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QUOTES
George Carlin:
Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an
idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Rita Rudner:
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Sue Kolinsky:
I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't.
So I grew hair under my arms instead.
Carol Leifer:
I'm not into working out.
My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Ed Bluestone:
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want,
but you must eat it with naked fat people.
Roger Simon:
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes
they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
Dave Edison:
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore
helmets.
Oscar Wilde:
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Lily Tomlin:
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying,
but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
Jerry Seinfeld:
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains,
a pretty violent image there.
I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it,
maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color,
but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Lynda Montgomery:
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?
I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize,
Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.
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