Sailor Dorks
By: Merc
Chapter 2
Narrator: It's nighttime and everyone has eaten. The inners
are meeting in their usual meeting place, Raye's temple. The outers are
hanging out somewhere and heaven only knows where Artemis and Luna are.
Amy: So, any Negeverse activity? If not, I'm going back home
to study even more.
Raye: Dunno, maybe if I did another one of those awesome fire
readings that I and only I can do.
Serena: (holding a comic book) WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(In her high-pitched whiny voice) Why did Gohan have to die? Chi-chi was
so much in love with and * snif snif * he was such a huuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkk!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: SERENA SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Serena: You're so mean Raye, WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raye: Yea, but at least I don't bust the decible scale with
my whining!
Serena: pthpthpthpthpthpth!
Raye: pthpthpthpthpthpthpth!
Mina: Quit it you guys! I'm getting soaked!
Lita: Hey, wait a minute. Shouldn't Luna and Artemis be somewhere
around here. I mean, after all, they're the ones that keep pestering us
to do these stupid meetings in the first place!
(Just then Lita sees Luna and Artemis running at full speed up
the temple steps)
Lita: There those stupid cats are!
(Luna and Artemis crash through the thin paper that covers the
open spots on the door, leaving two rather noticeable holes)
Artemis: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!! TAKE
COVER!!!!!!!!!!!! THE NEGAVERSE IS ACTING UP AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: ARTEMIS CALM DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Listen, there is some
strange… Artemis get out of that teapot! Anyway, oh yes, we saw some strange
activity over at the park. I think this is serious. Amy, why don't you…
No Artemis not the oven!
Artemis: AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hot hot hot hot hot!
Luna: Um, anyway Amy I want you call up the outers and get them
to get their lazy butts over to the park. No excuses this time.
Amy: Why me? Why not old boyfriend girl over there?
Lita: Hey!
Mina: Amy, just call the outies.
Amy: Outies!
Mina: I think it's cute don't you? Just like a bellybutton,
you have innies and outies. Instead of the serious phrase inners and outers,
why not a silly quick phrase like innies and outies?
Amy: ?
Serena: (confused and sarcastic) yea Mina, whatever you say.
Raye: Girlfriend you have waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too much free
time.
Mina: This is Japan, there's no such thing as free time.
Serena: Wait, if this is Japan, then how come we speak English
fluently and write fluently in Japanese?
Lita: Konicciwa!
Raye: Usagi, Odanga Atama!
Serena: ?
Raye: English translation: Serena, Dumpling Head!
Lita: My translation, Hi!
Serena, Amy, and Mina: ?
Amy: JUST PICK A LANGUAGE AND STICK TO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lita: I'll go for American English, it's the hardest language
in the world to learn but the slang is too cool!
Mina: Ditto!
Luna: FOR GOD SAKES CAN'T WE GET GOING YET, THE NEGAVERSE HAS
PROBIBLY TAKEN OVER HALF THE STUPID PARK BY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Artemis: Negaverse, WHERE!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????
Luna: Nowhere tuna brain.
Artemis: TUNA BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile…
Haruka: Did you ever notice the large pile of dust in the corner?
Michiru: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Haruka: I…. am…. so…. bored.
Michiru: Yup.
Haruka: How long has that dust been there?
Michiru: I dunno, why don't you be my hero and sweep it up?
Haruka: I… am… so… bored.
Michiru: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
( Haruka and Michiru's communicators beep very loudly)
Haruka: (sleepily) Whhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttt?
Amy: Get your lazy lesbian butts over to the park pronto! Negaverse
activity going on.
Michiru: Why, we were having fun being bored.
Amy: Because, Luna is at the end of her rope. She's holding
Artemis hostage in the temple and won't let him go until you all get out
here.
Haruka: Oh.
Michiru: Uh-huh.
Haruka: Yea.
Amy: Whatever you incompetent cretins. Luna's starting to scare
Artemis silly.
Michiru: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Meanwhile…
Setsuna: * sigh *
(Setsuna's communicator beeps very loudly)
Setsuna: Oh, hello Amy, what is ever wrong?
Amy: All right, Luna is threatening to kill Artemis if you don't
get down to the park right now. Negaverse is acting up as usual. Won't
they ever learn that now matter how hard they try, they underestimate us
at the very last second and lose?
Setsuna: On my way!
Meanwhile…
Reeny: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Instructor: NO REENY, GET THAT FLAMINGO HEAD OF YOURS BACK IN
THE POOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reeny: Look at me, I'm the most sadistic lunatic in the whole
entire YMCA!
(Just as Reeny is about to dive off the high dive in the pool,
floaties and all, her communicator beeps)
Reeny: What? Can't you see I am in the middle of giving my instructor
more gray hair?
Amy: Reeny, get your annoying little b-u-t-t over to the park
NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reeny: Can't make me!
Amy: Wanna make a bet?
Reeny: Can't make me!
Amy: I'll steal Luna P. and turn it into extra computer parts
for my P.C.
Reeny: Idle threats you make!
Amy: #1, you sound wiser beyond your years and that's scary
enough, and #2, I just happen to know where Luna P. is located!
Reeny: LUNA P.!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amy: Get over here or else the gravity defying ball goes bye-bye.
Reeny: LUNA P.!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile…
Hotaru: * sigh *
Hotaru: ………….
Hotaru: ………….
(Just as Hotaru stares some more at her new lamp, her communicator
beeps)
Hotaru: Hmmmmmmmm?
Amy: Hotaru, love the lamp, no time to talk, Artemis is about
to have a heart attack from Luna, get over to the park, now!
Hotaru: Fine.
Chapter 3