Sailor Dorks Part 4

Sailor Dorks
By: Merc

Chapter 4
Narrator: Okay now, it's a few days later and the Negaverse has come up with some sort of evil plan to kill the scouts. They set it into motion by sending out an article on the front page of the life section in the Tokyo Times. Amy (who else?) sees it and calls an emergency scout meeting. Everyone shows and well, um, on with the show!

Haruka: This had better be important.
Hotaru: Why?
Haruka: Because she interrupted me in the middle of the Daytona 500.
Hotaru: What's that?
Haruka: I'll explain it to you when you're older.
Hotaru: Oh.
Lita: Where is Amy anyway?
Amy: Right behind you.
Lita: AAA!!! GEEZ AMY, DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!!!
Amy: (Trying to clean out her ears so she can hear) sorry.
Haruka: All right you, you got me out of the best part of the Daytona 500, so what gives?
Amy: Well, did anyone here read the newspaper?
Everyone: No.
Amy: Well, I was and I came across something quite interesting on the front page of the life section.
Michiru: So?
Amy: So, read this article.
*Amy puts the life section of the newspaper on the table. There's a huge red circle where an article, "Vengeance Will be Ours" is circled. *

This is what the article said:

Sailor Scouts, this is not a trap. We want to meet you at the grocery store on Ryoga Ave. on Pika St. We want to duke it out and kill you all. Tickets to watch the fight are on sale now so get them while they're hot! Wait, take that back, don't. There are no tickets! This is another evil Negaverse ploy to capture you weak and pathetic humans and drain you of energy for no reason whatsoever! Oops, I think I wrote too much. Well, just meet us there at 7:00 p.m. sharp or else. Mercury, you should be reading this, so we would all just like to say that you're a really annoying nerd and that Sailor Moon is a really big klutz with a lotta luck! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Serena: (Really, really upset) ooooooooooooooooo! Why I oughta rip their heads off and toss them into the sewer!
Raye: This is spooky how right they are about you two though.
Amy and Serena: Hey!
Raye: What, it's true!
Serena: RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE,
YYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU'RRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
SSSSSSSOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Raye: (Covering her ears) COULD YOU LOWER THE DECIBLES A TAD!?!?!?!?
Serena: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Everyone: SHUT UP SERENA!!!
Serena: !
Mina: Thank you.
Serena: *sniff * *sniff * no problem.
Setsuna: Well, you're our fearless leader. Let us go battle the Negaverse once and for all!
Artemis: YAY!!!
Serena: Oh boy.
Lita: (Mimicking Setsuna in a teasing way) ya Serena, you're our fearless leader. Lead us into battle so we can fight and get hurt and bruised and cut and scraped and…
Serena: Gak!
Mina: Quit scaring the leader, Lita.
Lita: He he.
Raye: I can't believe she's our leader. What a ditz/klutz/lazy/crybaby person!
Serena: Hey!
Raye: What, it's true.
Serena: So? I'm still the leader and there's nothing you can do about it so (sticks out her tongue) nyah!
Raye: What a baby. The only person who could possibly be any worse is Reeny, the lovely leader's kid.
Reeny: Hey!
*Reeny, Serena, and everyone else start to jump on Raye and start fighting. Think of that cartoon cloud of dust when 2 or more people are fighting. *
Luna: Oh boy…
Artemis: Jeez…
Amy: Oy…

Narrator: Later on that day all the scouts are at Ryoga Grocery Store along with about half of Japan. Everyone apparently loves the scouts and want a picture or an autograph from them.

Mercury: Did they honestly have to put what they did in the newspaper?
Tuxedo Darien: No, but then again they're so stupid that they probably couldn't think of any other way to get to us.
Saturn: Where did you come from?
Tuxedo Darien: I was bored and lately you guys have been having all the fun, so I wanted to tag along this time.
Uranus: You aren't even in your battle clothes!
Tuxedo Darien: You mean that darn $3,000 suit with the really annoying cape that always gets in my way and the huge top hat that sticks to my head?
Neptune: You left out that little mask thingy that sticks to your face without any straps.
Tuxedo Darien: Yea, that thing too.
Moon: So why don't you just transform back into Endymion so that you have an even bigger cape, a ton of heavy steel, a sword that you never use, and huge shoulder pad type thingys that are made out of steel or iron or aluminum or something like that?
Tuxedo Darien: Um, yea Sailor Moon, whatever you say.

Narrator: The scouts make into the store after fighting the crowd like nuts and then bolting the door shut so that they can't get in. Tuxedo Darien was thrown into the crowd to help keep them busy for awhile.

Jupiter: (Panting) you would've thought that they would've let us through so that we could save the world.
Venus: Heck, they had to go all out didn't they? Signs, autograph books, and even a couple of news helicopters!
Chibi-Moon: Hey, someone ripped off one of my pigtails!
Saturn: That'll hurt.
Chibi-Moon: MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!
*Just then the evil bad guys/girls appear over the scouts and float down, staring at them menacingly. *
Diamond: So, Sailor Moon, we meet again.
Moon: Oh great, ol' lover boy. How's it going Diamond? Gotten over your crush on me yet?
Diamond: No.
Moon: Great.
Jupiter: Hey Rubeus, how's it going? Repair that ship of yours yet?
Rubeus: (Sarcastically) ha ha Jupiter, very funny.
Saturn: Hey, you're that guy, um, Sapphire! That's it, how's it going?
Bob: Actually, I changed my name to Bob.
Saturn: Bob?
Bob: Yea, Bob.
Uranus: Why?
Bob: Because I wanted to.
Uranus: Um, okay, whatever you say Bob.
Bob: Quit that.
Uranus: Quit what?
Bob: That way that you say my name.
Uranus: Bob?
Bob: There, you did it again!
Uranus: Did what?
Neptune: Haven't a clue.
Uranus: Uh…
Bob: Just drop it.
Uranus: Uh… okay.
Emerald: Yo Venus! What's cooking?
Venus: Nothing much.
Emerald: No new boyfriends?
Venus: A bunch of hotties, no boyfriends.
Emerald: Drag.
Venus: Really.
Emerald: Normally guys fall for dumb blondes. I wonder what happened?
Venus: I don't know, I guess I'll never understand the male mind… hey wait a minute!
Birdie: Hey there Merc.
Mercury: Huh?
Catsey: She was talking to you.
Mercury: Oh.
Birdie: So, you ready to rumble?
Mercury: Yea, as soon as everyone else is.
Avary: What's that supposed to mean?
Mars: What she means is that everyone's too busy yakking to start fighting.
Avary: Oh.
Prisma: Well, in that case, um… YOU AND ME MARS!!!
Mars: YOU'RE ON!!!
*Prisma throws a big thing of energy at Mars, but Mars dodges and gives her a good taste of her own medicine. *
Mars: MARS FIRESTORM!!!
Prisma: AAAA!!! Hot hot hot!
Mars: (Evil cackle) he he he.
Pluto: Nice shot.
Mars: Thanks Plute!
Pluto: Plute?
Mars: What, its short for Pluto.
Pluto: By 1 letter.
Mars: Actually no, but by a couple of sounds.
Pluto: Whatever.
Jupiter: Hey that looked like fun, let me try! JUPITER THUNDER DRAGON!!!
Rubeus: AAAAA!!! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Jupiter: That was too easy.
Mercury: You zapped him like a bug zapper does a mosquito.
Jupiter: Yea, I know. Man I rock!
Rubeus: Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh.
Jupiter: Oops, he's still conscious, better zap him again!
Mercury: You want to, I can tell.
Jupiter: How did you know? JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!
Rubeus: AAAAAA!!! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Mercury: Let's just say that I know you real well.
Jupiter: Scary.
Bob: YAAAAAAAAAAG!!!
*Bob throws a huge ball of energy at Sailor Venus, who just stands there like a dope and gets slammed. *
Venus: AAAAAAAA!!!
Everyone: VENUS!!!
Venus: …
Moon: Oh no!
Pluto: Well, there goes one of the dumb blondes.
Everyone: !
Pluto: What? Even I'm allowed to say something irrational at one time or another!
Saturn: Hey Mercury, can ya scan her and see if she's all right?
Mercury: Sure.
*Mercury whips out her trusty-dusty computer and starts typing like mad. *
Mercury: She's fine, she won't remember who she is, where she lives, if she's a boy or a girl, why she's dressed like that, and a lot more, but other than that she'll be just honkey-dorey.
Uranus: That's okay?
Mercury: She's not dead.
Neptune: Good point.
Uranus: Okay then, Bob, I think it's time for some action!
Bob: Fine by me, YAAAAAAAAG!!!
*Again he throws a huge thing of energy, this time at Uranus who counterattacks with her power. *
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!
Bob: I'm SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKINGGGGGGGG!!!
Uranus: He he he.
Bob: …
Neptune: My hero!
Luna: Oh puke.
Artemis: I'll second that.
Mercury: That's 3 down, 11 to go.
Moon: Oy.
Chibi-Moon: Double oy.
Pluto: Well, then. I say we get busy.
Mercury: Each one of us should take 1 enemy, who ever defeats their rival first gets first dibs on another enemy.
Saturn: Whoever has me better have good life insurance.
Mercury: Ready, set, GO!!!

Narrator: Each scout takes an enemy. Moon gets Diamond, Mars gets Catsey, Venus just lies there, Mercury gets Birdie, Jupiter gets Avary, Saturn get Ann, Pluto gets Alan, Uranus gets Malachite, Neptune gets Zoicite, and Chibi-Moon gets Wise Man.

*BAM!!! *
*SLASH!!! *
*WHAM!!! *
*AAAAA!!! *
*ZZZZZZ!!! *
*RUMBLE RUMBLE!!! *
*EEK!!! *
*WHOOSH!!! *
*SLAM!!! *
*GAK!!! *
*BOOM!!! *
*OUCH!!! *
*YAAG!!! *
*KABOOM!!! *

Narrator: Later on after all this, the scouts win and they go home. Notice the sudden and annoying ending to this battle. The author of this story is incredibly lazy if I do say so myself. Oh well, at least the author didn't make them lose. Go scouts. Yay.

Moon: That was too easy.
Chibi-Moon: That was, only one problem.
Moon: What?
Chibi-Moon: Where in the universe are we ever going to make enough money to repair that store?
*Chibi-Moon motions at the crater behind her where the store used to be. *
Moon: Uh-oh.
Chibi-Moon: Do you think mommy will give us a raise on our allowance by any chance?
Moon: Don't count on it.
Chibi-Moon: Darn!
Moon: Really, they had the lowest prices in town!
Chibi-Moon: That's not what I meant.
Moon: Oh.

Chapter 5