Sailor Dorks
By: Merc
Chapter 3
Narrator: The Scouts go to the candy shop to check things out.
They had already transformed, so they were swamped by fans. After almost
getting killed by screaming fans, they finally made it through the crowd.
They made their way to the kitchen. On the way, Sailor Moon couldn't help
but grab a couple of goodies. Then she grabbed some more, and more and
more until the Scouts had to literally drag her by her odd pigtails to
the kitchen with them.
Sailor Moon: (whining) why did you guys drag me away from those
sweets? They were so gooooooooooodddddddddddd! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Mars: Shut up, Moon.
Moon: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Mars, you're so meeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn!
Uranus: Shut up, Moon.
Moon: (In between sniffles) is that you're favorite saying or
something?
Everyone: Yes.
Moon: Oh *sniffle*.
Mercury: I've spotted them!
Everyone: Spotted what?
Mercury: Whatever the Negaverse sent us. It's in the storage
room.
Moon: All right, more chocolates!
Luna: Of all places they had to be, why here?
* The Scouts walk into the storage room where the 5 generals
wait impatiently for them *
Malachite: Zoicite, my transsexual love, you can stop reading
now. Those stupid Scouts finally took a hint and came.
Zoicite: Do de do de do… huh? Oh, it's about time; I've been
reading this boring book for 2 days now!
Neflite: Well, at least they came.
Zoicite: Can we kill 'em yet?
Malachite: No, but I've been wondering where Endymion went.
Zoicite: Man!
Jedite: Shhhhh! They're here!
Moon: THE SAILOR SCOUTS ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jedite: There go my eardrums.
Moon: I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice, and all that wonderful
stuff.
Neflite: (teasingly) Ooo, I'm so scared.
Jupiter: I'm Sailor Jupiter and I'm gonna whoop your butt!
Endymion: Oh really?
Moon: DARIEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Venus: (annoyed) Oh no, not again.
Neptune: Where'd he come from?
Chibi-Moon: Hey daddy, you're on our side, remember?
Mercury: Don't bother, he's probably lost it for good this time.
Chibi-Moon: (exasperated) Perfect.
Jedite: All right, enough with the chitchat. We've got something
to say to you.
Jupiter: Like what?
All 5 Generals: We're sorry for all the pain and misery we've
caused you.
Scouts: !
Endymion: Really, I mean, we've been real perverts these past
1014 years, so we thought we'd apologize.
Mercury: Let me guess, you come face to face and apologize to
us so that it tricks us into thinking that your on our side, then later
on you stab us in the back.
Zoicite: Remind me to kill her.
Neflite: @#$% !
Uranus: You're too smart for your own good.
Mercury: Hey!
Jupiter: I'm all for killing the little @#$%^&(^ !
Chibi-Moon: Mommy, what does @#$%^&(^ mean?
Moon: Chibi-Moon!
Chibi-Moon: What?
Mercury: Let's not forget Luna P. and what I can do to it if
you don't stop saying that word.
Chibi-Moon: Luna P.!
Uranus: I'm bored. I'm with Jupiter, let's kill 'em!
Venus: VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jupiter and Uranus: Hey!
*The generals are thrown to the ground by the unexpected blow.
*
Neflite: Ow.
Zoicite: Double ow.
Malachite: Triple ow.
Jedite: Quadruple ow.
Endymion: Quintuple ow.
Jupiter: All righty, my turn! JUPITER THUNDER CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neptune: DEEP SUBMERGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 5 Generals: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.
Mars: MARS CELESTIAL FIRE SURROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 5 Generals: Aaaaaaaaaaa! Hot hot hot!
Pluto: Ya know, I haven't had any say in this battle so far
and I'm kinda mad at you perverts so I think I'll hurt you.
All 5 Generals: (annoyed) Great…
Pluto: DEAD SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 5 Generals: Oh my ears… OW!
Pluto: He he.
All 5 Generals: Ow ow ow ow ow!
Saturn: I forgot my power so I'll just yell at you and make
you all mad!
Endymion: And how exactly did this happen?
Saturn: Haven't a clue.
Zoicite: Are you the odd ball of the group or something?
Saturn: Just drop it, okay.
Jedite: Whatever.
Saturn: Perverts.
Neflite: Hey, I resent that.
Mercury: Well, I didn't forget my powers! SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All 5 Generals: AYE CARUMBA THAT'S COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zoicite: Look, Jedite's a Negacube!
Malachite: Zoicite, you need to work on your crack-ups a little
more.
Jupiter: Well, this is quite the interesting fight.
Venus: What does that mean?
Jupiter: Well ya dumb blonde, it means that we're talking way
too much. We're having fun little conversations instead of killing our
5 worst enemies.
Venus: Oh.
Jupiter: (rolling her eyes) Yea, oh.
Zoicite: I think I'll take that enemy's thing as a compliment.
Well, I'm still all for killing you mangy scouts.
Malachite: Go right ahead.
Zoicite: Ya mean it?
Malachite: Sure, beat the living @#$% outta them!
Zoicite: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neptune: (sarcastically) Oh boy.
*Zoicite throws a bunch of energy at the scouts. *
Scouts: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: Ow.
Artemis: (moaning) uuuuuhhhhh.
Venus: 600 bucks outta my account now.
Artemis: (weakly) Sorry.
Venus: Yea, ya ungrateful cat, you had better be sorry!
*Just then Malachite throws a sharp knife type thingy at our
heroines *
Uranus: (incredibly angry as the thing slices her skirt and
bows) Hey watch it!
Neptune: Ohmygosh! Are you okay, sweetie-pie?
Uranus: Never better, muffin.
Saturn: I think… I'm gonna… puke.
Chibi-Moon: Ditto.
Pluto: You want a piece of me?
Endymion: Sure, I'm all for the chest!
Pluto: You're a disgusting jerk!
Moon: (dreamily) Yea, but he's my disgusting jerk.
Pluto: Yuck!
Moon: Well, it's true!
Pluto: Are you sure you didn't hit your head when you were little?
Moon: Well, I did, but, it was only a little bump. I still miss
that expensive vase that we got in Italy.
Mercury: Ugh, well, as usual it looks like I the grate defensive
link must once again dig us out. MERCURY AQUA
HARP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jupiter: Don't leave me out! JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Venus: And me! VENUS LOVE CHAIN ENCIRCLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4 Generals: AAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jedite: (Still frozen in a block of ice) MMMMMMPPPPPPHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Endymoin: It's a miracle, thanks to you scouts, I miraculously
have my memory back!
Scouts: (sarcastically) Yaaaaayyy.
Pluto: 50 bucks he goes back to the Negaverse sometime next
week.
Uranus: You're on!
Mercury: Hey wait a minute, you still owe me those ten bucks
from earlier, remember?
Uranus: Oh yea, I forgot.
Mercury: (sarcastically) uh huh, you forgot.
Zoicite: You mangy scouts are always so sarcastic.
Neflite: Well, I can't blame them.
Zoicite: You don't even know what sarcasm is.
Neflite: Yes I do, I took it in the training course, remember?
Zoicite: No.
Neflite: We were required to take it.
Zoicite: Oh yea.
Mars: All right, I've been thrown out of this conversation and
battle entirely. I'm really mad now!
Moon: Shouldn't have done that.
Malachite: Done what?
Mars: Left me out and made me mad!
Moon: Now you're in for it.
Malachite: (macho-man style) you don't scare me.
Moon: She should.
Mars: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! MARS FIREBIRD STRIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 Generals: AAAAAAAA!!!!!! Hot hot hot!
Jedite: MMMMPPPPPPHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Malachite: Mercury, does your ice ever give?
Mercury: No.
Zoicite: But how?
Mercury: I'll give you a hint, It's my patented extra strong
ice.
Neflite: Cool.
Mercury: (cringing) that was bad, even for you.
Neflite: (smiling) I know.
Mars: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Moon: You want me to destroy them you say?
Mars: Grumble grumble, ooooooooooooooooo!
Moon: Well, if you want the tiara, I'll do the tiara, but why?
Mars: (mumbling) Sfdsjhmhpmhphmhpowpmmph!
Moon: A painful way to go huh? Hmmmmmmmm. Okay, I'll do it.
Mars. Growl snarl growl.
Moon: Alrighty then, MOON TIARA… MAGIIIIICCC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 Generals: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jedite: MMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 Generals: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! We got away in the nick-of-time!
You'll see us again, we promise!
Jedite: Mphmphmphmphmphmpmhp!
3 Generals: Come on Jedite, looks like we've gotta find a way
to get you outta this mess.
Jedite: Mph!
Chapter 4