Sailor Dorks
 By: Merc


Chapter 5

Narrator: Oky-doky then. After the victory (hey, who said that you had to kill your opponent to win?) all scouts split up and went home. Raye however stayed behind and decided to walk around the park that she loved so much with Chad who for no reason what so ever showed up. Serena went home and immediately called up Luna's old psychiatrist about setting up an urgent meeting. Luna is tied to her kitty bed at the base of Serena's bed and soon fell asleep. Amy got together with Greg and they went somewhere to finish their homework (he he he), Reeny got bored and went off to a movie where she could annoy the audience to death, and Hotaru went back to her home to admire the new lamp that she got. Lita is a kissin' Ken, Setsuna is having fun at the time gate (he he), and Michiru and Haruka are making out (icky!). Oh yea, and Darien is, um, hey where is he anyway? Mina is somewhere and uh, well, um, on with the story!



Raye: It's so peaceful here, Chad.
Chad: (Dreamily) yea…
Raye: I've always loved it here.
Chad:  (Drooling) uh-huh…
Raye: Chad?
Chad: (Dreamily) wha-?
Raye: Are you okay, Chad?
Chad: Never better.
Raye: Uh, Sumimasen Chad-san.
Chad: What?
Raye: Nani?
Chad: Pardon?
Raye: Doko?
Chad: Raye, you are making no sense what so ever!
Raye: Gee, and you said you were fluent in Japanese.
Chad: Um, okay then, you said: you stink Chad-san, why, and what.
Raye: Um, no. I said: excuse me Chad-san, what, and where.
Chad: I knew that.
Raye: (Sarcastically) sure ya did Chad.
Chad: I did!
Raye: I knew you weren't okay.
Chad: Hey!

Meanwhile…
Serena: Hello, Ms. Loony?
Ms. Loony: (On the phone) yes?
Serena: It's me, Serena Warren.
Ms. Loony: Yes I remember you, what is it this time?
Serena: Um, well, you see, I…Luna blew another fuse.
Ms. Loony: I see…
Serena: And I was wondering if I could set up another appointment with you.
Ms. Loony: Are you that girl with the talking cat?
Serena: Um, yea why?
*Click! *
Serena: Hello? Hello? HELLO? @#$%!
Luna: What?
Serena: She hung up.
Luna: Oh.


Meanwhile…
Amy:
Greg:
Amy: Hmm…
Greg:
Some Person: Do you mind not doing that in public?
Greg: …Huh?
Some Person: Um, yea I don't see anyone else studying around here.
Amy: And your point is…?
Some Person: Well…normally it makes my friends and me personally sick of watching other people study on a date.
Greg: Whatever…
Some Person: Don't you whatever me pretty boy!
Amy: Buzz off jerk.
Some Person: A tough girl are we now?
Amy: Beat it before I whoop your ©^%.
Greg: !
Some Person: Well that's a first. Never heard a nerd swear before.
Amy: ™$%^&@#L!
Some Person: ?
Greg: She said get lost you ®L#$%J™!
Some Person: Fine, I'm going, I'm going!
Amy: What a creep.
Greg: Hey Amy…
Amy: Yea?
Greg: I didn't know you had it in you.
Amy: (Blushing) Well, I, uh, well, um, uh, oh, er…
Greg: (Leans over and gives Amy a good ole' plant on the lips) …
Amy:


Meanwhile…
Lita:
Ken:
Lita:
Ken:
Lita: Mph…
Ken: Mph?
Lita: Fly.
Ken: Oh.
Lita:
Ken:


Meanwhile…
Hotaru: (Singing) I loooooooovvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeee my new lamp, I looooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeee my new lamp! L-a-m-p, l-a-m-p, lamp!
Prof. Tomoe: KEEP IT DOWN UP THERE I'M TRYING TO WORK!!!
Hotaru: ?
Prof. Tomoe:
Hotaru: I LOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEE MY NEW LAMP, I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEE MY NEW LAMP!!! L-A-M-P, L-A-M-P, LAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Prof. Tomoe: I SAID KEEP IT DOWN!!!!!!!!
Hotaru: WHY?!?!?!?
Prof. Tomoe: BECAUSE I HAVE TO MAKE ENDS MEET THAT'S WHY!!!!!!!!!!!
Hotaru: SO?!?!?!?
Prof. Tomoe: SO?!?!?!? I BROUGHT YOU BACK TO LIFE YOU WIDGET-BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T YOU THINK YOU OWE ME AT LEAST 30 MINUTES OF SOME PEACE AND QUIET?!?!?!?!?!
Hotaru: Uh, I'LL THINK ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Prof. Tomoe: YOU'LL WHAT?!?!?!?!
Hotaru:
Prof. Tomoe:
Hotaru:
Prof. Tomoe:


Meanwhile…
Setsuna: Hmm, let's see what there is to see…
Setsuna: Serena getting married to Darien and getting kinky afterwards. Nothing snoopy there.
Setsuna: Oooooooooooooo! Lita and Ken getting' after it! It's after they got married though. Why am I talking to myself? Hmm…
Setsuna: Mina, Mina, Mina, whoa! So, she becomes a famous model and dates…a…really…really…cute…guy. Dangit, I want him!
Setsuna: Michiru and Haruka okay then…uh…oh…my…um…he he…so…I guess it's true when they say first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…ahem.
Setsuna: Reeny being born, so what else is new? Poor Serenity, 36 hours in labor, that has to hurt.
Setsuna: Amy and Greg getting married, shootin' out a baby girl 2 months before Reeny. Gee, why am I not surprised? I wonder what her name is? Hermione! What kind of a name is that?
Setsuna: Hotaru…owner of a new lamp shop, famous lamp collector, cute boyfriend. Lucky dog, oh…wait…oh my. Oh, uh, never mind! He he, that was somebody else!
Setsuna: (Singing) Raye and Chad, sittin' in a car, well actually on the bed at the temple…are they na-k-ed YES THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!! You go girl!
Setsuna: And me…still single…for…another…oh! Neat, I get someone too! YEA BABY!!! Wow, he's even hotter than Mina's future husband! And they say that a guardian of time who's not a blonde but a brunette who dyed her hair
about 1,020 years ago can't have fun.


Meanwhile…
Reeny: WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: SHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reeny: But Fabritsio was ssssooooooooooo cute! Why'd he have to be crushed under a huge smokestack? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: SHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reeny: WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: USHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reeny: Uh-oh.


Meanwhile…
Mina: (Thinking) I am somewhere doing something.
Sidewalk:
Mina: I wonder why even though I had a guy tell me 2 years ago that I look cute in a red bow (one of the little known true facts about Sailor Moon, interesting no?) in England that I still wear it. I think it's time I switched to a new hairstyle.
Sidewalk:
Mina: Why do the Sailor Scouts fight in such short skirts? Dangit, I'm embarrassed to do any kicks, or use my powers because then everyone in the whole known universe can take a peekie up my skirt.
Sidewalk:
Mina: Why do all the blondes get the talking cats?
Sidewalk:
Mina: Actually, why do all the blondes and one blonde who dyed her hair pink at an early age get all the talking cats?
Sidewalk:
Mina: Not very talkative are you?
Sidewalk:
Mina: Well, thanks for listening.
Sidewalk:


Meanwhile…
Darien: Who am I? Where am I? How am I? How old am I? I'm guessing along the lines of 1,018 years old. Dang, that's still 4 years older than Serena. Is my name Darien? For all I know it could be Salami; I wish I knew. How did I survive that car crash that killed my parents? I mean, it went off a 500-foot cliff and exploded. Why do I have to marry Serena? Destiny bites, I mean why do I even have to date her? She's 5 years younger than me, raging hormones, a complete ditz, couldn't even learn her way out of a paper bag. She's 14 for crying out loud! I'm 18 years old and in my first year of college! By the way, where am I going to college? I can't seem to remember anything lately; I've been so absentminded lately. Amnesia? I think not. Who am I…?


Meanwhile:
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…!


Narrator: All is good in the world now that the Sailor Scouts have saved it (unfortunately) again. Whoopee, I'm so excited. Another job well done (sort of) by the Sailor Scouts: *insert big boomy voice here* Protectors of the
universe!
Crowd Of Kids: Yay Sailor Scouts!
Narrator: All right, who put the kids in this?
Author: Don't look at me.
Narrator: I can't, I'm only a figment of your imagination put onto paper.
Author: I think you've finally lost it, Suzie.
Narrator: Hey! I wouldn't be saying that if I were you screwball!
Author: I think someone's one taco short of an entrée.
Narrator: Why you little…
*Due to the graphic content of this argument and the fact that no one cares about what the narrator thinks, this part of the segment is gone, fenito, kaput, bye-bye, lost, gone forever, just plain gone. *
Narrator: I think the audience cares a great deal about my opinions!
Author: Shut up Suz.


                                       The End?
Suggestions? Praise? Send them to me if you really want to! The site: ejpiette@pconline.com. Thanks for taking some time out of your very important lives to read this story that I wrote! Mom always says to say thank you and don't worry, part 7 is really going strong!
Part 6
home! 
  1