by - Lugia222
Well, after the writers long absence (rumors say that he was smoking broccoli tops(HUGE inside joke with internet buddies(don't ask(UH-OH! He's doing it again!)))) he's back to writing this little ficcle. ANYWAY, we're back in the hub. Our gang have reached the second level. How big an accomplishment that is, we don't know. Although it seems like a VERY small one. Well, let's see how our group is doing.
Lina: Xellos, just how much do you know about where we end up? Hmm?
Xellos: Sore wa himitsu desu!
Zelgadis: There he goes again with his "Sore wa himitsu desu." Seriously Xellos, how many times do you say that in one day?
Xellos: Sore wa himitsu desu!
Amelia: Xellos, have you been doing your 100 "life is wonderful's" every night like you're supposed too? WELL?!
Xellos: *sweatdrop* Sore wa himitsu desu!
Lina: *sigh* Oh well, let's just go though the next portal. It couldn't POSSIBLY be any worse as the last one. (In a fic like this, it's DANGEROUS to say that.) Hmm, the sign above the door says "Panties." What could that mean?! Oh well. The group walked through the portal, not knowing what could await them on the other side.
As the group came into the next dimension, they fell into the little pond behind the Tendo house. Little did they know they had just fallen on top of a VERY large panda and a cute redheaded girl. During the confusion, a small little man ran buy and stole the panties belonging to Filia, Amelia, and the red headed girl. He also stole Lina's bra. The commotion was soon settled, and the girl started yelling.
Ranma: COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE PERVERT! THAT'S MY UNDERWEAR! I'LL GET YOU!
Happosai: Well, let's see what I got. 3 Panties, ooooooo pink and frilly. And one bra. Boy, this thing is SMALL!
Lina: S…M…A…L..L?!
Happosai: Yeah, they're the smallest I've ever seen! Are you still on the training model? Because this is so small. Oh well, I'll still cherish it with the rest of my silky darlings!
Lina's neck twisted to a very unusual angle as her eyes burst into flames. Lina then began shaking uncontrollably as she put her hands together and started chanting.
Lina: Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows….
Happosai: Hmm, maybe this is the best time to use the Saotome family secret technique.
Ranma, Happosai, Genma: RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fortunately for Ranma, Happosai, and Genma, (and the entire town for that matter) Lina fired the blast upward, and missed. (It was suspected to blow up mars, these reports are unconfirmed).
Ranma: Damnit! Happosai got away! Dad, will you stop playing with that tire! Seriously, where's the phone. I'm calling the zoo.
Genma: *run away*
Ranma: *sigh* Who're you?
Lina: (Lina is substantially calm now) I'm Lina Inverse, beautiful sorcery genius! And that's Gourry; our resident idiot, Zelgadis; the Heartless Magic Using Swordsman, Amelia; Ms. Justice, Filia; The Dragon Girl, and Xellos; the Mysterious Priest, or Mr. X.
Ranma: I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this.
--15 Minutes Later-
Ranma is now a boy and has explained about his double personas, and about happosai's "hobby"
Gourry: Hey Lina! This guy looks exactly like that girl we saw earlier!
Lina: He IS the girl we saw earlier. *hits him on the head* So, Ranma, can you loan us some… um…
Ranma: Yeah. But you'll have to use one of Akane's. I'm better built than she is.
As Lina and Akane's eyes flared up, each picked up the same LARGE stone and crushed Ranma with it.
Akane: Here, I'll help you girls.
Akane, Lina, Amelia, and Filia left as Gourry, Zelgadis, and Xellos helped rescue Ranma.
Ranma: Ugh, Akane's making dinner tonight. No normal mortal can survive her food. You should be careful!
Xellos: Oh dear! Well, why don't I cook!
Ranma: Well, that would be…
As Zelgadis and Gourry made slashing marks on their necks, Ranma disregarded the WARNING.
Ranma:.. Excellent! ANYTHING is better than Akane's cooking. (That's what he thinks /|^_^|\)
--2 Hours Later-
As Akane has supplied our heroine and her friends with some unmentionables, Xellos has almost finished cooking dinner.
Akane: BUT I THOUGHT I WAS COOKING!
Ranma: I didn't want to kill them! You know how bad your cooking is!
As Akane pounded the crap out of Ranma, Xellos had just finished dinner.
Gourry: I smell…
Lina: FOOD!
Xellos: Ah, my Mangdragora soup. Patented to kill a dragon with one whiff! Filia, be sure to dig in! As Xellos occupied himself, some interesting comments were floating around the dinner table.
Gourry: Even I'M not dumb enough to eat this!
Lina: Let's give it to the panda! Maybe he'll turn a funny color!
Ranma: Hey! That's my dad! You can't do that!
Akane: Ranma, since when have YOU cared about your dad?
Ranma: Good point! More soup for him!
Genma: *oblivious to the conversation, he continues to eat bamboo and walks off*
Ranma: Aww… he left. *sniff* Yuk! I thought AKANE'S cooking was bad!
Akane: What did you say!?
Ranma and Akane started to fight again, but Xellos intervened.
Xellos: Oh dear, why, don't fight, there's plenty more where that came from! Dig in! Xellos occupied himself again, once again oblivious to all the comments being made around him.
Lina: Can we get some REAL food in here?
Gourry: Yeah! I'm starving!
Filia: Well, why don't you have some nice tea? It's good for you, tasty, and I can make it in an instant! I just loooooooooooooooooooooove tea! Tea tea tea! Filia went off in her own little universe, much like Xellos, and the rest of the group continued with their "intelligent" conversation.
Lina: I have this strange craving for some okonomiyaki.
Ukyo: Hi, I'm Ukyo! Did someone say, Okonomiyaki? I happen to be the master of Okonomiyaki. I can cook it faster then you can eat it!
Zelgadis: I doubt that. You have NO idea how bottomless Lina's stomach is. I'm surprised there's enough room in that chest of hers to fight that stomach.
Lina: I'm too hungry to care about what you said Zelgadis. I just want some FOOD! Listen, Ukyo was it? If you can cook okonomiyaki faster than I can eat it, I'll wash the dishes. But if I win, you have to wash the dishes. Agreed?
Ukyo: Agreed!
Ranma: Let the great cook off begin!
Who will win the great cook off? Will Lina end up doing dishes for the first time in her life? Will Happosai ever be put in his place? Find out next time in Slayers Parody #4: Cheese, Pepperoni, and Shampoo!