BASIC INFORMATION:

Name: ___ (Honey) ___ (Sweetie) ___ (Babe) (check all applicable)

Age: ___ (21 or under) ___ (not eligible) (check only one)

Sex: _______(Y/N)

Dress size: _______

EDUCATION AND GENERAL KNOWLEDGE:

How many men did you date in college? ___

Typically, what did you do on a first date?

A) Sex

B) Oral sex

C) Both

D) None of the above

If answer is D, please disregard remainder of application)

Define "adultery":

A) Sexual intercourse, including actual penetration and ejaculation, between a

married person and someone other than that person's spouse.

B) Anything less

Hint, answer is "A")

Which of the following do not fit within the technical definition of

"improper relationship": (circle all applicable)

A) An elected official having sex with a 21-year old in the White House

while his wife is in the next room

B) An elected official using law enforcement officers to solicit dates

for him

What do you think of the novel Lolita?

Have you studied the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution?

OFFICE SKILLS:

Please circle all skills you possess:

(A) Discretion

(B) Lying under oath

(C) Evading service of process

(D) Big breasts

Typing speed: ___ (if unknown, substitute bra size)

Do you know how to check for a wiretap? ___

PERSONAL:

Do you have a younger sister? ___

Describe the type of men you prefer to date:

A) Young, athletic, intelligent, and filled with integrity

B) Fat pedophiles

Do you like cheeseburgers? ___

Choose the item below that best describes your personality:

A) Naive, insecure, and trusting

B) Ineligible for this job

How many drinks does it take for you to lose control of your

judgment?

REFERENCES:

Do you know any male member of the Kennedy family?

Do you know Kenneth Starr?

UPON COMPLETION:

Please submit this application along with a writing sample (or your

panties) to the White House Staff Coordinator's office. You may

receive a telephone call with further questions. For security

reasons, the telephone caller will not identify himself and will