Sailor Dorks
By: Merc
Chapter 4
Narrator: Well, it's the next day and our heroines are out and
about: Serena's at home giving Luna guff about a stomach ache, Amy's hanging
out with Greg somewhere, and Raye's at home giving Chad even more guff.
Mina's at the vet with Artemis where she ends up paying the low low sale
price of $100 for Artemis's recovery, Hotaru got another lamp and blew
another fuse, and Setsuna is still reading. Darien is still in bed trying
to collect his thoughts, Reeny is somewhere driving everybody in her path
nuts, Michiru and Haruka are hanging out under a tree and having a romantic
picnic, and
Lita is playing video games at the arcade.
Serena: (moaning) Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh. I shouldn't have eaten
that last chocolate before fighting.
Luna: See, I told you not to eat that many sweets, but did you
listen to me? Nooooooooooo, you just had to pig out on everything in sight
didn't you?
Serena: (moaning) Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh. Shut up, cat.
Meanwhile…
Setsuna: Do de do de do
Some Other Guy: Hi.
Setsuna: Hi.
Some Other Guy: Good book?
Setsuna: Yea.
Some Other Guy: Mind if I join you?
Setsuna: Not really.
Some Other Guy: Cool.
Meanwhile…
*Mina and Artemis are walking out of the vet's office. Artemis
looks like a walking mummy cat. *
Mina: You're lucky that the office was celebrating its 50th
anniversary Artemis.
Artemis: Mphmphmphmphmph.
Mina: Don't complain to me! After all, you're the one that ran
into the microwave to hide and then got slammed by the Negaverse, AGAIN!
Artemis: Mph.
Meanwhile…
Chad: AAAAAAAAA!!!
Raye: (chasing Chad around with a broom) Why you little! I thought
I told you to put the sacred emblems in order but noooooooooo, you had
to go and nick 2 and manage to put them completely out of order!
Chad: SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: SORRY'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH YOU PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chad: AAAAAAAAAA!!!
Meanwhile…
Michiru: (Dreamily) Haruka…
Haruka: (Dreamily) Michiru…
Michiru: (Dreamily) Haruka…
Haruka: (Dreamily) Michiru…
Michiru: (Dreamily) Haruka…
Haruka: (Dreamily) Michi… What the… AAAAAAAA!!!!!! I'VE GOT
ANTS IN MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michiru: Yuck!
Haruka: (Making a weird face) Eek, ork, eww, yech, slwe, yark!
Michiru: Don't worry my love, I will help you!
Haruka: Ow, those are fire ants!
Michiru: Oh dear…
Meanwhile…
Hotaru: Shoot.
Prof. Tomoe: AAAAAAAA!!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hotaru: Oops.
Prof. Tomoe: HOTARU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hotaru: I'm in trouble now…
Meanwhile…
Lita: Dum de do de dum de do de…
Andrew: Hey there Lita!
Lita: (Swallows the Coke that she got and starts to choke)*sputter
* *cough* *gag * *choke *…
Andrew: Are you all right?
Lita: (in a scratchy voice) drink went down the wrong pipe.
Andrew: Oh.
Lita: (clearing her throat) So, uh, how are ya?
Andrew: Fine, usual day. You?
Lita: Never better.
*BAM!!! *
Lita: AAAAAAAAAA!!! GAME OVER!?!?!
Andrew: Oops.
Lita: THIS THING IS SO RIGGED!!! WHY I OUGHTA RIP YOU OUTTA
YOUR SPOT AND THROW YA INTO A SCRAP PILE!!!
Andrew: Uh, Lita, could you, uh, clam down a bit, um, he he.
Lita: @#$%^&*(#)^%$?^%$@*@ !!!
Andrew: !
Meanwhile…
Darien: (In bed) who am I? What is going on? Who is the princess
I have been looking for? Oh yea, Serena is my only true love. My princess,
my life. Why was I taken by the Negaverse? Why does Queen Beryl have a
crush on me? How can Luna and Artemis talk? Who invented the name Spam?
How does Swiss Cheese get holes in it? Why am I living in an expensive
apartment when I never appear to be working? Why do I have eyes that take
up 1/3rd of my head? Who are we? Is the truth out there? I think I had
better go to sleep again.
Meanwhile…
Reeny: IEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bystander: Oh my eardrums.
Reeny: I'm a famous person, bow before me for I am the daughter
of Neo Queen Serenity!
Bystander #2: Who?
Reeny: Shoot! Mental note to self, I am in the past, no one
knows about mom. Man.
Bystander: Huh?
Reeny: IEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile…
Amy: So, if you take the square root of 7 times the square root
of 9 and then add it by pi. then you can get the answer to problem #8.
Greg: Wow, no wonder I was so confused. I took the square rot
of 45 and divided it by the square rot of 9 times pi. to get it. Thanks
a lot!
Amy: No problem.
Greg: (Suddenly getting shy) Um, Amy, I uh…
Amy: Hmmm?
Greg: Well, you see I was, um…
Amy: Yea?
Greg: Will you go steady with me?
Amy: (Blushing) um, sure, why not?
Greg: Really?
Amy: (Laughing) really.
Greg: Cool.
*Greg pulls out a ring and slides it on Amy's finger. Then he
leans over and kisses her. *
Meanwhile…
*Mina had dropped off Artemis at home and was taking a stroll
through the park to calm down after paying so much for Artemis's bill and
sees the couple *
Mina: (Gasping) Aw, man! Everyone's gotta know about this!
Later On…
Narrator: Everyone's back at the temple for the (so usual it's
stupid) scout meeting and Mina has just blabbed the whole scene to everyone.
Mina: And then, get this, he gives her a diamond ring and kisses
her!
Serena: (Gasping) why can't Darien be like that? What a cheapskate!
Michiru: (Expectantly) Haruka, I don't see my diamond ring anywhere.
(Gives Haruka the evil eye) where oh where might it be?
Haruka: * Gulp *
Raye: HEY CHAD WHERE'S MY DIAMOND RING!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Lita: I'm gonna kill Freddie one of these days…
Luna: I never saw Artemis give me one!
Serena: (whining) it's not fair!!! Why can't we have a boyfriend
like yours, huh?
*Amy had rolled herself into a little ball in incredible embarrassment
at the far corner of the table. *
Amy: Mph.
Serena: Huh?
Amy: (looking up even though she was a very apparent shade of
burgundy) I dunno…
Serena: I want him!
Haruka: Hey, how do we even know if this thing's a diamond?
For all we know it could be a piece of tin!
*Haruka grabs Amy's hand and closely inspects the ring. *
Hotaru: Since when did you become the diamond expert?
Haruka: Since I got a job at Ranma Jewelers! Now shut up!
Hotaru: You work at Ranma Jewelers?
Haruka: Hmmm…
Hotaru: I've never seen you.
Haruka: You've never even been in there before.
Hotaru: Once when I was looking at all the pretty earrings.
Haruka: (Taking out a jeweler's eyeglass and putting it to her
eye) you're pathetic.
Reeny: Actually, you're pathetic.
Haruka: (Grabs Reeny by the collar and pulling her up without
taking her eyes off the ring) Take that back or I'll chuck you across the
room.
Reeny: You can't make me!
Haruka: Oh yes I can.
Reeny: Mommy!
Serena: Put the brat down, Haruka.
Reeny: I take it all back!
*Haruka drops Reeny and she lands with a loud thud. *
Reeny: Ow!
Michiru: Well, Haruka?
Haruka: Give me a few more minutes…
Everyone: …
Haruka: Holy @#$% !
Everyone: WHAT!?
Haruka: Not only is this thing a real honest to Buddha diamond,
but it's 24 carats too!
Michiru: Jeez, how much did that guy dish out for that thing?
Serena: When I get my hands on that sleaze Darien, I'm gonna…
Raye: (Really, really mad) Oh is Chad in for it now!
Lita: Let me see that thing!
*Lita grabs Amy's hand and looks at it closely. *
Lita: Amy, there's some reason he gave you this, why?
Amy: Um…
Lita: Amy…
Amy: Well, uh, you see…
Lita: Uh well what?
Amy: We're going steady.
Lita: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Everyone else: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Amy: Oh boy…
Narrator: So out heroines once more saved the world form the
wrath of evil, the Negaverse, higher taxes, presidential and king and emperor
scandals, and everything that just makes you want to put a big hole in
the TV screen. Hopefully, they can rest assure that no one shall harm them
for the rest of the week. At least, no one from the Negaverse.
Meanwhile…
Darien: (Thinking in his bed where he's been the whole day)
Who am I again? What is my sole purpose on this earth? Why is it that Serena
and I were destined to be together? Is Reeny really our kid? If so then
she takes after Serena. Why does she dye her hair pink? Why did Michiru
dye her hair light green? What is it with Serena and that hairstyle? Am
I a key to something? What is the deal with the Silver Millenium and no
records of it exist? Why don't they call soap body wash oral hygiene
bars or something? Is there a secret government conspiracy going on? Who
is the Smoking Man? Why are hillbillies called hillbillies? Why can't I
come up with an answer to any of these questions? What is the secret of
life? Who am I…?
THE END?
I hoped you liked it! Here's the e-mail address again if you really
want to
a) compliment me
b) have a major suggestion for me or
c) ask my age.
ejpiette@pconline.com.
Part 3
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