The theme this time video-hounds is HORROR ANTHOLOGIES!!!
Here at the WORST OF THE WORST, I'm gonna review a real stinker and over at the MOVIE OF THE WEEK, I'm reviewing an Asian contribution to the Horror Anthology genre.
But you are at the WORST OF THE WORST, so on with the stinker:
GALLERY OF HORRORS
Now the beauty of Anthologies is that with three or more stories to a movie, there is bound to be one or more really good ones and any mediocre ones or even bad ones are over shadowed and at least mercifully short. This however, is not the case here.
Picture if you will, if ED WOOD had made a Horror Anthology. It would have been pretty close to this. Actually this one was directed by David L. Hewitt of MIGHTY GORGA fame (he also apparently did the SPFX on DEMON KEEPER too). Judging from this flick (and Mighty Gorga), I'm gonna have to track down more of his flicks and see if they are all as deliciously aweful as this was.
Strangely enough, for being such a hack movie, this one stars a couple horror greats. John Carradine narrates this dreck and plays a character in the first story. And boy he does go on and on introducing the stories...all the while standing in front of a blue screen in a tuxedo with a gothic castle imposed on half of it.
Also appearing is Lon Chaney Jr. However, he is long past his prime. Apparently he was hitting the bottle pretty hard at the time of his life when this was filmed and it shows. The other actors seem like a bunch of amature hams and play several parts each in the various stories..
And what about the stories? Well it looks to me like they wanted a collection of stories with those tricky twist endings that make you go ahh-ha! But you'd have to be sniffing glue not to predict the twist ends long before they happen. For the most part the stories are pretty contrived and full of plot-holes...
The first story for example, 'The Witches Clock', has a couple buy a castle in Massachusetts (they have castles in Massachusetts?) and find a old grandfather clock in the dungeon (castles with dungeons in Massachusetts?). Sure enough the clock is cursed and brings back a witch from 200 years ago that was burned at the stake (but here in America, despite what Mr. Carradine says, we hanged our witches). The couple stop the clock and the castle explodes in flame killing them all...so how come in the added on twist ending another couple move into the castle and find the clock? I dunno, maybe it grew back...
In the second tale, after a five minute drivel about how creature's of darkness must adapt to modern age and such, we find a killer called 'King Vampire' stalking the streets of Londen. The police are baffled (no doubt), and the ruffian citizenry of the neighbourhood are unco-operative with them. The killer seems to know every move the police make, and the only lead they get to go on is that the killer is slight of build....I'm sure you'll figure it out long before the police do.
Our next fare 'Monster Raid' is about a Zombie that likes carriage rides along the coast. Actually he is returning for revenge on his wife and her lover who killed him with his own experimental drug, but mostly he just rides in his carriage back to the castle and talks about it...
The next story is the one with Lon Chaney. If Ed Wood can revive Bela Lugosi's career, why shouldn't David L. Hewitt give it a shot with Chaney. The story is a Frankenstein type thing, as Carradine explains, that occurs in the mid 18th century, and he goes on and on about body-snatching and science.... If this is the mid 18th century, then I was born in 1890. I mean, when was the telephone invented anyway? And those hair styles?? Anyway, seems Chaney's character, a science professor, knew Victor Frankenstein and exchanged notes, so when two smart-alec students want to mess around, they try to repeat Frankenstein's experiments. Naturally they use the body of a insane murderer, and well, I'm sure you can see where this is going...
The last and final story is called Alacard. It starts out blantently ripping off Dracula. Jonathon Harker is selling the Count Carfax Abbey in London, when the villagers storm in led by the Burgermiester who has just left an Octoberfest party. They want to track down a vampire meanace, gee I wonder who it could be??? Naturally Harker joins the hunt and tracks the vampires to their lair...and of course, twist ending!!!
To sum it all up, if you are looking for some serious horror, you won't find a shred of it here. But if you are looking for some hoaky horror fun, that's great for the whole family too, then toss an eye at the Gallery of Horror's. It's a classic!
