Not Beast Wars.
Not Beast Machines.
Not Beast Machine Transforming Robots With Big Pointy Teeth and Shiny Guns Wars.
No, motherfucker, THIS is the one, true Transformers. Optimus Prime, Megatron, Starscream, Thundercracker, Grimlock, Hot Rod, Devestator, and all the rest. Even Bumblebee, the lil' yellow bastard. I mean, you have fifty-foot tall robots that can transform (natch) into anything from a beetle to dinosaurs, all beating the holy fuck out of one another while the numbskull fleshlings (aka humans) try to take out both sides ... you just can't beat that. And even though he turned into the stupidest thing of all--a friggin' *gun*, which of course was always used by the one guy who wanted to kill Megatron and take over the Decepticons, Starscream--Megatron was THE original bad-ass villain of animation. Are YOU going to tell a fifty-foot robot with a massive fusion cannon on his right arm that he has to cross at the crosswalk? Didn't think so.
And then there was the movie, which after over 10 years is still regarded as one of the greatest feats of animation in history. Accompanied by the greatest animated-movie soundtrack ever, Megatron and Optimus Prime finally duke it out for the last time, and neither are ever the same. And then, there's the only badass motherfucker badder than Megatron ... Unicron.
Unicron is the biggest bad-ass in history, just because he's the BIGGEST bad-ass in history. He's the size of Jupiter in World Devourer mode (see picture), and he doesn't shrink much when he transforms into his robot mode. His ass alone is the size of Alaska ... a Jenny Craig nightmare waiting to happen. Oh, and he quite literally eats planets for breakfast. And lunch, and dinner. And since horribly killing robots in a PG-rated movie is A-OK, you get to see their innocent robot denizens cast into a massive vat of molten metal, where their screams of agony echo until finally their vocal circuits are destroyed and they melt into slag.
Damn, the 80's kicked ass.

DRAGONBALL Z

Instead of 50-foot tall robots beating the holy fuck out of one another, DBZ features guys with really messed-up hairstyles beating the holy fuck out of one another. It also has the distinction of being the only show that is able to turn 5 minutes into two week's worth of shows. Dragonball Z's fight scenes are infamous, and for good reason ... when almost everyone in the damn universe channels enough power in their farts to blow up an entire planet, you can expect a lot of firepower to be thrown around. And of course, there's Vegeta, who's right up there with Megatron and Unicron in the badass villain ranks, despite the fact that he always gets the crap beaten out of him by Goku, the hero of the series.
Despite the outright munchkin-ness of the characters--I mean, when even the weakest hero in the series can destroy a planet, it's kinda obvious who's going to win--DBZ is one of the first animes to go "mainstream", and other than Urusei Yatsura, I can't think of a better series to do so with. And besides, when a guy can get sliced in half by a firey disk of pure destruction on the friggin' Cartoon Network, you know you got something good.

THE GUMMI BEARS

Easily the only good thing to come out of Disney's animation studios since ... well, ever, really. And no, they were NOT those little rubbery things with virtually no taste whatsoever whose heads everyone liked to bite off and imagine little gummy-blood spurting out. These were a bunch of bears who for some reason were able to gain the ability to jump really, really good by eating berries. At times, it was as sterotypically goofy and dumb as most of Disney's stuff is, but at others ... it kicked major ass.
I STILL can't forget that massive island surrounded by waterfalls that completely violated every known law of physics ... and believe me, I've tried. And dammit, the lost city of Ursalia, where all the Gummis came from, was hella nifty. Maybe I'm just looking at it through the eyes of a 5-6 year old, but it's surreal enough that it still kicks ass, at least 10 years after it was cancelled and Disney started making more Aladdin knock-offs and massive misrepresentations of historical figures.

UROTSUKIDOJI

Urotsukidoji, or "Overfiend" as it's sometimes called because no one can pronounce "Urotsukidoji" (literally translated, "Really Fucking Hard to Pronounce Name"), is easily the most infamous of all hentai (adult) animation. The entire series is chock-full of sex, sex, and more sex, not much of which is consensual and almost none between two humans. There's plenty of demons raping teenagers, demons raping semi-humans, and demonic teenage semi-humans raping innocent bistanders, and of course, there are the infamous "naughty tentacles" ... what demons have instead of willies.
But beyond the superficial porno-like seeming of Urotsukidoji, there's a frighteningly good plot waiting. The series, which consists of four major chapters (Legend of the Overfiend, Legend of the Demon Womb, Return of the Overfiend, and Inferno Road), tells the story of the Overfiend, the mythological God of Gods who will rule over the worlds of Humans, Man-Beasts, and Monster Demons. And, as hard as it may be to believe, all the gratuitous sex and raping and tentacle sex actually *DOES* have a point. As long as you don't mind seeing women be raped until they explode like meat balloons, or at least can struggle through it, this is a series that kicks every bit as much ass as any other "serious" movie or series you can name.

VOLTRON

Oh HELL yeah. Even before Transformers, there was the Voltron Force ... five teenagers in disturbingly tight spandex using the power of five big-ass robotic lions to beat the shit out of "Ro-Beasts", which is Japanese for "cannon-fodder-monster-of-the-day". Of course, I never could figure out just why in the hell they had to wait until Voltron (the giant robot the five lions made) had been beaten up by the Ro-Beast-of-the-day and then made a Dramatic Comeback (TM) before they formed the Flaming Sword and jullianned said Ro-Beast. But that doesn't matter ... giant robots beating the hell out of ANYTHING is automatically cool. Then there was another Voltron made up of about a billion cars and buses and planes and shit, but that Voltron was gayer than Pidge, the sexually-ambiguous guy in the green, so I won't talk about him.
Besides, anyone who's willing to risk pissing off the ultra-religious anal-retentive morons by strapping the female lead to a cross is OK in my book.

AKIRA

For many people, this was the movie that initiated them into the ranks of otaku-dom. The first animated movie from Japan to really hit the states hard, Akira features the prerequisite guy-who-kills-lots-of-stuff, who just happens to be a pissed-off inner-city kid. He beats up the entire Japanese army (not like that's a big accomplishment), Neo-Tokyo, and just about every other living thing in the movie. Hell, he even beats the hell out of things that AREN'T living. Is it a requirement in all anime that at least one person need to be able to destroy the entire planet without blinking?
Despite that, the three-hour epic has a very thick, intricate plot, beautiful animation, and some awesome effects when Tetsuo goes apeshit. The guy that the movie is named after, Akira, has maybe a full minute of air-time in the whole thing, but what can ya do.

THE PIRATES OF DARK WATER

OK, who remembers this one? Despite being the most awesome series Hanna-Barbera (the guys that invented Yogi Bear and his damn picnic basket fetish) ever made, the thing lasted all of 21 episodes before it was cancelled. Proving that, once you get into the 90's, the public's taste in cartoons goes down the toilet. The basic story is, this stuff called Dark Water is trying to destroy the world. Naturally, a team of pirates led by a guy named Ren has to try and stop it from doing so, by collecting the 13 treasures of their world. There's other pirates, too, led by some fatass white guy named Bloth, who want to use the Dark Water to--what else--rule the world. Unfortunately, the series was cancelled before either side could collect them all, so we'll never know just WHAT the hell the Dark Water was, or why it was so pissed off. Or, for that matter, just what the hell the writers were smoking when they thought of the concept of "monkey-birds."

VAMPIRE HUNTER D

In a dark future where magic and technology are one, monsters beyond belief rule the night. Ruling over all are the vampires, who fill the endless hours of their lives by preying upon the innocent. Then, there are the Hunters ... those that seek out the dark rulers of this blasted land, and bring them to justice. D, a guy who must be at least 8 feet tall, is one such Hunter, and happens across a sexy little farm girl named Doris, who is being stalked by the evil Count Lee, who may be the most powerful vampire in existance. Naturally, he decides to help her out, and so it begins.
The animation is darkly beautiful and soaked with more blood than the entire ECW roster bleeds in a year, the storyline intricate and enthralling. Vampire Hunter D is one of the first anime movies I'd ever seen (the very forgettable "Robot Carnival" and "Lensman" being the first), and the one that hooked me on this art form. Besides, D is such a bad-ass motherfucker it's not funny, and even Count Lee is more than just a one-sided villain. Though it can't touch Transformers or Urotsukidoji, Vampire Hunter D is an easy #3 on my list of favorites.

URUSEI YATSURA

Animated or not, Lum is one FINE piece of alien ass. But is drooling over Lum the only reason why I love this series? Not in the least. The less-well-known sibling of Ranma 1/2, UY is a comedy series that, unlike most cartoons with a similar premise, is actually funny. What a concept. The series rotates around Ataru Moroboshi, the biggest pervert on the planet, and his "fiancee", Lum. Along with a cast of characters ranging from Lum's fire-breathing little brother, Ten, to the dozens (and dozens ...) of schoolgirls/teachers/anything with breasts that Ataru is constantly persuing, to the dozens (and dozens ...) of guys that're after Lum, UY manages to make fun of just about everything all at once. While some of the jokes will only be funny if you either live in Japan or are very familiar with their culture, the majority are universal.
Besides, Lum all by herself is a major selling point. Gotta love animated booty. ^_^

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