. "Sorry about this conversation. Guess seeing you as a ghost put morbid thoughts in my head. " Now Iolaus grinned, unconcerned about the odd look he got from diners at a neighboring table. "You don't want me to think about the things I usually think about."

Naked people again. Naked happy people. Hercules didn't know if it was a memory or something from Iolaus' imagination but he mentally closed his eyes. The sound of Iolaus' giggle made him smile, though.

"Maybe," said Hercules, resolutely not looking at what Iolaus was thinking about, "I should go."

"Well, I am tired."

That was it. That feeling that Hercules couldn't quite identify. Iolaus was tired and keeping it to himself.

"I'll leave."

"Now, hold on. We have to decide what you're going to do if you do go. Why don't we head out to our camp and discuss it on the way."

Hercules agreed. Truthfully, while he was uncomfortable sharing Iolaus' body, he didn't want to go back to his ghostly form. That was really unnerving.

They walked back slowly, talking about Timeron and Sisyphus, wondering what would happen to the kingdom with the Queen ruling alone and having no heir, comparing notes on meals eaten and battles fought, the sort of conversation they would have had if Hercules had been walking beside Iolaus.

When they arrived at the camp, Iolaus rebuilt the fire, and spread his blanket on the ground. Hercules fell silent, trying to feel what it was like for Iolaus. To be so tired, so sore.

"Iolaus?"

"Huh? Nose itch again?"

"No, I wanted to ask. . ."

"Yes." Iolaus sounded amused.

"Was this a particularly difficult day? I mean, you seem to be exhausted and in pain. . ."

Iolaus laughed out loud. "Exhausted? A little tired, maybe. And what pain?"

Hercules pinpointed every little twinge and ache.

"You're kidding! Herc, I feel fine. Maybe it's because it's not your body that it feels funny." Iolaus shook his head.

They lay down, Iolaus pulling his blanket over his shoulders. "So, since I can't imagine you want to sleep with me, what are your plans?"

"Um, float around, I guess."

"Want to get together in the morning?"

Hercules thought it over.

"Probably not. Too weird. How about we get back together tomorrow evening, after I get my body back?"

"You won't hang around, watching me? I mean, I don't really mind but knowing someone is watching me is kind of creepy. As much as we share, there are times I like my privacy."

"No. Sitting around staring at you doesn't sound like my kind of day. Iolaus?"

"What?" Iolaus sounded sleepy but Hercules could sense there was something Iolaus wanted to do without Hercules around.

"How do you keep up with me?"

Iolaus laughed again, a deep throated chuckle. "It's the other way around, Herc. You have trouble keeping up with me."

Hercules unwrapped his spirit from around his friend, stepped back and found himself standing over Iolaus. Iolaus was looking up at him, frowning, although Hercules was certain that his friend couldn't see him.

"I guess you're gone," Iolaus said quietly. "See you tomorrow."

Hercules waited for a moment, until he saw what Iolaus wanted to do. Then he wandered off, down towards the stream.

Sharing Iolaus' body had been an enlightening experience. Compared to the body Hercules was accustomed to, Iolaus felt small and frail, weak even. But Iolaus wasn't weak. Hercules knew that better than anyone. Iolaus was physically strong, for a mere mortal, but there was more to it than that. Iolaus' spirit was strong.

"Hercules?"

Hercules looked up, startled. Hades was staring at him.

"You doing all right? I know that living souls don't like being detached from their bodies."

"Yeah, I guess. Can't scratch my nose, though."

To Hercules' surprise, his dark uncle smiled. "You have no idea how often I hear that complaint."

"Any suggestions for what to do about that?"

"No, sorry."

"Any suggestions for how I spend the next nineteen hours?"

Hades shrugged. "You could go visit your family."

"Iolaus suggested that."

"I could make it so you don't know they're dead, either. Then I'll send someone who needs your help. . ."

"No, thanks but no. Maybe I'll just hang around and walk through trees."

"Try walking through other stuff. Water is interesting. You can go anywhere, you know. Just concentrate and you can visit anybody, your mother or somebody. You can even waft up to Olympus, if you're really desperate."

Hercules made a face. "Definitely not that desperate."

His uncle smirked. "I didn't think so."

"Thanks, for letting Timeron, you know. . ."

"Yeah, I'm a hopeless romantic. Just make sure he gets back tomorrow or I'll make you spend a week sorting my files."

"No problem. I've decided that while I like to help people, giving my body up may be a little too much."

***

Iolaus was gutting a fish, whistling, when Hercules came walking up. His partner leapt to his feet, a broad grin splitting his face.

"Is Timeron back?"

"Yeah."

The grin got broader. "Is Daphne no longer a maiden?"

"You're disgusting."

Iolaus went back to his task. "What did you do all day?"

"Walked around. Walking through water is interesting. Having fish swim through you is really ticklish, though. Saw my mom, although I couldn't talk to her." He shrugged. "The usual stuff you do when you're a ghost. How about you?"

"Fished. The usual thing you do when you're me."

Hercules was suddenly very glad he wasn't able to see his friend's thoughts because he was sure, from the look on Iolaus' face, that fishing hadn't occupied his entire day. He sat down, reaching for the twigs Iolaus had prepared for roasting the fish. After his experience yesterday, he wanted to make sure Iolaus didn't get hungry.

"Herc."

"Yeah."

"I prefer you solid, even if you will eat half the fish."

"Me, too. I think I'll try to avoid being a ghost again."

Iolaus started spitting the fish to roast over the fire. "You know what you should have done. Gone and haunted somebody. You know, somebody who really deserves a good scare. Autolycus, maybe. Oh!" He was grinning broadly. "I had this great idea! You're invisible right. The baths of Artemis at Syracuse. Can you imagine. . ."

"How pissed Artemis would be if she caught you sneaking around peeking at her maidens."

Laughing, Iolaus shrugged. "Yeah, maybe. Still, now that I've had time to think about it, I bet I could come up with lots of things to do that would be more fun than walking through trees. Next time, why don't you let me loan my body out."

"I promise," replied Hercules solemnly, his hand over his heart, "next time, you can be the ghost."

February 2001