Sailor Dorks
By: Merc
Chapter 5
Narrator: Well, everyone's finally back to normal. For once,
Artemis is not hurt and is wandering around town getting sympathy (and
food) from passerbyers. Raye is somewhere doing something, Serena took
Luna to a
psychiatrist about her temper, and Mina is at home watching Titanic
on video (refer back to Sailor Dorks Part 1, you'll notice a small part-to-part
in there) and swooning over Leonardo DiCaprio again. Amy is studying with
Greg in the north side of the park (they can't stand not being together
more than 7 1/2 hours i.e. school), Darien is wandering through the park
trying to collect even more of his thoughts (his brain's already going
into overload). Lita is over at the local Odango Atama Café drinking
tea and staring at the new, young, male waiter, Michiru and Haruka are
kissing in the other end of the park (pretend that Haruka is a boy, otherwise
this is nasty). Hotaru is hanging out with Reeny (they are best friends
in both the Japanese and the American versions of Sailor Moon) somewhere
driving even more people nuts, and Setsuna is shooting arrows at a target
range to improve her accuracy and aim. Have you ever noticed how each time
I come in this story, my part gets even bigger than the last time? Go figure.
Luna: And that ^#*%©&%^®* cat thinks he's all that!
Also, everyone will never listen to me! I tell you, these girls are so
@$#^*+)™%^%=$#L impossible!
Psychiatrist: (Staring in awe, amazement, and absolute bewilderment)
…
Serena: See what I mean, she's completely disoriented.
Psychiatrist: …
Serena: Hello? Anybody home? Hey, I'm paying 20 bucks an hour
here, I want answers!
Psychiatrist: …
Luna: @#*%^&*(óJ~+-`=#$&(* ® % © ™!
Psychiatrist: …
Serena: (Very angry) Ha! Well, if that's how you're going to
treat us then fine. I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!
Psychiatrist: …
Meanwhile…
Amy: So for problem #3, you take the ratio times the percent
to equal the 1st part, then you divide it by the numerator of that fraction,
then add it by the square root of 422, and then subtract that by 5?
Greg: That's how I did it, I can't seem to find any other way
to do it.
Amy: (scribbling in her homework and concentrating) oh, well
thanks a bunch.
Greg: (Staring at Amy) hmmm.
Amy: (Looking up) huh? (Blushing) Um, what is it?
Greg: Nothing, I just couldn't help but look at you that's all.
Amy: (Shyly) well, gee thanks.
*Greg bends over and gives her a good-sized kiss. Notice a pattern
starting to emerge here with these two? *
Meanwhile…
Haruka: …
Michiru: …
Haruka: …
Michiru: …
Some 12-year-old kid: Eew! You guys are gay!
Haruka: ... WHAT THE @#$%! Why you little @#ó%^&*)~+-^L*©(!
Some 12-year-old kid: (in a valley girl-like tone of voice)
well, you stupid gay people are so kissing! This is a park, a public park,
so get out, ya gays!
Haruka: Why I oughta…
Some 12-year-old kid: AAAAAAAAAA!!!
Meanwhile…
Darien: So why does Jedite, Neflite, Zoicite, and Malachite
come back after all these years (note: It's been only 1 year, Darien just
likes to exaggerate)? How does Mina, Lita, and the outers not be even confused
about Jedite and Neflite? They've never even met them! How about the outers
and all of the generals? How did they pick up their names so quickly? What's
with me being so paranoid? Why is my head so small compared to the rest
of my body? I mean, It's like a pea attached to a neck! Why are my shoulders
so broad? Dang, I could probably win the next presidential elections over
in America with these huge things! Who am I…
Meanwhile…
Hotaru: Smurfs!
Reeny: Rugrats!
Hotaru: Sailor Moon!
Reeny: Thunder Cats!
Hotaru: Dragon Ball Z!
Reeny: The Real Adventures Of Jonny Quest!
Hotaru: Space Ghost Coast-To-Coast!
Some old lady: Are you kids seeing who can name the most cartoons
without repeating?
Reeny and Hotaru: Uh, yea.
Some old lady: Well, when I was your age we didn't have cartoons.
Heck, we were lucky if we even had radio! Why I remember the time when…
Reeny: Uh, no offense or anything, but, we don't care.
Hotaru: Reeny!
Reeny: What?
Meanwhile…
Mina: *Sigh * what a hunk, too bad he's from America.
Artemis: What's so bad about America?
Mina: Artemis! What the heck are you doing here, I thought you
were getting free food from people pitying you.
Artemis: I was until another cat came up and told me to hit
the road and that it was his territory.
Mina: So why didn't you resist or fight back or something like
that?
Artemis: I'm too chicken.
Mina: Ya know, if you and Leonardo DiCaprio switched bodies,
I would hold you forever and never let you outta my sight!
Artemis: (Very sarcastic) gee, that's really thoughtful for
you to say, Mina.
Mina: Really?
Artemis: I hate Leonardo DiCaprio! When are you ever gonna get
over this guy?
Mina: Hopefully never.
Artemis: @#$%!
Mina: Jealousy killed the cat.
Artemis: Don't you mean curiosity?
Mina: That too.
Artemis: Actually, jealousy and the left front tire of an Oldsmobile
is what killed the cat.
Mina: (Sarcastic) har dee har har.
Meanwhile…
Setsuna: @#$%!
Lady Next To Setsuna: ^&*(!
Man Next To The Lady That's Next To Setsuna: L&$©!
17 Year-Old Punk On The Other Side Of Setsuna: ®%#™!
Old Lady Next To The Punk That's On The Other Side Of Setsuna: J*#)!
Some Drunk Guy Off To The Side Of Setsuna: &^$©!
Some Drunk Lady Next To The Drunk Guy That's Off To The Side Of
Setsuna: ®#@$!
A Father To-Be Next To The Exit Of The Area: ™@#$!
Some Girl With A Red Backpack And Little Red Balls In Her Pocket
Next To The Father To-Be: J#$%!
Some Guy Next To The Girl With The Red Backpack And Little Red Balls
In Her Pocket: ^(*#!
Some Animal That's Next To The Guy Who's Next To The Girl With A
Red Backpack And Little Red Balls in Her Pocket: Picachu!
Setsuna: I hate moving targets!
Meanwhile…
Lita: (Drooling and dreamily) What a hunk.
Cute Waiter: What would you like?
Lita: (Dreamily) you.
Cute Waiter: Excuse me?
Lita: (Waking up) I mean, uh, a Dr. Pepper would be cool!
Cute Waiter: All right, one Dr. Pepper, comin' right up!
*The waiter turns and starts to walk away. *
Lita: Wait don't go!
Cute Waiter: (Turning around) huh?
Lita: If you're not busy later, how's about we go see a movie
or something?
Cute Waiter: That's a great offer and all but…
Lita: But what?
Cute Waiter: I'm married.
Lita: (Doing a double take) How old are you?
Cute Waiter: 27.
Lita: $%L&!
Meanwhile…
Raye: I am somewhere doing something.
Some Person: Why are you talking to yourself?
Raye: Because I have no idea where I am and what I'm doing.
Some Person: Oh.
Raye: …
Some Person: You sure are quiet.
Raye: …
Some Person: Are you okay?
Raye: (Blandly) never better.
Some Person: Whatever.
Raye: I am so lost, why don't I have any idea of where I am
and what I'm doing?
Some Person: (Blushing) I'll help you find out what you're doing
and where you are.
Raye: Who are you?
Some Person: (Grabbing both of Raye's hands) I'm Brock and I'll
do anything for a really pretty girl like you!
Raye: Yuck! Get lost ya pervert!
*Raye hits Brock on the head with her purse and walk away. Brock is
left lying on the ground, dazed and with a look of love on his face. *
Brock: (Dreamily) What a girl…
Some Girl: Brock!
Brock: What?
Some Guy: We gotta go, we're in the wrong dimention!
Brock: We are?
Some Cute Animal Next To Some Guy: Cachu!
Brock: But how did we get into another dimention and how do
you even know?
Some Girl: There's no Pokemon here and there's no such thing
as Pallet Town.
Brock: What about Team Rocket?
Some Guy: Couldn't find them. That's what tipped us off.
Brock: Shouldn't the no Pokemon thing tipped you off first,
Ash?
Ash: Yea, but we were too busy trying to find you that we didn't
notice.
Some Girl: What do ya mean we? I was the one who noticed that
there were no Pokemon and no Team Rocket!
Ash: Aw, come on Misty, give me some credit.
Misty: For what?
*Ash and Misty start to growl and get very angry looks on their faces.
*
Brock: All right, break it up you two! Let's just go already.
Ash: Through where?
Misty: From where we came from you idiot!
Ash: You mean that target range where everyone was swearing?
Brock: You and Misty were swearing too.
Ash: Shut up Brock.
Some Animal Next To Ash: Picachu!
Meanwhile…
Greg: …
Amy: …
Greg: …
Amy: …
Some Kid: Eew, you guys are kissing just like those gays at
the other end! I'm telling everyone I know!
*Greg and Amy quickly pull away and stare at the kid. *
Amy: Shut up you.
Greg: Yea, go find someone else to bug.
Some Kid: (Looking like he was slapped across the face) Mmmmmmmooooommmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Amy: I'm so sick and tired of everyone spying on us!
Greg: That goes double for me. Now where were we?
Amy: (Giggling) …
Narrator: So that's that. Everyone is back to their normal,
sappy, boring, everyday lives and the Negaverse is out of their hair for
the moment. All is good in the world.
The End?
Okay-dokey, that's it for right now! The e-mail address is ejpiette@pconline.com.
Remember that I'm now the world's biggest fan of e-mails so unless you
don't want to e-mail me, that's okay. I used to be scared about getting
e-mails, but it's been real fun and I'm real desperate for suggestions
for part 7 (thanks again Anna!), so knock yourself out e-mail me (no flooding
please =-) Everyone have a great day!
Part 4
Home!