Quotations to Cherish
Courtesy of my former roommate
CRAIG QUOTES
(Unless otherwise noted, Craig is the initial speaker and I am the respondant.)"Don't look at the TV! It's my TV! Don't look at any of my stuff! Don't look at my f---in' computer screen! I own you....I never said f---in'! I never said f---in'!"
"Yes you did! About the computer screen!"
"Oh yeah.....are you friends with Hitler?"
"I hate you. I hate you, Schmidty....Big bad Michael Schmidt, America's bada--." -- Craig
"Jason, I have a present for you.." (Craig holds up a breadstick, then taps it against the wall, which snaps the breadstick in half.)
"Dude, how long has that been in there? Are you ready to go yet?"
"Yeah."
"I gotta go to the bathroom first, then I'll be ready."
"OK, I'll meet you at the bathroom."
"Dude, don't ever say that again!"
"Ha ha ha ha!" -- Craig and Jason (with Mike on laughing)
"Time to play sleepy..." -- Craig preparing to take a nap
"I'm sleeping now." -- Craig taking a nap
"School sucks. It's so f---ing long and boring. I hate it."
"Ok...time to do HTML when you're drunk. Schmidty, why am I drunk?"
"Because you drank a lot of alcohol?"
"Yesss..."
"I'm gonna stab your knife with a fork!"
"mmmph...mmm...stwbewwy cush..." (Points behind him.) "mmmph..." (Points to can.)
"Are you ok??"
"mmmph...gmmmph..."
"You remind me of a three-year-old: you can only say strawberry crush and everything else is just gestures!"
"mpphhhahahaha! mmph...gan you get me a srawberry crush? ...mmmphbababa, hahahahha!"
"Adolf." (directed at me)
...
"Adolf."
...
"Hitler."
...
"Adolf."
"This is poor rhetoric. Poor f---in' rhetoric, Schmidty! Yeah. F--- you." (On the journals of Captain Cook)
"This guy's f---in' smart, he shares his mp3s and not his movies. See, he doesn't have any movies. Kazaa? who wants to f---in' download kazaa? ....F---in' bloody mess! Find more sources!"
"All right, we're gonna open the futon. Let's move the f---ing fridge. Somebody turn on the light. Somebody move the microwave..." (On how to watch a movie)
"What the f--- are you listening to?"
"I think it's Fatboy Slim."
"It sounds weird..."
"For the first time in 72 hours I have no homework! I'm so happy and relieved! I'm so happy I want to go have sex with a dog!"
"It's Alf!"
"Haha, it's Hulk Hogan and Alf! Hey, what does alien life form stand for?"
"Hahaha!"
"Aww, I f---ed that one up, didn't I?"
"What's with the beer cans?" -- Craig's dad
"They're Schmidty's." -- Craig
"Oh, you collect his beer cans and he collects your gatorade bottles?" -- Craig's mom
"Uhh, yeah."
"You're a Methodist? I'm a Methodist, too...when I go to church."
"When's the last time you went to church?"
"Not for a funeral or anything...eight years."
"F--- you, a--hole! I'm just kiddin', I got nothin' but love for you, Schmidty. I got nothin' but love for you. I think my boss was having sex with his wife when I called."
"Don't you hate that? I wanna f---in' chuck my CD at a pack of wild dogs!" (On popup ads with sound)
"You know that girl Jill, in this picture? Snoop Dog tried getting on her yesterday. She went to the concert and got to go backstage, and he kept trying to make a move on her but she wouldn't let him!"
"F--- YOU, SCHMIDTY!! I think I might have Tourret's."
"F--- school, in the motherf---in' a--hole
f--- school, in the motherf---in' a--hole!"
(slaps himself on the rear)
"Do you like my song? I do!
I f---in' hate it
I f---in' hate it
Pour some sugar on meee..."
"I'm goin' to bed. F--- all my friends, I don't feel like talking to anyone."
"B----, b----, b----. s---, s---, s---. B---- and s---, b---- and s---. ...You know you'd f---in' rail her, right in the a--."
"you're one of hitler's youth. you're a baaaad person."
"I got a f---ing goeorge forman grill...every day I'm gonna cook f---in pork chops, f---ing filet minon, f---in' every day!"
