New Barbie Dolls

Sister Mary Barbie:
  This spiritual Barbie comes with jointed knees and neck for
  genuflecting and praying, mini-rosary beads, a mini-bible, and a
  stylish black sequined nun's habit (after all, she's still Barbie).
  Pull the string on her back and she says nothing because she's taken a
  vow of silence.

Admin Barbie:
  Works twenty-hour days for little pay (80% of Admin Ken's salary) and
  is the lowest on the totem pole despite being the one that actually
  runs the group.  Comes with mini-laptop. Pull the string on her back
  and she'll schedule a meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner
  cartridge in the laser printer, coordinate a re-org and a move, and
  order airline tickets for Director Ken.

Temp Barbie:
  This smartly dressed, intelligent, hard-working and enthusiastic
  Barbie is ready to go right out of the box, but usually goes untouched
  for at least a day while everyone tries to figure out why they bought
  her. Pull the string on her back and she'll stuff envelopes
  indefinitely, all the while wondering why she got a liberal arts
  degree. Comes with mini-resume, and mini-filing cabinet filled with
  the past five years' worth of US Tax Code revisions, which need to be
  collated.

Ripped-Off-In-The-Divorce-Settlement Barbie:
  Pull the string on her back and she unloads a torrent of insults and
  death threats for her ex's new wife.  Comes with a hatred for all men
  and a Malibu Barbie tan (except for a white band on her left-hand ring
  finger).

Twelve-Step Barbie:
  Pull the string on her back and she says, "Hi, I'm Barbie and I'm an
  alcoholic." Comes with a "One Day At A Time" bumper sticker, a 30-day
  chip, and a pack of smokes.

Birkenstock Barbie:
  Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal feet and comfortable sandals.
  Made from recycled materials.

Blue-Collar Barbie:
  Comes with overalls, protective goggles, lunch pail, UAW membership,
  pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for women as compared to
  men.  Waitressing outfits and cashier's aprons may be purchased
  separately for Barbies who are holding down second jobs in order to
  make ends meet.

Homegirl Barbie:
  Truly fly Barbie in midriff-baring shirt and baggy jeans. Comes with
  gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories, and plenty of attitude. Pull cord
  and she says things like "I don't think so," "Dang, get outta my
  face," and "You go, girl." Teaches girls not to take shit from men and
  condescending White people.

Transgender Barbie:
  Formerly known as G.I. Joe.

Dinner-Roll Barbie:
  A Barbie with multiple love handles, double chin, a real curvy belly,
  and voluminous thighs to show girls that voluptuousness is also
  beautiful. Comes with a miniature basket of dinner-rolls, Bucket o'
  Fried Chicken, tiny Entenmann's walnut ring, a brick of Sealtest ice
  cream, three packs of potato chips, a tee-shirt reading  "Only the
  Weak Don't Eat," and, of course, an appetite.

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