The world if I owned the ISP
ISP Rule of Thumb #3: Dealing With Fake Network Engineers.
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Gene ISP Policy:It is the policy of Gene ISP that when dealing with those claiming the be network engineers no explanation in any form whatsoever may be given as to steps the customer is being asked to do. In the event that the customer asks the question "how do I..?" or "what is...?" the customer shall imeadiatly be both a) disconnected from the service and b)have thier call terminated.
Example Of This Policy in Use
(agent):Thank you for calling Gene ISP, my name is slacker Laz. E how may I ignore you?
(customer): Yeah, I am the Fake Network Engineer, I just lost my connection, fix it now.
(agent): All right then, mr. Fake, why don't we...
(customer): I am not doing noth'n, y'all know thier's nothing wrong with my modem.
(agent): Your modem....
(customer): Yes, you know the big white thing with the monitor on it, what are you guys morons?
(agent): No sir we are not, but we are in awe of the way you blantly try to conceal your complete lack of knowledge of
computing technology.
(customer): Yeah, I should work for you guys.
(agent): I don't think that the company could afford to lose that much of it's profit sir, anyway what brings you to the enlightened
and logical conclusion that nothing is wrong with your computer?
(customer): I already told y'all that, my internet don't work, so it must be y'all that caused the problem.
(agent): I see, very logical, very sane way to ignore things; have you checked your ip address?
(customer): What's an ip address, they never mentioned that in network Engineering class, are you foolin with me boy?
(agent): I am sorry sir, but Gene ISP policy at this point does not allow me to help you further, you have proved to not have
the required knowledge to make the claim of network engineer and as such we will be forced to terminate your phone call.
(customer): What, ummm, I don't understand, why?
(agent): Gene ISP only deals with educated customers and tries to avoid dealing with morons. Since you are a dishonest
moron you are out of our support boundary and are violating the Gene ISP service agreement line a)
The customer agrees that he/she is not a dishonest moron and in the event that the customer is shown to be such the customer agrees to give up all rights and priliges granted by this agreement along with thier savings account, thier first born son, and thier soul.
(customer): THATS.........click.
END OF CALL